Do You Really Love Your Child?

[Koala bear mummy]

Hi mummies,

Hubs and I had lunch session with his friends and wives recently. A couple who brought along a very boyish and cute 4 year old son commented on how different their second 1.5 year old daughter look from her brother and themselves, saying things like small eyes, very little eyelashes, don't look like anyone in the family maternal or paternal, immediate or extended, don't know if she's picked up from somewhere (coming from the mother herself!) good full 5 mins basically about the daughter not as goodlooking as the elder boy..

This started me thinking that indeed parents can be 'big small heart' (favouritisim) towards their children, even modern and young parents. Perhaps becoz some people still favour boys? Or favour the smarter one? Or love the more obedient ones? The ones who help make their parents look good when parents compare with their friends?

What do you think?

 

[diymummy]

I think it is human nature to have preferences. But people especially parents need to be aware of such preference and make a conscious choice not to.

I believe every kid is different, like in your friend's case. Instead of talking abt looks and how the 2nd is different from the first, they could take the time to see what are the strengths of the 2nd.

It's ok to talk abt differences but if that is the only thing that they talk abt, as the child grows older, she will become self conscious and may have problems feeling confident of herself and be half guessing if her parents really love her. That'd be really sad.

 

[sharonyi66]

Hi mummies,

Hubs and I had lunch session with his friends and wives recently. A couple who brought along a very boyish and cute 4 year old son commented on how different their second 1.5 year old daughter look from her brother and themselves, saying things like small eyes, very little eyelashes, dont't look like anyone in the family maternal or paternal, immediate or extended, dont't know if she's picked up from somewhere (coming from the mother herself!) good full 5 mins basically about the daughter not as goodlooking as the elder boy..

This started me thinking that indeed parents can be 'big small heart' (favouritisim) towards their children, even modern and young parents. Perhaps becoz some people still favour boys? Or favour the smarter one? Or love the more obedient ones? The ones who help make their parents look good when parents compare with their friends?

What do you think?

I would admit that sometimes i do 'favouritisim' on my girls. Family and friends and even my hb said that I doted on Inez more then Fayth, mainly (maybe to some of you are just excuses)... becoz Inez is still a baby.

I need to breast feed her, coax her to sleep, changed her, bathe her most of them time as afterall, it's a mum duty to do so towards a young baby which explains why I spend more time with Inez then Fayth. I don't and can't expect my mil to do these tasks for me unless I'm working.

As for Fayth, she's a 5 year old girl so I'm kind of expect her to be more independant which at times leaded me to 'neglected her' *guilt*..

But all and all, I love them both equally.

Some relatives or friends do commented that Inez is cuttier and chubbier then when Fayth was still an infant but to me and hb, they both are cute and lovely as they both are our flesh and blood, we created them and they both out from the same oven.

Quoting that: dont't know if she's picked up from somewhere (coming from the mother herself!) is definitely a nono! I mean, how could a mum said that on her own child? How a child looks like is bacially from the parents genes..

If there's a day the girl know that her own mum once quoted this comment about her, she will be very sad..

 

[apollo]

no matter what, the mother shdnt say such things on her girl. she is her own daughter afterall! everyone is diffe, though come out from the same womb, disciplined by the same parents. even twins also will have something diffe, lik character.

currently i only hav 1 kid but i will tell myself in future no matter what happen, i will not compare my kids' esp their milestones achievements and looks. cos i'm sure many outsiders will have many unwanted comments and since i'm the mother, why shd i make such unwanted comments? both are my own kids what. right? =)

 

[CanCanMum]

i wonx understand how it feels like about comparing number 1 vs number 2 coz i only have Baber as my one and only child ~~~

but i guess if i m in your friend's shoe, will definitely compare no 1 vs no 2 but will not be comparing all the time coz being both are my own flesh and blood, shd shower equal love and concern towards both the kids even tho both looked so different in terms of outward appearances~~~

we do not intend to have no.2 so we will only dote dote Baber hahahah~~~

but if i m the little gal will definitely feel so sad when i grew up knowing my parents think this way~~~

 

[Oppsgal]

Thought gals will change their look when they turned 18?

Now not that nice looking, or small eyes dont mean they will be the same for rest of the life.

For me I didnt show favoritism as there is no one to "fight" with my baby. Only :red:.

 

[Koala bear mummy]

I think it is human nature to have preferences. But people especially parents need to be aware of such preference and make a conscious choice not to.

I believe every kid is different, like in your friend's case. Instead of talking about looks and how the 2nd is different from the first, they could take the time to see what are the strengths of the 2nd.

It's ok to talk about differences but if that is the only thing that they talk about, as the child grows older, she will become self conscious and may have problems feeling confident of herself and be half guessing if her parents really love her. That'd be really sad.

I think you have a very good point that the parents should discover the strengths of the other child. Even looks will change so much when one grows up. Who knows, she may turn out better looking than her brother. We saw her pixes and thought she is so adorable efore her parents started their criticisms!

 

[Ashbaby]

Hi mummies,

Hubs and I had lunch session with his friends and wives recently. A couple who brought along a very boyish and cute 4 year old son commented on how different their second 1.5 year old daughter look from her brother and themselves, saying things like small eyes, very little eyelashes, dont't look like anyone in the family maternal or paternal, immediate or extended, dont't know if she's picked up from somewhere (coming from the mother herself!) good full 5 mins basically about the daughter not as goodlooking as the elder boy..

This started me thinking that indeed parents can be 'big small heart' (favouritisim) towards their children, even modern and young parents. Perhaps becoz some people still favour boys? Or favour the smarter one? Or love the more obedient ones? The ones who help make their parents look good when parents compare with their friends?

What do you think?

I think for her case she prefer boys to girls bah.