do you get along fine with your own parents?

[NeSSa]

just to share abit...my parents and i dun get along...since dunno when...but after the birth of my son it gotten worse...ok i knw is their 1st grandson and my 1st child....frm day one they already said i m dunno how to feed my son burp my son etc the list is long....i m new to this and will take awhile to adjust...they said i m slow etc i dunno much abt parenting i m still learning...and they told my son when feeding oh ya mummy dunno how to feed u or burp u...and they told me not to say negative things to him...

on his 1st mth i fed him milk then my mum just took him away coz she claimes i dunno how to burp him..takes too long to burp...and u know what sometimes it takes them abt 30mins to burp him...i take 10-20mins is consider too long...even my aunty saw it and said why my mum did what she did...

one thing is if i say anything comment anything to them is complaining...and not to give advise etc...to them i m always wrong and they r right...

oh ya my mum commented i must lose weight after delivery..mind u i was already quite big size before she said if not lose weight i sure lose my hubby...and must save money nw n not let my hubby knw what he divorce me i gt spare money....

does anyone else face these problem...my hubby said coz maybe my dad prefer a son but gt a daughter instead..

 

[reiann]

nessa: I'm terribly sorry to hear this..

I don't have a great relationship with my parents either, especially my mum, as she - ok I'm going to be quite mean but frank - she is just not a very nice person. she, like your mum, also criticises me. but at least I know my mum does it out of concern. but a very mean way of showing it. she just criticses whatever (almost everything) I do, and tell me what to do (which is utter rubbish). I just ignore her, and I would snap back at her too, though now I try not to, and tell her, "mum, I know what your'e telling me, but I won't do it, because... etc " I will explain to her now.

if your parents make you so unhappy, why not just distance yourself from them? I know it's sad and not nice to use your children as a 'weapon' against your parents, but I think in this case it seems justified as they seem so mean to you! I'm of the camp that, if somebody - no matter who - family or friends - make me unhappy, I just won't hang out with them. I will limit the time spent with them.

all the best

and burping - yes I take more than 30 mins sometimes!! cos my baby has bad reflux/gas.
we are all mothers - and all new mothers one time or other. go by your gut feeling. ignore what your mum say. and just don't ever be like your mum to your kids I vow never to!!

 

[NeSSa]

reiann u sure understand how i feel...even now my hubby and mil wont let my son see them...maybe once a mth the most...coz the more i see or meet my parents sure got world war de...and i dun wan my son to b spoil by them and getting all those negative things from them...

 

[reiann]

love yourself your self worth is no longer - or ever - defined by your parents, your mum. glad you're doing the right thing and just putting some distance between you and them.

 

[linl1n84]

Cheers up nessa. Currently u are staying with ur parents is it? Well to me, son is urs, all mom wants the best for the son, if I were u, I would not let anyone who have diff thinking from me to touch my son. Why don't u take care of ur son by urself? Bring ur son to ur room and stay inside the room. If ur mum wan to take him, just say u wan to take care of him by urself, hold him tight2 in ur arm and walk away from ur mum. That's what I do, my mil always wanna take my gal away from me, she kept asking me to rest and she take care of my gal, but I already had enuf rest so i hold my gal and told my mil I wanted to take care of her and breast feed her and went into my room so my mil kept quiet.

But one good thing at least ur hb is supporting u. Dun keep all the burden inside ur heart, share it with ur hb or us u will feel better. In real life, sometimes we need to learn to ignore, close one eyes / ears. U know wat u are doing so dun bother on others opinion, ignore them..

Not to worry on burping, my gal also sometimes couldn't burp and I just put her down in the end she got reflux

 

[andieluv2]

me too just had a world war with mybmum. initially was okay. she did my confinement for me and all was good. she took good carebpf baby. but like ur mum, keep telling.others i dun know how to take care of baby and bathe her. and she keep psycho-ing me that i dont have milk and ask me not to latch on for my first month!and advise me to give bottle whn i wanna cup feed. okay i took the.risk to bottle my bb and she developed bottle preference and simply refuse to latch. now i can only solely pump for her which cause my supple to be limited. i am very angry bcoz my dream is to bf my baby but now bcoz of her, she snatch the chance away from me forever! and she will always think she is rite. whnever bb refuse my ebm she will blame it on me that is bcoz i had something that bb dun like and the taste gone intovthe breastmilk hence bb refuse to drink. and she will keep nagging me in front of ppl and my mil, then say how ppl are discipline to control their doet whn they wnna give bm etc etc and keep pulling me down. out of respect i juz kept quiet. but she is a 2headed snake! she in front of my hubbie and me keep saying my mil dont know how to takr care of bb and instigated us not to brong bb bck to.let her.take care, while im front of my mil keep saying why i dont wanna.bring bb bck and let my mil take care??!! i mean if u dont want then dont mention! why have to pull me down and push all the blame to me! now that i am bck my own plc, my mil os the.one helping to tc bb!!! i just feel that i am so stupid to believe her initially and join in the gang to ask my husband not to let my mil take care. and now.i feel so sorry towards my mil.

before.my confinement, i actually went to buy those chinese tcm and herbs with her and gave.her a sum.of money for the confinement and told her that of not enough to get from us. she didnt as she keep telling others tat its her duty as a mother to chip in abit. and refused to take our token whn i give her abt 2k after my confinement. but on the other side she will always make noise say marketing bery expensive and keep nagging how much she spend and all.
she also have an issue with the maid i got for her and everyday during my confinement i have to hear them quarrel and as if confinement is not stressful enough, i gotta listen to their BS and step in to stop it. and she blame it on us that we got a maid thats too young. i mean maid this kind of thing is sometimes luck wat. who to blame? and bcoz of this we gotta send her bck to the agent.

and i hate it the.most whn she think she knows the best. everytine whn bb cry she must be hungry for sure. cannot be some other reason! and she didnt.even bother to find out why and keep feeding bb. until.i have to step in. i wanna give my bb ebm but she keep saying ebm not full and always wanna give bb fm and everyone know which is better.but.she dont care. she again blame it on me not having enough supply.

so the breaking.point came and i move bck to my own plc and subsequently she asked my husband to go bck to her plc and move every single piece.of my belobging bck. even a piece.of underwear bck to my plc, in front of my brother. so wat does this action means? she want.nothing to do with me?! okay. so now i.take care.bb myself and looking bck, moving home have been one of the best decision i ever make in my life. now that i am more stressfree now, i am able to meet my bb's demand for ebm! so who say i cant breastfeed my bb! i am just so happy to be bck here. but i am still not gonna make peace with her as there are atill so much bitterness in me as u can read and.all i wrote.is juz.SOME.example.of the things she do. there's actually.much more!!

so ppl always say ur.mummy love you the most. well, thats not always true. some ppl just love themselves and money more than anything. and my mum is one of them.

 

[NeSSa]

Cheers up nessa. Currently u are staying with ur parents is it? Well to me, son is urs, all mom wants the best for the son, if I were u, I would not let anyone who have diff thinking from me to touch my son. Why don't u take care of ur son by urself? Bring ur son to ur room and stay inside the room. If ur mum wan to take him, just say u wan to take care of him by urself, hold him tight2 in ur arm and walk away from ur mum. That's what I do, my mil always wanna take my gal away from me, she kept asking me to rest and she take care of my gal, but I already had enuf rest so i hold my gal and told my mil I wanted to take care of her and breast feed her and went into my room so my mil kept quiet.

But one good thing at least ur hb is supporting u. Dun keep all the burden inside ur heart, share it with ur hb or us u will feel better. In real life, sometimes we need to learn to ignore, close one eyes / ears. U know wat u are doing so dun bother on others opinion, ignore them..

Not to worry on burping, my gal also sometimes couldn't burp and I just put her down in the end she got reflux

nope..my hubby on reservist so i came over to let them see their grandson and also get help...coz at my in laws i m alone when he is at camp...even my mil is angry with what my mum n dad is saying n doing and said she wont allow them see him if she is caring for him...i m quite touch by the way she said those things..eventhough she is not my mum but she really knws how much pain i m in...

oh ya one thing is when my mum is not with dad (cos at times he is on business trips) she acts so differently..i remember once before i gave birth abt 2 weeks or so...i went for my last chk up before my next appt for induce labour...realise we suppose to admission on the last appt before delivery so i told my mum they shld tell us since we are new mothers..she said yalor...when my dad came back..she told him why i m so stupid never ask them...and she said is not the hospital fault they dun need to inform me...i was like this is nt what u say...but she is always like tis..alone she is ok wif my dad she is different like scare of him

 

[reiann]

andie: good grief!! your mum is .. really horrid. I thought mine was bad. but truly, I don't know why mums are so mean to their daughters. we must never be like this to our kids. sigh. I vow to let my daughter be a mother by discovering for herself, and support her and give her advice ONLY when she asks for it and not be like 'DO THIS' and 'DON"T DO THIS'. argh!!

 

[NeSSa]

i tot i m the only one with this problems...maybe what my mil n hubby is right..my dad prefer son but didnt get..so now i got my son everything him...he too hot fan blow to him only..doesnt matter i m sweating away..coz my son is hot he have to have fan...not anyone else...and whenever he crys sure grandpa is first to run to him and chk..and ask me why i so slow...they keep saying is ur son not ours we helping yet u dont do anything..i where got time to do when i rush there ppl already there..eg my mum n dad..feeding or burping or talking to him..what can i do....

 

[reiann]

oh good grief!! I don't and never will RUSH to my baby when she cries, especially her 'fake' cries. some of her cries are real - in pain type of cry, that I will go immediately, but sometimes my baby only cries cos she's bored or something. you can hear the difference. and I'm not going to rush into it immediately. let her soothe herself. she has done that so many times - just one cry, then grunt etc, then stop. back to sleep. jeez. if I keep going to her everytime she cries, she will never learn to sooth herself.

your parents are mad!

and what's up with this favouring the son thing???? I can't stand that..

 

[NeSSa]

coz son carry on the name...daughters cannot lor...now is pretty obvious lor...before pregnancy already so hard nw having my son is so obvious why they r like tis...haix...so hope tml come faster...i can go home..where i feel at peace and happy i hate being here....

 

[felicity]

*hugs*

seriously i hate this chinese/asian thingy abt carrying the name. as if each of us hv one unique family name... so what if there's a son to carry on the name, people will put ur name into museum and remember u for life? no lor, so what's the big deal abt having a son? furthermore ur son also not carrying ur family name. duh... really dun understand. so many men on earth. having a son is just adding one more man. having a daughter is just adding one more woman. to me it's no difference. sigh, this carry on name thingy is just so absurd. ok paiseh for the rant, v irrelevant lol.

 

[MeliviaL]

So much angsty in this post. But I can understand how all of you feel.

Similar things happened to my friend. Single mum. She wanted to care for the baby, but her mum said no. You no exp, you dunno anything. Everything she do, is like going to harm the baby instead, from her parent's mum. -.-
She wanted to bring the baby out for walks, her parents says she cannot. She dunno if baby is cold or what, when they nvr give her any chance to learn and stuffs liddat.

I feel sorry for her and all the mummys here having the same problem. ><

 

[EvangelineS]

Parents will always be parents. even though I am so old, my parents still shoot me with this particular sentence-

我吃的盐比你吃的饭多。
which means the salt i eat is more than all the rice you have eaten. -.-'

 

[reiann]

Evangelines: well, but not all parents are more intelligent than their children. They may have more 'experience' but it doesn't mean they are always right.

 

[NeSSa]

reiann u are so right on this...my parents thinks that they are always right and i m wrong...anything is also wrong to them...

 

[xiaodaisy]

i dont have a good r/s with my mom previously when we stay together but after i moved out , things got better now ..

altho we still cant agree on stuffs on looking after my #3 now but lucky she's working and she cant always come to see my girl ..

i still rmb recently when my girl fell down , my mom rushed n snatched my girl over to sayang her but my girl is a super koala bear , she cried even louder and keep calling for me , trying to struggle free from my mom and hands keep waving to me .. end up , my mom see that she cant hush her down , so she return to me instead , after a hug fm me , my girl stop crying right away .. lol

parents r like that , i believe they care for us but just donno how to put in a correct way =)

 

[lovepixie]

Sigh. I have always been clashing with my mum although I know that we both love each other it's just that personality can't match and I can manja with her like my younger sisters. Now I'm gonna give birth and its either her or MIL to take care of baby (one come and the other will go back)

Now I'm trying to ease the friction with her. She wants us to stay closer so I buying a condo nearer to her so she can come take care of baby. The problem is she is very controlling n I can't even choose the bank that I want to get loan from. I dare not imagine how she will control my interior design of the new place next time. I'm anticipating that I can't hire my own contractor or decorate baby/kids room. She is claiming one smallest room in my unit then that means if my mil wants a room ill be left with no room for the baby or baby sharing room with mil.
Just wanna rant. I had a clash with mum just now. Thanks for listening.

 

[reiann]

lovepixie: I don't know your fully story (obviously), but IMO you should break out from your mum. it will cause you so much unhappiness - is that worth it? this is your life after all. YOUR condo, your apt. it's YOUR baby. you should have what you want, cos you're not a druggie or some self abusive etc person doing bad things!!

hope it all works out. I rebelled against my mum when was about 18 - but still have to do it even now when I"m 31. but it's worth it. I have a lot more independence now (actually, I have 100% independence), only when I see her again and she'd nag like there's no tomorrow.. but I just tahan.

 

[lovepixie]

Hi reiann,
My mom might be controlling but my dad is ok. Aih.. Blood is thicker than water. After all my dad is someone who adores kids and this is his first grandchild so stay nearer he can play with my kid more often and easier if I wanna drop kid off at parents while run some errands, bank, last min work.. I feel better after ranting so all is good. Besides mom wants the best for me although the over controlling part. Too bad personality can't match.