Anyone with a High Need Baby?

[sugarcookie]

Hi all,

Does anyone here have a high need baby? And I mean an extremely high need baby. I realise that almost all babies are "high need" in their own ways but I'm referring to babies who are on the extreme end.

My baby is about 7 weeks' old and she is extracting every ounce of energy from me. She demands to be held all the time, resists sleep, when she falls asleep she doesn't stay asleep, sounds bother her (I mean all types of sounds; I can't even flush the toilet), her feeding is erratic, she won't stop crying unless I tend to her immediately etc. Nothing seems to satisfy her and what works today never works tomorrow.

I brought her to a PD and she's classified as "high need".

It's really trying and I'm exhausted. Any parents of such babies around?? Any tips on dealing with such babies??

 

[Ottermum]

do you swaddle her? swaddling her makes her feel secured n she'll be able to sleep better...

how about letting her sleep in the sarong cradle during the day?

Babies get very cranky if they are overly tired n can't settle down to sleep by themselves...my DS's also like that so no choice we gave him the sarong cradle...if not it's impossible to put him down during the day...

he only 'behaves' when he's turned 3 months old...

 

[jojoki]

Hi all,

Does anyone here have a high need baby? And I mean an extremely high need baby. I realise that almost all babies are "high need" in their own ways but I'm referring to babies who are on the extreme end.

My baby is about 7 weeks' old and she is extracting every ounce of energy from me. She demands to be held all the time, resists sleep, when she falls asleep she doesn't stay asleep, sounds bother her (I mean all types of sounds; I can't even flush the toilet), her feeding is erratic, she won't stop crying unless I tend to her immediately etc. Nothing seems to satisfy her and what works today never works tomorrow.

I brought her to a PD and she's classified as "high need".

It's really trying and I'm exhausted. Any parents of such babies around?? Any tips on dealing with such babies??

u can try amby bed .. heard it works for babies who always wants to be held. btw i'm not too sure if its proven.. but after i delivered my baby... everyone told me not too carry her so often otherwise she will be spoilt always wants to be carried.. but fr reading those ang moh books its vice versa. They encourage tending to baby promptly as they will grow up to be more secured babies.

So i did that i carried my baby all the time.. as soon as she whimpers the slightest i will go there to either pat her.. or carry her until she settles i will lay her down. so this went on n her weight increased.... by A LOT!!

at 2 mths she doubled her birth weight.. at her 8-9 weeks she still wanted to be carried a lot n it hurts my back real bad bcos shes sooo heavy. So of course everyone went "I told u so...." but by 10th week.. i can actually pat her to sleep without having to carry her around. only at nights i need to carry her abit...

she is also perfectly fine if she is alone in the room for 10-15 ms...b4 she start calling for attention which i will answer her immediately. thing is... u could try to give her all the attention she wants PROMPTLY and once she has registered that mummy will always be there, she would probably be less demanding.

Good luck n dun let this wear u down... it wont be long b4 they start walking n wouldnt let u carry n cuddle them anymore.

 

[jojoki]

oh btw regarding the sound.. if u let her sleep in room that is too quiet any sudden noise will startle her.. try to let her sleep in a "noisy" (consistent souns) place instead. babies likes white noise.. like washing machine., hair dryer... or just the tv with no channel (slow flakes.. dunno how u cal tht)

all that apart is she colicky? try to give her some anti colic drops.. it works!

 

[sugarcookie]

do you swaddle her? swaddling her makes her feel secured n she'll be able to sleep better...

how about letting her sleep in the sarong cradle during the day?

Babies get very cranky if they are overly tired n can't settle down to sleep by themselves...my DS's also like that so no choice we gave him the sarong cradle...if not it's impossible to put him down during the day...

he only 'behaves' when he's turned 3 months old...

Yep, I swaddle her. Initially, she was fine with it but recently she has started to struggle when she is wrapped tightly.

By sarong cradle, are you referring to a "yaolan"?? I have not bought one but I'm really contemplating getting one if it works.

 

[sugarcookie]

oh btw regarding the sound.. if u let her sleep in room that is too quiet any sudden noise will startle her.. try to let her sleep in a "noisy" (consistent souns) place instead. babies likes white noise.. like washing machine., hair dryer... or just the tv with no channel (slow flakes.. dunno how u cal tht)

all that apart is she colicky? try to give her some anti colic drops.. it works!

I don't think she is colicky, but if she is, then she is colicky the entire day! As long as she is awake, she has to be carried. And it has been harder and harder to get her to sleep so she is literally in my arms all the time.

 

[perrier]

Yep, I swaddle her. Initially, she was fine with it but recently she has started to struggle when she is wrapped tightly.

By sarong cradle, are you referring to a "yaolan"?? I have not bought one but I'm really contemplating getting one if it works.

the yaolan works for me. try getting the electric one also. otherwise you will end up being stuck at the yaolan too.

 

[Ottermum]

yup yup it's yaolan... we have no choice but to get one for DS cos he's also very very tough to handle...even for now also (and GOD HE'S TEETHING NOW!!!)

1st 2 months w/o yaolan was terrifying!!! think me, MIL n DS all didn't sleep well...DH was against it but me n MIL on the verge of breaking down so he no choice...

now during the day we just put him there...he sleeps only 1/2 hr n we gotta keep on rocking...if the weather's cool he can sleep up to 2 hrs!!! (no matter what it's still better than carrying n patting him around the house right?)

i used to swaddle him every night til the 3rd month...weather's too hot even though my new flat's ready in July this year, DH went to get a window mounted air con in order to let EVERYONE have a good sleep...by the end of the 3rd month i gradually stop swaddling him...

do you give her pacifier too? it helps...

i think if you can it's best to carry her n give her lots of cuddling whenever she wants...infants below 6 months will NOT BE SPOILT /KNOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of always wanting to be carried...

friends always tell me to be patient...it's really not easy handling an infant...esp the 1st 3 months!

Don't worry times flies...meanwhile try to make her sleep more esp during the day so that you can have some rest too...

 

[jojoki]

yup yup it's yaolan... we have no choice but to get one for DS cos he's also very very tough to handle...even for now also (and GOD HE'S TEETHING NOW!!!)

1st 2 months w/o yaolan was terrifying!!! think me, MIL n DS all didn't sleep well...DH was against it but me n MIL on the verge of breaking down so he no choice...

now during the day we just put him there...he sleeps only 1/2 hr n we gotta keep on rocking...if the weather's cool he can sleep up to 2 hrs!!! (no matter what it's still better than carrying n patting him around the house right?)

i used to swaddle him every night til the 3rd month...weather's too hot even though my new flat's ready in July this year, DH went to get a window mounted air con in order to let EVERYONE have a good sleep...by the end of the 3rd month i gradually stop swaddling him...

do you give her pacifier too? it helps...

i think if you can it's best to carry her n give her lots of cuddling whenever she wants...infants below 6 months will NOT BE SPOILT /KNOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of always wanting to be carried...

friends always tell me to be patient...it's really not easy handling an infant...esp the 1st 3 months!

Don't worry times flies...meanwhile try to make her sleep more esp during the day so that you can have some rest too...

yup i agree... taking care of infants REALLY REALLY needs PATIENCE. Do take a break as n when u can to rest... i;ve carried my baby when she was colicky during my confinement period from 4-6am without letting go.. n worse she wants me to walk around real fast carrying n rocking n petting her while making shhhhhh sound.. i really broke down in tears while doing it because i was sooo tired n my hubby n CL was snoring away!!!!!

 

[jojoki]

I don't think she is colicky, but if she is, then she is colicky the entire day! As long as she is awake, she has to be carried. And it has been harder and harder to get her to sleep so she is literally in my arms all the time.

can u sling her? use a carrier? i went out one night like a desperate woman to buy a bjorn carrier just to give my arms a rest!! but now its collecting dust cos she has decided she doesnt need so much carrying... thank GOd! btw not sure wats ur religion.. but I PRAYED REAL HARD to God to make hear an easier baby to settle.... He answered it.

 

[sugarcookie]

can u sling her? use a carrier? i went out one night like a desperate woman to buy a bjorn carrier just to give my arms a rest!! but now its collecting dust cos she has decided she doesnt need so much carrying... thank GOd! btw not sure wats ur religion.. but I PRAYED REAL HARD to God to make hear an easier baby to settle.... He answered it.

I'm praying really hard to God too...

 

[sugarcookie]

do you give her pacifier too? it helps...

i think if you can it's best to carry her n give her lots of cuddling whenever she wants...infants below 6 months will NOT BE SPOILT /KNOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of always wanting to be carried...

friends always tell me to be patient...it's really not easy handling an infant...esp the 1st 3 months!

Don't worry times flies...meanwhile try to make her sleep more esp during the day so that you can have some rest too...

I give baby a pacifier but she doesn't always welcome it. When she is close to falling asleep, it helps though.

And she naps for 30 minutes too. Wish she could nap longer so I could rest more.

I carry and cuddle her for as long as I possibly can but it can get so tiring and exhausting!!!!!

Sorry, I just need to vent it out...

 

[stonston]

Some suggestions (up to u as the parent of ur baby to decide if u wanna give it a try )
2 schools of thoughts about cuddling ur baby.

i'm for the 'dun rush to cuddle, but rush to show attention'. attention can be given by talking to baby first, talk in a soothing tone 'why honey? why are you crying?', walk over to look at baby, pat baby first. i personally dun encourage picking baby up immediately (they are SMART, and they learn fast. it's like classical conditioning). Talk to baby in soothing tone and patting them first usually gets their attention and they'll at least stop for a while. if ur baby still continue crying, then try checking if it's other discomfort. sometimes they are colicky tt's y they fuss, no worries, can try colic drops or put some oil on baby. if realli no choice, carry but no walking/rocking. u carry baby n go sit down (to watch tv or read a book).

to increase bonding and sense of security with ur baby, u can try baby massage. massaging ur baby not only helps to calm ur baby, it also helps to get rid of gas in the tummy (when i massage my boy last time, he always farts!)

laptop low batt liao. anything feel free to ask. all e mummies here will help u de even if u jus need to vent out we will listen (in this case, read )

 

[annie]

hmm for me i carry her up once she cry cos i tried patting or talking but no use. for my girl, if she fuss i wont care her. let her fuss there alone while i talk to her.once she start crying then i will pick her up. but once she stopped crying i will put her down. the main reason is i want to let her know im there for her BUT i dun wan her to be dependent on me carrying her all the time. at first put her down she sure cry but then i repeat the process again n again lor. till she get the idea. sometimes bb are lonely n wants to be cuddled so at times i do cuddle her longer as well... i think my girl is not high need bb.. she is rather independent.. always play alone since birth till now...so i can always finish my household chores when she is awake.

 

[Funz]

DD was like that. And at that time, nothing really works for her. She rejects pacifier. We tried sarong but even that gave us only like 15mins of peace.

Have you tried Craniosacral Therapy? My fren's newborn was also very difficult. Wants to be carried all the time. Sleeps very little and is basically crying a lot. Her PD asked her to try this cranial thing and she went said it helped. According to the therapist, during birth, the skull can sometimes be pushed into a position that is pressing on a nerve resulting in discomfort in the baby. After about 2-3 adjustment, she said her baby was a lot better. Still a fussy baby but at least she is able to sleep better.

Wished knew about it then.

 

[jellybnzw]

I give baby a pacifier but she doesn't always welcome it. When she is close to falling asleep, it helps though.

And she naps for 30 minutes too. Wish she could nap longer so I could rest more.

I carry and cuddle her for as long as I possibly can but it can get so tiring and exhausting!!!!!

Sorry, I just need to vent it out...

Hi sugar

I'm not sure if my baby was a high need baby. She's just turned 3mths and when she was at the same age as yours she always wanted to be cuddled. And she always napped for just 15-30mins like yours. But i realised that I need to recognise her cries. Which was for feeding, which was for cuddling. And not only to just carry her when I am BF. Of course she was also abit colicky so we usually burped her longer. And we got the colic med from the pharmacy. And it helped. She was colicky from afternn till 12mn. So she took loads out of me too. Thank goodness hubby took over when he gets home from work.

For Afternns, I realised after sometime that she didn't like to be alone. So I will stay with her after putting her down to nap or I put her down near me to nap and sometimes she could sleep for an hour or more.

Also I get my hubby and mum to take turns cuddling her so that she will feel love from others and more secure. And not just want me to cuddle her..hehehe.

We also set a sleep routine and if she didn't nap for long in the afternn, We would make it a point to have some standard things that she would do before ending her day.
1)Giving her a wipe down
2)Feeding her
3)Turning the lights low (by then the sun sets so she gets the idea that its night)
4)Pat her and tell her good night
5)Once she is asleep in dreamland,put her in her cot.
She was sleeping by 7-8:30pm then. She would still wake up for her night feeds but at least she was learning to sleep longer. Now with the night time 'white sounds' the fan blowing and etc...she is sleeping slightly longer as well.

Now she sleeps in the afternn sometimes for an hour each time, ard 2 times in the afternn. Cos we managed to figure out her 'patterns' for sleeping, hunger, thirst and play. So just set some usual routine stuff for her and perhaps she will start to get the hang of things too.

Hang in there, your baby just wants to know that you love her through the cuddling. Sometimes, you don't have to talk to her. Just cuddle her and she will know. Now I get greeted by the biggest of smiles in the morning and it makes it all so worth while! =D In the morning when I see her, she can be playing by herself in the cot for up to 20-30mins! She will be laughing at the musical mobile and cooing, and laughing to herself.

And now I can put her down near me in her bouncer and as long as she can hear me she will feel really good. Babies are really smart these days, just tell her what you are feeling and what you are going to do with her. They will know and try to work with you.

All the best with your baby, I'm sure it will improve over the next few weeks.

 

[jellybnzw]

oh yes, does she use a bean sprout pillow?

 

[Yuki Miaka]

oh btw regarding the sound.. if u let her sleep in room that is too quiet any sudden noise will startle her.. try to let her sleep in a "noisy" (consistent souns) place instead. babies likes white noise.. like washing machine., hair dryer... or just the tv with no channel (slow flakes.. dunno how u cal tht)

all that apart is she colicky? try to give her some anti colic drops.. it works!

ya agree, too quiet she got scared very easily, i usually on with some music, radio etc... she can sleep calmly
my girl dun like to be carried at this moment, she just eat sleep eat sleep...-.-"

 

[Domique]

Me too!
Use Yao Lan and settle current prob first. In future then worry he addicted, cannot live without it. Meanwhile give it to him so you can rest better.

yup yup it's yaolan... we have no choice but to get one for DS cos he's also very very tough to handle...even for now also (and GOD HE'S TEETHING NOW!!!)

1st 2 months w/o yaolan was terrifying!!! think me, MIL n DS all didn't sleep well...DH was against it but me n MIL on the verge of breaking down so he no choice...

now during the day we just put him there...he sleeps only 1/2 hr n we gotta keep on rocking...if the weather's cool he can sleep up to 2 hrs!!! (no matter what it's still better than carrying n patting him around the house right?)

i used to swaddle him every night til the 3rd month...weather's too hot even though my new flat's ready in July this year, DH went to get a window mounted air con in order to let EVERYONE have a good sleep...by the end of the 3rd month i gradually stop swaddling him...

do you give her pacifier too? it helps...

i think if you can it's best to carry her n give her lots of cuddling whenever she wants...infants below 6 months will NOT BE SPOILT /KNOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of always wanting to be carried...

friends always tell me to be patient...it's really not easy handling an infant...esp the 1st 3 months!

Don't worry times flies...meanwhile try to make her sleep more esp during the day so that you can have some rest too...

 

[shespice]

Hi all,

Does anyone here have a high need baby? And I mean an extremely high need baby. I realise that almost all babies are "high need" in their own ways but I'm referring to babies who are on the extreme end.

My baby is about 7 weeks' old and she is extracting every ounce of energy from me. She demands to be held all the time, resists sleep, when she falls asleep she doesn't stay asleep, sounds bother her (I mean all types of sounds; I can't even flush the toilet), her feeding is erratic, she won't stop crying unless I tend to her immediately etc. Nothing seems to satisfy her and what works today never works tomorrow.

I brought her to a PD and she's classified as "high need".

It's really trying and I'm exhausted. Any parents of such babies around?? Any tips on dealing with such babies??

Hi, I can understand how tiring it must be for you. I went through that phase too but not to worry as she will get better when she is 4 months or so. The PD told me 3 months so I was eagerly waiting to see the change but mine only came later! For now, I know it is very hard on you and you would need to sacrifice your time, sleep, energy, almost giving your all for baby but really it will get better. Just be try to be more patient with her . (that said, I did lose my cool too!) hahah. It was a very draining period for me too. Once she cross that stage, you will surely enjoy her much much more. My gal is 5 months plus now and though she still gets cranky and cry (like a siren lol) sometimes due to the heat or being over tired and wants to sleep, she is still a joy lah and your baby will warm your heart once you start to see her smiling and laughing. Hang in there k?
When she start to cry, let her be for a bit but not too long. Its ok to carry and comfort her, don't worry about spoiling her by carrying her each time she cries. She needs to feel secure and coming into our world is something she is trying to adjust to also.