When my little princess was born, I continually struggled with array of latch and supply issues. Despite my specific birth plan, which stated explicitly that she would be breastfed and no bottles were to be given, she was given formula milk through cup fed. Reason being that I couldn’t truly produce sufficient milk flow to nourish her.
I was crushed the first time I gave her a bottle of formula when we got back home from hospital. I felt like a completely failure. My own baby did not even want my breast. How much more rejected can you get? I tried to follow a strict regimen of pumping my breast milk around the clock in an effort to have or/and increase my supply of milk, having the thought that at least she would still be drinking my breast milk through bottle fed but she just kept rejecting. It was sad and frustrating.
I read books, surfed the Internet and watched programs for help and advice. I knew it would be hard, but I wasn’t prepare to give up trying. In fact, a few times I broke down because I wanted to try breastfeeding her or feed her with my breast milk but it was never successful.
During my pregnancy, I’m always talking to my hubby about the advantages of breastfeeding and how wonderful it could be. On my final trimester, I were so much looking forward to breastfeed my little princess, imagining the first time she pulls off my breast in the middle of nursing and grins at me with milk drooling out the corner of her mouth, and then eagerly goes back to finish the feeding. That’s a feeling that money just can’t buy. Never did I expect that it turned out to be so much disappointment.
Seriously at times, I’m so jealous and also envy those mother who can breastfeed their baby. Keep it up the good job mummies!
Ai Shan
