Attachment Parenting

[jojoki]

Any mommies adopts attachment parenting style? I have been co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, bonding etc... I know mommies who practises this parenting style also believes in child-led weaning.

I am just wondering if its possible to for my child to be weaned on her own? My toddler constantly latch for comfort and several times at night. Its taking a toll on me after 15 months of interrupted sleep and recently I have a blocked duct which simply refuse to go away.

Any mommies out there whose child successfully self weaned? Need to see some light at the tunnel...

 

[paperger85]

I am also doing the attachment parenting style. Baby is with me 24/7 except when I go to work. My girl is 7 months old and from waking up 3-4 times a night, she is gradually waking up less. Now its at most 2 times a night and some times, I will give her the pacifier when she wakes up and she will go back to sleep. Is she taking the pacifier?

 

[meiteoh]

I adopted most of the approaches of attachment parenting - babywearing, breastfeeding, etc except the co-sleeping (I stopped after the 1st mth and because my hubby wasn't overly happy about that arrangement).

Eva is now 11 mths and while she latches on during the weekends, on weekdays, she doesn't want to latch on for her evening (7pm) feeds (just take in solids) and for breakfast (at 630am), it's less than her usual amount. She started sleeping through from 2 mths onwards and I've been slowly dropping the night feeds from the 5th mth because she doesn't wake up at all for a feed.

Am not too sure if you see this as the start of weaning...

 

[jojoki]

I am also doing the attachment parenting style. Baby is with me 24/7 except when I go to work. My girl is 7 months old and from waking up 3-4 times a night, she is gradually waking up less. Now its at most 2 times a night and some times, I will give her the pacifier when she wakes up and she will go back to sleep. Is she taking the pacifier?

no unfortunately she doesnt wants the pacifier.... i just got really really pissed that she was not taking afternoon nap. Sigh! I was really really angry after one hour of latching!! and to make it worse she chooses only my left breast to suck, and whn I changed she kept crying and pointed to my left b n went .."this this this this this......" I got soooo pissed as i have a blocked duct on my lb!! I gave up n we are gonna skip nap today!

 

[candy_ian]

I've been babywearing my son since he turn a month old, co sleeping n latching Him too.. He's not taking the pacifier either.. Now that he's more mobile n knows what he wants getting him to zzz is also a issue to me.. Sometimes if he just don't sleep I'll just go with the flow n let him play or bring him to do marketing n stuff by late afternoon he will zzz.. He's now down to sometimes a nap a day which would b at least an hr or 2 nap. So I guess mayb it's a passing phase? They're just too bz with their new found skills

 

[jojoki]

Net has been on one nap a day since she turned one. Prob is, she need really lil sleep and if she takes her sleep any later thn 3pm, she will only sleep around 11pm!!

And honestly I really need her to sleep do that I can take a break!!!

 

[bibiluvr]

Any mommies adopts attachment parenting style? I have been co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, bonding etc... I know mommies who practises this parenting style also believes in child-led weaning.

I am just wondering if its possible to for my child to be weaned on her own? My toddler constantly latch for comfort and several times at night. Its taking a toll on me after 15 months of interrupted sleep and recently I have a blocked duct which simply refuse to go away.

Any mommies out there whose child successfully self weaned? Need to see some light at the tunnel...

kekeke... i've been doing that for the past 8 months.. n similarly, she wakes up several times at night to latch on... hmm, maximum ard 6 times.. i tried carrying, rocking her but all din work.. she just wanna latch on.. but i did not try to give her a pacifier...

whoa.. so proud of u to be able to do that for 15 months.. haha.. sometimes will get tired hor...

 

[jojoki]

kekeke... i've been doing that for the past 8 months.. n similarly, she wakes up several times at night to latch on... hmm, maximum around 6 times.. i tried carrying, rocking her but all did not work.. she just wanna latch on.. but i did not try to give her a pacifier...

whoa.. so proud of you to be able to do that for 15 months.. haha.. sometimes will get tired ...

its not sometimes get tired. its constantly very tiring... cos I hav hard time falling back asleep! I am hoping to wean her soon....

 

[jojoki]

do u guys respond to ur baby immediately when they fall or cry btw? so far I respond very promptly to her needs n cries.. but of course the oldies keep saying that I'm spoiling her. But I do believe that in responding promptly I will be able to raise a secured child... share ur sentiments.

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

jojoki: We are in similar shoes!!! My boy is 16 months old; we do babywearing, co-sleeping and breastfeeding directly. He is a very fussy light-sleeper, bounced to sleep until 14 months old because I refuse to nurse him to sleep unless absolutely necessary (super-fussy). Finally recently, he can fall asleep on the bed for 1 long nap & at night.

BUT he fusses 3 to 10 times a night to latch on.

I have just weaned him off the breasts in the day so that can plan for next baby. We gradually weaned over a month and he accepted it very well. Still very tough for night time.

As for tantrums, we try positive discipline whenever possible. He is a tough boy and hardly cries after falls, so it is easier. When he is clingy, I try to attend to him soon or wear him in a carrier. This is getting less as he grows more independent.

 

[jojoki]

mievee, how did u wean him off day feeds? Netanya too can wake up up to 10 times a night (mostly whn shes teething)

Most of the time net cries is when things dont go her way like not giving in to her request for a 2nd ice cubes. Recently our constant battles revolves around naps!! She simply refuse to naps. I also have a issue wit her throwing things ( I have had phones n shoes landing on my toes and head! ) and she recently has started pinching! She greets ppl with pinches!!

I've been losing it with her. Think I need a good break!

 

[annie]

hmm i personally dun think we should strictly follow one kind of parenting. need to be flexible. there are times when attachment parenting works but also times tat it simply is useless.. i breastfeed my girl on demand till now at 20mths old but night time i dun. we co sleep (her cot join to my bed with one side open) but i insist on giving her milk only when the sun is up. at first just let her cry. i will tell her no milk till sun rise(whether or not she understands) and try to stroke her head or back etc to try calm her down n go back to sleep. started doing this when she was 7mths old. after tat even if she does wake up for watever reasons, she wont ask me for milk. just come to me, lie down on my chest or beside me and goes back to sleep. it gives us all enough rest at night and lesser frustration. i sometimes thinking of night weaning her (dun give her milk even after sun rise lol. give only when she wake up for the day) but its hard cos hubby is sleeping in the same room.. wait till i get her own bedrm.. hahahaha.

i dun attend to her IMMEDIATELY when she cries. sometimes need to give them some time to self settle. i will let her cry for a while if i know she is not hurt (just tantrums). maybe 5mins or so then i wont go to her too. i will just ask her wat happened. usually she will walk to me n hug me or pull my hands to rub at the area where she fell. she seldom cry when she dun get her way cos she has never been getting everything her way since young anyway. i think these needs discipline. no means no. attachment parenting dosent apply here.

i baby wear her when she is young, bonding and all and i think i will let her self wean too but when it comes to disipline or night feeding, it goes MY way. :001_302:

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

Weaning: At first I introduced some yoghurt then fresh milk to him during breakfast. I told him that fresh milk is "milk" and used the same milk hand sign for breastmilk. After he accepted that as milk for a while, I replaced one breastfeed with fresh milk over one week. He accepted drinking it from cup. Then continued replacing one feed a week until no more day feeds. My body adjusted too, so no engorgement. (You may read more from our blog at Weaning |)

I rarely nursed him to sleep (feeding is the front part of our sleep routine) and he does not suck for comfort when awake, so day-weaning was easy. Even our home-visit nurse was surprised. Apparently, another toddler went on a food & milk strike when his mum tried to wean him.

Discipline: Hubby and I are very firm in setting boundaries.
- For a while, son used his hands to hit us. Guess he is simply experimenting with his body. I taught him to be gentle and held his hand to stroke (sayang) my hand gently. After many times, he got it and stopped hitting. Whenever he is rough, we say "gentle please" and he'd get it. Because of this, we do not hit him with hands or anything even if he is very mischievous.

- When he throws things, I'd show him how to put it down gently.

- When he wants to touch dangerous things, I warn him with a deep grunting voice and shake my finger or say "Leave it alone". I refrain from saying "No XYZ" because children will only hear the "XYZ" and continue with the act.

- Tantrums: If he insists on getting something which I do not allow, I try distracting him by something he would like. When he wants me to carry him and throws a big tantrum, I ask him to calm down & "Shh!" before carrying him.

- Several times throughout the day, when he does something right (e.g. keeping a toy, helps bring something to me), I praise him enthusiastically with "Goooood boy / Wonderful / Well done / Thank you", clap hands, hug him tightly & kiss him. He would feel very happy and continue being well-behaved.

- Spent one week teaching him to say / sign "Please" before getting what he wants. Then taught him "Thank you / Xie Xie" and "Sorry".

Discipline takes a lot of patience, yet the results are encouraging. Jia you!

 

[meiteoh]

MieVee, awesome stuff there as those are the steps the Sears recommend for those who would like to approach attachment parenting-based discipline - I've been reading their The Discipline Book and find it helpful even though Eva is not even 1 yo.

As for me...

- When she is about to do something wrong like stick her fingers into the fan (she tried to do that since she turned 7 mths), I'll usually go "Ah-uh!" followed by "Not for Eva" and after a while, she gets it. Now she can play next to the fan and understand that it's out of bounds Sometimes she forgets but I read that it's normal for babies to forget and for them to NOT understand that rules can be applied across all objects. In other words, we need to be specific at times.

- When she fusses, I too will use the "substitution" method - give her a toy or I'll bend down and speak to her, ask her why. Most of the time, she calms down immediately.

- When she starts screaming or shouts, we always tell her "Softly" and we never scream or shout at her or each other. This is something that I feel very strongly about because I really feel that kids shouldn't be running around screaming on the top of their voices. It adds to the noise pollution. :x

- When she throws things or wants to touch people, I too will tell her "Gently" and show her how sometimes. If she continues, I'll go "Not for Eva anymore. Not gentle" and take the toy away. Sometimes when she accidently smacks other babies, I'll go "Must touch gently, bad touch touch, see baby cry".

- When I'm changing her diaper, I always tell her "Diaper time" and I'll go "Still" so she will lie down still and wait for me to change her diaper. If she gets impatient after a while, I understand so I'll distract her with a toy or sing a song. Same thing with baths - "Eva sit" instead of letting her move everywhere (dangerous).

Of course it's still work in progress and what doesn't help is that my hubby has different technique so I have to remind him that we both need to adopt the same methods. I can foresee now that he's easier to bully.

Like MieVee said, it takes times but more importantly, you have to start them from young. Babies and children need some form of structure in their lives - of course I don't mean TOO structure but no structure is just as bad.

 

[jojoki]

Well initially she was very co-operative, when I say No she will repeat after me "no no" (and she will wags her finger too)

But recently (could be her grand entrance to real toddlerhood) she seems to be testing me all the times. I do tell her to be gentle ALL the times.. when she gets rough we will tell her "gentle hands please" and she will go "no no no buyau buyau buyau" and boy she is LOUD. She's really got a LOUD voice!

As for please and thank you, surprisingly she has been saying her ps and qs without prompting. Sometimes she will bring her box of blocks to us and she will go " ma ma please" and after I opened for her she will say "tacks" (thanks)

She has yet to say sorry without us prompting her to do so.. but if she hurts us and we tell her "pain" she will come back and stroke where it hurts.

My toddler is definitely not the most well behaved toddler around the block. She loves talking loudly... is very rough. But aiyah wat todo,shes still my beloved baby. Think its not her I need to work on, its myself. I need to manage myself, my tantrums..

 

[jojoki]

btw mievee, u said fresh milk? as in fresh milk off the shelves (liquid) which brand r u giving? i started giving her fresh milk (she doesnt takes formula at all) pura brand. She will drink but I noticed some rashes on her body. I am not sure if its caused by the milk but I'm stopping first to monitor.

Issit ok to give a 15 mth old fresh milk?

 

[jojoki]

annie no la i dun stick to just one method even if I wanted to i couldnt possibly. Eh i tried the no milk to sunrise but cannot leh she just scream and scream and scream n WAIL N SOB!! My cuz used this method too and it works fr her son. haha.

if net falls down she will come and tell u pain pain she wont really cry. And if she cries its a bad fall or it hurst a lot.

annie i wonder who will get weaned first .. net or jumpy.. hehe

 

[camom]

I've yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel, lol

 

[candy_ian]

My son likes to suck for comfort when get bored and I tried replacing his morning milk with fresh milk too but so far he does take abt 50mls n takes breakfast cereal in fresh milk.. I tried the Meiji fresh milk n the fresh goats milk too.. I'm having a ha time with his tantrums now.. He knows where is the time out corner n whenever he starts crying he will go over to the corner n cry n come out when he's cooled down but now that he's testing boundaries n exploring his environment he's no longer very intune when I say no.. He understands but he smiles n does it.. If I carry him away he wails..

 

[annie]

annie no i dont stick to just one method even if I wanted to i couldnt possibly. Eh i tried the no milk to sunrise but cannot she just scream and scream and scream n WAIL N SOB!! My cuz used this method too and it works fr her son. haha.

if net falls down she will come and tell you pain pain she wont really cry. And if she cries its a bad fall or it hurst a lot.

annie i wonder who will get weaned first .. net or jumpy.. hehe

jojoki, jumpy scream and shouts and cry too at first. she started with 2 whole hrs of screaming and crying. i let her be. she sometimes scream till coughing and seems like she is gonna vomit n all.. i insist on not giving her. even when hubby tell me to give her milk cos he cannot endure her crying and say she is so pitiful.. he is not the one to wake up at night so he dunno how hard it is.. this slowly shortens and only after 1.5 weeks she manage to go back to sleep soon after i told her no milk...thats the reason why i cant skip her early morning feed as i guess she will start screaming and crying for 2hrs or so too and hubby is sleeping in the same rm. he needs to wake up at 7am.. so if she start screaming at 5am that will mean totally no sleep for hubby from 5am!

when jumpy scream i will pull her to me, look at her firmly and tell her no screaming. if she screams then no more play for her. she is only able to go back to play after she calms down.

jumpy used to be like net. seldom cry even when she fell but as she grows older, she gets more timid.. she gets frighten easily and cry easily. but stips easily too so still not too bad.. eg at 1yr old bday i brought her to the zoo and she enjoyed alot esp the patting zone but at 1.5yrs old i brought her there again she refuse to touch the animals and started crying when i get her to touch the rabbit! :nah:

jumpy.. i see no light to weaning at all... she is very attached to boobs... day time come ask me 'milk' many times.. but im ok as i like the sense of closeness. when we go out whole day then she totally no need milk whole day too.. so i guess she just come to me for milk cos of comfort ba. i just feel as long as she does well at night and outside then im fine. cannot imagine if she insist for milk outside lol. she sometimes will come and ask me for milk outside too but after telling her 'no milk outside' she will walk off. luckily~:001_302: