Anyone had BIG problems with or having unreasonable MIL???

[hnfarin]

I had a very very too much MIL, my hub had an affair once and that's the only one time but i had tried to forgave him but u know it's very hard to forgive. There's one time that i had a quarell with my MIL and she said that i dnkw how to do housework, I dnkw how to takecare of children, I let my son see TV too much, My hub had affair also my fault coz i don't sleep with him that's why he go find other woman to sleep with is correct.
Wah!!! I was like... WTF dis kinda MIL is lor!
1) I do housework and is inhuman lor, washed every single piece of clothes with bare hands and even JEANS! somemore is my hub's working Jeans, he work as a air-con tech... as i'm told to do so( there's a working washing machine in the house and not using and dnkw for what reason)

2) If i don't takecare of my Children he won't have grown so well and is a super happy-go-lucky and guai kid lor.

3) Letting my son watch Tv is either i put educational disc for him to watch or watching his fav channel and for a kid, what else can he do when he had no place to go and always that few same toys? my MIL said that i wanna make my son blind on purpose by letting him watch TV.

4) This i cannot tolerate, My hub did the wrong thing n he admitted himself n i tried to forgive him, i even slept with him although knowing he did wrong but i love him alot, at that time of quarell was aroung sept dis year, my hub had affair was about nov last year, my daughter was born in the June dis year, please lor, if i never slept with my hub where my 2nd bb come from???

Ladies out there, had u all had such unreasonable MIL???

I really dnkw where i can vent out all my anger coz my hub basically says that my MIL just say outa anger n don't mean everything at all, forgive her as she's an elder and old already.

 

[CanCanMum]

i guess MIL are always siding their own children, i.e. your hubby. That is they tend to be subjective, especially for older generations. Its in their blood, cannot be changed.

on the other hand, having extramarital affairs is definitely wrong. Were there unresolved problems with you and your DH tat causes him to go for other woman? But even though there WERE problems unknowingly was it ethically RIGHT to have EMA just because of this? Problems between couple have to be resolved and not avoided. EMA is just taking the opportunity to avoid the problem altogether, and blaming on this and that does not give you the license to fool around.

1) huh? why so poor thing hand wash clothes? WM is a machine, not an antique piece or display feature artifact. My hubby's clothes are also dirty from work everyday, i also put them inside WM.....

2) good tat your kid is "dong shi"

3) my son plays barney on a dvd player everytime he is awake and i think its good coz he has learnt new words very fast. But as long as their eyes are not alw fixed on tv (which is really bad) its fine actually.

4) yeah mee too, same as above.

Your HB is right to say that we really need to give in to elders sometimes even though they are wrong. They are, afterall, elders. Best is to avoid staying together, to minimise frictions. Other than that you will need to listen with one ear closed.

 

[deborahlkl]

I had a very very too much MIL, my hub had an affair once and that's the only one time but i had tried to forgave him but u know it's very hard to forgive. There's one time that i had a quarell with my MIL and she said that i dnkw how to do housework, I dnkw how to takecare of children, I let my son see TV too much, My hub had affair also my fault coz i don't sleep with him that's why he go find other woman to sleep with is correct.
Wah!!! I was like... WTF dis kinda MIL is lor!
1) I do housework and is inhuman lor, washed every single piece of clothes with bare hands and even JEANS! somemore is my hub's working Jeans, he work as a air-con tech... as i'm told to do so( there's a working washing machine in the house and not using and dnkw for what reason)

2) If i don't takecare of my Children he won't have grown so well and is a super happy-go-lucky and guai kid lor.

3) Letting my son watch Tv is either i put educational disc for him to watch or watching his fav channel and for a kid, what else can he do when he had no place to go and always that few same toys? my MIL said that i wanna make my son blind on purpose by letting him watch TV.

4) This i cannot tolerate, My hub did the wrong thing n he admitted himself n i tried to forgive him, i even slept with him although knowing he did wrong but i love him alot, at that time of quarell was aroung sept dis year, my hub had affair was about nov last year, my daughter was born in the June dis year, please lor, if i never slept with my hub where my 2nd bb come from???

Ladies out there, had u all had such unreasonable MIL???

I really dnkw where i can vent out all my anger coz my hub basically says that my MIL just say outa anger n don't mean everything at all, forgive her as she's an elder and old already.

Hi hnfarin

I guess u r not local too... I am from HK... I came to sg since i was schooling... I only have two sisters in sg... no relative... my MIL is worse than yrs... she chased me out of the house(and that's my husband's house) when I was pregnant... she knew that my husband n i got no where to go... she chased me off because she claimed that i talked to her with bad attitude... I dated with my husband 8 yrs be4 getting married.. she knows me very well, and she told my husband that she doesn't want any other DIL except me... I thought they'd love me and dote on me, that is one of the reasons y i married him...

after she chased me off.. my husband told them that he'll move out with me within 3 days.. but i insisted to move out on the date... how terrible my MIL is... she chased me out at 2am... It drove me mad... I juz went to hotel with my husband and now I am renting a flat...

Hnfarin... we have to be strong... you have to educate yr husband to fight for your right towards his mum... he'll never know how to make a balance btw u and his mum... u'll suffer alot if u dont tell him how u feel and suggest ways to him to handle his mum...

If u decided to stay on with yr husband.. u have to forget what had happened, forgive is not enough.. it's hard to forget.. but u wont be happy so long as u dont forget.. yr husband will suffer the most if u and yr MIL are not in good relationship, when he suffer, he'll never blame his mum, but u... when he blames u, he will probably go to look for another woman to talk to and bad things will happen soon...

hnfarin... think carefuuly, what u really want.. and remember u r always in disadvantage when u have problem with MIL...

deborah

 

[hnfarin]

To: Deborah
Sorry but I'm a Local, she never chase me out, she "forced" me out. I've told my hub about how i felt and on the day of quarell he's around n he just kept quiet all the way, think he's whimp ah. I had NO reason at all to forgive him for the affair unless as what i told him that if he don't love me, he felt no sex appeal from me or anything to do with me, i'm fine, but not at all...
anyway, I'm now living seperately with my MIL and Hub, i'm living with my mother. I find no point to live with my MIL again coz she will create something, and this is not he first time.

To: CanCanMum
the washing machine is for washing the bedsheets and curtains, she used her hands to wash clothes for many years and i think either she is used to it or don't know how to use washing machine, if not why she don't wanna use leh? And make me more angry is my bro-in-law's wife can use the washing machine why must i use hands to wash, super obvious that she pin on me lor, and i make no complains at all, i even got blister bubbles n skin tear on both my hands (allergic to certain kinds od detergent plus everyday use hands to wash) and got told my hub but he say no choice, wah, really wanna slap him wor. Now living at my mum place much much better, even my mum heard le also don't feel alright but she knows that no point quarell with this kinda MIL.

 

[CanCanMum]

To: CanCanMum
the washing machine is for washing the bedsheets and curtains, she used her hands to wash clothes for many years and i think either she is used to it or don't know how to use washing machine, if not why she don't wanna use leh? And make me more angry is my bro-in-law's wife can use the washing machine why must i use hands to wash, super obvious that she pin on me lor, and i make no complains at all, i even got blister bubbles n skin tear on both my hands (allergic to certain kinds od detergent plus everyday use hands to wash) and got told my hub but he say no choice, wah, really wanna slap him wor. Now living at my mum place much much better, even my mum heard le also don't feel alright but she knows that no point quarell with this kinda MIL.

yeah.....sometimes canx be helped.....so poor thing.....u got wear rubber gloves anot? At least wonx spoil yr hands..... yr mil really ah, still living in those ancient old dramas....

 

[deborahlkl]

hnfarin

i m sad to hear that.. ya.. no point to quarell... my MIL used to create problems too... i understand how u feel.. take care of yrself and be happy..

deborah

 

[hnfarin]

Thanks alot gals, at least i feel better to spill out what i wanna say, i got tell my friends about it la, they also cant help coz most of them not married so don't really understand that much. I really don't know what my MIL thinking lor, must she made it to the point that everything turn sour then she happy? c'mon lor, that's not her house anyway, sooner or later if she do something wrong, who knowsshe kena kick out also leh? hah i know i very bad to say that la but if you dnwan ppl to do nasty stuff to u, u also zi dong abit lor.

My hub thing i speechless la, he wanna be mummy boy his own prob la, in fut anything happen don't say wife never support lor...

 

[CanCanMum]

sometimes some husbs are like tat, but they r oso dofficult coz sandwiched in betw....

 

[deborahlkl]

sometimes some husbs are like tat, but they r oso dofficult coz sandwiched in betw....

ya.. i agree...

 

[daberdew]

Relationships with MIL is always complicated. Used to think marriage is just between 2 pple who are in love but, you will soon realise it's between 2 families. Sighz.....

 

[hnfarin]

CanCanMum & deborahlkl, I understand that my hub is having difficulty also, but he really hor... don't know how to explain, think he's trying to run away from all probs coz he really is that kinda person, i mean even if my MIL not involved, he also like that, whenever faced something, he'll just treat as nothing and dump all problem to me, in the end blame me for not handling things the right way, bla bla bla...

daberdew, what's ur case of MIL?