Will you forgive him if he hits you?

[cheekyprincess]

i haven done it yet.. i wonderif i should..

haiz...

i thought it would be good, in case he really go mad then he will tink of the consequences ma.. the house n everything.. u know what i mean? at least got a bit of deter ma, then im safe ma...

 

[LoVeS]

i haven done it yet.. i wonderif i should..

haiz...

i thought it would be good, in case he really go mad then he will tink of the consequences ma.. the house n everything.. u know what i mean? at least got a bit of deter ma, then im safe ma...

Tink of consequences dun need a letter, tinking of u leaving him wif his bb aso can b consider as consequences he need to tink of n by drafting a letter it make it like as if it is a trade or deal in tis marriage.

In a marriage u need alot of trust in each other n respect, by drafting tt "letter" it like as if a contract between the 2 of u in tis marriage n u haf to understand u 2 need trust. If u cant trust him then why bother get marry wif him since u 2 havent married yet. Why make it like a contract b4 u marry him?

This is nt the way a marriage should work. If nt alot of women would haf let their husband sign a LETTER to say they muz NV haf affairs or divorce them if nt houses n everything will go to them. Why no1 do such letters? Bcoz they trust their partners as marriage is a lifetime thing which u muz consider properly b4 u marry to this person NOT juz bcoz the bb's father is him. Dun marry bcoz of the bb coz tis kind of marriage wont work in long term. Marry him only if u tink he is the one n aso when u r able to put trust in him if nt dun even tink of marry wif him.

RMB marriage is not a deal / trade / contact coz it will only insult the real meaning of marriage in my point of view.

 

[cheekyprincess]

he has got this mentaliy that when he is angry n hits to shut me up whenevr we quarrel. its not wrong at all..

i think its just so wrong already..

with a letter drafted out, he knows i can really use it if he does it again..

i have 2 options..

one is to go for abortion , call off the whole thing n move on

or

draft out the letter n go ahead.

he is loving n ok until he hits..

its not whether i trust him or not..

its he thinks its ok to do it whenever he is angry because it shuts me up.

u get wat i mean??

 

[-SRI-]

Hmmm... why muz abort juz bcz of tis only issue if u trust him n u noe he luvs u?

In my opinion, tis issue can be solved amicably... don mind if i asked, r u the type luvs to argue n win in a quarrel? or izzit when u preg den u always quarrel? u noe like mood swings..lastime i hv it cz no one understand wat i been thru..the difficulties i facing..no moral support at all..

don quarrel always la...tired man.....nw we seldom argue...everytime when dere's a quarrel, its either he argue n scold me n i juz keep quiet or vice versa...pssst..usally nw i keep quiet..hahaha...cz preg ma..don want ltr my child to be so hot tempered..i did told him, nw i preg..very the sensitive one...u can scold me..but nicely..don shout ur lungs out...eventhough so far u nvr hit me b4...nw even u nt allowed to..i carry ur child ar...remember hor...thk u Syg...hahahaha..since then he nvr scold me.... tts y he told me even if we hv a big quarrel, usually after awhile we ok liao...

So i guess both of u muz sit dwn...hv heart to heart talk..i tink u shld discuss if gt smth both of u nt happy, hw u shld solve it nicely? Like both of u give each other a chance to voice out ur opinions on the issue of ur argumentation n hv a win-win ans....or go for anger management course?

For me, in a quarrel if we keep quiet, doesnt mean we are a loser or we are at fault...let him talk lor..if he sees us keep mum, HB sure keep quiet automatically den he wont hv the reason to hit u as u keep mum ma...sometimes in arguementation, he argue, we can straightaway stop it by saying HB, I'm sorry...he'll tink he win oredi but actually he don lor.. we the winner...as we won on keeping his mouth shut...:tlaugh: after all cool dwn den talk nicely...Usually HB when hears his wife said sorry, he melts lei...:001_302: u can try...its works on me...esp when my guy see me cry, he'll console me instead...but i do tt when i cant tahan wit his scoldings..i don do it often cz he'll said i CRY BABY!!! which i don like...ltr i myself paiseh...:embarrassed:

If we cant change his mentality, we change ours....:tlaugh:

 

[cheekyprincess]

u can say im selfish or what..
i dont believe i am capable enuff to take care of my child all alone as a single mum n i dnt think i can provide the child a proper upbringing being me not stable at all in watever terms

he can shout, walk away.. alot of things... but why hit me?

i feel so sore abt it...

the reason why i cannot try to forget abt e incident is because i grew up witnessing my father hitting my mum...
from small hits to huge hits to bruises.. they nvr seem to stop...

i dnt want e same thing to happen to me.

although he says there wont be a next time, but who can guarantee?

every time he says sorry.. so what?

 

[LoVeS]

I still tink tt by drafting a letter wont help BUT rather the 2 of u should sit down n tok properly. U haf to let him understand tt hitting a ger is wrong sumore is preg lady n as for u, u dun need to shout louder as each time he ask u to stop shouting n by doing tt u r juz provoking him lor. Been provoked there is a limit to it n u xpect him to walk away when been provoked? I tink nt much ppl been provoked to their limit will juz walk away INSTEAD of explode. U muz understand tt u do play a part for such thing happens as he already warned u to stop shouting so loud BUT of coz wat he did is wrong. Sumore he cant stand u shouting so how can u xpect him to shout back at u instead? Every human has their own limit n when the limit is OVER, normally those ppl will do things tt scares ppl.

Actually u already haf in mind tt drafting a letter is ur way of solving tis prob so why ask us whether is it too much? I am juz been straight forward n frank wif my speech. No matter how we xplain n tell u tt it is nt correct way but since u keep insist it does help then go ahead coz after all watever happens it will b on u nt us which u understand much better abt the aftermath. We can only advice but whether to listen or not it still up to urself.:tlaugh: No pt of how many ppl telling u whether is it right or wrong as it defeat the purpose since u already haf "draft letter" in ur mind as solution.

 

[BornFree]

Women love to pick fights, they blame it on their hormonal imbalance, their mood, men's actions, etc. etc.

I for one think that if you can provoke a man to strike you, then you deserve the beating.

 

[cheekyprincess]

Women love to pick fights, they blame it on their hormonal imbalance, their mood, men's actions, etc. etc.

I for one think that if you can provoke a man to strike you, then you deserve the beating.

what can a woman do to deserve a beating from a man who is supposed to protect the woman?

it applys the same to everyone.. be it a parent, a child or a partner..
nothing they do deserve any beatings.

any one who resorts to violence in my opinion is not worthy to love anyone.. and is someone who doesnt know what human respect is.

Anyone who screamed lets say, at the top of his lungs deserves beatings?

to me, its still a no.

A man should never use his strength to abuse a woman.

He has the strength to protect, not to use it to hit anyone esp his family members.

Ok, im stubborn, but till now i haven really draft out the letter yet.
I didnt make any police report although there have been occasions i bled n had bruises because back then i believe it will not happen again.

and then now its starting all over again.

If I am a man, i will do whatever it takes to protect my woman.
maybe thats partly why its so difficult for me to acept his behaviour.

I swear to God even is she stabs me, i will just back off or run away, i will never ever try to hit her at all, because i am a man..

I didnt blame it on anything .. its a fight, a quarrel. verbal one.

i admit.

it was..

haha.. too bad im not born a man. my woman will be a lucky one! haha

 

[LoVeS]

what can a woman do to deserve a beating from a man who is supposed to protect the woman?

it applys the same to everyone.. be it a parent, a child or a partner..
nothing they do deserve any beatings.

discipline child by beating if they dun listen which i dun see anything wrong wif it since sum children rather take the HARD way than the SOFT way of teaching.

any one who resorts to violence in my opinion is not worthy to love anyone.. and is someone who doesnt know what human respect is.

R u saying tat even ur parents who hit u as u dun behaved when ur young is not worthy to love anyone n duno human respect? COZ u said ANYONE who RESORT to VIOLENCE.

Who says that what can a woman do to deserve beating frm a man n the man resorts violent is nt worthy to love? If a woman has an affair outside n feel tat she is right to do so n hack care her children while still doing things to provoke the man then seriously she deserve beating frm her husband coz after all she has no respect for the marriage n her husband plus she cares abt herself instead of her children while still provoking her husband . By all means if she get whack i still tink she deserved it.

Anyway for ur case by keep shouting louder n louder despite ur guy asked u to lower the volume n keep daring him by keep raising ur voice louder n louder which is aso no respect for him wat. Juz bcoz ur stubborn so u insist ur way of doing things which is nt right at all. In the 1st place u shouldnt even haf dared him by doing things opposite way of wat he requested frm ya.

It like as if u are finding troubles for urself on purpose lor do u knw tt? It like u already knw such situation u should try to lower instead of louder so tt u wont put urself into trouble BUT juz bcoz ur stubborn so u insist ur way.

If u cant believe in him n u dun trust him wont resort violence again then i tink the letter is nt needed BUT rather u 2 r nt suitable for marriage. Instead of blaming him of violent, why u dun bother to reflect on wat went wrong or wat makes him in the 1st place tt cause him hit u? There is always a reason for things to happen which same goes for a broken r/s there will b a reason tt cause the breakup. If nt u will nv learn wat went wrong n bad things will juz continue to happen n happen again.

Anyone who screamed lets say, at the top of his lungs deserves beatings?

to me, its still a no.

Yes screaming at top of his/her lungs doesnt mean tt they deserve beating BUT rather when ppl already ask to lower down the voice yet he/her raised the voice louder n louder each time until the person is totally pissed off SO wat u xpect him/her do? Diff ppl haf diff way of reacting n ANY men haf violence in them to a certain extend it juz tt diff men haf diff amount of tolerance limit in themselves when is ANGRY.

I duno ur guy so i dun see why should i side him BUT rather u always blame on him n when ppl asked wat caused him to do tt which u will blame on ur stubborn. Why keep using ur stubborn as an xcuse for pushing ppl's limit? Been stubborn can it get u to anywhere? To b fair, u cant always use ur stubborn as an xcuse for pushing ur luck too far while u dun tink of the consequence YET u draft tt letter so tt he haf to tink of consequences IS TT the RITE WAY or is it FAIR to him? Love n marriage is a gamble it either ur lucky he wont do it again or ur unlucky he strike again TATS why ppl wont DRAFT letter coz IT obviously is like a contract instead of marriage. Which person wont wan to b lucky? Then should he aso draft a letter tt u will nt keep shouting n wont keep shouting louder n louder if nt the hse n everything will go to him if u do tt which is aso wan u to knw the consequences? Yes it sounds stopid n crazy but he will aso wan to protect his own rites as he knw his violence r due to ur provoking SO by drafting tt kind of letter u will knw the consequences then he wont lead to violence too.

:elvis: I really cannot imagine a marriage bcomes like tis coz it doesnt sound or look like a marriage at all.

A man should never use his strength to abuse a woman.

He has the strength to protect, not to use it to hit anyone esp his family members.

Ok, im stubborn, but till now i haven really draft out the letter yet.
I didnt make any police report although there have been occasions i bled n had bruises because back then i believe it will not happen again.

and then now its starting all over again.

If I am a man, i will do whatever it takes to protect my woman.
maybe thats partly why its so difficult for me to acept his behaviour.

Lets put it tis way, since u cant even put down ur stubbornness for the sake of ur r/s so how can u protect ur woman? Putting down ur stubborn is way easier than protecting ur woman do u knw tt? Sumore words r very easy to say BUT actions r hard to b done which is same as we ourselves always find it easy to advice ppl to do tis do tt YET when things happened on ourselves we cant apply the same theory tt we advised ppl to do.

I swear to God even is she stabs me, i will just back off or run away, i will never ever try to hit her at all, because i am a man..

To b frank when sum1 be it a he or she is trying to stab ppl WHO in the rite mind will hit him or her INSTEAD of backing off or run?

I didnt blame it on anything .. its a fight, a quarrel. verbal one.

i admit.

it was..

haha.. too bad im not born a man. my woman will be a lucky one! haha

 

[cheekyprincess]

I dont know.. but I never was hit because i did anything wrong.
I was hit because my father then wanted to vent his anger on me when he cant find my mother. Which I thought was a nasty thing for a father to do to me...

Maybe for u, its hard way for ur child if he or she refuse to listen.. but definitely not for my case.. =p

My hands are created to dote n sayang, not to hit.
And truth to be told, even when i screamed, its not that loud lo. because no one else knows at all... so u can imagine how "loud" that is when everyone is within the house yet no one knows abt the fights we have.

As for the woman having affair thingy, i still think a man should never resort to hitting the woman he once loved.

In my opinion, when he hits, whatever the woman did to him in the past can all be redeemed.
Because if he does truly really loves her, he will let her go because he understand that she just have no more feelings for him anymore. whats is the point of hitting n beating her and then say he set her free??

He canstab her, beat her up till she dies or bleeds, so what?
what right does he has to cause another human being harm? he doesnt own her. she is an individual. born out of her mother womb. she never belongs to him. Not even when after marriage. it doesnt mean ur husband or wife can hit u and do whatever she or he thinks is right on you or do whatever they want to you just because you were married.

If he hits her, same to me. both got no morals value.

he can argue , get a lawyer, do whatever he can to get what he thinks he deserve..
but pls dont think he can get what he deserves just by beating the woman up.

Anyway... the conclusion is he will not change. neither will I..

he will hit when he is being provoked..because that is the way he will reacts when angry.

So he can find someone else who wont scream at all when they quarrel so he wont hit...

and i will find another man who has other ways to react to me when we fight.

I am not stubborn la...

i just have my own beliefs and the way i want to live my marriage life.

i do have ex bfs who never lay his hands on me when we fight.
and i do listened when they speak to me properly, in stead of not saying anything except to hit me.

actually verbal fights are ways to understand each other..

u know.. the best way to know someones true character was when being stretch to the limits.

people steal, hits, kill, whatever.. still it doesnt make them right just because they have their so call 'reasons"...

i guess everyone has got their own tolerance level for certain things...

well for me, its this!!

:tlaugh:

we move on to next person..

my case settled n end liao!! =)

thks for all the advice .. it makes me see things a little more clearer n makes me understand what is it that i really want..

 

[LoVeS]

It always gd to see things clear n understand wat u really need or wan b4 stepping into a marriage especially wif kids. At least u knw wat u really wan n need b4 u decide whether to continue the marriage or not coz u haf the choice to choose.

I knw wat u mean regarding abusive father coz i am exactly same situation as u. Most parents will hope tt by telling kids properly n xplaining to them will work for discipline which it does works on sum kids BUT there r kids who wont listen to verbal or nice ways n we knw tt if parents dun discipline properly even after using soft ways eventually the kid bcome spoilt brats n might even do WRONG things which will end them in jail. No parents hope to see their children to land in jail or doing wrong things tats why they rather use hard way to teach them than govt use hard way to teach them.

No one will like it for been hit so if he dun like it tt u hit him then u can xpect tt he do the same too. LOLX suddenly i haf a idea of asking him "do u like it for getting hit by ppl? If no then wat makes u tink tt u can hit others n is right to hit others?" :tlaugh:

 

[-SRI-]

At last cheeky noes wat she wants... tts y i told if he don wanna change his mentality, its u who shld.. but since both don want..den jialat..cant make it... so tts y u decided nt to marry him rite... abt ur bb.. up to u wat to do..cz in the end its ur bb, u are the mother.. u the one who going to bring up the child.. hope for the best for u...:red:but ur wedding on June hor... tot u booked everything liao? hv to faster cancel it... gd luck to u in finding ur perfect guy.... :001_302:

 

[LoVeS]

yeah i agree coz eventually everyone will meet their rightful soul mate as it juz the matter of time.

 

[jennielam]

HOw about when you two fights n he just hits you on the thigh with his palm? or hold onto your back n give them a really hard squeeze causing you alot of pain???

He claims that its because im always shouting when we quarrel n he cant stop me so he does that to stop me, but sometimes i v e stubbborn, the more he ask me to lower e volume, the louder i become.

then he will like grab me real hard n do all those lo.

but tell me la. how many couples dont shout when they quarrel, in a huge fight leh???


i am abt one month pregnant n marrying him in june. moving into our house in july..

now im living with his family members..

im thinking if he can do that right under the nose of his family members although they dont know whats going on when we are inside the room la..

what will happen when we live together by ourselves n my little baby in future?

thinking of that, i just feelvery insecure..

i even thought of not going ahead with the marriage anymore.
so sad..

although he comes back with a bunch of roses to apologise, i just think no matter how unreasonable a woman is , a man should not hit or touch the woman at all, no?


i am thinking of drafting out a letter thats states that he will not and shall not hit me no matter what circumstances n if he does it again, the house will be mine and he will not fight for the custody of our child at all.
and i wil let his mother know about this because i want her to be the witness and sign the document as well..

she dont know whats happens btw us, and always think i am at fault evrytime i show a black face. but she didnt know that everytime we quarrel, her son hits me. although not very painful like will die, but what if it escalates into bloody bruises in future when there is only the two of us?

by then it will be too late for me to do anything anymore.. right?



am i too much to do that?

=(

but i feel so lost now.. am i thinkin too much girls??

:embarrassed:

dun think a guy would sign such a letter where everything is disadvantage to him.

 

[leey]

NO!!! NEVER. If he can hit you once, there's always a second time.

Agreed, one then two , then more ..
Can't let it be ...:embarrassed:

 

[july-winter]

I din't make police report coz i'm afraid he'll be in trouble and may affect his job (he works sub-govt). He has promised with my mum as witness tat he won't hit me again. If he really hit me again, i will go for divorce. He won't get custody of my ds coz he never paid for anything for ds's birth(gynae fee, delivery n hospital fee) and i've kept all the receipts tat i pay.

Really???? can these police reports or PPO affect the hubby's job??? oh dear....:elvis: Din know??? i sure shit.. i once told my sister to go ahead n file a police report against my hubby for sexual harassment three years ago when i was preg..My hubby wont stop pester my sis for sex favours and also did the same thing to my friend and even hit and beat me up before thruout my pregnancy.:embarrassed:

 

[jennielam]

Really???? can these police reports or PPO affect the hubby's job??? oh dear....:elvis: Din know??? i sure shit.. i once told my sister to go ahead n file a police report against my hubby for sexual harassment three years ago when i was preg..My hubby wont stop pester my sis for sex favours and also did the same thing to my friend and even hit and beat me up before thruout my pregnancy.:embarrassed:

wat a beast... how daring to even ask from ur sis...

 

[LoVeS]

Really???? can these police reports or PPO affect the hubby's job??? oh dear....:elvis: Din know??? i sure shit.. i once told my sister to go ahead n file a police report against my hubby for sexual harassment three years ago when i was preg..My hubby wont stop pester my sis for sex favours and also did the same thing to my friend and even hit and beat me up before thruout my pregnancy.:embarrassed:

So sorry to say tis but tis kind of husband aso haf ah? Ur sis aso wan to haf sex favour n even ur own frd?! Tis kind of husband can go n die liao lah.:nah:

 

[DestinEE]

I had my share of experience too! Never did i expect him to raise his hands on me for the very 1st time in the 4 years marriage! No matter how unreasonable i am, he will always give in to me. He used a remote controller to hit my arm, the physical pain is nothing much compared to my emotional pain. No doubt he did expressed his regret for hitting me but one thing for sure i will never forget it! Anyway he never hit me after the once & only incident, if he does it again, i will definitely report to the police!

 

[LoVeS]

Sometimes a man give in to their love one is bcoz they love her n aso respect her NT bcoz of afraid of her. Is right to always expect the other party always giving in n tolerate no matter wat? Like i mentioned b4 using violence is nt rite but does the person actually qns herself wat cause the man to do tat n regrets later? It is bcoz he has exceeded his tolerance limit already n we shouldnt take it for granted for the tolerances our partners give us.

Anyway it is juz IMO. :001_302: