am i making a right decision?

[dumbocarebear]

Maybe u would like to first break the news to whom u think most probably will not oppose Ur decision to keep the baby?

I first told my brother through msn.. Thn I look for a quiet afternoon with just me and my mum at home to tell her the news..

We are all here to seek advise and support from each others, of coZ you can talk to me in future too!

i only have my mum & dad living with me.. i think i'll have to break the news to my mum first, den maybe let her break the news to my father...

i'm really grateful for all your advices... this helped me alot especially now when i really dunno what to expect/ do...
amulet, hope you dun find me a nusiance when i start looking you for advise wor...

 

[Amulet]

i dunno about others, but this is mine:

Prenatal
with referral letter to KKH, first visit is $100+, subsequent visit every 6weeks is around $50 (i missed Nuchal Translusency test at KKH so kinda saved the $$)
I switch to private OB Dr Lawrence Ang at around 14weeks, first visit is $170, took up prenatal package with him from 16weeks onwards ($550 for all consultations till delivery, multi vits, ultrasound scans, 1 free 3d scan and free upgrade from 4bedded ward to 2 bedded ward at TMC), had a detail scanning at TMC at 20weeks for $170+..

Delivery
i went through Cesarean at 38weeks, including baby's bill, i paid $839 cash, and all the remaining deducted from medisave

Birth till 6 months:
Milk- $0
Diapers- $21+
Doctor- coz she on TBF, she seldom falls sick except for the 3rd month which she came down with thrush.. spent ard $80-$100 for PD..

7 months - 20months:
Milk- $0
Food- ard $20 weekly? it's spent mostly on expensive fishes like cod fish and salmon ect for her porridge as she grows older.. wen she is younger like 7-8months, she is on homemade puree and rice cereals with water or EBM.. that's even cheaper..
Diapers- $21+
Doctor- still on TBF, so hardly falls sick even if she drinks cold water n take cold stuffs frequently.. of coz, there are $$ for vaccinations la.. but it's almost like a one time payment and i paid via my medisafe iirc.. she only took the basics like 5in1, MMR..

20 months - 24 months:
Milk- ard $29.. She is taking GainIQ ard 1-2 feed a day.. still on partial BF..
Food- ard $20 weekly.. still mostly spend on expensive fishes..
Diapers- $21+
Doctor- she started attending CC + lower intake of BM, so falls sick more frequently.. ard $80-100 each time.. but she don't fall sick monthly la..

CC fees- after all subsidies, $13+ each month (full time working mother are entitled to $300 subsidies for full time CC.. Family with household income of less than $1.8k are entitled to CFAC fund to a maximum of $300 per month iirc, and a One time start up grant of up to $1000)

25months - now 34months:
Milk- ard $50.. Taking 1-2 feeds on GainIQ a day.. and 1-2 feeds of Fresh Milk a day..
Food- ard $20-40? she is taking adult food already.. so mostly it's homecook or dabao.. wen we goes shopping n eat things like japanese meals or Macdonalds, thn it cost slightly more..
Supplements- ard $23 per month for her Vit C..
Diaper- less than $21.. after she is diaper trained, a pack of diaper can last her more than a month now..
Doctor- $30+(GP) - $100(PD).. same as above, not a monthly thing la.. if it's mild illness like runny nose, we goes to GP.. if it's diarrhea or vomiting, it's to PD..
CC Fees- after all subsidies, $13+ each month

of coz, above stated excludes $$ u splurge on pretty clothes, pretty shoes, ect for her la..

I'm planning on stopping her formula milk after her birthday and let her goes on total fresh milk finally.. use the $$ to buy fish oil supplements for her..

on top of that, i was giving my mom $600 monthly before my girl turns 20months old as she was taking care of my girl for me..

 

[pineappletart]

dear all mummies

i'm new here. this is my first time to this forum.

Just last Thursday, I tested positive with the pregnancy kit. I calculated based on my last period date, I should be around 5 weeks + pregnant now.

My bf doesn’t want the baby, but I insist on keeping. I’m 27 this years, not too young already.
I told him that even if he doesn’t want the baby, I’m going to keep the baby and bring her/him up on my own.

He keep thinking that I will not be able to do this. thinking that I do not know what’s the consequences of being a single mother. He thinks that I does not know that this is going to be a very tough road for myself. I know. I know bringing a child with a partner is already not easy, in terms of mental or financial, bringing a kid up all by myself it will be even more tough.

Can anyone advise me on your experience?

I’m in a dilemma. I have no one else to talk to. I dunno who to consult on this.
I really want to keep the baby, it’s a life afterall.

hi babe glad u have mummy amulet to give u a realistic advise. pls keep the little angel inside u. it's not going to be easy raising a child on your own but i know quite a few mummies who are able to pull through it.
there are alot of single mummies here in this forum, im sure you'll be able to find yourself support and friends who are in a similiar/ same situation as you.

ALSO,
I saw u mentioned that u still love this guy, right? but may I ask what the hell was he thinking when he DID WHAT HE DID?????? and if he truly love u, HE WILL NOT LET U GO THRU THIS SO_CALLED TOUGH ROAD BY YOURSELF, RIGHT??? tell him to seriously think about it again, if not pls dont ever let him into your life no more.

pls dont ever terminate the little life inside u.

 

[masayuki]

Hi Mummies!

Uncle bearbear is back again for now.
Any letter you need drafted, you can come to me.
But of course you still need to get it endorsed at a Commissioner of Oaths.
I can also help if you need MCYS to do a little work for you...

Just believe that with Love, all things are possible...

 

[shi_san_yee]

Hi hi!! Congratulations on your decision to be a mummy to your little growing darling. Now that you have not told your folks about the pregnancy, you are still on a roller coaster ride, mainly brought about by fear of the unknown. I'll share my experience and you judge for yourself. But if you have made the decision to keep it, don't turn back.

I was so sure I want my child, with or without the ex, but I was also subject to alot of stress from my parents should they know I was pregnant. You will need to catch your folks at an appropriate time. Tell them you are pregnant; it was an accidental pregnancy, but the child is not paying for your mistake. You have made your mind to give birth but your bf is not supportive. Parents will normally tell you to get married anyway (mine didn't care if the marriage would fail, they just wanted my child to have a proper family even if it's only an empty shell), but you need to be firm, and understanding that your parents will give you hell...That's actually one of the greater hurdles, because your folks might ask to see your bf and talk to him. If your bf changes his mind, provided he truly loves you and sincerely wants this child, and will not regret and take it out on you, then good, otherwise, please don't get married for all the wrong reasons. Trust me, your parents will love their grandchild to bits, whether you are married or not. Even though my parents still give me a good amount of stress for being a single mom, and even though I sometimes I do feel that I'd be better off married (but unhappy), at least it pacifies the folks and save their 'face'.

My ex agreed to get married. I canceled the wedding last minute because of his tantrums and bad temper thrown on me, all stemming from the fact that he's stressed BECAUSE deep down, he does not want the child. Then he told me to abort it. I made the break-up final. Now, he wants my son to call him "daddy", wants to watch my son grow, tells the world he has a son, wants to fight with me over my son. Fair? NO. But according to the law, he has his rights because he's the natural father; and any SMS, e-mail, written letter, evidence etc that he is uninterested in the child at any point in time, is good to keep, but not useful in challenging his rights.

Like what angiebaby posted, a legally endorsed letter is what you need. So I'll advice you to draft one now, get it signed and legalized. Then your future worries with regards to the ex is covered. Do not assume that he SAYS he doesn't want the child and that decision is final. Otherwise, like me, I'm worried on a daily basis that he will challenge me in court for visitation rights. And IF he does get married and have his own kids, he might just stop seeing my son, and further abandoning him again. I will not allow anyone to treat my son like the flavour of the month.

As for your expenses, it is tough but not impossible. As long as you have a stable income, don't worry about having not enough for your child. Breastfeeding saves quite abit, PD visits are usually not too necessary, look for hand me downs for the baby; and lastly, get help from your parents. So far, the bulk of my expenses came from the delivery (use partial medisave), and diapers. When he gets older, then comes the greater expenses like school/childcare.

Another thing which is important, once your child is born, nominate him/her to be your beneficiary for you CPF; write a will to appoint a guardian in the event you are not around. These are all safeguards, and precautionary measures we should take to protect our kids and make sure they are well taken care of. I did all the above so that if something happens to me, my son would not automatically be a child of the state and given to his biological father.

 

[dumbocarebear]

i lost the baby. miscarriage on sat.
*tears*

 

[Amulet]

i lost the baby. miscarriage on sat.
*tears*

*hug*

do a small confinement for urself n nurse ur health back..

take this as a new start given to u by ur baby..

i dunno if it's appropriate to say this, but in case ur ex wans to patch up with u again since baby is gone now, it's better if u stay away from him..

 

[angiebaby]

i lost the baby. miscarriage on sat.
*tears*

oh dear...hugs, maybe your baby senses your difficulty and wan to come back to you later when its correct timing, rem you must do a little confinement even you didnt pregnant long, its good for your body.

i agree with Amulet, stay away from the your bf, he might start sweet talk to you but you are adult already, should be able to see his true color, im sure you are lost, sad, or feel alone or helpless, but these dont give him a excuse to woo you back.

take care of yourself, have a good rest.

 

[dumbocarebear]

oh dear...hugs, maybe your baby senses your difficulty and wan to come back to you later when its correct timing, rem you must do a little confinement even you didnt pregnant long, its good for your body.

i agree with Amulet, stay away from the your bf, he might start sweet talk to you but you are adult already, should be able to see his true color, im sure you are lost, sad, or feel alone or helpless, but these dont give him a excuse to woo you back.

take care of yourself, have a good rest.

what type of confinement i need?
haiz..

 

[Amulet]

what type of confinement i need?
haiz..

like eat food high in protein n iron, don't drink cold water.. ect..

 

[Ting]

i lost the baby. miscarriage on sat.
*tears*

sorry for your lost. *hugs*
do rest enough and take good care of yourself.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Hi angiebaby,
thank you for your congratulations. yes I really do agree it is not easy to get pregnant for some so I decide to treasure this little gift from god (though I’m not a Christian). I believe if the baby comes to me now, it is my fate and I should accept this.

he did not ask for breakup or trying to avoid me. but he is simply just not keen for me to keep because of a lot of other reasons, which I wish to keep it as it is now. he did still provide some little concern but ……………

I’m working full time now, a office based job. income wise, considered stable and quite alright. Not earning BIG bucks, but I believe shld be sufficient to go through this. just maybe need to save abit here and there since now expenses is gg to increase a lot.

for single moms, are there any other reliefs that we can get for the birth package?

can I ask roughly how much you are spending on baby stuff now? from the early stage when baby is a new-born till months later… I know I got to keep spare cash JUST IN CASE baby fell sick… medical bills in Singapore can really kills…

thank you for the sample letter. with 2 witnesses, will it be sufficient to be a court document or legal doc?

Hihi, im sure there are alot of mummies here who are more than willing to pass u some baby stuffs too, provided you don't mind
Like clothes all these, actually can waer those pass-me-downs since bb grows very fast, as for baby cot, you can try browsing thru the forum in here, there are quite a few good grabs now and then.

 

[Ting]

Hihi, im sure there are alot of mummies here who are more than willing to pass u some baby stuffs too, provided you don't mind
Like clothes all these, actually can waer those pass-me-downs since bb grows very fast, as for baby cot, you can try browsing thru the forum in here, there are quite a few good grabs now and then.

erm, pls refer to the top of PAGE 2. -.-"

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Paiseh...i short read the post...im so sorry...cheer up k? Most importantly, dun blame urself, its not ur fault, like what the rest of the mummies said, do take care of ur health and stay away from ur bf...just let us know if u need help k?

 

[Depleted]

Hi , i think im quite late in this thread but i happen to stumble over this thread . well condolences to the loss of your child . i know how you feel .

actually i myself need a couple of advice and support too .
i was with this guy for 1 yr plus ,
i miscarried once , did an abortion once and afew months back im actually down with another pregnancy which im now currently undergoing in a period of about 11weeks alrdy .
for this 3 pregnancy , the guy was not at all supportive .
but im definitely keeping this one .
he was enthusiastic about it at first , until when i broke the news to my parents and they lashed it out on him , he went completely out of contact .
next i got chased out by my dad from home , and when i had nowhere to go , that guy was not even there for me , i was practically homeless for 2 weeks.
he told me to abort the baby after that , and he's a wanted criminal now ( due to drug consumption ) when i went against his "planning " by keeping the baby , he went around hitting my friends . till then i couldn't tolerate it and stayed over at his house where i thought initially that it would be safe enough . until he started making visits back home , and threatened to get his friend to push me down the stairs / if i really kept the baby he would get his friends to disturb my baby when baby's borned . he got his mum to tell me to draft out a letter saying that baby has nthing to do with him in the future and i signed on it . but when i gave him the letter , he flared up and asked his mum to get me to tear away the letter . anyway the letter's with him now ( dont know what he did to it )
he came back tody and threatend to chop me up .

i dont know what to do . i have to count on his parents financially till baby's borned because im still not in contact with my family yet .
and im only 18 this year ..

 

[willows]

Hi Depeleted, go home. Go back to your parents. I believe no matter what has happen, your parents will still forgive you and accept you. Go back and ask for forgiveness and plan things out with them. No parents will want to see their child suffer.

Your parents place is always the safest place to be.

Like my idiot ex-husband. He had done so much to hurt his parents and family. But for 1 thing I know, if he turn back to them one fine day. They will forgive and accept him.

 

[Amulet]

Hi , i think im quite late in this thread but i happen to stumble over this thread . well condolences to the loss of your child . i know how you feel .

actually i myself need a couple of advice and support too .
i was with this guy for 1 yr plus ,
i miscarried once , did an abortion once and afew months back im actually down with another pregnancy which im now currently undergoing in a period of about 11weeks alrdy .
for this 3 pregnancy , the guy was not at all supportive .
but im definitely keeping this one .
he was enthusiastic about it at first , until when i broke the news to my parents and they lashed it out on him , he went completely out of contact .
next i got chased out by my dad from home , and when i had nowhere to go , that guy was not even there for me , i was practically homeless for 2 weeks.
he told me to abort the baby after that , and he's a wanted criminal now ( due to drug consumption ) when i went against his "planning " by keeping the baby , he went around hitting my friends . till then i couldn't tolerate it and stayed over at his house where i thought initially that it would be safe enough . until he started making visits back home , and threatened to get his friend to push me down the stairs / if i really kept the baby he would get his friends to disturb my baby when baby's borned . he got his mum to tell me to draft out a letter saying that baby has nthing to do with him in the future and i signed on it . but when i gave him the letter , he flared up and asked his mum to get me to tear away the letter . anyway the letter's with him now ( dont know what he did to it )
he came back tody and threatend to chop me up .

i dont know what to do . i have to count on his parents financially till baby's borned because im still not in contact with my family yet .
and im only 18 this year ..

oh dear..

alright.. first of all i can tell u that letter will NEVER be legally recognized.. as long as DNA test shows that he is the biological father of the child, he need to pay child maintenance for the child..

keep those sms/ evidences of his threats to u and make a police report about it.. dunno if u can apply for a PPO against him.. but u can try..

where are u living now? if u are really homeless, maybe u would like to give these helplines a call?

Marymount Centre Singapore Contact Good Shepherd Centre at Tel: 6755 6496.
Sanctuary House - A Labour of Love Tel: +65 6221 0588
Pregnancy Crisis Service | Family Life Society Pregnancy Crisis Hotline:6339 9770

 

[starfishhk85]

I might not be the right person to advice ... but frankly... I just want to give you a piece of my mind ... in a good way ...

I believe that nothing is impossible, It just is going to be tough !!! but frankly ... do not look at the full digits... its obviously going to be a huge amount you have to pay but still... if you are willing to do it ... there will always be a road and GOD will not let you go on there alone ...

Why does the guy have to say this ... because they themselves are irresponsible and does not want the thought of the kid to hunt him for his life in the future ... this is a trend I have seen in guys ... =D .... it doesnt exist, so they dont even think about it ... you get what i mean ... although I am a guy myself but I hate to see such things too

 

[kexin8784]

i dunno about others, but this is mine:

Prenatal
with referral letter to KKH, first visit is $100+, subsequent visit every 6weeks is around $50 (i missed Nuchal Translusency test at KKH so kinda saved the $$)
I switch to private OB Dr Lawrence Ang at around 14weeks, first visit is $170, took up prenatal package with him from 16weeks onwards ($550 for all consultations till delivery, multi vits, ultrasound scans, 1 free 3d scan and free upgrade from 4bedded ward to 2 bedded ward at TMC), had a detail scanning at TMC at 20weeks for $170+..

Delivery
i went through Cesarean at 38weeks, including baby's bill, i paid $839 cash, and all the remaining deducted from medisave

Birth till 6 months:
Milk- $0
Diapers- $21+
Doctor- coz she on TBF, she seldom falls sick except for the 3rd month which she came down with thrush.. spent ard $80-$100 for PD..

7 months - 20months:
Milk- $0
Food- ard $20 weekly? it's spent mostly on expensive fishes like cod fish and salmon ect for her porridge as she grows older.. wen she is younger like 7-8months, she is on homemade puree and rice cereals with water or EBM.. that's even cheaper..
Diapers- $21+
Doctor- still on TBF, so hardly falls sick even if she drinks cold water n take cold stuffs frequently.. of coz, there are $$ for vaccinations la.. but it's almost like a one time payment and i paid via my medisafe iirc.. she only took the basics like 5in1, MMR..

20 months - 24 months:
Milk- ard $29.. She is taking GainIQ ard 1-2 feed a day.. still on partial BF..
Food- ard $20 weekly.. still mostly spend on expensive fishes..
Diapers- $21+
Doctor- she started attending CC + lower intake of BM, so falls sick more frequently.. ard $80-100 each time.. but she don't fall sick monthly la..

CC fees- after all subsidies, $13+ each month (full time working mother are entitled to $300 subsidies for full time CC.. Family with household income of less than $1.8k are entitled to CFAC fund to a maximum of $300 per month iirc, and a One time start up grant of up to $1000)

25months - now 34months:
Milk- ard $50.. Taking 1-2 feeds on GainIQ a day.. and 1-2 feeds of Fresh Milk a day..
Food- ard $20-40? she is taking adult food already.. so mostly it's homecook or dabao.. wen we goes shopping n eat things like japanese meals or Macdonalds, thn it cost slightly more..
Supplements- ard $23 per month for her Vit C..
Diaper- less than $21.. after she is diaper trained, a pack of diaper can last her more than a month now..
Doctor- $30+(GP) - $100(PD).. same as above, not a monthly thing la.. if it's mild illness like runny nose, we goes to GP.. if it's diarrhea or vomiting, it's to PD..
CC Fees- after all subsidies, $13+ each month

of coz, above stated excludes $$ u splurge on pretty clothes, pretty shoes, ect for her la..

I'm planning on stopping her formula milk after her birthday and let her goes on total fresh milk finally.. use the $$ to buy fish oil supplements for her..

on top of that, i was giving my mom $600 monthly before my girl turns 20months old as she was taking care of my girl for me..

Single mums will also get subsidy for CC? How bout infant care? Will there be subsidies too?

 

[Amulet]

Single mums will also get subsidy for CC? How bout infant care? Will there be subsidies too?

do check with MCYS, but i think no additional subsidies for infantcare except for the working mother subsidies..