Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home?

[clingbel]

Hi All,

Hope to receive some replies.

I am a mother of a 18mth old Daugther and 2nd one is coming out in Feb'10.
Both Hubby & my own parents are unreliable as in, they're only concern is $$ and even $$ is given to their expectations they will still give us problem when they are taking care of our daugther........

Now, I am in a dilema, hubby also don't help me much, and he is in sales and has lots of entertainment at night, so I am all alone at night to handle dd...... I have serious morning sickeness and can't do much chores.... My worry now is that, when I return work after my 2nd one is out, and hubby is out for entertainment, I am afraid that I can't cope when I fetch dd back from childcare.....

How do you mummies look at or think if I were to hire a maid to look after my my new born alone at home when both me & hubby is working? My dd is in childcare. So, we will fetch her home after our work.

Thanks a million for replies.

 

[nancy]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

I really sympathise with yr situation. My hubby does not help much too even if he is at home.. worse still now with a maid.. he literally leaves everything to the maid to do (eg feeding baby, rocking baby, playing with baby, changing diaper). He used to do all these things when we did not have maid. But not now.

I got a maid after my confinement. I'm returning to work end Sept after 4 mths of maternity leave and my mum-in-law will be coming to my place in the morning to "look after" my maid while my maid looks after my baby. Even though I can trust my maid to look after my baby by herself (we let her looked after our baby when we went for grocery shopping sometimes & I know my maid's sister-in-law who is also working as a maid in Spore) but many pple are not comfortable with this idea , esp when yr maid is all alone in the house with yr baby for long hours everyday. You will never know what yr maid will do to your child esp with all those horror reports of child abuse by maids.

There are a few options which you can think about :
1. Get a maid now and observe her for time being until you return to work (preferably a month or two). Let her familiarise with yr baby and yr expectations.

2. Install a surveillance camera at home to "spy" on maid (I have installed one in my living room.. the camera can turn 360 degrees & I can view it in my laptop thro internet while at work!)

3. Get a relative to help out while you're at work. Give the relative some allowance if possible.

4. Put child in Infant Care (some of my colleagues did that and the children turn out to be just as happy)

5. Quit job and be a stay home mum (if you can afford it) until child is old enough to go for childcare.

 

[leongve]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

This is the headache that all full time working moms have. Actually it all depends on how trustworthy your maid is. Anyway, nowadays it seems like good maid are hard to come by.

When I had my 2nd child, I hired a maid to take care of him while my elder goes to the childcare. We entrusted the baby to the maid on the very day she commenced with us as my mum was very tired and has the habit of sleeping early and my girl was very attached to me and she had a hard time adjusting to the addition. During the first year, my mom stays with us and look after the maid but we leave the baby with the maid most of the time, cos mom has to bring girl to school and go marketing.

I was very fortunate to have a trustworthy maid and now she takes care my boy independently. My headache will start in Dec and she will be going home for good............

Hire a maid as soon as possible, so that you can observe and see if she can be trusted.

 

[stonston]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

I have CCTV at home to monitor my maid. But my current maid is independant, so the CCTV is more for security purpose now.

 

[rainiee]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

I can understand that with the high standard living in Singapore, it is almost impossible for a family to rely on an only breadwinner. There are never ending raising bills, loans to finance, be it housing or car and endless bags and clothes to buy. Depending on relatives help, to me personally, is like begging them. More people means more gossips between the families and this is what i hate. i rather engage outside help and this is where the problem lies, where can we find trusted help?

But, if we do made some ajustment to our lifestyle, made careful decisions on purchases between a need or a want, i guess staying home to care for 2 children is not a bad idea after all. at least, we can enjoyed their growing phrases with them. The first one to hear them call "mama" and the first one to see them learning to walk.

i strongly advice against leaving the maid alone with a new born. even if you install a CCTV, it might not be 100% safe as your maid might not always be in the same premises (unless you install one each in your rooms). and what can you do on the spot if you saw the maid abusing your baby, i guess by the time you rush home, the damage is done. A new born is too fragile to be handle by a maid.

 

[OwenMummy]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Hi there,

I strongly dun advice to leave the baby hme with maid... I am also caught in a position tat the maid complaining saying that she is tired where by when she work she only look aft my son and dun bother abt other kids in the house... All she do is when my son is slp she slp... we told her not to she say she whole body pain... She look at the TV and her mobile more than my son... And she complain for being tire... So irritating... So i now looking for a way out... I need to find a infant care... I tink it will be better... I am a woking mum... So it will be tiring bt it will eventually be over...

Regards,
OwenMummy

 

[ping26]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

if u can afford it, try infant care for 6-9 mth, then hire a maid. Try to take remaining maternity leave when u hire maid.

Some maids can't handle crying babies. U never know what may happen.

My ex-maid just couldn't calm my 2-mth old baby. And I was in house, 2nd fl, bathing. My baby was calm when I picked her up 30 min later. But her eyes were puffy. She was also jittery, clingy and scared for whole night. She was fine the next day. It was fortunate that I could send her packing next day cos new helper had arrived.

If u can't live w consequences, then think of other alternatives.

 

[Ting]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

why not consider a nanny or infant care?

 

[potato]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

My maid has no experience and yet she has patience in taking care of my daughter. We help each other as a family, i suggest if you really can't cope, it's better to get help!

 

[lilyliow22]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Singtel has a cute cctv where you can view anytime by calling using video call through handphone. Convenient

 

[veronica]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Install a camera...

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

I chose to stay at home to look after my boy because this is the best care he can have.
Breastfeeding on demand, bonding with own Mummy, and appropriate stimulation are things that no one else can offer a newborn.

My mum saw a maid chit-chatting with other maids at the void deck and feeding a 2-3 month old BREADCRUMBS to keep the baby quiet.

Maids who can handle newborns are the minority; I certainly won't take the chance.
They can only be relied on to take care of housework (which can be messed up too).

Referred nanny, infant care or be a Stay-At-Home-Mum for a while seem better options.

 

[obscurestloh]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Even if you have your parents to "watch" the maid while you are away, your parents' way of guiding the maid might be wrong also.

Some feedback is that parents also "spoil" the maid....like how they would "spoil" the grandchlid.

On the bright side, my hubby has shared some "success" stories about his colleagues leaving bb alone with maid at home. Sometimes is really no choice right?

Even if I send BB to infant care, also might kena abuse?

Consider staying at home for a while WITH the maid looking after the bb. Try to leave maid alone at home with BB for a few hours then gradually return to work full time?

 

[clingbel]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Dear Mummies,

I really appreciate all the replies from you. It is really precious to have all your comments.

My update now.

I had hired a Pinoy domestic worker. It is really no choice, just like obscurestloh mentioned.

I had installed survillence camera, 1 in my living room and 1 my my master bed room where my new born will be most of the time.

And my helper had just arrived less than 2 weeks. I am still monitoring her. I am due ard CNY. I only took 14weeks of maternity leave. The remaining 2weeks maybe 2days to monitor her on and off occassionally, will guide her and help each other. I still believe we are all humans, after all rest is still the most impt thing. I was rest deprived when I had my girl, alone during my maternity, with a not really supportive hubby back then and I went cranky too when looking after my daugther and even breakdown and cry. I even leave my girl to cry alone in the room when she is 1 to 2 mths while I took a breather to calm myself.

And really, heard some success stories of leaving maid to handle new borns alone. So it is a risk to take. I still believe that sufficient rest for the helper will help in this aspect.

Cheers & wish me luck, K~~~~~~:001_302:

 

[obscurestloh]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Do take care and rest well ok!

Like u said, we are all humans. If we treat our helpers with respect, we won't have to fear that they are nasty to our family!

It is also up to our personal expectations.... For instance some employers don't like their helpers to chit chat with other helpers.... but they treat their helpers well in other ways...
Then there are employers who allow time off for helpers to go out on sundays, but on Monday to Saturdays, the helpers r really treated as "lower" class...can only eat in the kitchen , cannot sit at the dining table.... so just what kind of employer do you want to be?

I am sure things will turn out fine for you.

All the best and keep in contact ok~

Dear Mummies,

I really appreciate all the replies from you. It is really precious to have all your comments.

My update now.

I had hired a Pinoy domestic worker. It is really no choice, just like obscurestloh mentioned.

I had installed survillence camera, 1 in my living room and 1 my my master bed room where my new born will be most of the time.

And my helper had just arrived less than 2 weeks. I am still monitoring her. I am due around CNY. I only took 14weeks of maternity leave. The remaining 2weeks maybe 2days to monitor her on and off occassionally, will guide her and help each other. I still believe we are all humans, after all rest is still the most impt thing. I was rest deprived when I had my girl, alone during my maternity, with a not really supportive hubby back then and I went cranky too when looking after my daugther and even breakdown and cry. I even leave my girl to cry alone in the room when she is 1 to 2 mths while I took a breather to calm myself.

And really, heard some success stories of leaving maid to handle new borns alone. So it is a risk to take. I still believe that sufficient rest for the helper will help in this aspect.

Cheers & wish me luck, K~~~~~~:001_302:

 

[clingbel]

Re: Anyone hired maid to look after new born with no supervision by any adult at home

Hi obscurestloh,

thanks for wishing me well.

I still believe we need to gain respect from others from giving respect to others ourselves 1st.

Hi Mummies,

Let me share about the 2 weeks with her into my family.
It is going to be a very long grandma story. Be prepared. *hahahaha*

My girl usually cries when she saw strangers. But, strangely, she is not afraid of her and she says "Hi" to this new auntie and she even bring her toys to play with her. This is something very assuring. Cos, most imptly is to make sure the little ones can accept her.

1st 2 weeks after she arrived was tedious, she is really from countryside, in-experience. But, as u know, agents or thru recommendations, all of them will tell u how good and how wonderful this helper will be. But, might turn out the other way instead. But, luckily, I had past experiences in handling helpers.

There is barrier in communicating. She simply says only "Yes mum". And when I went thru with her, her time table, she answers "yes mum" and nothing else. Then, i felt something was amiss and I ask her "Is the time table fine with you? her reply : Yes, mum." Then, I ask her "Is the chores hard for you to do? Her answer also "Yes mum". I almost fainted. But, i just leave it aside, becos, I believe she is afraid that she might say something wrong to me. And, it is her 1st time here in Singapore.

She is not doing much to my expectations, I didn’t tell her off and I did some extras even after she had already done so to show to her. I squat and I bend, she just stood there and look, I have problem getting up after bending or squatting she also didn’t bother to come over to help me up. *hahahaha*

Bring her to her medi check up. She saw 1 empty seat and she took it, left me standing. Then on the bus to proceed to X-ray….. 1 empty seat again, and she is carrying my daughter. She sat and left me standing again while my girl is crying out for me. I have to hold onto the bar with one hand stretched-out to hold my daughter’s hand to calm her. Even thou my girl has accepted my helper but, she is still clingy to me. I am furious but, I still have to remain claim becos of my daughter. I don’t wanna show her bad example.

I prefer to have more communication. So, that I can understand her more and helps to have better working relationship.

1st weekend, I bring her to the wet market to buy our 1 week's groceries. Before going, me & hubby did told her that we can accept pinoy food. So, we told her to choose whatever she knows how to cook for dinner. Walking thru the wet market with her, she is still very introvert, don't dare to talk nor make any moves even thou I had told her to choose veges, meat etc.... I have to put my arms around her shoulder to bring her to each section of the stall to ask her whether this or that she knows to cook...... it is tiring but i can't simply give up or throw my temper.

After all the marketing is done, went home and told her, everyday's dinner, 1 soup, 1 vege, 1 meat and cook rice. Taught her how to cook rice and also write down how to be done and place on the fridge with magnet. So, she can view it everyday.

The 1st day of dinner...... (1st day of her 2nd week after arrival)

When I reached home, i saw on dinning table:
1 pot of soup
1 fry fish
Vege missing
2 empty rice bowl

Vege missing is alright, will remind her again later.
So, I went to the kitchen to wash my hands.
Then, I tell her to bring in the 2 empty bowls on the dining table to fill up rice for us.
And, she said “No mum”, I was puzzled and I tot she don’t understand me again……
So, I walk out of the kitchen and ask her to come along and I pointed to the 2 bowls again and tell her to put in rice for us. She say “No mum” again…….
Then, I ask her why “No mum”. She says that I didn’t instruct her to cook rice………
I am really fuming mad! My face really went black. But, I didn’t yell at her…. Becos, it is totally pointless….. So, I told her to cook rice now.

After, the dinner, I am upset with myself and on the verge of giving up, but I really need a helper at home.

To my understanding, Pinoys understand written English, so I took a notepad and a pen and I sat her down beside me in the room she sleeps. And, I wrote to tell her my feelings. I even told her where I am feeling pain becos of pregnancy and I can’t squat or bend much now as I am going to due in 1 mth’s time.

I ask her, why she didn’t cook rice when I had already told her and even paste the note on the fridge on which/what dishes to cook for dinner.
She finally said she forgot to cook. And, I told her that I am very upset and angry that she put the blame on me instead. I also told her that she can tell me honestly that she forgot to cook rice and I won’t scold her. I am very angry becos she put the blame on me.

I told her that I ask her questions are to understand what is going on and to know what she has done, not to blame or scold her.

To my surprise. She say sorry to me. I am soooo heart broken. Then, I told her that she is not here to say sorry all the time, and I also don’t want my helper to say sorry all the time. I told her I really need her help and I sincerely hope she can tell me if she don’t understand what I am saying. If not I will worry abt her when I am working.

The next day….. Was a tremendous change of her. She dare to speak to me, she dare to ask me questions to re-confirm whether she needs to do this or that. I am soooo delighted. Her diligent-ness has been on till now. She is quite a gem to me now. Becos, my past experiences are mostly unpleasant.


I gave her 2days off every mth. And, yesterday her relatives, Aunt & uncle and 1 female cousin came to visit her in my hse. I invited them in, ask my helper to serve drinks like they are my guest and chatted with them.

Her aunt requests me to give my helper the same days off as her so that they can gather and bring her around. Her aunt is my hubby's cousin's helper. I agreed. I felt it is better this way.

Again, my helper proves her worth to gain more from me. Even, more diligence and I see that she is happy to see me and hubby, she even hug and kiss my daughter.

Hope I am not tooo long winded……. :bbtongue: