Discipline

[annie]

I wonder when is time for us to discipline our toddler? my girl is now 13mths n i wonder if its too early for her to understand what she should or should not do... she has a bad habit of making a mess of everything (taking her toys out of the toy box n throw everywhere. she didnt intend to play. she just go n throw them all out of the box then run away). and then she throws her sippy far far away after she had enough instead of putting it nicely on the table. she throws her food bowl far far away as well after she is full...i wonder how to discipline her??? or is it realistic to start now? will she understand?

 

[diymummy]

Hi Annie,

I don't think it is too early to teach your child. But it would probably require many repetitions on your part and consistency as well.

My boy is 11 mths and he can understand simple instructions like yes and no. Whenever he does something undesirable like spray saliva or scream, I will say no very firmly. Sometimes he thinks it's funny and continues to do it but I will maintain a firm face and tone. After some repetitions (like 2weeks-1mth), he knows that he's not supposed to do it. After a while, he will try his tricks again and I will continue to say "no" (being consistent).

Kids like to test boundaries. We have to let them know the limits. Age appropriate freedom, that's what I call it.

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

I think it is good to give them boundaries at a young age, so tht they will know where is the limits and they cannot cross it.

Boundaries is letting them know to do the right thing at the right time....I am currently setting these "invisible" boundaries to my son, like when he watches TV he should not sit too near the TV set otherwise will off the TV.

Children needs training and lots of repetion before they know what they can do and what they cannot do

This is what I learnt from a friend of mine.......

 

[littlehelper]

Its not too early to start and i agree with diymummy.
Actually from the age of 4 months even if they don't understand what you are saying, they can differentiate betweent the different tones and expressions used by you and will know if you are happy or unhappy with them,

 

[CanCanMum]

discipline starts anytime, there is no early or late

as long as u see it a need to discipline to inculcate a good habit, by all means go ahead.

its the method of discipline tat is a headache to parents, which one works which one dont. Most of the time we end up getting frustrated.

it oso depends on how your toddler responds to, in terms of which kind of disciplinary action. Some responds to hard way some responds to soft way.

 

[autumn82]

Hi Annie,

I dont't think it is too early to teach your child. But it would probably require many repetitions on your part and consistency as well.

My boy is 11 mths and he can understand simple instructions like yes and no. Whenever he does something undesirable like spray saliva or scream, I will say no very firmly. Sometimes he thinks it's funny and continues to do it but I will maintain a firm face and tone. After some repetitions (like 2weeks-1mth), he knows that he's not supposed to do it. After a while, he will try his tricks again and I will continue to say "no" (being consistent).

Kids like to test boundaries. We have to let them know the limits. Age appropriate freedom, that's what I call it.

Agree with diymummy & littlehelper! :red:

They need frequent reminders what to do and not to do. Of coz, after they did it, praise them. They loved it! It's good to teach them from young little things like keeping toys after play, putting cup back to table after finishing, taking dirty clothes to laundry bag, keeping clothes in cupboard, pulling high chair to dinning table when it's time for meal, etc.. That's what I get Iggy to do.. Now he has a new "hobby", taking tissue to wipe floor when he drips water or biscuits. :001_302::001_302::001_302:

My MIL said I ill-treat my kids coz at my place, they have to do everything by themselves. :tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh:

 

[jojoki]

i tell net "NO" firmly with stern look when she screams, throw tantrums she will bian jui n goes "mmmmmmmmmmmmamamamama"! very funny... n the face she will make until so kelian.... sometimes while trying to look stern i will burst out laughing.

 

[annie]

i do discipline her by saying no n showing a stern face or i will shout her name n look fierce. but at times i simply ignore wat she is doing as sometimes she does things to catch attention. if i ignore her she sometimes stop after 1 week or so. so far ive been ignoring her throwing things action but still she is doing so.. i tried telling her no also useless so far...

 

[littlehelper]

If she is throwing things you have to tell her no and get her to put it back if not she won't know what to do..

 

[meiteoh]

Start them young, that's what I read, and heap lots of praise for the good things done but don't cane if they've done something wrong. We give children, even babies, very little credit most of the time. They do understand us - even babies. I actually know of 6 mth olds who know how to manipulate daddy into doing something whereas they won't do it to mummy coz mummy is more firm! Heck, even Eva loves to test boundaries sometimes and she's just four months old!

You could adopt a reward system whereby she gets a golden star for good behaviour like picking up after her toys, putting things nicely where they ought to be and so forth AND if she doesn't do well, a black mark. Stick up a chart on the fridge where she can see it. Then at the end of the week, if she has a certain number of golden stars, she gets a treat like her favourite food, an outing and so forth.

Oh, both parents need to be firm as well - no point you being firm and then your hubby/caregiver like in-laws or parents being gentle. Your child will learn to use them against you. =.=

 

[annie]

reward system for a 13mths old?? i somehow doubt she will appreciate the stars as a reward.. also ive taught her to put things back into her container times n times again but she just simply dosent do tat. sometimes i wonder if she really understands me... my fren's son is 4mths older than my girl and he always return the sippy to the mother or put nicely on the table or floor after he is done with it. i ask the mother how she manage to teach and she told me she did nothing. her son just did that naturally.. so envious..

 

[littlehelper]

haha mayb she did discipline him but did not realise it as a displine thing so she told you nothing.
Yep she won't appreciate rewards yet (except food) but she will definitely like praises and hugs from you!
eg:"good girl!" "Well done" She would understand ...

 

[autumn82]

haha mayb she did discipline him but did not realise it as a displine thing so she told you nothing.
Yep she won't appreciate rewards yet (except food) but she will definitely like praises and hugs from you!
eg:"good girl!" "Well done" She would understand ...

I agree on this! :red:Iggy loves to be praised, like "good job!" "good boy!" "Wow! Well done!!" He will clap his hands & grins when he hears these.

Maybe U can try telling her, "please take the toy and return it back into the box." If she looks blur or don't bother, just guide her hands, pick up the toy and put it into the box. Followed by a praise. Do it a few times to let her get used to the idea.. :001_302:

 

[meiteoh]

Aiii, stars are just an example. Praise, as suggested is one and favourite foods is another. These things do take time though - just need to be firm and keep at it constantly. Also, kids learn by example so if your hubby or anyone else has the habit of not picking up after themselves...it's going to be tough to insist why your daughter has to do differently.

 

[annie]

oh i do praise her n she will also smile n clap her hands when i do so.

actually when i try to guide her hands, she will push my hands off! very rude girl.. then will start to make frustrated sound.. hai~ i usually dun pick up after she make a mess cos i know she will make a mess again if i do so.. so i keep only after she naps or sleeps.. is it better if i let her see me clean up after she make a mess???

 

[thepinkdot]

how do u expect 1 yr old to clean up her own mess.. what we do is sing a clean up song and do it together with her.. now she knows she has to clean up..

 

[jojoki]

how do you expect 1 your old to clean up her own mess.. what we do is sing a clean up song and do it together with her.. now she knows she has to clean up..

wat song is dat? like shichida issit?

 

[thepinkdot]

what song is dat? like shichida issit?

no.. just google clean up song.. can't afford to pay for shichida. :shyxxx:

 

[meiteoh]

oh i do praise her n she will also smile n clap her hands when i do so.

actually when i try to guide her hands, she will push my hands off! very rude girl.. then will start to make frustrated sound.. hai~ i usually dont pick up after she make a mess cos i know she will make a mess again if i do so.. so i keep only after she naps or sleeps.. is it better if i let her see me clean up after she make a mess???

I did some reading on the discipline section in the book I have and it states that a strong will is a sign of good health as a strong will is needed to achieve milestones over the coming months so don't see her behaviour as being stubborn. She's being willful.

When you tell her no and she just doesn't listen to you, it's not her being defiant, it's because she doesn't have the cognitive ability to internalize your discipline directives - in other words, she doesn't understand you coz she's still young. So it is suggested that requests need to be kept simple, eg one word things like "no", "hot", "bad", etc. And you can guide her - be constant and consistent in disciplining. Offer alternatives and sound firm. It is also stated that the golden rule of discipline is this - treat your child the way you would like to be treated. If you don't like to be shouted at, then adopt the same approach for your child.

Maybe you could do it together with her instead of her messing up the place, then when she wakes up, eh, so clean liao. If you can, you can even turn it into fun-time for her - to tell her that picking up is also just as fun as messing up (it's a lie we all tell ourselves - housework is good for you!). :001_302:

 

[annie]

thepinkdot, i dun expect her to clean up her mess of cos but i expect her not to anyhow throw things esp when outside.. she dun wan water anymore she will simply throw her sippy far far away n i got to go n pick it up! i wonder how to make her pass the sippy back to me or at least put nicely on the table like wat my fren's son does..

at hm i just hope she can put her toys back into her container instead of taking them out n throw everywhere...my fren's son will make a mess while playing but when he is done with it, he will actually put them all back into their original position! thats wat amaze me.. at first i thought mayb my girl is still young to understand how to put back her things to their position after use but looking at my fren's son... i know its not impossible n wonder if she really dunno or just plain naughty...

meiteoh, it sounds like my girl is very healthy then! lol. i always praise her when she listen to me n keep her toys n she will smile back as well. i usually just call her name sternly n tell her 'no' n look at her fiercely but she will simply look at me n smile! she seems to understand many things now but when it comes to discipline.. i really am not sure if she really understands...