feeling lonely...

[youknowsue]

hi hi

someone told me I've already felt lonely for a really long time, so when i realised my marriage is not gonna work out and heading for D, many says i will be able to move on and focus on my 2 kids in a breeze.

it's true to a certain extent, but who loves to be lonely (when i'm supposed to b cherished in marriage ie not the case as he betrayed my trust...) and yet i still have to continue walking the winding road with my 2 young kiddos in loneliness?

part of me felt some inbalance n inequality, as he has moved on with another woman (even b4 the papers are signed) and yet im here trying to be as strong pillar and act as normal as i can so tt people around me dun feel worried...

i've tried to hit the gym and do more activities to keep myself busy, i wanted my 'me time' as much as i can find time and seriously i need to feel tt i'm not alone... at times when i feel down, who cani turn to? hmmm i can't be telling my kids... and there's no one that i can turn over to talk to. i blame him for causing me in this situation.

he visits my kids once a week, for eg today, he will always bring his mum, bro n his gf along when he is out with my kids, i really wonder if he really wants to spend time with my kids or otherwise... we didnt communicate or look at each other, it's such a weird situation! Once intimate and married, now we're acting like stranger in front of my kids!! i dun like tt feeling at all, altho i know it's impossible for us to b back together as who would want someone who cheated, doesn't feel remorseful and has a MIL who says it's my fault?!!

do u feel this mixed feeling and lost feeling too?

 

[xiaodaisy]

u mean , ur going out with him n his mom , bro n his gf together with ur 2 kids?

when u need a listening ear , u got ur frens and family to lend u a shoulder to lean on ,u will nvr be alone where u have 2 lovely kids with u right =)

think positive and be cheerful , most important is take good care of urself kays =)

 

[xiaodaisy]

double post =x sorry

 

[MamabbJ]

Dear youknowsue,

My heart goes out to you. I want to give you a warm mummy hug. You have been very courageous and strong. Keep up your good job as a wonderful mummy to your two lovely kids. It is really not easy to move on but you have to. Time will heal. Keeping yourself busy is good. But do remember to rest and do something fin and relaxing with your kids and friends who stick by you. I always tell women around me to be independent (financially, socially and emotionally) and never rely too much on any man. We have to stand on our own two feet. (Frankly, I feel angry reading about your hubby and his gf and what they have put you and your kids through. Sometimes, I wonder if people still have conscience these days?)
Take good care, my dear. You are never alone, you know.

 

[paperger85]

I feel the same way as you. My girl is 22 months old and me and husband is heading for a divorce because he had another woman outside. He was even shameless enough to call me with the woman beside him and ask me to talk to her. Sighs...

I try to fill my time with work or I will find friends to go out together. If you don't mind, you can contact me and we can probably hang out together.

 

[youknowsue]

Hi mummies

Yes, he even brought tt woman n her young son (yup she's a single mum too!) to his parent's place for reunion when my kids were there!! it's utterly disrespectful and totally low family with zero value rite? i'm still the wife as the papers are not signed!

so nowadays when he n his stupid mum/ family come to fetch my kids out, i just dun talk to them, my boy knew i despise them... i just kissed n hugged my kids, ask them to hav fun and i went to have my own program while they were out. recently my gal is sick, so for courtesy sake, i text him to update him. he keep asking for update (not sure if he's genuinely concerned or fake) and can tell me to update him on my kid's condition. seriously, i dun report or work for him lor, he's already fxxking around with another divorcee, so i rather he just continue acting like a bastard and dun act innocent infront of my kids and me.

yes i dun mind catching up or making new frens!! so do PM me your contacts, and we can organise play dates... altho it's tiring bringing 2 young kids out with no car...

 

[sharontankenny]

Be strong....children is the main objective that you need to pull thru.....don't care what ppl says or talk.....

Follows what you intended to do and move on.....never regret the choice or path you made.

 

[karoru]

i knew another few of the single mummies from this forum and we organize regular gatherings with our kiddos... planning to have some just the mummies, too. if you are interested, can pm me your contact. we may be going to snow city with our kiddos this sat.

 

[willows]

Hi,

At the initial stage after my ex left me I feel lost and lonely too. But you have to accept the fact that he has left you. Don't look back and don't recall those times that you are together. That will hurt you more. Just move on and look forward.

I should be considered lucky. I have very good support from family, friends and colleagues. After what my idiot ex had done to me, I realize that my family and friends are very important to me. Now my girl and I enjoy every single moment with my family.

Do you have a religion? My religion gave me very good emotional support. Whenever I am down I will pray and talk to my fellow senior from the temple. I will also bring my to the temple whenever there is prayer service. She enjoy her time there. (don't worrying I am not spreading any religion here)

Have faith in your own life. Love yourself more, be more confident.

Now I spend a balance life between my work and my family. I would say my achievement after my ex left, is I have a strong bonding with my child, my career is looking good (boss sending me to some course as co. Only send those who have potential to course). I have gain much more then when I am in a marriage.

You can make it. Have faith.

hi hi

someone told me I've already felt lonely for a really long time, so when i realised my marriage is not gonna work out and heading for D, many says i will be able to move on and focus on my 2 kids in a breeze.

it's true to a certain extent, but who loves to be lonely (when i'm supposed to b cherished in marriage ie not the case as he betrayed my trust...) and yet i still have to continue walking the winding road with my 2 young kiddos in loneliness?

part of me felt some inbalance n inequality, as he has moved on with another woman (even b4 the papers are signed) and yet im here trying to be as strong pillar and act as normal as i can so tt people around me dun feel worried...

i've tried to hit the gym and do more activities to keep myself busy, i wanted my 'me time' as much as i can find time and seriously i need to feel tt i'm not alone... at times when i feel down, who cani turn to? hmmm i can't be telling my kids... and there's no one that i can turn over to talk to. i blame him for causing me in this situation.

he visits my kids once a week, for eg today, he will always bring his mum, bro n his gf along when he is out with my kids, i really wonder if he really wants to spend time with my kids or otherwise... we didnt communicate or look at each other, it's such a weird situation! Once intimate and married, now we're acting like stranger in front of my kids!! i dun like tt feeling at all, altho i know it's impossible for us to b back together as who would want someone who cheated, doesn't feel remorseful and has a MIL who says it's my fault?!!

do u feel this mixed feeling and lost feeling too?

 

[angelababi]

same can add me too.. all i can say guys are all the same.. belive me he may appear blissful now but in furthur after he married with that woman.. she the one be suffer already and then by the time you be more gald that everything is fair... if you r lonely you can add me too.. i always be there if you need someone to confide or probably hang out together

 

[xiaodaisy]

Hi mummies

Yes, he even brought tt woman n her young son (yup she's a single mum too!) to his parent's place for reunion when my kids were there!! it's utterly disrespectful and totally low family with zero value rite? i'm still the wife as the papers are not signed!

so nowadays when he n his stupid mum/ family come to fetch my kids out, i just dun talk to them, my boy knew i despise them... i just kissed n hugged my kids, ask them to hav fun and i went to have my own program while they were out. recently my gal is sick, so for courtesy sake, i text him to update him. he keep asking for update (not sure if he's genuinely concerned or fake) and can tell me to update him on my kid's condition. seriously, i dun report or work for him lor, he's already fxxking around with another divorcee, so i rather he just continue acting like a bastard and dun act innocent infront of my kids and me.

yes i dun mind catching up or making new frens!! so do PM me your contacts, and we can organise play dates... altho it's tiring bringing 2 young kids out with no car...

maybe after not being together , he rly still care for his kids , this is sometimes cant deny after , its his flesh n blood afterall =)

i'll pm u my contact and we can have some gathering to let the kids play together =)

 

[youknowsue]

hi, i felt injustice as it's rather rare that bosses and company will treat divorcee as equal right? i hope my soon-to-be-changed status will not affect my career as i ned to support my 2 kids, to be frank i have to strive to work extra hard to maintain the standard of living and not nurture my kids like a normal complete family. I felt injustice as I'm a mum with 2 lovely kids (shouldering all the lifechanging tasks, losing more 'me time' and even have to live in lonelines) just because he wants freedom and moved on with tt woman.

i've accepted the fact tt there's no turning back, but this is an expensive mistake and lesson learnt for myself and my poor kids are affected too. just recently, my boy is slacking with his schoolwork, teacher says his attention span is super short and he's uncooperative, sometimes i'm at wits end as any other parent, i need to make sure he's coping well (pri 1 this year) and doesn't like negative feedbacks (esp since this wil affect his studies). My poor boy is in the AM session, then stay for student care, by the time i fetch him, he's too tired to do his school work! Plus my daughter is reaching terrible 2, attention seeking too, I know i need to push & encourage my boy along but my hands are full and time is limited too...

sigh, i really need a clone (and i can't afford a maid & i dun trust them too)... so i kudos us mummies for being so hands on...

 

[angelababi]

hi, i felt injustice as it's rather rare that bosses and company will treat divorcee as equal right? i hope my soon-to-be-changed status will not affect my career as i ned to support my 2 kids, to be frank i have to strive to work extra hard to maintain the standard of living and not nurture my kids like a normal complete family. I felt injustice as I'm a mum with 2 lovely kids (shouldering all the lifechanging tasks, losing more 'me time' and even have to live in lonelines) just because he wants freedom and moved on with that woman.

i've accepted the fact that there's no turning back, but this is an expensive mistake and lesson learnt for myself and my poor kids are affected too. just recently, my boy is slacking with his schoolwork, teacher says his attention span is super short and he's uncooperative, sometimes i'm at wits end as any other parent, i need to make sure he's coping well (pri 1 this year) and doesn't like negative feedbacks (esp since this wil affect his studies). My poor boy is in the AM session, then stay for student care, by the time i fetch him, he's too tired to do his school work! Plus my daughter is reaching terrible 2, attention seeking too, I know i need to push & encourage my boy along but my hands are full and time is limited too...

sigh, i really need a clone (and i can't afford a maid & i dont trust them too)... so i kudos us mummies for being so hands on...

Although i also dont want to admit but we woman is always the lose party in this as men r always selfish.. Guys only think of his own. Marriage not necessary a blissful thing as it involve risky too who can guarantee your man will always love you and never turn his back to you .. as once that happen we woman become shoulder all the expensens.. So as for me i never trust men cause every man cant resist seduce... as for what you said he want freedom ... i can tell you one thing for sure a man who doesnt want to give a complete family to his own kids .. do you think he will complete a family and blissful with that woman now? If yes then he a stupid guy use money spend on other man child education etc... and if he just flirting you should be more glad who know he will catch any disease back to you and kids a not it would be even more worse .. my dear

 

[willows]

Lonely? Girl, you can feel lonely too when you are in a marriage. This shows that you have been relying on this man too much in the past. Like what I mention previously. Live for yourself, don't recall of the olden days. Move on and embrace all things that is coming. Who knows, there may be many good things waiting for you ahead. God is taking away something lousy in your life and preparing good one ahead for you, why do you still look back.

How could you say you are lonely? You have 2 nice kids. Spend more time with them before time flies and they will grow up.

Like now I am very greatful that I could see my child growth. Kids really grow fast.

For me, I show gratitude that I can see my child grow everyday.

hi, i felt injustice as it's rather rare that bosses and company will treat divorcee as equal right? i hope my soon-to-be-changed status will not affect my career as i ned to support my 2 kids, to be frank i have to strive to work extra hard to maintain the standard of living and not nurture my kids like a normal complete family. I felt injustice as I'm a mum with 2 lovely kids (shouldering all the lifechanging tasks, losing more 'me time' and even have to live in lonelines) just because he wants freedom and moved on with tt woman.

i've accepted the fact tt there's no turning back, but this is an expensive mistake and lesson learnt for myself and my poor kids are affected too. just recently, my boy is slacking with his schoolwork, teacher says his attention span is super short and he's uncooperative, sometimes i'm at wits end as any other parent, i need to make sure he's coping well (pri 1 this year) and doesn't like negative feedbacks (esp since this wil affect his studies). My poor boy is in the AM session, then stay for student care, by the time i fetch him, he's too tired to do his school work! Plus my daughter is reaching terrible 2, attention seeking too, I know i need to push & encourage my boy along but my hands are full and time is limited too...

sigh, i really need a clone (and i can't afford a maid & i dun trust them too)... so i kudos us mummies for being so hands on...

 

[youknowsue]

hi willow,

im very grateful tt im witnessing all the precious milestones of my 2 growing kids and you are right, i have to live for myself and for my kids too.

actually im not very dependent on him as i've always been doing stuff on my own, he didnt contribute much... i'm just missing the tender loving care that i believe both me and my kids are lacking and deserves better treatment.

i always believe, life is very short, live it the fullest and be happy (as i am teaching my kids the same thing too). i think my boy knows tt mummy no longer cries as dad is not around to upset me... i know it's unhealthy and im prepared to be single for life if my marital fate has ended. so long as my kids are healthy and they lead a meaningful + happy lives, i've done my part as mum.

no regrets.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Hi, i had recently somehow got into similar situation as u but not in the case where he got a woman outside, more like a communication breakdown. He kept saying i hurt his pride, i dun see him as a human always critizing him and blame his sis for always being on my side.

The whole story is, he is always out in the night with his frens drinking and gambling. I paid for most of the expenses and i had 2 young kids and a maid to support. Yes we are still married but i felt like im just the only one in this whole relationship. He chalked up alot of debts using my name, i had to clear it every month and i still gotta pay for my girls' expenses. Yes, he did pay like once for their milk but hello, they dun just use up 1 tin of milk a mth...

He asked me to leave him once, saying he is useless la, i shouldnt be with him. I stayed on coz i still love him, i tried hard to salvage the marriage. Every month when pay is in, i used up almost all in 2 weeks just to cover those debts and my kids' stuffs.

Today, he told me that i should reconsider being with him again. Pple said hurt till numb, now i really understand how this numbness felt...

Youknowsue, you arent alone, and im also glad im not alone too...i stayed in the west, maybe we can meet up? PM me Be strong k? Not just for ur kids, but for urself too

hi willow,

im very grateful tt im witnessing all the precious milestones of my 2 growing kids and you are right, i have to live for myself and for my kids too.

actually im not very dependent on him as i've always been doing stuff on my own, he didnt contribute much... i'm just missing the tender loving care that i believe both me and my kids are lacking and deserves better treatment.

i always believe, life is very short, live it the fullest and be happy (as i am teaching my kids the same thing too). i think my boy knows tt mummy no longer cries as dad is not around to upset me... i know it's unhealthy and im prepared to be single for life if my marital fate has ended. so long as my kids are healthy and they lead a meaningful + happy lives, i've done my part as mum.

no regrets.

 

[youknowsue]

he told me i hurt his ego, treat him like a maid etc... best art is i've been trying to salvage the relationship, telling him i hav no sparks and i need him to tell me what n how we should do to maintain n improve. well, just my destiny that we can't be married n be a loving old couple.

totally agreed that that it takes alot of hard work to maintain a marriage, but can't just be me alone. now, he and his stupid mum point the finger at me tt im the one who created this, so be it.

sure we can meet up cos me n my kids need to widen our social lives and know that we're not alone.

 

[angelababi]

he told me i hurt his ego, treat him like a maid etc... best art is i've been trying to salvage the relationship, telling him i hav no sparks and i need him to tell me what n how we should do to maintain n improve. well, just my destiny that we can't be married n be a loving old couple.

totally agreed that that it takes alot of hard work to maintain a marriage, but can't just be me alone. now, he and his stupid mum point the finger at me that im the one who created this, so be it.

sure we can meet up cos me n my kids need to widen our social lives and know that we're not alone.

sometimes it may help when separate for some time... cause when together alway aguring and etc... as time will heal itself ... when the time your hubby in furture misses you all when the time as a family.. thats the time he regret already... then he will feel he had let you down as well as his own child...

 

[youknowsue]

everyone told me tt... by then it;s too late, cos the damage is done and everything chage and not gonna be the same for us again. i only feel wasted for my young daughter cos she didnt even know how it's like to be in a 'complete, happy' family at all (cos she was still very young when it happens)

just few nights back, he called them, i put his call on speaker, and it's really weird hearing his voice and him talking to my kids... cos it's been at least 1 yr since we've unofficially separated. my gal can call him'uncle' (she is learning to talk and whenever she hear a male voice she'll call uncle ) , i think her dad sort of heard it, and asked my boy where we were... tsk, why does he even bother when he is already fxxking w another woman? crap.

 

[angelababi]

everyone told me tt... by then it;s too late, cos the damage is done and everything chage and not gonna be the same for us again. i only feel wasted for my young daughter cos she didnt even know how it's like to be in a 'complete, happy' family at all (cos she was still very young when it happens)

just few nights back, he called them, i put his call on speaker, and it's really weird hearing his voice and him talking to my kids... cos it's been at least 1 yr since we've unofficially separated. my gal can call him'uncle' (she is learning to talk and whenever she hear a male voice she'll call uncle ) , i think her dad sort of heard it, and asked my boy where we were... tsk, why does he even bother when he is already fxxking w another woman? crap.

the point is by that time is not on wanting him back is he will feel bad about himself all the life till he old .. that could be a torture for him.. as the damage he done is very hurtful but he doesnt think so now.. he only think of himself.. he can blame you blame everything except he himself... kids r very smart now unlike our times.. they will know too... hmm dont know should i say fro my views... you r so good still let them see your kids...but if its me i dont even want to let him see my kids since his family can be so shameless and no respect ... no matter wat you r still the kids mummy and they r showing the kids their father having affair .. for me i will make him and his family hell even double for them.. thats me no body should allow being bully as well as their little one .. as ppl respect me i will respect them ! Think they can get away from it no retribution huh