Am I a bad wife?
- Thread starter nora23
- Start date
nora23
Member
You are right. I only knew he was a drug addict towards e end.... if I knew from e start, I wont allow myself to fall for sure.
Ting
Well-Known Member
Nora, i feel that your love for him n him being a drug addict has no link at all.
n the reason (imo) which u cant let go is bcos, u nvr had him. yah u had a "r/s" with him on the phone, but it is not something very real that u can feel him with u. (if u know what i mean)
so what if he is a drug addict? u cant love him?? i mean come on, im sure u didnt love your hubby just bcos he isnt a drug addict right? (there r billions out there who arent drug addicts right?
)
F was someone u loved n cared for in your life, perhaps the first one, thus the feelings r so strong, even if he wasnt a drug addict, things might not hv worked out either.
there is no right or wrong in loving someone, who he is or what he is doesnt matter. i believed he truly cared n loved u too thus u hv such strong emotions towards him.
stop thinking of the bad points (which he is a drug addict) n reminisce the good ones. cos now all u think is, he was a drug addict tts why we cant be tgt, tts why there r regrets n i wanna hold him one last time etc.
keep the fond memories and learn to let go. take heart u had good memories from him n not dwell in the bad ones. u cant let go cos u keep thinking of the what ifs, the regrets.
dun compare him n your hubby, each one love u differently. dont compare who loves u more, cos love cannot be compared nor measured.
be contented that in this life, u hv 2 men who loved u deeply, n dearly.
u "lost" one alr, dun lose another.
n the reason (imo) which u cant let go is bcos, u nvr had him. yah u had a "r/s" with him on the phone, but it is not something very real that u can feel him with u. (if u know what i mean)
so what if he is a drug addict? u cant love him?? i mean come on, im sure u didnt love your hubby just bcos he isnt a drug addict right? (there r billions out there who arent drug addicts right?
)F was someone u loved n cared for in your life, perhaps the first one, thus the feelings r so strong, even if he wasnt a drug addict, things might not hv worked out either.
there is no right or wrong in loving someone, who he is or what he is doesnt matter. i believed he truly cared n loved u too thus u hv such strong emotions towards him.
stop thinking of the bad points (which he is a drug addict) n reminisce the good ones. cos now all u think is, he was a drug addict tts why we cant be tgt, tts why there r regrets n i wanna hold him one last time etc.
keep the fond memories and learn to let go. take heart u had good memories from him n not dwell in the bad ones. u cant let go cos u keep thinking of the what ifs, the regrets.
dun compare him n your hubby, each one love u differently. dont compare who loves u more, cos love cannot be compared nor measured.
be contented that in this life, u hv 2 men who loved u deeply, n dearly.
u "lost" one alr, dun lose another.
I registered just to answer to your post, Nora. I'm going against the grain of the general tone of the replies here, to give you a tight virtual slap. Imagine your hubby coming across this thread, with your pictures of your actual children in your avatar. Imagine the hurt you will cause him. You are certainly free to fantasize about 'the one that got away' but can't you at least have the good sense to post annoymously?! You certainly sound your age.
Agree with Lynn.
Is not fair to your children and is not fair to your husband. Let your past past and treasure your family. Why write your past here and get your love ones get hurt? Feel sorry for your husband and hope that you can get the administrators to help you remove all these hurting words.
vinder79
Active Member
Nora, i feel that your love for him n him being a drug addict has no link at all.
n the reason (imo) which you cant let go is bcos, you never had him. yah you had a "r/s" with him on the phone, but it is not something very real that you can feel him with you. (if you know what i mean)
so what if he is a drug addict? you cant love him?? i mean come on, im sure you didnt love your hubby just bcos he isnt a drug addict right? (there r billions out there who arent drug addicts right?
F was someone you loved n cared for in your life, perhaps the first one, thus the feelings r so strong, even if he wasnt a drug addict, things might not have worked out either.
there is no right or wrong in loving someone, who he is or what he is doesnt matter. i believed he truly cared n loved you too thus you have such strong emotions towards him.
stop thinking of the bad points (which he is a drug addict) n reminisce the good ones. cos now all you think is, he was a drug addict tts why we cant be together, tts why there r regrets n i wanna hold him one last time etc.
keep the fond memories and learn to let go. take heart you had good memories from him n not dwell in the bad ones. you cant let go cos you keep thinking of the what ifs, the regrets.
dont compare him n your hubby, each one love you differently. dont compare who loves you more, cos love cannot be compared nor measured.
be contented that in this life, you have 2 men who loved you deeply, n dearly.
you "lost" one already, dont lose another.
I agree with ting and maybe when ever u start dwelling on him go out do something with your kids.Maybe its just that side that was thinking WHAT IF.But babe ur happy family might have some problems if hubby ever sees this post and i believe that u dont want that.I ALSO FEEL THAT U NEED TO FORGET THE ugly PAST AND enjoy your present.
Cheers and take care but do remmeber your present!!!!!!!!!!!
My 2 cents worth.
BY THE WAY U NOT A BAD WIFE GOT WORSE PPL OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!
meiteoh
Well-Known Member
Perhaps you could set up a separate thread to share your predicament and see what others can offer in terms of advice.
It IS hard to be with someone of a different race, religion and culture. You'll have to be prepared to put up with a lot of crap and hassle, from strangers who will call you all sorts of names in public to family objecting left and right. It is much harder than a relationship with someone of the same background.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is sugar-coating the reality of the situation. And the reality is this - we live in a biased world where our skin colour and religion matters more than a person's heart, where what we see on the outside is often the only yardstick we use to measure a person's character.
I'm married to a Frenchie and I have been called a hooker, a golddigger, a racist, a Chink and the likes by complete strangers and people on my hubby's side. I've been stared at till the cows come home whenever I go out with my hubby. My brother threatened to boycott my marriage registration and when I was dating my hubby, it took my dad a while to warm up to the idea that our relationship was heading somewhere (towards marriage) instead of nowhere. There were a lot of communication and cultural issues that I've had to work with and sometimes I'm embarassed by my own culture/family. You'd think that they'd stop after we got married. No. Now that I have a kid and my daughter looks more like my hubby, I get mistaken for the maid! =.=
At the end of the day, if you are really serious about this guy, how you deal with all these problems is a test of how you both can cope with the future together as husband and wife. Like my dad said, his disapproval is nothing compared to the shitload of trouble that a couple may face in the future should they decide to get married. It was then he realized that we were really serious about each other and he let us be. Note, it took us around two years to get to that stage (that is short compared to some people I know) and we're still fighting little battles along the way (see maid identity crisis above).
Also, don't lie about going out with this guy. If you both are truly in love with each other, why are you afraid? If your parents nag and fly at you with forks, spoons and knives, just smile and say, "Yes, I'm going out with him. We love each other. I'm happy. Get used to it". Their nagging and interogation will be nothing compared to what you'll face in many other places.
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skirtdressnsuch
Member
just reading your initial post, felt moistness in my eye.............. reminds me of the past where i sneakily talk on the phone till wee hrs in the morning/night ......................it must have been totally heart wrenching! but i can only say..............babe you gotta move on. no point lingering on the past, its impossible not to reminesce it time to time. but dun linger
I oso was a chatter in MIRC, in about year 2000. That time, oso got beri emotionally attached with few chatters, but every time, we met, it would end. Before they met me, they always call me every day, trying to make it a habit, then after that they would stop calling, then continue again, trying to make you miss them, its the old tricks they used.
When I told them I was fat, they never believe me, always thought it was some kind of a test, they told me they like me, regardless of my look. Every time, I was disappointed
Not until I met my husband about a year later, also in MIRC, but we started of as enemy.
So I m telling you, don't believe in F, he could paint a beri beautify picture, cos I have been through it, I noe, when u can't see someone, u only can hear the voices, the beautiful picture u paint in your mind, is not real.
It worked out well for me and my husband cos we treated each other like enemy, we met so that we want to fight it out, so we never have beautiful pictures of each other for a start, so there is no disappoinment, cos it started off from ground zero.
No doubt there could be some truth in chat rooms, but most of the time, the talks, the concerns, the interest show are all due to loneliness, most of them are not real........
You must learn to wake up to reality.
When I told them I was fat, they never believe me, always thought it was some kind of a test, they told me they like me, regardless of my look. Every time, I was disappointed
Not until I met my husband about a year later, also in MIRC, but we started of as enemy.
So I m telling you, don't believe in F, he could paint a beri beautify picture, cos I have been through it, I noe, when u can't see someone, u only can hear the voices, the beautiful picture u paint in your mind, is not real.
It worked out well for me and my husband cos we treated each other like enemy, we met so that we want to fight it out, so we never have beautiful pictures of each other for a start, so there is no disappoinment, cos it started off from ground zero.
No doubt there could be some truth in chat rooms, but most of the time, the talks, the concerns, the interest show are all due to loneliness, most of them are not real........
You must learn to wake up to reality.
vivienshoshanna
Member
@nora23: your story is very sad, like a movie drama but,why didn't you run away while you have the chance? I was joking.. well if you really are meant for each other, then you guys would be together, as long as you are not doing anything wrong..
MyHappyKids
Member
Just checking with you hoping you are feeling better now.
Don't waste your current blissful family for something that you are unsure of.
Hapy parenting...
Sometimes, as innocent young gals, we are in love with our own perception of the perfect man, and not the real man himself.
U could be loving the F whom u thought he is, and not his real self. If say, u had a chance to really go through a long relationship with F and discovered his real characters, his flaws and get deeply hurt by him, u will never have longed for him this way anymore. U made a right choice in marrying ur hubby. No matter wat kind of addiction, be it gambling, glue or heroine, it will somehow lead to unrest, unhappiness and even abuse in the family.
Drug addiction is often glorified in Hollywood lifestyles, movies and dramas but in reality, its horrifying. Glue sniffing and drug taking, for a long period can lead to brain disorders and hallucinations, much similar to those who suffer from Schizophrenia (which we often termed as "crazy", talking to themselves, laughing inappropriately, etc). If a drug addict do not change his ways, one of these days, he will find that he will be suffering from hallucinations, whether or not he takes the drugs anymore. Do u want such a person to be father of ur children, or even ur husband? If F does not mend his ways, yes, this will his future. I've seen people like that before. Its tragic. They didn't know, when they took a sniff of the glue, that they will be addicted, and they didn't know that once they got addicted, they'll suffer from "insanity" sometime down the road, but nevertheless, ignorance is not bliss.
U could be loving the F whom u thought he is, and not his real self. If say, u had a chance to really go through a long relationship with F and discovered his real characters, his flaws and get deeply hurt by him, u will never have longed for him this way anymore. U made a right choice in marrying ur hubby. No matter wat kind of addiction, be it gambling, glue or heroine, it will somehow lead to unrest, unhappiness and even abuse in the family.
Drug addiction is often glorified in Hollywood lifestyles, movies and dramas but in reality, its horrifying. Glue sniffing and drug taking, for a long period can lead to brain disorders and hallucinations, much similar to those who suffer from Schizophrenia (which we often termed as "crazy", talking to themselves, laughing inappropriately, etc). If a drug addict do not change his ways, one of these days, he will find that he will be suffering from hallucinations, whether or not he takes the drugs anymore. Do u want such a person to be father of ur children, or even ur husband? If F does not mend his ways, yes, this will his future. I've seen people like that before. Its tragic. They didn't know, when they took a sniff of the glue, that they will be addicted, and they didn't know that once they got addicted, they'll suffer from "insanity" sometime down the road, but nevertheless, ignorance is not bliss.