Cant stand my mil, do u?

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PrincessAriel

New Member
its like that with mil. But i guess my mil knows where she stands. she dare not complain much in front of me but i guessed she did tell my hubby this and that (the dos and don'ts. But my hubby side me most of the time). When I was having my confinement, she came in the morning, cooked food for me and then she left my place around 5-6pm. FIL also came but he don't say much.
 
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yann13

New Member
Wa tatS gd for u cablecar1999, my mil place rent out , think i will be stick w her for years :(
My hubby shldn proposed to her to rent out haizzz

Ytd relatives came n finally can ask someone to take pic for me hubby n bb family photos. My mil kept nagging that i cant carry bb well but the facts is bb too heavy n my arm cant tahan already to readjust the bb. So we just shoot fast fast n finish. Then she kept shaking her head n nag. So frustrating!!!!Nearly shouted at her but i endure.After tat she carried bb away from me n ask my hubby to take pic for her. She wana prove she can carry bb the way she wan me to be then my hubby gei siao say wan to take anyday can take then didnt take for her :p
 
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Kaykay2009

Member
Hi all,

I totally understand what everyone is saying. I stayed with my MIL in my own house for the last 7 years. I'm proud of myself that despite all th shit she gave me, that i didn't kill her. Lol! She is a attention seeking person who is divorced so she tries to get the attention from my hubby who really can't be bothered to manja her.

She does not do any housework (she is 63years old but looks like 50+) but will mess up whatever i do. she boils water with the kettle and my stove will be flooded.Then my common toilet looks like 7 years never wash! ( i refuse to wash for her!) Thats just 2 of the many things she does. Everytime do stupid things then if hubby ask her ,she will say, got meh? I dunno le? Don't have le? etc etc. Act blur lo.

Hubby also cannot tahan her but all the while just do our own thing lo. Cook dinner also cook for ourself only.

When we wanted to move house, she oso give so much problems! not that she gotta pay or what! We sell the house she pretend walk here walk there to find out how much we sold for when she never even put in 1 cent for the house.

Pack the house for the move she never pack until the week before then i have to clear the kitchen stuff for her and found 5 open packets of bee hoon!! Faint ah!

The only good thing is beacuase she gave so much problems then still act blur then threaten to move out to stay on her own, hubby straightaway said ok to her moving out! She stunned for a while lo cos everytime she use that to threaten hubby, he always keep quiet. Then she ask him to pay for the rental lo. So now we have top pay for the new house and car loan plus her rental.

But i waited sooooo long for the day she move out but now also not say very happy cos i know one fine day she will move back. I think MIL's are destined to make our lives tough one lo
 
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Kaykay2009

Member
I don't think i will be like that. I'm usually a nice person...just not a good daughter-in-law. Even other elderly person will comment i'm very thoughtful etc etc. Once even in front of my MIL. I think she buay tahan sia.



yann13 said:
Jialet! Dunno when we grow old will become like them or not? :S
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cablecar1999

Member
yann13 said:
Wa tatS gd for u cablecar1999, my mil place rent out , think i will be stick w her for years :(
My hubby shldn proposed to her to rent out haizzz

Ytd relatives came n finally can ask someone to take pic for me hubby n bb family photos. My mil kept nagging that i cant carry bb well but the facts is bb too heavy n my arm cant tahan already to readjust the bb. So we just shoot fast fast n finish. Then she kept shaking her head n nag. So frustrating!!!!Nearly shouted at her but i endure.After tat she carried bb away from me n ask my hubby to take pic for her. She wana prove she can carry bb the way she wan me to be then my hubby gei siao say wan to take anyday can take then didnt take for her :p
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ur hubby on ur side then still ok.
sometimes my hubby on her side.

even now i seldom meet her, when my hubby say when bb to see her.
My heart really sian x 100000, coz dunno wat she gng to say n nag AGAIN.
Then the mouth like 7-11 open non stop again. HAHA....

Anyway, as for now she not wif me so everything can be endure.
My lesson learnt during the confinement so if happen to have 2nd BB, for sure i will not call her.

As i say b4, i rather do EVERTHING MYSELF. lolz.
 
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Sleepybear

Member
I think a lot of us are having issues with our mils.. Me too..

I still remember during the first 2 months, when I was breastfeeding my baby, mother in law and grandmother-in-law will comment that baby not enough to drink, so must supplement with formula milk.. I was so stressed that I gave in after 2 months.. There was a period when baby had diarrohea during his 2nd month.. mother in law one day will say - Aiyah, you see, give baby breast milk when you are sick (I was down with throat inflammation during my confinement), now baby fall sick so easily.. Few days later, she said - You see, didn't give baby enough breast milk, now baby fall sick so easily.. Give breast milk wrong, dont't give breast milk also wrong..

I also feel that I am very useless by the comments / actions by my mother in law.. Whatever I say, she will brush it off, and follow her own method.. Now, as I am back to work, I dont't ask about her methods of taking care of my baby during the day.. However, when I am back from work, I will "claim" my baby from her and take care of him till the next morning.. Last time, I used to stay in the living room with the baby until it is time for his bath and sleep.. But I realised that my mother in law wants to monopolize my baby in the evening even though she spends the entire day with him.. She will purposely distract the baby when hubby or I am playing with baby.. So now, I will bring my baby back to my room once I am back from work, so that hubby and I can spend some time with him...

Sigh.. These are only a few of the incidents that happened.. Nowadays, I try to maintain a "No see no ask" policy, unless it is something that affects my baby's wellbeing..
 
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yann13

New Member
Wa i cant imagine after i go back to work, think i will miss my baby alot. Hope mil can let me spend my time alone w baby after work. Cos she always like to enter my bedroom n sit. So sleepybear, did u manage to cook solid food for ur baby? I think if my bb starts solid food, dun think my mil will let me cook for him. Cos she will nag n nag if i din cook well or if not, think she had already prepared for bb food becos she is the gan jiong type.
 
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shaylin

New Member
Me too! But the funny thing is that before baby came, she was always very nice. But now, it's a nightmare. She's always trying to monopolize my baby, don't let mr carry him. Initially I thought I can share my problems with her, so will tell her when I'm worried about my baby, like if he isn't drinking much or no poopoo for a few days or dun want to take afternoon naps. But when I do, she will always say no lah, when he's with me he is perfectly fine leh, must be something u did. What is the point of that? Just want to make me feel like a useless mother only.

And now, because we are staying with my mil, I hardly get to see or carry my baby because she will always take him away from me and say that she want to play with him. In the past few days my baby doesn't even want to nurse from me anymore!! He is only 4 months old, and he no longer regconises me as his mummy. If my mil feed him from the bottle he will be ok, if I try to nurse him, he will cry. If I try to feed him from bottle, he also cry.

I feel like suddenly my baby does not want me as his mummy anymore, my mil is his mummy. Very sad. I try to play with him, make him laugh, but he only look at my mil. When I try to catch his attention by calling him and he ignores me, my mil and sisinlaw will laugh and say "oohh baby doesn't want his mummy!". Like it is very funny.

I dunno what to do. If I try to take my baby back they will say I am disrespectful. I feel like after I gave birth to my baby, they think that I am now dispensable.
 
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PrincessAriel

New Member
don't be dismayed, shaylin. children will always know who their mothers are as they sense by smell.
your MIL is those old fashioned ones?
 
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shaylin

New Member
She's not really old fashioned. She just like things done her way. And now my hubby is away, I feel so alone in their house. My close friends don't understand because they are not married and dun have children. I feel like just packing up and running away with my baby. :(

The feeling of watching my baby cry and struggle when I try to nurse him, and then all happy when my mil feeds him from the bottle, is indescribably heartbreaking.
 
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PrincessAriel

New Member
understand how u feel. last time my baby gal also like to stick with my filipino maid and called her mama. i felt jealous. but as she grows up...she became closer to me. my son is taken care of by my mother in law full day at her house. but when i fetched him home, he will be very eager and forgot about my mil. ur baby will sure take on to u. for the time being, just take care of yourself. for the breastfeeding, perhaps you want to use pumping method? i know you want to latch him but since he is not keen on breast milk, perhaps pump and let him have it through his milk bottle? at least boost his immune system?
 
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Sleepybear

Member
yann13 - No, I haven't started my baby on solids yet.. But I have tried letting him taste fruits now and then.. We tried lychee (loves it) and cherry (no interest).. Will be trying a little rice cereal with him soon.. There are various brands of rice cereals in the market, so no need to cook anything yet :)

shaylin - I know how u feel, cause I feel the same way too.. Sometimes when I am feeding my baby and he doesn't finish his milk, my mil will mention "Aiyoh, how come he doesn't finish his milk? He finishes everything when I feed him." In the earlier months, when my baby cried very badly, he would not be soothed by anyone except my mil. It made me feel even more useless when my fil asked us a question - How come the baby only calms down when your mil is carrying him? Since that incident, I told myself that I must learn everything about my baby (how he likes to be carried / what gestures he will give when he wants to sleep etc) because I want to be the best mummy I can to him.
 
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shaylin

New Member
Sleepybear - my mil does the same thing!

I used to share my problems with taking care of baby with her, stupidly thinking that she can either emphatise, advise or console me. But no, her response is always the same - "no leh, when baby is with me, everything is fine. no problem."

That day when I told her that baby refuse to nurse from me, I can see that is she quite pleased even though she did not say anything. After a short while, she said she will try to bottle feed baby, and he drank with no problem. WHen he finished, she loudly announced that baby drank THE WHOLE BOTTLE no problem at all to the whole family (family gathering).

I don't know what the purpose of that is. Is it to make me feel like a lousy mother? Done. Is it to underline the fact that my baby prefers her to his own mummy? Done. She win. I lose. What does she want from me? She wants me to go away so that she can have my baby as her own or what?

I don't know why she behaves this way now. We have always been on OK terms, even though we were not close. But we have never had any issues before. After i had baby, I even encourage them to spend time together as I want baby and his grandma to be close. It is only right. BUT I SHOULD STILL BE HIS MUMMY! NOT HER! I feel so stupid now. This is how I am repaid by trying to be the good daughter-in-law. :(
 
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nutela

Member
i cant stand it when my mil say bad comments to my baby...
like for example, when i am feeding him, and as a first time mummy, u tend to b abit slow in ur reflexes mah, so i abit slow ah when i feeding him, as as always babies tend to be very fidgeting around , cant kp still, n my mil would comment,
" mummy so slow poke ah, dun noe how to feed u properly" say to my son.. n i dun like the feeling of someone sayg to my baby coz one day, he will understand wat granny says....
 
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Jojoboy

New Member
yann13 said:
I just delivered my baby two mths ago, its the first grandson in my hubby family. My mother in law moved in w us to take care baby. My mother in law kept talking non stop n kept repeating same thing over n over again. I really cannot tahan n hide in my rm w my baby. But she is too noisy outside n kept waking up my baby from his sleep. She is aso very protective of my baby also, i want to change cloth for my baby myself she aso want to do. I want to coax my baby to sleep she carried my baby away, i was so frustrated then i let her be. Her actions make me feel like an useless mum. I nearly threw my temper but i tolerate. So confusing, i appreciate her help yet make me hate her sometimes. Guess i got to tolerate till she move out. So do you feel unhappy too w mother in law around? I really need a place to vent my frustration so i can cool down.
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Oh my god.. We got the same kind of mil.. My mil also the same!! Always take away my bb. :nah: sometime when i really cannot stand her and i cant control myself i will tell her off. Not said we are bad or what.. Sometime All this kind of old ppl really must show them some colour then they can behave 1 ley.. If you dun tell them off.. They will keep stepping on u non stop!! Till u can get depression!!
 
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Sleepybear

Member
nutela - my mother in law also does the same thing to my baby.. She will say - Aiyah, your mother dont't know how to carry you properly / Your mother never bathe you properly.. Basically, it's "Your mother never do this / Your mother doesn't know how to do that" etc... So frustrating..

shaylin - my situation is almost the same as yours.. Last time I was on ok terms with my mother in law.. After giving birth, will talk to her about my concerns about baby.. But now, I also feel that she is trying to claim my baby as hers... Why are we all in the same situation?
 
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jovin83

Member
Wow I'm new to this post.. but while i was reasing realise hey!! we're in the same boat. Mil and I still ok before baby birth. But now.. from bf to wat clothes bb gonna wear during Full month she also wanna interfer. Clothes i want bb to wear to go check up.. so will pick. But I will tell her that it looks ugly. :p Btw... she also monopolize my bb. Night care she do, day care she also wanna do. ASk me to demostrate whether I kno how to bathe the bb... I ask her to stand outside the rm.. I feel gan chiong if she see me..hahaha
Day 3 my bb already drink formula and now he so good with bottles and pacificer, he dun want to suck milk anymore :(
I express my milk and when bb start to look for nipples for comfort.. after his 3oz feed.. she went to give another 2 oz. Reason? Becos bb not happy with pacifier that dun produce milk! Is my breastmilk toy? Will over feed him leh. Anyway... 1 mth coming to an end.. if all the time dun need me... why I stay hm? Might as well go party and watch movie with hubby till she gets sick of caring for my bb.
 
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Asphere

Active Member
hihi all dil and mil will always have issues. for me is i have issues with my in laws and my own parents.. coz they keep asking me to lie down, feed baby with fm, ask me dun bathe.. i cannot tahan and i shut all of them up by having my stand.. keke my mom is the best as she knows me too well, she did not comment much :) and since the day i "flip card" my in-laws all keep quiet. i feel that sometime we should just have our stand and be firm with our decisions.
And most imptly have a supportive hubby. and get the hubby to settle his parents when issues arise :)
 
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