angelwendy
Well-Known Member
what if you going to give birth?? then he is out?? actually is not very good
Make a pregnancy ticker
Make a pregnancy tickerAm I being over-sensitive?
- Thread starter youknowsue
- Start date
youknowsue
Member
thanks for all the support and advice, yes i've made my stand and hopefully he'll wise up. These men dun carry babies so they dun understand how we are feeling physically n mentally.
My hb's rationale of men going out at night is...
"Since you are asleep, then we are not talking or doing anything also what, so I go out after you fall asleep lor"
My hb likes to go out to do stuff after I fall asleep. Wash car, drink kopi with friends, repair the car, etc etc. Previously when his friends all still single, he goes out very often. But after his friends got married, I told all the wives: if they wanna go out & drink, we take turns to entertain them at different ppl's house. Of cos they come to my house most often cos we are the only ones who have our own house, the rest live with parents/ILs. Now his friends all got babies, they usually bring to my house, mummies & babies will play, hubbies will drink
Good part is his friends bought houses within walking distances & they'll be moving in within the next 3-4 years (got 1 moving in end of this year).
"Since you are asleep, then we are not talking or doing anything also what, so I go out after you fall asleep lor"
My hb likes to go out to do stuff after I fall asleep. Wash car, drink kopi with friends, repair the car, etc etc. Previously when his friends all still single, he goes out very often. But after his friends got married, I told all the wives: if they wanna go out & drink, we take turns to entertain them at different ppl's house. Of cos they come to my house most often cos we are the only ones who have our own house, the rest live with parents/ILs. Now his friends all got babies, they usually bring to my house, mummies & babies will play, hubbies will drink
Good part is his friends bought houses within walking distances & they'll be moving in within the next 3-4 years (got 1 moving in end of this year).youknowsue
Member
Hi stonson, that's exactly what he said!! similar as your hubby!!! but i dunno when his frens are gonna settle down cos I'm also planning to shift out of the area and move closer to my parents instead.
-jOanna
Member
is he still not understanding? spy his handphone? if me i will..
when i go back to own mum home to stay afew days, my hubby sometimes go downstairs to buy cigarettes or tibits will call me up and i'll always joke with him saying, "so late u go where? find gf ah?" hubby knows im more sensitive when i'm pregnant.. just hope your hubby get can his to senses soon..
when i go back to own mum home to stay afew days, my hubby sometimes go downstairs to buy cigarettes or tibits will call me up and i'll always joke with him saying, "so late u go where? find gf ah?" hubby knows im more sensitive when i'm pregnant.. just hope your hubby get can his to senses soon..
youknowsue
Member
last night he told me he gotta work late (at 12+) and he is asking his buddy for a drink at irish pub. at 5am, I woke up and he's still out (so i text him and ask 'which irish pub opens for 24 hr?'. he explained to me tt his buddy went to zouk to fetch a gal and they hang out there.
i told him, this morning im going to the gynae at 10am, if he comes home so late, he wouldn't even have energy to last thru the day. then his workplace needs him to settle some urgent matters in the afternoon, so i met my fren for dinner (plus playdate for my boy instead). then he fetched us home at 9+, had his dinner and guess wat? my boy didnt really play much with him (cos it's already 10.30pm!!), and now he is out drinking kopi with his frens again!!!
i told him since he can text me tt he misses me and my boy, where is the 'action'? i dun and can't even feel that he misses us!! if he really care and miss us, he would have take the hint right? well, maybe he feels tt i'm grumbling too much (which trust me, when he told me he's going out, i just say 'go lor, not like i ask u not to go you will stay at home')
i told him, i'm still awake wat, if you miss me dun you have things to talk to me about? he just kept quiet... then went out.
i really give up liao, sometimes even have the urge to just opt for the big 'D' if this is to continue. i told his mum about him coming home at wee hr again, she also useless (just remain speechless, which makes me more pissed!) the fact is i'm planning to shift cos my mum is the main caretaker for my boy and girl and she stays far away from me (major regret!!), plus my boy is enrolling pri sch next yr so i have to plan for their future and not let this selfish man enjoy his life so much while i suffer!
Sometimes I'm really at wit's end, already tell him how i feel he is still like tt, write letter and sms to him also like no use, you tell me la, how to continue this relationship? and every sun morning he will go cycling with his frens to destress, wat about me? who is helping me destress? weekend is the only time for us FTWM to spend qly time with our kids, i've been asking him wat's his priority? frens or family, he didnt even bother to answer me!
i told him, this morning im going to the gynae at 10am, if he comes home so late, he wouldn't even have energy to last thru the day. then his workplace needs him to settle some urgent matters in the afternoon, so i met my fren for dinner (plus playdate for my boy instead). then he fetched us home at 9+, had his dinner and guess wat? my boy didnt really play much with him (cos it's already 10.30pm!!), and now he is out drinking kopi with his frens again!!!
i told him since he can text me tt he misses me and my boy, where is the 'action'? i dun and can't even feel that he misses us!! if he really care and miss us, he would have take the hint right? well, maybe he feels tt i'm grumbling too much (which trust me, when he told me he's going out, i just say 'go lor, not like i ask u not to go you will stay at home')
i told him, i'm still awake wat, if you miss me dun you have things to talk to me about? he just kept quiet... then went out.
i really give up liao, sometimes even have the urge to just opt for the big 'D' if this is to continue. i told his mum about him coming home at wee hr again, she also useless (just remain speechless, which makes me more pissed!) the fact is i'm planning to shift cos my mum is the main caretaker for my boy and girl and she stays far away from me (major regret!!), plus my boy is enrolling pri sch next yr so i have to plan for their future and not let this selfish man enjoy his life so much while i suffer!
Sometimes I'm really at wit's end, already tell him how i feel he is still like tt, write letter and sms to him also like no use, you tell me la, how to continue this relationship? and every sun morning he will go cycling with his frens to destress, wat about me? who is helping me destress? weekend is the only time for us FTWM to spend qly time with our kids, i've been asking him wat's his priority? frens or family, he didnt even bother to answer me!
misstheblue
Member
i guess ur husband luve himself more than u n ur kids. Is not his fren is his priority but he himself. He do not spare a thought for u n the kids. U r pregnant now, did he even ask u when is ur appt with gynae? or u need to remind him ur appt?
Now wat u can do is rest well to welcome ur newborn n take care of urself.
i can understand how u feel cos i do think my husband luv himself more than he luv me.
youknowsue
Member
how can i allow that to continue isn't it? today he again kiss my son goodbye when he went cycling, ignored me. then i brought my son to the playground to play cos i seriously cant stand staying at home, super bored.
my MIL called and say she has came over but im not around (apparently he asked her to come over to play with my son, wat a loving dad right? asking his mum to come over and relying on them instead of him doing the job...). then he did call his mum to check whether we have been 'found'... cos i have recently suffer fainting spells n was hospitalised, so my mum is also against me being alone with my boy in case i faint again...
sometimes i just feel tt my frens, family and my boy are even more caring than him, i'm really giving up... seriously.
my MIL called and say she has came over but im not around (apparently he asked her to come over to play with my son, wat a loving dad right? asking his mum to come over and relying on them instead of him doing the job...). then he did call his mum to check whether we have been 'found'... cos i have recently suffer fainting spells n was hospitalised, so my mum is also against me being alone with my boy in case i faint again...
sometimes i just feel tt my frens, family and my boy are even more caring than him, i'm really giving up... seriously.
-jOanna
Member
i seriously feel sad and sorry for u.. wonder what guys are thinking sometimes.. and u said u have been hospitalized and stuff, why isnt he taking care of u instead? tell him off to the face! "ur friends so important go marry ur friends lah, im pregnant and sick here, can't u help take care of the 2 little ones and let me rest for god sake?"
sorry i may not be a good person to give u any opinions, but just seeing u venting here makes me feel sad for u..
Ting
Well-Known Member
sue, i feel the same as joanna in this case.
i think your hb is really too much!
remind me of my preg tt time.
my ex also like tt. he was serving NS.
n he will take off on my appt dates to visit the docs.
well, SUPPOSEDLY duh, but end up? he stay home n SLP.
cos he told me, he is VERY SLPY. or can i reschedule my appt.
WTH right? i alr purposely arrange for afternoon appt cos i know he wont be able to wake early.
so mostly i just went alone or my younger sis will accompany me.
n b4 im out, he will call me to buy food for him when im coming back.
other times, he is either slping, playing games or watching tv rather than accompanying me.
unless he wants to go out n watch movie or whatever but who pay? me.
after pin was born.
same, he only "play" with her a while. then either ask me acc him watch tv or he go play his stupid online games.
keep wanting me to dump pin at home n go out with him n his frens.
really pissed me off.
i cant take it, so kicked him out of my hse one fine night.
tt night, i took care of pin the whole day til 11 pm. he told me he will come at 10 am but end up? 11 pm then come my place. then i ask him to feed pin he only fed her once, next feed he refuse, saying he alr fed her just now( n its cos he wan to watch his stupid tv show), i got so angry, we argued, n i chase him out of my hse at 4 am in the mornin.
i didnt give him any more chances after tt, no matter what he did.
he tried to make it up to me by "caring" more for pin. but i know, its all a pretence to get me back.
for me, lucky i nvr marry him, so it was more clear cut.
i think your hb is really too much!
remind me of my preg tt time.
my ex also like tt. he was serving NS.
n he will take off on my appt dates to visit the docs.
well, SUPPOSEDLY duh, but end up? he stay home n SLP.
cos he told me, he is VERY SLPY. or can i reschedule my appt.
WTH right? i alr purposely arrange for afternoon appt cos i know he wont be able to wake early.
so mostly i just went alone or my younger sis will accompany me.
n b4 im out, he will call me to buy food for him when im coming back.
other times, he is either slping, playing games or watching tv rather than accompanying me.
unless he wants to go out n watch movie or whatever but who pay? me.
after pin was born.
same, he only "play" with her a while. then either ask me acc him watch tv or he go play his stupid online games.
keep wanting me to dump pin at home n go out with him n his frens.
really pissed me off.
i cant take it, so kicked him out of my hse one fine night.
tt night, i took care of pin the whole day til 11 pm. he told me he will come at 10 am but end up? 11 pm then come my place. then i ask him to feed pin he only fed her once, next feed he refuse, saying he alr fed her just now( n its cos he wan to watch his stupid tv show), i got so angry, we argued, n i chase him out of my hse at 4 am in the mornin.
i didnt give him any more chances after tt, no matter what he did.
he tried to make it up to me by "caring" more for pin. but i know, its all a pretence to get me back.
for me, lucky i nvr marry him, so it was more clear cut.
SunShine07
Member
Ting, don mind sharing how he try to get u back? just wanna to know if i am being too softhearted to my hb.....cos whenver he calls or meet us, i will always feel very upset and guilty like that....dun know if he really regret and pretend only or what....
He also like ur ex, dun care abt feeding my son, seldom spend time with him.....then now he is also like very caring, change into different person loh....but i told him it is too late liao~
-jOanna
Member
Put the song 'Apologize by Onepublic feat. Timbaland' for them to listen..
liang`jia: try to see how long he can put up the show.. btw how long he've been showing ? cuz some guys really do repent what they have done wrongly, just like how i forgave my current hubby 2yrs ago.. i really think he is only acting to be good, so i understand how u felt, but he continuously did that for 2yrs and i finally got touched by the effort he'd put in.. so jiayou ^^
liang`jia: try to see how long he can put up the show.. btw how long he've been showing ? cuz some guys really do repent what they have done wrongly, just like how i forgave my current hubby 2yrs ago.. i really think he is only acting to be good, so i understand how u felt, but he continuously did that for 2yrs and i finally got touched by the effort he'd put in.. so jiayou ^^
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SunShine07
Member
so far about 4mths already. All along, i have been nasty to him though....but at times he also cannot take it lah...then he also got angry, that's why i think he is not real also
mind sharing what happen to ur part?
youknowsue
Member
seems like this relationship is really going nowhere... im opting for D as he did fuck around behind my back and not repentful. it's over... finally an ending to all the doubt and frustrations...
MyHappyKids
Member
Don't go over the top else it will seriously dented the relationship.
On top of the quarrel, imagine you have to handle the inconvenience and the discomfort of your pregnancy.
The psychological and mentally suffering will does more harm to your foetus.
As such, ask and wait for him to reply.
Only when the outlook look bleak, then you "show hand".
Just my personal advice.
On top of the quarrel, imagine you have to handle the inconvenience and the discomfort of your pregnancy.
The psychological and mentally suffering will does more harm to your foetus.
As such, ask and wait for him to reply.
Only when the outlook look bleak, then you "show hand".
Just my personal advice.
what did u find out
mummybelle
Member
For me....I will locked the door and ask him dun come back since he like to goes.......out so much!!!!! (Maybe this shouldn't be the way) but im a strong headed person and dun care so much!!!
I remember there is 1 time he went drinking( 1st Time) with friend till 3am and he is totally drunk and his friends called me and tell me that he is sleeping outside our doorstep but i dun give a damn coz wen I called him earlier and he did not answer phone call so.......
Next morning wen he wake up and keep saying sorry and promised not to do that again so i told him that this shall be the first time and last time if not we shall end our relationship....(Not married yet)
Then from that time onwards, he never repeat the same mistake again.
3 years later we got married and now have 3 childrens.So now whenever his friends call him out for drinks he will reject and told them he quit drinking...but if for kopi den is ok but got curfew ( reach home before 10pm)hehehe....
Touchwood...hope it will not happen!!!hehe
I remember there is 1 time he went drinking( 1st Time) with friend till 3am and he is totally drunk and his friends called me and tell me that he is sleeping outside our doorstep but i dun give a damn coz wen I called him earlier and he did not answer phone call so.......
Next morning wen he wake up and keep saying sorry and promised not to do that again so i told him that this shall be the first time and last time if not we shall end our relationship....(Not married yet)
Then from that time onwards, he never repeat the same mistake again.
3 years later we got married and now have 3 childrens.So now whenever his friends call him out for drinks he will reject and told them he quit drinking...but if for kopi den is ok but got curfew ( reach home before 10pm)hehehe....
Touchwood...hope it will not happen!!!hehe
Carlisle
Member
Communication in a relationship is very important to be able to have understanding and peace of mind specially in married life, but the best way and time to talk about that certain problem is
when both of you is not under the influence of alcohol to prevent chaos. But what he's doing came home so late, drunk until early morning is not a good model of a responsible father and i think you can't be over sensitive if he's doing what's good for your family.
when both of you is not under the influence of alcohol to prevent chaos. But what he's doing came home so late, drunk until early morning is not a good model of a responsible father and i think you can't be over sensitive if he's doing what's good for your family.