Discovering the horror side of PIL...

[flyaway]

Have already told MIL that we will be sending DD to CC cos hubby told her that she can't cope with 2 when my son is out the next time. FIL said DD is too young to go CC but we are going to heck care them afterall its our chilren...

Nope, not looking around for bbsitter at my neighbourhood. MIL complained that our allowances is not enough for her to buy this and that for DD...so hubby told her back if she wants a nanny rate, we can jolly well can look for a bbsitter at our neighbourhood for one. But we already told her that we will reimburse her $$ for whatever things she buy for DD but just ASK us for it. She chose to complained to an outsider because she want more allowance cos she probably comparing the allowance we give us with her sister's son...

Should I heck care of their feelings since they don't even to bother with mine? If I heck care less and don't bother to put in effort to maintain the rs, I probably be a happier person instead of thinking why is my efforts not appreciated and at times, even being stabbed.

 

[apollo]

Have already told mother in law that we will be sending dear daughter to CC cos hubby told her that she can't cope with 2 when my son is out the next time. father in law said dear daughter is too young to go CC but we are going to heck care them afterall its our chilren...

Nope, not looking around for bbsitter at my neighbourhood. mother in law complained that our allowances is not enough for her to buy this and that for dear daughter...so hubby told her back if she wants a nanny rate, we can jolly well can look for a bbsitter at our neighbourhood for one. But we already told her that we will reimburse her $$ for whatever things she buy for dear daughter but just ASK us for it. She chose to complained to an outsider because she want more allowance cos she probably comparing the allowance we give us with her sister's son...

Should I heck care of their feelings since they dont't even to bother with mine? If I heck care less and dont't bother to put in effort to maintain the rs, I probably be a happier person instead of thinking why is my efforts not appreciated and at times, even being stabbed.

what are the hings ur mil bought for ur dd? if is standard stuffs lik diaper, FM, fish, vege etc food for her, i think ur shd return her the money BUT if is stuffs lik toys, titbits and other 'wu ah bo' things, that's her problem alrdy cos no one ask her to buy in e 1st place. and even she buy, a grandmother buy things for grandchild, also nd to be so calculative?

 

[Ting]

oh my, your MIL seems to come from hell..? LOL~
but im curious, how did she get your SIL's number??
i mean, the connection abit too far apart no???
hmm, anyway, i think, if u wanna put ur girl in CC, go ahead.
if the CCC is good, then no harm done.
like stonston said, our kids r doing great in CCC.

if u can, try not to stay over at her place so often since u hv a own place of your own.

 

[hakisumi]

Hmm..I also stay with pil..they give us space ,they are those Bo chap typez..they just want Graham but I tell myself if they play nasty games w me,I ll send him to ccc before 18mthz..but they also agree to send him to ccc at 18mth if not can't follow up.. I think now ccc is so fun..they got frenz n learn alot of things..got Xmas party xchange la,got lil ones bday party..got racial harmony day..face grandparents face long also sian..

 

[Domique]

GOOD ONE!!!!

Scare of son got stolen by wife then ask son be monk?

 

[Domique]

HECK CARE THEM!!!

Have already told mother in law that we will be sending dear daughter to CC cos hubby told her that she can't cope with 2 when my son is out the next time. father in law said dear daughter is too young to go CC but we are going to heck care them afterall its our chilren...

Nope, not looking around for bbsitter at my neighbourhood. mother in law complained that our allowances is not enough for her to buy this and that for dear daughter...so hubby told her back if she wants a nanny rate, we can jolly well can look for a bbsitter at our neighbourhood for one. But we already told her that we will reimburse her $$ for whatever things she buy for dear daughter but just ASK us for it. She chose to complained to an outsider because she want more allowance cos she probably comparing the allowance we give us with her sister's son...

Should I heck care of their feelings since they dont't even to bother with mine? If I heck care less and dont't bother to put in effort to maintain the rs, I probably be a happier person instead of thinking why is my efforts not appreciated and at times, even being stabbed.

 

[stonston]

Flyaway, just to let you know, some CCCs do accept children slightly younger than 18 mths (subjected to MCYS's approval). My boy's previous CCC accepts children from 14 mths old if MCYS approves the case.

Some CCC have attached infant care & they give good discounts for siblings. Can start looking around.


If your MIL continue to compare the $$$, then just shoot her that she did not give your hb a good education (PHD sort of thing if your hb does not hv) so he only earns a limited amt, dun ask for more since she did not contribute to his success.

 

[Stan]

TRUE! i think not only academic, they need to learn how to communicate with other kids as well instead of coping at hm everyday, facing grandparents only =)

yalor yalor.. my DD is only 3mths but i already plan once 18mths go CCC. Face only my mum or MIL whole day no good!! Kids shld play with kids.

 

[flyaway]

Went back for dinner at MIL's place earlier on. Situation was not as tense as before. I have to pretend nothing has happened and still greeted them. Greet people who stabbed me on the back...Sigh.

I feel like a weakling. Saw DD yet cannot have time alone with her in the room cos scared that PIL willl complain that we alway hide in the room after dinner. Feel sad when I saw DD sticking to MIL the whole night.

I think I must endure...endure until I give birth. When its time for me to return to work, I will make sure that my DS will not sleep overnight with my PIL and I will bring him back everyday.

Hubby must be relieved that I did not complain about his parents after dinner...Do I have to endure all their nonsense time after time so that hubby will not be sandwiched between his parents and me? Sometimes, I do wish that my MIL will go bersek and start her crazy act again, go and call my dad or bro etc. to complain. Maybe after another bersek act, we will go our on way... haha.

Perhaps, I should look for overseas working opportunities so that we can stay away from them...

 

[Koala bear mummy]

Went back for dinner at mother in law's place earlier on. Situation was not as tense as before. I have to pretend nothing has happened and still greeted them. Greet people who stabbed me on the back...Sigh.

I feel like a weakling. Saw dear daughter yet cannot have time alone with her in the room cos scared that parent in law willl complain that we alway hide in the room after dinner. Feel sad when I saw dear daughter sticking to mother in law the whole night.

I think I must endure...endure until I give birth. When its time for me to return to work, I will make sure that my dear son will not sleep overnight with my parent in law and I will bring him back everyday.

Hubby must be relieved that I did not complain about his parents after dinner...Do I have to endure all their nonsense time after time so that hubby will not be sandwiched between his parents and me? Sometimes, I do wish that my mother in law will go bersek and start her crazy act again, go and call my dad or bro etc. to complain. Maybe after another bersek act, we will go our on way... haha.

Perhaps, I should look for overseas working opportunities so that we can stay away from them...

Hey, understand your misery because my pil are both difficult like yours, plus my hubby's brother and wife (worse)..:embarrassed: To think that they are all educated people, 2 doctors, 1 ex-teacher and ex senior civil servant between them..

Your plan sounds reasonable, to endure until then as there seems no other way out at the moment. Jia you!! Keep updated yeah?

 

[Ting]

if u can, try to go back lesser now, tell hubby not feeling well, leg cramp, leg pain, backache blah blah.

 

[Oppsgal]

My hubby's policy is this (when it comes to stuff relating to our daugther):

We are the parents so we have the final say. Other people can "suggest" but that's it - suggestion only. If dont't like what we do, TOO BAD. Wanna insist, then please go have children of your own.

flyaway, it's good that your hubby is by your side. It makes things really easy. Sometimes my mother-in-law will get up to some nonsense but because my hubby puts his foot down, she doesn't say much OR she'll be very very polite about it. My parents lain story - I told them off before about the idea of sending Eva to KL permenantly and we go to see her on the weekends. Just last month, they started and this time, my dad even said that it's a grandmother's job to take care of the grandkids. What utter baloney! I just went "Sorry, no can do".

My hubby says to tell my dad "yes, ok" everytime he suggest anything. :001_302:

 

[meiteoh]

Flyaway, if your PIL are like my parents, going overseas won't help at all! My parents will come like twice a year and stay for over two weeks with us! I give up already with them!

 

[flyaway]

Complained to hubby the other day if he knows that I am eating the humble pie despite what his parents did to me. He is unhappy that I am still talking about this whole issue after 1 week...I can't forgive and forget what happened because they are not my flesh and blood parents or simply they hurted me too deep or because I tried to be a good DIL since day 1 and this is what I get in return...

I still go back to in-law's place for dinner, greeted them but get ocassional 'why-we-are-late' face from FIL when already informed MIL that we will be late...

This whole thing is still unresolved in my heart and its affecting my rs with hubby. Tried to show hubby that I am still unhappy but he is unhappy too cos he is stuck in the middle. I think I am trying to think in his shoes already otherwise I would not have gave in despite what his parents did. I duno if his mom is remorseful about the whole thing? Perhaps, she is gloating the fact that even though she did this sort of thing, her son and DIL is still bringing her to restaurant to celebrate her birthday??

I am still so upset so much so that I have decided not to share MIL's birthday or CNY ang pow with DH from this yr onwards. For the past few years, my practise was to share financially with him so that he can be less burden. So I have decided not to have anything to do with his parents since I will nv regards as a good DIL no matter what I do...just have the basic courtesy.

I won't bother to try so hard to ask them out for meals during public holidays cos I think they won't appreciate it after all. Think MIL only likes us to bring her to restaurants? She doesnt seemed to appreciate good food served in kopithiam etc. cos she only sing praises for her daughter who brought her to xxx nice restaurant to eat, very expensive meal etc.

This thing is not resolved and i think it will be a blockage in my rs with hubby. I am mentally unbalanced now cos have to bring MIL for her birthday treat and while trying to mend a broken heart with no reassurance from hubby or remorseful actions from PIL...

ARRRG....

 

[Mummy :)]

Complained to hubby the other day if he knows that I am eating the humble pie despite what his parents did to me. He is unhappy that I am still talking about this whole issue after 1 week...I can't forgive and forget what happened because they are not my flesh and blood parents or simply they hurted me too deep or because I tried to be a good daughter in law since day 1 and this is what I get in return...

I still go back to in-law's place for dinner, greeted them but get ocassional 'why-we-are-late' face from father in law when already informed mother in law that we will be late...

This whole thing is still unresolved in my heart and its affecting my rs with hubby. Tried to show hubby that I am still unhappy but he is unhappy too cos he is stuck in the middle. I think I am trying to think in his shoes already otherwise I would not have gave in despite what his parents did. I dont know if his mom is remorseful about the whole thing? Perhaps, she is gloating the fact that even though she did this sort of thing, her son and daughter in law is still bringing her to restaurant to celebrate her birthday??

I am still so upset so much so that I have decided not to share mother in law's birthday or CNY ang pow with dear husband from this your onwards. For the past few years, my practise was to share financially with him so that he can be less burden. So I have decided not to have anything to do with his parents since I will never regards as a good daughter in law no matter what I do...just have the basic courtesy.

I won't bother to try so hard to ask them out for meals during public holidays cos I think they won't appreciate it after all. Think mother in law only likes us to bring her to restaurants? She doesnt seemed to appreciate good food served in kopithiam etc. cos she only sing praises for her daughter who brought her to xxx nice restaurant to eat, very expensive meal etc.

This thing is not resolved and i think it will be a blockage in my rs with hubby. I am mentally unbalanced now cos have to bring mother in law for her birthday treat and while trying to mend a broken heart with no reassurance from hubby or remorseful actions from parent in law...

ARRRG....

Flyaway,

Firstly, sorry if I have to highligh certain words at your explaining:001_302:

I truly understand that you are feeling very or quite emotional right now but I hope you will get through it soon. Yes, it is hard to have parent-in-law who give lot of problem but this is life. Somehow or rather things do get complicated in a certain ways.

I totally agree with most of the Mummies here, if you are unhappy try looking for a solution. There is nothing impossible. Downside, have faith in yourself.

I used to have plenty of problems with my mother-in-law. I swear to God, she is the MOST unpleasant person I have ever meet in my life She used to be nice to me and "bo-chap"...situations change when she got a "boyfriend" and I fell pregnant....Situations change for the worse when I give birth to my baby girl.

She even chase both hubby,me and our baby when she is not happy with us. Simply saying that we "disrespect" her when in fact none were true...Even her "boyfriend" say she was too much...Cut it short...I pack our bags and left her house (which her "boyfriend" help her paid when she "divorce" her husband)...We left the house a day before she get back from her holiday trips("boyfriend" paid)...

Life is tough for us for I told myself and hubby that I will NEVER step into that house again. Yes, it is bad for us to do that BUT it is tough having fight and quarrel for no reason and with hubby being caught in the middle:nah:

Cut it short, I am happy with the current situation now although we are staying in a rent place while waiting for our house to be ready. Tough is tough but hey why stay and trouble yourself and hubby with all the problems...It is not worth it...bad for the marriage:err:

MPOV:tlaugh:

 

[apollo]

Complained to hubby the other day if he knows that I am eating the humble pie despite what his parents did to me. He is unhappy that I am still talking about this whole issue after 1 week...I can't forgive and forget what happened because they are not my flesh and blood parents or simply they hurted me too deep or because I tried to be a good daughter in law since day 1 and this is what I get in return...

I still go back to in-law's place for dinner, greeted them but get ocassional 'why-we-are-late' face from father in law when already informed mother in law that we will be late...

This whole thing is still unresolved in my heart and its affecting my rs with hubby. Tried to show hubby that I am still unhappy but he is unhappy too cos he is stuck in the middle. I think I am trying to think in his shoes already otherwise I would not have gave in despite what his parents did. I dont know if his mom is remorseful about the whole thing? Perhaps, she is gloating the fact that even though she did this sort of thing, her son and daughter in law is still bringing her to restaurant to celebrate her birthday??

I am still so upset so much so that I have decided not to share mother in law's birthday or CNY ang pow with dear husband from this your onwards. For the past few years, my practise was to share financially with him so that he can be less burden. So I have decided not to have anything to do with his parents since I will never regards as a good daughter in law no matter what I do...just have the basic courtesy.

I won't bother to try so hard to ask them out for meals during public holidays cos I think they won't appreciate it after all. Think mother in law only likes us to bring her to restaurants? She doesnt seemed to appreciate good food served in kopithiam etc. cos she only sing praises for her daughter who brought her to xxx nice restaurant to eat, very expensive meal etc.

This thing is not resolved and i think it will be a blockage in my rs with hubby. I am mentally unbalanced now cos have to bring mother in law for her birthday treat and while trying to mend a broken heart with no reassurance from hubby or remorseful actions from parent in law...

ARRRG....

flyaway, i think the greatest diffe btwn male n female is: we women tend to rmb things very carefully. though we dun spell it out, doesnt mean we forgive and forget alrdy, and we want a SOLUTION to every pro while guys normally feel that as long as the issue is no longer brought up, means everything is okay, means dun nd any solution alrdy.. cos my hubby is one of them haha!

i know it is hard on you. esp when u tried really hard and ur inlaws still take u for granted. but i think ut hubby isnt leading a 'good life' either. he cant choose his parents. and i'm sure since his parents can be so demanding to u, when u r not their bio-daughter alrdy, i think they have much more higher expectation from ur hubby.

have a very good talk with ur hubby again if can, tell him hw u feel BUT dun let him feel tt u still feel angry, instead let him know tt u feel more 'wei qu'.. =)

 

[Koala bear mummy]

Complained to hubby the other day if he knows that I am eating the humble pie despite what his parents did to me. He is unhappy that I am still talking about this whole issue after 1 week...I can't forgive and forget what happened because they are not my flesh and blood parents or simply they hurted me too deep or because I tried to be a good daughter in law since day 1 and this is what I get in return...

I still go back to in-law's place for dinner, greeted them but get ocassional 'why-we-are-late' face from father in law when already informed mother in law that we will be late...

This whole thing is still unresolved in my heart and its affecting my rs with hubby. Tried to show hubby that I am still unhappy but he is unhappy too cos he is stuck in the middle. I think I am trying to think in his shoes already otherwise I would not have gave in despite what his parents did. I dont know if his mom is remorseful about the whole thing? Perhaps, she is gloating the fact that even though she did this sort of thing, her son and daughter in law is still bringing her to restaurant to celebrate her birthday??

I am still so upset so much so that I have decided not to share mother in law's birthday or CNY ang pow with dear husband from this your onwards. For the past few years, my practise was to share financially with him so that he can be less burden. So I have decided not to have anything to do with his parents since I will never regards as a good daughter in law no matter what I do...just have the basic courtesy.

I won't bother to try so hard to ask them out for meals during public holidays cos I think they won't appreciate it after all. Think mother in law only likes us to bring her to restaurants? She doesnt seemed to appreciate good food served in kopithiam etc. cos she only sing praises for her daughter who brought her to xxx nice restaurant to eat, very expensive meal etc.

This thing is not resolved and i think it will be a blockage in my rs with hubby. I am mentally unbalanced now cos have to bring mother in law for her birthday treat and while trying to mend a broken heart with no reassurance from hubby or remorseful actions from parent in law...

ARRRG....

OMG, your in-laws can be best friends with mine!

Once we went to a nice Jap restaurant at Robertson Quay which I suggested for my mil's birthday. During food, my mil announced to whole table that the food can't be compared to the one her other son brought them at Sydney. She raised her voice TWICE to make sure everyone heard her!

My fil will also show his face if we run late for lunch or dinner with them although we would have notified beforehand.

I felt quite exactly the same way you did, unappreciated and sometimes even 'bullied' by my pil although I already tried to be nice, buy things they like and be very careful when speaking with them..Very demoralizing sometimes because they constantly want to exert their authority and presence.

Worse, my mil will keep harping about their other son (my hubby's younger bro) being a doctor who married another doctor and I believe to make the other daughter in law feel bad, she had spoken about me being a VP at a foreign bank and etc. Unwittingly, she has caused tension / competition between her only two sons..

I was rather chissed off at one point and decided to 'run away' from them ie not to visit them anymore. I did that for > 3 months and my hubby was understanding because he knew his parents' personalities although he never said anything throughout. He showed his support for me simply by staying away with me and not going back to see his folks although I told him to go back visit without me..

It was quite a stressful time but I guess it worked somewhat. My pil mellowed
somewhat and stopped their criticisms (they used to like criticize and pass comments). They even ordered and sent flowers and fruits to our place on my birthday..

Flyaway, my opinion is that try never to raise voice or 'talk back' directly at them for the sake of just talking back. Because to me, that will give them excuse or reason to find fault with us. But I will voice out my opinion rather factually or strongly when my pil say anything illogical or nonsense.

 

[flyaway]

Thanks, mummies for sharing...

I wish I could be like someone of u, just dun turn up at their home for a period of time to cool down but I need her help to look after my daughter and sigh, my son in time to come until he is old enough to send to CC, that will be at least another 20 mths to come. So I can't avoid seeing them unless I only wants to see my kid during the weekends when hubby bring her home.

Now, i dun bother to make small talks with them cos I dun know what will trigger them and I find it pointless. Only answer when being asked.

Hubby complained that he has another 'moody face' (me) to face when I showed my unhappiness (weiqu). Asked him if he is appreciative that i have to eat my humble pie despite his parents being unreasonable. Told him that I dun want him to take me for granted that the fact that I have to continue to respect his parents while his parents continue their nonsense.

Think my rs with dh will continue to worsen when this heart issue is nt resolved...

 

[Koala bear mummy]

Thanks, mummies for sharing...

I wish I could be like someone of you, just dont turn up at their home for a period of time to cool down but I need her help to look after my daughter and sigh, my son in time to come until he is old enough to send to CC, that will be at least another 20 mths to come. So I can't avoid seeing them unless I only wants to see my kid during the weekends when hubby bring her home.

Now, i dont bother to make small talks with them cos I dont know what will trigger them and I find it pointless. Only answer when being asked.

Hubby complained that he has another 'moody face' (me) to face when I showed my unhappiness (weiqu). Asked him if he is appreciative that i have to eat my humble pie despite his parents being unreasonable. Told him that I dont want him to take me for granted that the fact that I have to continue to respect his parents while his parents continue their nonsense.

Think my rs with dear husband will continue to worsen when this heart issue is not resolved...

Sighhh, I understand your case you have to put up with them because of your kids..

Actually, I may have problems soon because I intend to further my studies and I can't trust my mum and maid to take care of my K-bear. That means I either go to childcare or my pil....SIGHHHH

 

[terasey]

Mummies, dun fret.. I am sure we all can find solutions to our problems.

I am staying with my MIL.. but she does not want to take care of my baby who is coming to the world in March. I cannot afford infant care and the timing as my hubby wun wake up tat early to bring baby to school. (Ps: i work very early hours so school not open yet when i lve hse). In the end, both dear & MIL says employ maid to help in hse work and baby.. but this is additional $$$.

Furthermore, i really not able to leave my newborn bb in maid care... all the abuse cases.. i heard.. are enough to deter my idea.