Unstable relationship with wife

[wanderful]

Hello,

Everything changes after the baby is born. Afterall still have to adapt to a different lifestyles & environment and experience many setback & unhappiness along the way. No parental support for the past 1.5years, so it is defintely a burn out for my wife and whatever problem she face & suffered will be channel onto me. No maid as well because my wife want privacy and it will cause her more inconvenience to look after the maid instead. Send to childcare cannot, stay at home also cannot.....sigh

 

[poppy]

Hi Wanderful, I hope things work out between you and your wife. Communication is key, and don't let misgivings fester.

I found myself in your position (tables turned). After the birth of my son, my hb seemed to become almost "psychotic". He's a family man like you are, but he suddenly went to an extreme. Insisted that I must do this and that for my child, quarreled with me when I don't meet his "standard", got angry when I watch TV or go out with my friends etc. Even my mum is afraid to come over to our place because he expects the same out of her.

Despite the problems, I usually let him have his way..and tried very hard to do what he expects me to do. But as time went on (my boy is 3 yrs old now), whatever passion that was in my marriage has faded. He doesn't want to spend time alone together e.g. go watch a movie by ourselves, coz he doesn't want to leave our kid alone with grandparents. Says that our boy will "feel very sad". Sigh. So I end up taking leave from work, and just go shopping by myself to unwind. Because of all the constant stress I get from him, I'm really not interested in physical intimacy. And as a result, he gets even angrier with him, and is now starting to accuse me of being interested in other men.

So now, we are on the brink of divorce. He has moved out and took back all the gifts he gave me. Sigh. This actually happened a few times over the last yr already. We made up previously, but each time it happens, the relationship suffers another blow. Now, I really have no more energy to deal with him anymore. He has refused to go for counseling when I suggested that. In a way, I'm actually happier to be alone without him, but will hv to prepare myself to face the challenges of being a single mum.

What actually was a manageable problem between us somehow exploded into this present scenario. So I really suggest that you try and communicate with your wife as early as possible in whatever fashion...and discuss your frustrations with each other as early as possible.

 

[extremepower]

nah... can't be coming to my side. Am not psycho. lol.

Go for family counselling. Seek second opinions also. ancing_tongue:

 

[XenXuan]

Hi wanderful,I'm a stay hm mom of 2, a 2yr old n 6weeks.. I think I can feel what ur wife is going thru.. Too much stress/tiredness from taking care of the baby(sole caregiver) 24/7 n being over protective as its 1st baby.. I was having alot of that too,as a short tempered person,after my 1st was born,I blew up almost at everything.. It wasn't easy to get pass tat stage for me,going thru it now again as I have to handle a toddler n a 6weeks now.. Try get help,family or friends,get her hands out of the baby,get her to go out shopping to relax.. For me I was dying to go out so much as it was so getting on my nerves but can't do so as baby got no1 2 take care.. Wat I did was bring the baby out too(on a stroller),it still pretty much alone private time as baby wont be disturbing always.. But now I can't due to my notti toddler running about.. If she dun1 2 go out alone with baby,bring her out for dinner (with or w/o baby) n juz do some walking/shopping b4/after meal..

Let her know u understand it's hard on her at current moment n ask to let her go out enjoy..maybe a shopping trip, facial or a Manicure,something she likes n enjoy.. It's not always have to be about the baby.. Maybe she feels depressed abt herself aft child birth as body gets out of shape n stuff.. Dun let her feel tat u r bothered by her outer looks which is different frm b4 pregnancy..

Try putting ur baby to childcare,I gave myself a valid excuse to get away from my son ASAP(thinking of next mth or next year he turn 3).childcare can go at any age.There r many good reasons to put ur kid in early,they learn things faster n it's better for their growing up(socialize with other kids),try tell that to ur wife to ease her mind off of worrying too much(over protective of kid)..say it's for the kid's wellness.. Ur wife has been putting baby in her center of the world n can't get out of the stress.. Dun give up,having a family isn't easy but it doesn't mean both of u have to change so much to adapt to the baby.. Me n my hubby like to play online games,we will carry our kids on lap n play along with them while playing game.. It's not that hard to include ur new family addition into ur lifestyle,let her know that,both of u need to relax urself already..