Mandy Wong
Member
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Do you think a marriage must have kids?
- Thread starter Mandy Wong
- Start date
I wouldn't mind being married without kids. We were not planning to have kids but we decided to adopt not because we couldn't adopt but we just wanted to adopt a child. But if the adoption didn't come through, we would have been happy to have no kids too. But this is not saying that we don't enjoy our son. We love him very much and that's the only kid that we're thinking of having at this point of time.
Unforgiven
Member
i believe to have a child/children in a marriage, then it's a complete family
I believe it depends on the couple. I think it is not very important for a family to have kids but I feel that it is very important for the couple to have the same view regarding children. It would be very difficult if one feels that having a kid makes the family complete but the other partner feels that children are troublesome. As long as the couple are on the same page, I think it is fine eitherways.
Yes, I too feel that so long each other shares the same goals n views in life in a marriage, with or without kids in a marriage is still fine so long both are happy with it. Nowadays there are many couples without kids are still leading a blissful life but on the other hand, there are some couples who are leading a cats n dogs life after hving kids... so it really depends on individual.
Proper planning n communication is impt in a marriage esp when comes to kids issues... if not, both will regret. Basically, I feel that it is imp to kw the purpose of hving a kid n if both of u like/love kids , it is better not to "follow blindly" with the traditional views of having kids, n also if both of u are mentally prepared to cope n handle "PROBLEMATIC"child, are both of u willing to sacrifice the opportunity cost forgone to take care of kids?? If it is uncertain, then better think twice as I hv seen many couples end up quarrelling over kids issues n their relationship has turned sour, love fades etc... But of course with PROPER Communication, strong relationship n LOVE towards children, all obstacles can be solved. So I focus a lot of "LOVE", without this, I don't think a couple will be able to go hand in hand if they meet with any obstacles in life.
Lastly, I also feel that not every couple is suitable to hv kids, one must kw about their character well, don't live for the sake of others.. there are many factors to take into consideration.. it is a lifetime commitment. Other couples can cope does not mean that it is the same for everybody... as every individual or couples' lifestyles, characters n goals are also different.. So it is hard to interprete if it is "BETTER"or "BETTER NOT" to hv kids. So long both are comfortable with each other n share the same views/ goals in life, then just go for it. Ultimately, the couple has to take the RESPONSIBILITY of upbringing of kids, not others, not even parents/ in laws/maid. They can't take care of the kids forever anyway.
Proper planning n communication is impt in a marriage esp when comes to kids issues... if not, both will regret. Basically, I feel that it is imp to kw the purpose of hving a kid n if both of u like/love kids , it is better not to "follow blindly" with the traditional views of having kids, n also if both of u are mentally prepared to cope n handle "PROBLEMATIC"child, are both of u willing to sacrifice the opportunity cost forgone to take care of kids?? If it is uncertain, then better think twice as I hv seen many couples end up quarrelling over kids issues n their relationship has turned sour, love fades etc... But of course with PROPER Communication, strong relationship n LOVE towards children, all obstacles can be solved. So I focus a lot of "LOVE", without this, I don't think a couple will be able to go hand in hand if they meet with any obstacles in life.
Lastly, I also feel that not every couple is suitable to hv kids, one must kw about their character well, don't live for the sake of others.. there are many factors to take into consideration.. it is a lifetime commitment. Other couples can cope does not mean that it is the same for everybody... as every individual or couples' lifestyles, characters n goals are also different.. So it is hard to interprete if it is "BETTER"or "BETTER NOT" to hv kids. So long both are comfortable with each other n share the same views/ goals in life, then just go for it. Ultimately, the couple has to take the RESPONSIBILITY of upbringing of kids, not others, not even parents/ in laws/maid. They can't take care of the kids forever anyway.
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That's kinda strong of a statement to make isn't it? So what about couples that can't have kids and couples that chose not to have kids? They don't have a complete family? What are they then? And there couples that procreate without knowing how to raise children and the kids are screaming and fighting all the time, husband gets sick of coming home to craziness and ends up visiting prostitutes or having affairs and then you call that a complete family? Or families that have kids but only to dump them to others to raise their kids and their kids see their parents once a week or once a month and are strangers to their parents, so complete family too?
crystalpink
Member
Well, better or better not to hv kids really depends on individuality. Never ever hv this thinking of "yang er fang lao", if the children are filial, of course its a bonus...In life, there are lots of uncertainties, what u hv hoped for may not be what u get in future. Some couples who really like children won't really mind the hardships, time, effort n money spent on children but some who don't really like children may feel that they are noisy, troublesome etc.. I do hv friends who cannot take care of their kids n rather prefer to work to "avoid" seeing them. But some who really like kids won't find them a nuisance even if they are very noisy n problematic..so I guess the character plays an imp part. Understand yrself first before deciding if hving kids is better or suitable for both of u. If not, making a wrong/ hasty decision may turn yr life upside down...
I agree on this. I think it's best if before marriage, couple talk about wanting to have children or not. This is to avoid conflict in the future.
Even though the couple want to have child(ren), both have to be ready at the same time. For example if wife wants to have child as soon as the marriage but husband wants to have child in few years time. This has to be resolved before marriage.
Mandy Wong
Member
Repeated post
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We used to be not ready to have child when we just got married. But when I am pregnant, we know that we're ready. I believe that when the couple are ready, they will be blessed with child(ren). That's just my optimistic view though :tlaugh:
First time parents normally have doubts whether they can rise the children well. But with observing other family and our own, at least we have a big picture of how to raise the children. Not to worry, when the time comes, you will know
First time parents normally have doubts whether they can rise the children well. But with observing other family and our own, at least we have a big picture of how to raise the children. Not to worry, when the time comes, you will know
11yearspast
New Member
I think it's essential to have kids for a family...
SunSwimmer
New Member
No. It's not a must but I feel that having a baby is so joyous only from 11 months onwards. It was very very difficult with newborn ( mine) if you are a fussy person. You need experience handling babies and a helper around. We always thought it's tormenting. Waking up, up to 5 times every night even after 16 months. It's really 24 hours job, every second of your time is sucked in by this little one. Be very prepared to be exhausted and to give up all your activities or hobbies, etc. You will have no time for anything else. It was very depressing for me. So it's so necessary to consider it carefully but then again, the suffering initially is worth it. Had swear after delivery and on many occasions not to have anymore kids. Had changed my mind. Good luck!
Mandy Wong
Member
Repeated post
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this is your child, why get man always like to get over jealous over wife evolving aound the baby. Also a mosquitoe bite can be very serious to a child, if the child get sick or hurt, if it's your own child, of course will be angry
I think it depends on individual, if you wanna have kids, then make sure you take good care of them, educate them, give them all your love, attention and give them all the best.
I know of my friend whom they did not want to have kids. They are enjoying every moment of their life, going holidays every now, going after their dreams, have time for their hobbies and interest and no stress at all.
I know of my friend whom they did not want to have kids. They are enjoying every moment of their life, going holidays every now, going after their dreams, have time for their hobbies and interest and no stress at all.
Beautee
New Member
Yes and no.
Overall, we love kids but not ones of our own.
Although not a mum ourselves, we totally understand the meaning of having to be a MOTHER.
If he's financially stable & a supportive partner, why not?
However, if he's a lazy bum & relies on his parents for just about every kind of support, would you want your kids to suffer such hardship?
We want the best for our kids, nothing less.
If he can't fulfill that simple, basic requirement, then we don't see why would anyone want to have his breed.
It's not like anyone changes overnight.
Overall, having kids is a huge decision.
Only make plans if you're thoroughly prepared.
Otherwise, dont bring harm to other innocent lives.
Just our 2cents.
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i feel that having kids after marriage is like stepping into another phrase of life. Just like courtship for few yrs, then next step is marriage. When children grow up, they will be attached and got married then have their kids. Its a cycle of life. If everybody do not wan any kids/children then there will be no human race in the future, human being will extinct.
Have kids when both u n hubby r ready. It's both u and hub decision and nvr a 3rd party. For example being pressurise by inlaws, shld not be any considerations of u and hub having kids.
Married for years without kids, I realise me and hub can lead a wonder life without kid but end of the day I start thinking otherwise...
Married for years without kids, I realise me and hub can lead a wonder life without kid but end of the day I start thinking otherwise...