Am I having depression?

[zhuzhu_41]

I do feel that I'm having depression don't know since when.

When I got very angry, anger blinds me and I start doing things which I don't use to do.

When DH and me quarrel, and when he said something that I don't like to hear, I just slap him and kick him.

And when my baby irritates me like eg, crying non-stop. Making noise for no reason. ANd when I get real fed-up, I just spank her and shout at her.

Today morning, when I see her so messy becos of the porridge, I just stuff all the porridge into her mouth and force her to eat. And she started crying and I just push e high chair she's sitting on real hard. I tink my MIL also shock to see me lidat.

ANd when I'm all alone with baby sleeping beside me, my thoughts start to run wild again. And tears just fall automatically. I start to think whether my Hubby is having an affair outside? Or is he flirting behind my back? Y he always treat me so unfairly? M i really that impt to him? Y the attention I wan fm him is never there?

And what ever he says to me, I take it to heart very seriously.

Divorce has been in my mind these few days cos I cant stand the way he treats me.

Izit I'm the one with the problem or he?

The attention I want frm him is never there. Moreover, I had some unhappiness with my ILS recently.

I just feel so tiired of my everything and has ever pack my bag and want to leave. But DH stop me. He say he understand my position. But he's not doin anything to it.

He's always doing things that make me so upset and irritated.

 

[aby]

Dearie, I think u are falling into D.. I was exactly like this.. Pls dun blame urself.. Staying home is never easy as others think so..

Try meetup with people u enjoyed, talk things out.. Everything can improved one!! I survived!! :red:

 

[mae]

hello zhu,

I wish I can give you my hug & comfort you...

Try to divert your attention when you feel angry...instead of getting so mad you leave the place in awhile & breathe a fresher air outside. Don't think too much about your hubby, I know he is also thinking on how to make you happy. Being a wife & a mom at the same time is the most difficult job in this world with no salary at all but we are willing to sacrifice for our loved ones. Talk to your dh about what you want to happen & what can make you happy at the same time.

Cheers,
Mae

 

[jeSsie_Dz]

ok.. u r not alone.. cox me too.. im staying with ils too... im facing the same as wat u goin thru.. i do vent my anger thou after tat i know i am wrong at some hard ways.. plus my DD now goin thru T2.. so im feeling more worst than b4..

i dunno if its under depression.. but i know my temper is just not as gd le..

 

[little_twin_stars]

Hi Zhu,

First, pls calm urself down.

Second, u are staying home taking care of ur child and that adds a lot of stress on you.

Third, you need to get out of the house for some fresh air.

to share with you:

Like you, when i quarrel with dh, I get all worked up and start hitting him and then myself. I will go all out to make myself terribly hurt.
When I am angry with dd, I will also go overbooard.
And yes, I do also kept thinking of divorcing.
I even attempted to kill myself.

But... all is well. There is a way out.

- Try talking to ur dh.
I sat dh down when my dds had slept and had a heart to heart talk. He will attempt to comment but I told him not to. I told him to sit quietly and listen and understand what i am feeling. Be it my frustration as work, at my dds, at him, at my in-laws...everything. I let him know that I am not pointing finger nor balming anyone, I just need to let it all out.

- Walk away
When u feel that u cannot handle ur baby, walk away but make sure that she is in safe hands or she is safe sitting alone. ur baby may cry but u just walk away and tell urself, u need to calm down the baby does not really know what is it that u are scolding her abt.

- Rest
Think u need lots of rest.
When I feel the need to, I request for a day off from dh. Knowing the condition, they usually will try to let u have a few hours off.

- Go out
When I feel the moods coming in, I will go out and have a walk or for window shopping.

- Vent it
Yes, come into the forum and vent it all out ... after slamming hard at the keyboard, it does feel better. (I do usually )

We are here for u, to listen and to share.

Pls take care.

 

[jeSsie_Dz]

but i dun get a rest.. cox i hv two young kiddos at 23mths n 8mth each.. even goin to market in the morning i hv to bring both cox dh wanna slp more b4 work.. leaving them to my mil is even worst.. within mins she wil keep saying h she wanna slp oh he is hungry oh this oh tat.. and at times it add more to my anger... i did talk to dh bout it but he fails to understand how i feel.. at times i even feel like just killing off the kiddos n myself then.. :...(

 

[zhuzhu_41]

Thanks everyone for the advises and supports.

I do wish I could sit down and have a heart to heart talk with DH. But I'm really very stubborn. And the way I look at him is he don't even wan to talk to me.

All he do is come home, eat, play awhile with baby, play game or go out for a jog, come back, sleep.

He dont even have time for me. or should I say he don even want to spend time with me.

I do wish I could walk away when I'm angry. But I cant. Cos I've got the most unhelpful ILS. They expect me to take care of my baby all by myself. They don help out at all. ANd of cos, I don need their help either cos I can manage.

I will tell my mum whenever I'm facin problems with my ILS but not when I quarrel with DH.

LIke what my mum says, don't depend on ur ILS. You know that they wouldn't help. Manage it urself. If not later ppl will turn ard and say, wah, u don have me to help u, u cannot do things ar. I don like it at all.

I know that my ILS don't like me cos they assume that I always BULLY their son/nephew. And scold him n shout at him.

Yaya, all point finger at me. Even my DH now also point finger at me saying I'm at fault. Say I tink too much.

I got no one to turn to but to pen it down in my blog.

Posting a thread here have never come across my mind cos I feel abit paiseh.

I just feel that when I need the support and attention most, my DH will always not be ard or he will pour wet blanket.

 

[little_twin_stars]

my dh also don't used to want to sit down and listen to me before.
but the problem is too big to be ignored.
i told him that if we can talk , it will make me feel a lot better and things ard the house will improve.


as for ILs... I am of no help here cos I don't stay with them and am very glad that I don't cos seeing them once a month is enough to send me into another bout of depression.

 

[qiqi mama]

i oso facin e same problem of dh dun show mi attention i wan~perhaps i ask too much i dunno but it seems tat i slipin into depression also~but whenever i see my ds i tell myself i muz survive so zhuzhu41 dun worry i believe u can survive it too~mayb u wana vent all out here at least we r here to listen to u~

 

[little_twin_stars]

i realised that most wives will say that dh-es don't listen to them or not paying attention i also feels that too.

then till the time when I nearly ended it all that time, we had a talk.
and I realised that it is not that he doesn't want to listen. It is that when i start talking, I usually will be complaining abt something, him, my dds, his mother and so on. He wants me to be happy not also talking abt unhappy things.

Then as for attention, he asked what kind of attention I want? that question stunned me... I dunno also. it cld be his gaming that took away time for us alone.

But then not every dh is like mine who will take the effort to listen.
But if we don't try, we will never know.
Plus, it will help couples to re-understand each other again.

And really venting it here can be rather therapuetic.
cos there are many who can share and help u too.

pls take care

 

[Agnes Josephine]

Zhuzhu, don't take things negatively... I agreed with your Mum that don't depend on your ILs as they're not obliged to help you. But if they do, then good. If not, then we can take care of our own babies.

You're not alone when you said you will spank Keidi & shout @ her when she irritates you. I'm also the same. I will shout @ Kayden & most of the spank him on his thighs (most of the time when my dh saw that, he will interfere & carry him away from me or even scold me). Even my own parents also ask me not to spank him whenever they see me doing it.

My temper also not very good but I'm trying my best to curb my temper down. So I believe you can do it too.

Zhu, don't forget I'm only a phone call away nia. You can always ask me out. You still have me, Nadia, Jess & all your friends. So don't think negatively. :tsmile:

 

[Leanne]

I always have that thinking too. Whether my DH is having affair behind my back a not or whether he still loves me as before. I always wonder.

He likes to look at beautiful girls. Be it real ppl or those in tv or newspaper. Just like ytd, i caught him staring at the Newpaper Asian-American girl............. It hurts me a lot. But, what can i do.

Rmb : All men like beautiful visual things. But they still keep themselves sexually & emotionally faithful to their wives.

 

[sleepymama]

Hi zhuzhu
{{{hugzzz}}}
U take care ya, like wat all the mommies have advised, you need to have a good talk with your DH and let him know exactly how you feel. Support from hubby is very important, especially if you are very stressed at home. Sometimes men don't understand women enough to know what to say or do. And so, we always think they don't care about us anymore, and worse, we start imagining things. The most important thing is, don't hurt your baby whatever it is. Baby is precious and innocent. If you feel anger coming, do pass your baby to someone else who can help for that few minutes while you go take a breather! Talk to friends and let it all out. Talking it out will help ease your mind. Call me if you wanna listening ear, oki. I'll make time for you. Take good care you, girl, things will be better for sure!

 

[precious*baby]

Hi Zhuzhu, is me kalyn..

firstly a big hugzzz for U!!


i agree with what mommies said here..
if possible try to ask yr DH out and have heart to heart talk with him again.. (just the two of u) dun give up hope yet okie. get support frm yr mom, they all.. i'm sure they're willing to help u.. or maybe ask yr mum to look after yr cutie n u can take a rest for few days n go out with yr frends to relax yrself..

 

[BunnyKiss]

Look you are not the only one..this is pretty normal. Now you just need to discover ur way of releasing the stress. Find something you like to do very much..maybe for a few hours without the baby...

hug..hug..

 

[`julee]

ok.. u r not alone.. cox me too.. im staying with ils too... im facing the same as wat u goin thru.. i do vent my anger thou after tat i know i am wrong at some hard ways.. plus my DD now goin thru T2.. so im feeling more worst than b4..

i dunno if its under depression.. but i know my temper is just not as gd le..

yaaar... hav to agree. T2 the worst.. makes u feel more horrible..... the housework, the toodler n hubby oso don care....

 

[`julee]

since u feel so down and angry at no such reason, try talking to someone.. hav a day to urself.. i felt so much better about myself after i got to meet my old fren and reli jus enjoy....

 

[zhuzhu_41]

Hi Kalyn,

Are you the one that always frequent my blog? Nice to see you here.

Anyway, I had a talk with my DH some few nights ago. The talk wasn't going smoothly as what I expected.

He start to blame me for the things I did. He even blame for not working to provide ourselve more money. In which he use to tell me not to work and ask me to stay at home to look after my DD. I don't know what causes him to say such things. Even now when I think back, I still feel the hurt there. I tried talking to him and he kept quiet. And after awhile, I heard snoring. This is so disappointing. I got so mad that I just grab my bag and ran out of the house crying in the middle of the night. Those cabby uncles that see me crying and walking aimlessly must have thought they see a ghost ba. Haha.

I did went home after a few hours later. By the way, he didn't chase after me when I ran out and worse still, he didn't even call or sms me to ask me where I am.

I ask him why he didn't chase after me or at least call, his answer is, "I already give up".

That was the most hurting words on earth I've ever hear.

My heart really shattered. I really care and want our relationship very much. Although I did mention to him if things still don't goes well, I wan to divorce.

he on the other, told me that he ddon't how to communicate with me cause he say I always put myself higher than anyone. I'm always very unreasonable and I'm super selfish.

All the things I do, I do it for his sake, for this family. How can he just turn around and blame me? I really tio stunned lor. I would never expect him to say such things to me.

He use to love me alot. He use to give his everything to me even when I'm really so unreasonable.

He says I'm the one with the problem. But it takes 2 hand to clap wat.

Anyway, after the talk. Things started to change a little bit. I try not to be so unreasonable and he tried to understand what I want. I really do hope that I'll be fine and can stop thinking those bo liao thing. I really do not wish to think too much and cause myself those unhappiness.

Sorry for kp-ing so much. But I need to release out how I feel.

 

[zhuzhu_41]

Really thanks all the mummies here that show your concerns and supports and advises even though we don't quite know each other.

 

[precious*baby]

hi ZhuZhu,

Yes, i'm the oneancing_wub:


for me i felt tat sometime guy is lidat, frinkle minded.. tis moment they wan u 2 b SAHM but nxt moment when they felt tat u're njoying yr life.. they'll start 2 ask u 2 wrk.. my DH oso 1 of e example, i pregnant now so he asked me to stop working n stay home 2 njoy n relax my pregnancy till after birth then goes out n work.. but when he noe i'm spendin $$, he'll nag abt me not wrking.. so i threaten him tat i'm going 2 find a part-time job then he keep quiet..

dun bother abt wat yr DH said, try 2 ignore some of his comments..

i hope u're feeling beta now.. whenever u're unhappy, tink of yr DD.. she can brighten up your days.. hanging out with your frends more often too.. do quit smoking okie, bad for yr health..

Cheers :tlaugh: