Discipline

[thepinkdot]

thepinkdot, i dont expect her to clean up her mess of cos but i expect her not to anyhow throw things esp when outside.. she dont want water anymore she will simply throw her sippy far far away n i got to go n pick it up! i wonder how to make her pass the sippy back to me or at least put nicely on the table like what my friend's son does..

at hm i just hope she can put her toys back into her container instead of taking them out n throw everywhere...my friend's son will make a mess while playing but when he is done with it, he will actually put them all back into their original position! thats what amaze me.. at first i thought mayb my girl is still young to understand how to put back her things to their position after use but looking at my friend's son... i know its not impossible n wonder if she really dont know or just plain naughty...

meiteoh, it sounds like my girl is very healthy then! lol. i always praise her when she listen to me n keep her toys n she will smile back as well. i usually just call her name sternly n tell her 'no' n look at her fiercely but she will simply look at me n smile! she seems to understand many things now but when it comes to discipline.. i really am not sure if she really understands...

its all about conditioning.. my daughter started keeping her toys since very young also. we don't allow her to throw her toys past the 9 months mark.. your daughter doesnt know if u're serious or playing.. that's why she still smiles at u.. show her where to put her toys.. if she throws pick it up, and give it back to her.. and show her where to put it. indicate its suppose to be at the correct place..

 

[diymummy]

I guess if your girl is somewhat used to being the way she is, disciplining her and showing her what is right and setting boundaries would require more patience, time and effort.

 

[Ting]

its ok to start her now, by this age, she shld be able to understand yes n no.

 

[annie]

yea she understands 'no'. when i tell her no, she will stop watever she is doing, turn over to look at me n then SMILE n turn back to continue her mischieve! :nah:

 

[littlehelper]

You should not do both.
When you help her clear up when she is sleeping, she thinks that magically someone cleaered it up for her.
When you do it infront of her she thinks you will always do it and it is expected of you to do so thus no need for her to clean up.
But comparing both, infront of her is better.Get her to help.
She will have to start first and once she starts it you can say that you will help her and pick up a few but let her do more and give her TONS of praise.
At first she might refuse to do so but she needs to learn she MUST clean up.If not you can either leave it there and not let her do anything until she clears up or tell her how by not cleaning she might fall and just leave it there... Also if all fails can give her certain amt of time to clean up (eg when i ring the bell u will have to be done cleaning -cos she dunno time yet)Do count down and when time is up and she's not done , confiscate one of her toys.But if she's cleaning up slowly and doing it well don't pressure her do press the bell still but only when she finishes.Give her tons of praise! And you can pretend to add in a new toy or take out smth and put it back... as reward.

 

[Domique]

just practise positive and negative reinforcement.....
positive = praises + doing activities he/she likes. eg clap hands + give a treat (sounds like dog )
negative = stern no + angry face + spank hand

do it repeatedly... they know!

if they still wanna test boundaries, no effects after negative reinforcement, ignore them and distract them to do other things to implement positive reinforcement.

 

[annie]

thanks littlehelper n domique.

littlehelper, your suggestions seems interesting but at this moment, i think my girl wont know wat im doing if i set a time for her to clean up, ring bell etc, take away one of her toys n all. she will just look at me n then start doing other things n ignore me. dunno i should say she is smart enough not to get cheated or not clever enough to understand wat im trying to do lol

 

[ping26]

thanks littlehelper n domique.

she will just look at me n then start doing other things n ignore me. dont know i should say she is smart enough not to get cheated or not clever enough to understand what im trying to do lol

I think it's a combination of both.

If it were me,....
throwing things far far away - I will hold her hand, walk her there, tell her to pick it up. Walk her back & tell her to put on table. Praise + clap hands & tell her she's a very clever & good girl. (this is how therapists model appropriate behv. it's not necc to show disapproving face for 1st 2-4 weeks as it's not discipline issue, rather inculcating good habits. After that, it depends. Behv change takes time & toddlers are forgetful & easily distracted.)

Try remind your girl to put sippy cup on table each time she takes a sip (before she throws it).

keeping toys - too many factors.

You can try physical prompt again. Guide her hand to toys and gesture for her to keep some toys. You have to be consistent as this will happen on daily basis, else your toddler will learn that she can act blur or "manja" her way. Perhaps you can make it a habit for her to keep toys before her nap. If she walks off halfway, gently hold her hand & re-direct. Try not to be too engrossed in "helping". Always let her keep last few pieces to give the impression that she did the job. Do PRAISE her behv in front of Daddy & other people to reinforce the behv.

Personally I would help to keep toys as some kids can take a very long time. Some may even start playing again.
haiz...

BTW I'm a special needs therapist (for older kids), so I'm not too sure how that extrapolates to toddlers.

PS if u have any qn, pls PM me if I don't reply. cos I don't log in regularly & can't remember which forums I post. My memory is still in recovering...

 

[LoVeS]

actually it all depends wat kind of discipline ur toking abt, whether is it juz scolding or is it beating? I feel tat kids should discipline as early as possible n if possible as early as they understand wat u instructed them~

 

[Ting]

annie, just keep reinforcing to her.
when pin throws her things, i will make her go n pick it up.
even if she whines n cries loudly, i will force her to do it. i will also use the cane to threaten her.
my tone will be fierce n angry n i will ask her : do u want me to throw your toy away? or i will say, since u dont want your toy i will give it to the jie jie next door.
then she will pick it up (even though relunctantly) n put it back.
but normally, if i ask her to pick up her stuff toys (she's got so many n takes all of them out to play) she will do it.
praise her if she does it well.
gotta admit, i use the cane to threaten very often.
but mostly is play play. like she messes up the house n i will take the cane hold it in my hand n asks her: why u mess up the house? she will auto clean up. hahahaha~

 

[jojoki]

just practise positive and negative reinforcement.....
positive = praises + doing activities he/she likes. eg clap hands + give a treat (sounds like dog )
negative = stern no + angry face + spank hand

do it repeatedly... they know!

if they still wanna test boundaries, no effects after negative reinforcement, ignore them and distract them to do other things to implement positive reinforcement.

haha in fact i do "train" my doter like i did my dog in many ways.. fyi my dog is very well trained! haha but attitude to the max!!

 

[jojoki]

I think it's a combination of both.

If it were me,....
throwing things far far away - I will hold her hand, walk her there, tell her to pick it up. Walk her back & tell her to put on table. Praise + clap hands & tell her she's a very clever & good girl. (this is how therapists model appropriate behv. it's not necc to show disapproving face for 1st 2-4 weeks as it's not discipline issue, rather inculcating good habits. After that, it depends. Behv change takes time & toddlers are forgetful & easily distracted.)

Try remind your girl to put sippy cup on table each time she takes a sip (before she throws it).

keeping toys - too many factors.




You can try physical prompt again. Guide her hand to toys and gesture for her to keep some toys. You have to be consistent as this will happen on daily basis, else your toddler will learn that she can act blur or "manja" her way. Perhaps you can make it a habit for her to keep toys before her nap. If she walks off halfway, gently hold her hand & re-direct. Try not to be too engrossed in "helping". Always let her keep last few pieces to give the impression that she did the job. Do PRAISE her behv in front of Daddy & other people to reinforce the behv.

Personally I would help to keep toys as some kids can take a very long time. Some may even start playing again.
sigh...

BTW I'm a special needs therapist (for older kids), so I'm not too sure how that extrapolates to toddlers.

PS if you have any qn, pls PM me if I dont't reply. cos I dont't log in regularly & can't remember which forums I post. My memory is still in recovering...

thanks for the insight, I shall try it with my doter later after play time, sounds interesting. R u with rainbow btw? my flat mate is a music therapist at rainbow!

 

[annie]

thanks girls for all the contribution. my girl has started to keep her own toys all of a sudden. haha. maybe she haven reach that milstone tat time. but then she is sitll throwing her sippy far far away after she drinks it. i always tell her to put on the table n sometimes she will though she will put it down lying on the table instead of sitting on the table but then i guess that is probably another milestone to reach. i will continue to discipline her and hopefully she gets the idea one day.

 

[diymummy]

Jia you annie.

It takes time, consistency and a lot of patience.

I believe I will be facing new challenges from my son soon enough. LOL.

 

[Ting]

yup jia you!
its not easy, but once u start laying rules n establishing them since young, it will be better for u as they grow older.

 

[annie]

hopefully ba. she is giving me headache recently cos she dun eat lunch.. hai~

 

[jojoki]

Just wanna share an article I find useful.
Gentle Christian Mothers - Christian Attachment Parenting

 

[ping26]

thanks for the insight, I shall try it with my doter later after play time, sounds interesting. are you with rainbow btw? my flat mate is a music therapist at rainbow!

You're welcome. I'm in private practice.

Just a note, there is no milestone for throwing stuff & keeping toys. Any new task usu requires a period of 2-4 weeks of learning - rules, motor & memory/cognitive skills, etc (for 3-5 year-olds). Toddlers are usually unable to maintain rules for consecutive days unless they are incredibly smart or have very compliant personalities. Men who don't keep their stuff are just overgrown kids. 10:

Personally, I associate the meaning of discipline with corporal punishment. Some mummies associate discipline with scolding, nagging, reminding, etc.

I'm not against hand smacking, whatever cos therapists do know it sometimes 'works' faster than therapy. I mean, parents have actually sent kids to me cos he/she doesn't eat veg! However, smacking will not make a child talk or pass exams. Some kids will literally be scolded or hit 24/7 as they are 'forgetful'. Some fathers think their child is just too 'lazy' to open mouths to talk at 4-5 years old...