Would you allow your Hubby to go for Overseas business Trips?

[blackpiggy]

actually even if he insist u stay at ur mum's place, u can refuse? not like he will know.. just do it n PROVE to him u can do it. then he wont disallow u to stay at ur own hse alr.

yeah, he's overseas, even if you dont go over to your mom's he dont know or cant do anything, just do it once and prove to him you can handle it.

he is afraid i cant cope with bb at home. then say me n bb at home only for 3 weeks, later anything happen, nobody can help. if go my parents place, then everyone can help. coz of the travelling to work with bb on hand ( i cant bring pram to take bus n train, alone cant bring up n down in bus ), he say v xin ku. he just dont want me to suffer physically.
but my concern is like, marry out liao, got own house, still want to bother my parents. like marry out de daughter still go home trouble them. but my parents are supportive that i go back their place. not about me, but more like wanna play with my girl. hehe! before my girl was borned, im their fave. now im second. haha!

whether you can cope or not, is up to u to tell him, not he tell u. u should know your own capabilities right?
ya its troublesome to use pram when taking public transport, u have baby carrier? u can use that. I use baby carrier when i bring son out alone.
if your parents think u are no trouble then u shouldnt worry too much. ultimately, its still YOUR choice whether u want to move over for the 3 weeks or not.

 

[yuzudinga]

he actually joined this co 3months ago only. and this is the first time he is leaving me n my bb in sg. actually he has a choice to go or not to go. he rejected a few trips already. on the seeking of companionship, thats one of my reason why i made a big fuss. its not about how must TRUST we put into our hubby. coz i SIMPLY do not believe in over trusting. one have to earn the TRUST, not just anyone can give or so. its not i do not trust him. but MAN is always MAN! u dont know when they are away, what they will think and do coz we simply cant see. In SG, at least i can monitor on my own. when overseas, its totally out of control. hmm.. well, walk 1 step see 1 step. cant be bothered to think so much.

hello, as u mentioned, ur hubby joined this co 3 mths ago n he had already rejected few trips.
1) have u considered why did he change his job in the first place? is it because he would like to give u n baby a better life?
2) since he rejected few times already, he might feel bad tat he is rejecting the trip again, it might also jeopardize his development in his job
3) i agree trust is to be earned, but if he hasn't done anything wrong, why has your trust in him wavered just because he has to go to work overseas?
4) there is no point in not trusting a man just because he is a man. he can't help it tat he is a man! if u do not trust a man in the first place, why have u got married?

like wat many other mummies mentioned, even if he is in singapore, u cant monitor his every move. not that i want to scare u, but if a man wants to stray, he can do it during lunch time, tea break etc! given tat they sign away half their fortune once they got married, it takes a man lots of courage to get married in singapore!

dont doubt ur hubby's decisions n quarrel with him n expect him to do as much as u did at home. if u do that, u can be the excuse why he strayed later on. just imagine, if u have a choice would u want to go back home to a quarrelsome n naggy wife after a long stressful day at work or would u prefer going travelling with peace n quiet?

although with the equality concept nowadays, men and women's priority is still very different. a woman can sacrifice everything for the family but a man will do or work harder at work to indicate how much he cares for the family without saying it out. this makes women insecure but why would he even say it out if u dont talk to him nicely?most men has very strong ego and they believe their work is an indication of their success. also, women now r too independent, like u mentioned, u dont need him to earn more since u r self sufficient, how would tat make him feel?

just thought tat u should be calm n think from ur hubby point of view instead of jumping to conclusion tat he is not caring for u n baby.
jiayou!

 

[blackpiggy]

i felt so much better now. took many advises and gonna learn from all your experience n grow up.
dunno tear how many time over this issue..
have to give n take and cherish every moment now.

don't be sad. you think too much and look at this issue too seriously already. glad u cheered up

 

[Gem2505]

Glad to hear you're feeling better and happy to see that you're taking in comments positively.

A positive attitude to life will definitely help! All the best!

thanks! =)))))
sometimes, just need to vent it out thats all. hehe~
i shall plan for mj games and ktv session with my girls. oops. more like im enjoying myself during this period. LOL! time for a break~

 

[Gem2505]

yeah, he's overseas, even if you dont go over to your mom's he dont know or cant do anything, just do it once and prove to him you can handle it.

whether you can cope or not, is up to u to tell him, not he tell u. u should know your own capabilities right?
ya its troublesome to use pram when taking public transport, u have baby carrier? u can use that. I use baby carrier when i bring son out alone.
if your parents think u are no trouble then u shouldnt worry too much. ultimately, its still YOUR choice whether u want to move over for the 3 weeks or not.

i have baby carrier but i cant carry for too long. my back cant take the weight. maybe hubby's next trip ( short trip ), i shall prove him then. more like diverting my "reliance" from him to my parents. like that he happy, i relax, bb happy (coz alot people play with her).

 

[kittyyeo]

Glad to see you 想开了... Be a happy mummy and u can bring joy to ur family... Jia you...

 

[Gem2505]

Yuzudinga,
my replies in bold.

1) have u considered why did he change his job in the first place? is it because he would like to give u n baby a better life?
coz the previous job quite bad. the department head cmi. he not happy. then leave. then he found this job.
2) since he rejected few times already, he might feel bad tat he is rejecting the trip again, it might also jeopardize his development in his job
he went for this trip bcoz he can go for a "free" trip to europe instead. not so much of a "wanting to learn new things" from this trip.
3) i agree trust is to be earned, but if he hasn't done anything wrong, why has your trust in him wavered just because he has to go to work overseas?
4) there is no point in not trusting a man just because he is a man. he can't help it tat he is a man! if u do not trust a man in the first place, why have u got married?
nah. its not i dont trust him at all. just that, woman, insecure. will think alot.

like wat many other mummies mentioned, even if he is in singapore, u cant monitor his every move. not that i want to scare u, but if a man wants to stray, he can do it during lunch time, tea break etc! given tat they sign away half their fortune once they got married, it takes a man lots of courage to get married in singapore!

dont doubt ur hubby's decisions n quarrel with him n expect him to do as much as u did at home. if u do that, u can be the excuse why he strayed later on. just imagine, if u have a choice would u want to go back home to a quarrelsome n naggy wife after a long stressful day at work or would u prefer going travelling with peace n quiet?

agree. i seldom nag at him. more like he nagging on me instead. haha..

although with the equality concept nowadays, men and women's priority is still very different. a woman can sacrifice everything for the family but a man will do or work harder at work to indicate how much he cares for the family without saying it out. this makes women insecure but why would he even say it out if u dont talk to him nicely?most men has very strong ego and they believe their work is an indication of their success. also, women now r too independent, like u mentioned, u dont need him to earn more since u r self sufficient, how would tat make him feel?

thats why, Shi Shang Zhi You Ma Ma Hao. haha. why the song not Pa Pa Hao? lol. usually mums are the one doing more and sacrifies more. career minded woman nowadays, dont want have kid loh.

just thought tat u should be calm n think from ur hubby point of view instead of jumping to conclusion tat he is not caring for u n baby.
jiayou!
yea. i was very harsh and blood boiling. thats why alot of unneccesary quarrels.

 

[Gem2505]

don't be sad. you think too much and look at this issue too seriously already. glad u cheered up

yeap! Thanks~!

 

[Gem2505]

Glad to see you 想开了... Be a happy mummy and u can bring joy to ur family... Jia you...

ha.yes. "think open" liao. =))

 

[knut29]

hi there mummies..

my husband has to travel due to his job nature too.. he was overseas for one week in jul, two weeks in aug and one week again in sep.. he just came back yesterday.. while he is away, i took care of the household chores and take care of baby.. i bring baby out alone and also with my family (mummy and daddy, plus siblings)..

i cant say i trust my husband totally not to stray overseas (esp when he is travelling to Bkk, and mentions visiting Patpong).. but I try to persuade myself that given his religion and his devotedness to the religion, he wouldn’t stray as it means violation of rule.. at the same time, I maintain my own financials, so I am more or less mentally prepared for any divorce if things ever come to such a stage.. my family treasure family bonding, so I am kind of prepared to face any unwanted outcome, as my baby is my heart and soul now..

of course, above is just for say.. I still keep in touch with my husband via email at work and after work.. whenever he returns, we try to have family outings together.. my baby still recognizes him though my baby is happier when she sees me.. =p

Gem2505 mummy, don’t flare up too much.. sometimes constant “nagging” might drive husband to the unwanted outcome.. I let my husband go out for a breather on Fridays at times, coz I believe in personal space at times..

Oh ya, my husband already cancelled off one trip during my pregnancy, and got into his boss’s bad books.. so he very obediently go for trips now, despite being “dragged” to.. he doesn’t like to travel too though he can get krisflyer miles from the trips..

 

[Gem2505]

hi there mummies..

my husband has to travel due to his job nature too.. he was overseas for one week in jul, two weeks in aug and one week again in sep.. he just came back yesterday.. while he is away, i took care of the household chores and take care of baby.. i bring baby out alone and also with my family (mummy and daddy, plus siblings)..

i cant say i trust my husband totally not to stray overseas (esp when he is travelling to Bkk, and mentions visiting Patpong).. but I try to persuade myself that given his religion and his devotedness to the religion, he wouldn’t stray as it means violation of rule.. at the same time, I maintain my own financials, so I am more or less mentally prepared for any divorce if things ever come to such a stage.. my family treasure family bonding, so I am kind of prepared to face any unwanted outcome, as my baby is my heart and soul now..

of course, above is just for say.. I still keep in touch with my husband via email at work and after work.. whenever he returns, we try to have family outings together.. my baby still recognizes him though my baby is happier when she sees me.. =p

Gem2505 mummy, don’t flare up too much.. sometimes constant “nagging” might drive husband to the unwanted outcome.. I let my husband go out for a breather on Fridays at times, coz I believe in personal space at times..

Oh ya, my husband already cancelled off one trip during my pregnancy, and got into his boss’s bad books.. so he very obediently go for trips now, despite being “dragged” to.. he doesn’t like to travel too though he can get krisflyer miles from the trips..

agree totally! i guess, hubby going for trips just have to reassure us then things should be fine. im blessed my hubby has been really nice ( dont talk about quarrel times ).. ha. he does MOST of the house chores. i only take care of baby and sweep the floor. the rest, he do ( mopping, washing n ironing clothes ).
just have to communicate more with him. i seldom nag. normally he is the one nagging instead. -_-" haha!
im sure daddies dont want to leave their BAO BEIs for overseas.. i must make him miss me n bb TTM and maybe he will rethink again for nx trip. maybe bring us along. haha. i might be going along with his nx trip to london. his boss sending him up alone. so hotel room, co gonna pay already. so boss say he can extend another week or so and ask him bring me there walk walk. =) but dec very cold. dont think i can take it... see how again..

 

[knut29]

agree totally! i guess, hubby going for trips just have to reassure us then things should be fine. im blessed my hubby has been really nice ( dont talk about quarrel times ).. ha. he does MOST of the house chores. i only take care of baby and sweep the floor. the rest, he do ( mopping, washing n ironing clothes ).
just have to communicate more with him. i seldom nag. normally he is the one nagging instead. -_-" haha!
im sure daddies dont want to leave their BAO BEIs for overseas.. i must make him miss me n bb TTM and maybe he will rethink again for nx trip. maybe bring us along. haha. i might be going along with his nx trip to london. his boss sending him up alone. so hotel room, co gonna pay already. so boss say he can extend another week or so and ask him bring me there walk walk. =) but dec very cold. dont think i can take it... see how again..

haha your hubby is like my uncle, will do most of the household chores.. my husband is the lazy kind and not detailed enough, so i rather i keep the house clean for baby's sake, rather than he keep the house like a "kennel" (ok lar, i exaggerated abit.. =p)..

my husband also starts to become an auntie.. the same issue he can repeat and repeat again, and it seems like the monk (husband) chanting to Sun Wukong (me), gives me headache only.. =p

whoa london is good! i miss the snow and winter in europe, though i am scared of cold too.. think very hard for a family to go europe together, unless one of them has hotel and ticket sponsored by company.. in fact this year we actually wanted to bring baby to Sydney, but during that month it was winter, my mummy dont allow me to bring such a young baby to cold country.. =s

 

[Gem2505]

haha your hubby is like my uncle, will do most of the household chores.. my husband is the lazy kind and not detailed enough, so i rather i keep the house clean for baby's sake, rather than he keep the house like a "kennel" (ok lar, i exaggerated abit.. =p)..

my husband also starts to become an auntie.. the same issue he can repeat and repeat again, and it seems like the monk (husband) chanting to Sun Wukong (me), gives me headache only.. =p

whoa london is good! i miss the snow and winter in europe, though i am scared of cold too.. think very hard for a family to go europe together, unless one of them has hotel and ticket sponsored by company.. in fact this year we actually wanted to bring baby to Sydney, but during that month it was winter, my mummy dont allow me to bring such a young baby to cold country.. =s

ha. im more detailed in cleaning so i does the sweeping part. he does the mopping part ( he just merely, use 1 pail of water to mop the whole house ). our place, not v dusty type coz most of the time we shut the main door. other than sweeping the floor, i does the "dust management" for the whole house ( shelves/tables/tv console, etc ).

we're going korea in Jan and going BKK in Feb next year. so expenses alil high. so i should be dropping the london idea.

we both have a nagging ah lao. haha! but ok la, they nag for good sake. better than they bo chap at all. LOL!

 

[Ting]

he is afraid i cant cope with bb at home. then say me n bb at home only for 3 weeks, later anything happen, nobody can help. if go my parents place, then everyone can help. coz of the travelling to work with bb on hand ( i cant bring pram to take bus n train, alone cant bring up n down in bus ), he say v xin ku. he just dont want me to suffer physically.
but my concern is like, marry out liao, got own house, still want to bother my parents. like marry out de daughter still go home trouble them. but my parents are supportive that i go back their place. not about me, but more like wanna play with my girl. hehe! before my girl was borned, im their fave. now im second. haha!

marry out ? wah u seem pretty traditional n old fashion in thinking leh.. though i hv my own place now, but i still head back to my parent's place to stay on some days when i feel like it. to them, though im getting married or hv my own place to stay alr, im still their daughter leh.. why would it trouble them? they nvr feel tt im troubling them when i go back to their place n stay.. they will often call n ask me if im gg back to stay almost daily lor. my parents r supportive if i want to move back to their place to stay til my fiance comes back in nov, cos they r worried that i cannot cope with waking up so early n preping my girl's stuff n taking her to sch on such a long journey.. my mum even volunteered to come over to my place n help me on some days but i rejected her bcos i felt that im old enough to handle such issues alr. perhaps from young my parents train us to be independent, so regardless my fiance is arnd or not, i will still try to handle the situation myself. i can take the easy way out n stay with my own parents, no need to do hsewrk n there is someone to help me with my daughter, but i chose not to bcos i want to prove to ppl (n myself) that i deal with such a small issue.
in ur case, its only 3 weeks leh... which will pass by in a blink of an eye....

 

[knut29]

marry out ? wah u seem pretty traditional n old fashion in thinking leh.. though i hv my own place now, but i still head back to my parent's place to stay on some days when i feel like it. to them, though im getting married or hv my own place to stay alr, im still their daughter leh.. why would it trouble them? they nvr feel tt im troubling them when i go back to their place n stay.. they will often call n ask me if im gg back to stay almost daily lor. my parents r supportive if i want to move back to their place to stay til my fiance comes back in nov, cos they r worried that i cannot cope with waking up so early n preping my girl's stuff n taking her to sch on such a long journey.. my mum even volunteered to come over to my place n help me on some days but i rejected her bcos i felt that im old enough to handle such issues alr. perhaps from young my parents train us to be independent, so regardless my fiance is arnd or not, i will still try to handle the situation myself. i can take the easy way out n stay with my own parents, no need to do hsewrk n there is someone to help me with my daughter, but i chose not to bcos i want to prove to ppl (n myself) that i deal with such a small issue.
in ur case, its only 3 weeks leh... which will pass by in a blink of an eye....

hehe sometimes it is not us (daughters who are traditional, but rather our mummies are).. my mummy wont support the idea of me staying in her house after marriage.. =s

 

[yuzudinga]

hehe sometimes it is not us (daughters who are traditional, but rather our mummies are).. my mummy wont support the idea of me staying in her house after marriage.. =s

lol.. i know wat u mean coz daughters married le parents would want the hubby to take care of daughter liao.. but if u talk to ur mum and tell her of ur problems i'm sure she'll be happy to have u stay with them for short time when ur hubby is out of town.

 

[Gem2505]

marry out ? wah u seem pretty traditional n old fashion in thinking leh.. though i hv my own place now, but i still head back to my parent's place to stay on some days when i feel like it. to them, though im getting married or hv my own place to stay alr, im still their daughter leh.. why would it trouble them? they nvr feel tt im troubling them when i go back to their place n stay.. they will often call n ask me if im gg back to stay almost daily lor. my parents r supportive if i want to move back to their place to stay til my fiance comes back in nov, cos they r worried that i cannot cope with waking up so early n preping my girl's stuff n taking her to sch on such a long journey.. my mum even volunteered to come over to my place n help me on some days but i rejected her bcos i felt that im old enough to handle such issues alr. perhaps from young my parents train us to be independent, so regardless my fiance is arnd or not, i will still try to handle the situation myself. i can take the easy way out n stay with my own parents, no need to do hsewrk n there is someone to help me with my daughter, but i chose not to bcos i want to prove to ppl (n myself) that i deal with such a small issue.
in ur case, its only 3 weeks leh... which will pass by in a blink of an eye....

ha. my mum is very supportive for me to move back. she was the one whom initiate this idea. =) well, think the main thing was, she will miss bb alot coz she used to be bb's caregiver when bb havent start school. yeah. now im packing my hubby's luggage and buy his stuffs for him. he always rely on me for all these things. even asked for pedicure from me. i asked him to take my package and let other people do better. -_-" hahaha!

 

[blackpiggy]

ha. my mum is very supportive for me to move back. she was the one whom initiate this idea. =) well, think the main thing was, she will miss bb alot coz she used to be bb's caregiver when bb havent start school. yeah. now im packing my hubby's luggage and buy his stuffs for him. he always rely on me for all these things. even asked for pedicure from me. i asked him to take my package and let other people do better. -_-" hahaha!

thats gd that your hubby rely on you, my hubby alwaz do his own stuff. in fact we both each do our own stuff nv really bother or 'trouble' each other. haizzzz
his current biz trip just before he left house he was busy with his packing and his pc dun even have time to spent with me. only left a sms before he board, so too independent also got its cons.

 

[crystalpink]

ha. my mum is very supportive for me to move back. she was the one whom initiate this idea. =) well, think the main thing was, she will miss baby alot coz she used to be baby's caregiver when baby havent start school. yeah. now im packing my hubby's luggage and buy his stuffs for him. he always rely on me for all these things. even asked for pedicure from me. i asked him to take my package and let other people do better. -_-" hahaha!

Hmm.. my hubby always packs his own luggage, even if i wish to help him, he will reject. Cos i will always want him to bring this bring that esp extra winter clothings n other medications, thereafter small luggage becomes big luggage...hehe! Then he will grumble so "troublesome" to unpack etc..

Come to think of it, I prefer guys to be more independant, lesser work for us rgt?? Esp most of us are working, if not, if he travels frequently esp during winter season, when he is bk, u got prob cos need to do lots of laundry for him!! I will feel very tired ultimately as it becomes somethg very routine every mth! Luckily my hubby always settles himself, send some of his clothes for laundry service in the hotel b4 coming bk, n only leave a few with him to wash himself. Or else, i will hv a hard time clearing his laundry.:001_302:

 

[Gem2505]

thats gd that your hubby rely on you, my hubby alwaz do his own stuff. in fact we both each do our own stuff nv really bother or 'trouble' each other. haizzzz
his current biz trip just before he left house he was busy with his packing and his pc dun even have time to spent with me. only left a sms before he board, so too independent also got its cons.

hmm.. good and bad lor. i have more work to do to help him pack. but at least i know what he brought overseas at the same time. + im more detailed on the NEEDS to bring. he will forget this n that one. even submitting passport details this kind of thing also need me to do. -_-" like im looking after a BIG baby! LOL!