How do i approach??

[IcyTaz]

Hi all,

i'm new here and i'm a shotgun mummy. i'm staying with PIL and i don't really feel comfortable. my hubby wants his mum to stop working and help with my confinement. thou is early to disscuss now: EDD july 2010. but i hope to have my confinement at home which i'm more comfortable. just feel so strng in the diff environment. been missing my hse so much...

 

[diymummy]

Are you feeling uncomfortable because you are unfamiliar with your parents in law?

Are you and hubby already married?

 

[PinkDiamonds]

If u do ur confinement at home, will ur mum be able to help? If she can then u can try to discuss with your hubby.

As for ur issue about being uncomfortable staying with your in laws, I don't think you have much of a choice unless u are able to finance your own home, which I presume u don't have the ability to at the moment.

Do make a long-term plan for yourself & your family. Who is going to look after your baby for you? If ur MIL stops working for good, is ur hubby going to support her as well? If she looks after your baby, does this mean you will go out to work after your baby is born?

I believe that whatever arrangements you make should be for the best of your child. Take care and enjoy your pregnancy!

 

[xicloudix]

Hi all,

i'm new here and i'm a shotgun mummy. i'm staying with parent in law and i dont't really feel comfortable. my hubby wants his mum to stop working and help with my confinement. thou is early to disscuss now: EDD july 2010. but i hope to have my confinement at home which i'm more comfortable. just feel so strng in the diff environment. been missing my house so much...

Although I am not staying with my parent in law, but I also told my husband that i want to do my confinement at my own parents house... and he agree also as its more familiar and comfortable environment... confinement suppose to be "healing" period for mothers, so its best done in comfortable environment with sufficient care...

Infact I juz got married recently, and then got baby... even though living in my own new hse with husband, but i still miss my hse... till now i still insist i go back home everyday (i work until around 2 + in afternoon) and my hubby is to fetch me everyday after work ( around 8++) [haha i very demanding, but hubby go along with me as its dangerous for me to be at home alone anyway].... and sometimes if i can't go back i will feel very sad and since now preggy, have mood swings, may suddenly feel like cry... haha ... but i guess it will take time to adjust.. hope things will be better after giving birth...

 

[CanCanMum]

hihi icytaz, hahhaa i dddink u r homesick in a way laaa

its pretty common within the first year of newly wed mummies~~~(me too)

after tat i miss my new house more den my Niang Jia~~~

not possible to do confinement at your mums place? can she help u instead?

after confinement den move back, so yr mil can quit and help u take care of baby full time while u return to work?

 

[angelwendy]

I think if u reali don't feel comfortable with the ideal of staying with ur MIL when ur confinment.... u should talk to ur hubby & see wat he can do or plan.. talk out ur view with him... or maybe u can stay at ur own house & ask ur MIL to come a while to help then go home.. or temp let her stay at ur house.... i think u will feel better that way... :001_302: ya.. now cause u just got pregnant so will be more emo also... just let ur hubby know.. & i think he will understand.. remember don't keep it to urself then in the end u stress urself too much...

 

[PinkDiamonds]

Oh ya, after I got married we were temporarily staying with my hubby's grandma. I felt awkward cause my hokkien was CMI so my hubby will send me to my parents' before going to work and send me home after that. Eventually I got used to it. Now we shifted out to our own place, I don't miss going back to my parents' anymore!

 

[IcyTaz]

i myself also not sure. it seems kind of loathing to stay there. not comfortable at all. if MIL never work hubby would have to support for her. it's gonna be huge expense. and i find PIL very dirty....

 

[angelwendy]

i myself also not sure. it seems kind of loathing to stay there. not comfortable at all. if mother in law never work hubby would have to support for her. it's gonna be huge expense. and i find parent in law very dirty....

Hmm.. then i think ur MIL better work .... cause now u having baby already need lots of money already.. if she not working ur hubby will have to give her more $$... i rather that u be a stay home mum to look after ur own.. i think is much better... & also is very hard to teach ur parents in law how to be clean.. cause it might cause confict...

 

[apollo]

r u going to take care of ur baby on ur own aft confinement? if so, better dont ask ur mil to quit her job.. if ur hubby can afford u and ur baby's expenses, better take care ur baby on ur own..

bk to the topic, if u really dont feel comfy on ur mil helping, eiither get help from ur mum or hire a CL but i personally feel that the latter will be better.. afterall a CL (if u hire a good one) is more experience in cooking confinement food and taking care babies. and also if u wanna hire a CL, is time to hunt for one alrdy cos those very good and experience CL, nd to book ard 5-6mths advance.. maybe u can go to the threads at "confinement" area =)

 

[MomoMummy]

i myself also not sure. it seems kind of loathing to stay there. not comfortable at all. if mother in law never work hubby would have to support for her. it's gonna be huge expense. and i find parent in law very dirty....

to me i would seriously suggest u go back to your parents place for confinement..
because can c u are not close to your in laws, there are times when u want to say things but u do not dare.

like when my mil look after baby 24/7, i dun dare to take my ger away from her. i also useless ba. if were to b my mom, i will be no hesitation to ask my mum let me carry n feed.

i got post natal depression cos of my mil.. i think over that 1 month, i feed her like less than 5 times..

but of cos yr mil mayb better den mine but juz my pov..

yr emotions are more serious during confinement.. i felt useless cos i cant even walk properly. let alone taking care of my daughter. so with yr mum, u can talk to her like how it used to be but mil u muz take as if she is realli yr mum.. if not it will b quite tough.

 

[fioncess]

Maybe can ask your mum yo help you during confinement instead..
for my case i live with my mil after married..
my mum ask mi back home to do confinement but i rejected cos i feel it'll be hard on her at least at my mil place got maid to help out.
but after i give birth things change cos of post natal.
everytime hubby need to go work i'll cry... my mum will come all the way from amk to pasir ris to help mi n evening time go back...
when she want to go back i'll cry also.... cos i'll be alone with baby n the maid...
then my post natal got worst n hard for my mum to come bsack n forth...
so after 1 week i decided to move back to my mum's place...
since 2nd week my post natal recovered...
if i nv go back n continue to stay there i think i'll have depression... hahaa,...
anyway must really discuss with ur hubby to see wat's best...
cos post natal is something you'll nv expect.. jus like mi.. it's so sudden n keep crying but dunno the reason y.

 

[Renzie]

Have a good talk with your husband. Firstly, if your mother-in-law quit her job to help you look after the child, he'll need to support both his mom, you and the newborn child.

Just tell him that you still feel quite awkward staying with your parents-in-law and hope to do your confinement back at your own parents' place and will come back after that period. As for his mom quitting her job, well she don't need to do so yet, unless you feel that you seriously need help at home in looking after the baby, and that you wouldn't feel that its nice if she quits her job just to look after you and the baby just for 1 month. Thus it'll be much more convenient for everyone if you do your confinement at your parents' place?

I'm staying at my parents-in-law's place currently and I'll be doing my confinement back at my parents and hubby will be coming to stay with me as well. My mom was thinking of quitting her job just to take care of baby and I during my confinement, I told her not to, hubby and I will be there, plus she's working in shifts, so while she's working, I'll still be able to handle. Thinking of her age looking for new jobs again very heart pain, so I don't want her to quit her job just because of that. Plus hubby will be taking sometime off work to help me out as well. So there's plenty of hands, including dad's, to help out...hopefully. .

 

[Ting]

what is your hubby's stand?
is he someone that will listen to u n try to make u feel more comfy? or one who is a MCP n wants everything to go his way? ie, must live with his parents, must let his mum tc of grandchild?

no matter what, i believe in the beginning, no one is used to living in a whole new environment.
your own parent's home is always the best, cos ur parents r always there to help u n take care of u. all your needs r taken care of. n u r very familiar in that environment. u can lie on the sofa, out your leg high high all those..
but when u live in someone else's place, u need to watch your image.

of cos, u gotta discuss with ur hubby, n find a most viable way which in both of u r comfy. factors u shld think abt is, who's gg to be the main caregiver of your child?
if u r gg to be, then can hubby be able to support u n baby?
if u need to go out to work FT, who's gg to be the one taking care of your child? your mum or MIL??


u still hv at least 1/2 a year to plan, so do some good planning n work it out.

 

[LoVeS]

there is 2 things u need to do now.

1st is to discuss abt tis issue to ur hubby coz no matter wat a gd communication regarding tis issue will be gd for the both of u since both of u haf diff view on how ur confinement should be done.

2nd is tat, is ur mom willing to do ur confinement for u? If she is then i will suggest tat u go to ur mom hse to do confinement since ur more comfortable there but tat is provided u haf discussed wif ur hubby alrdy. If ur uncomfortable then i dun tink u can really rest well lor which is very important during ur confinement.

If ur mom is nt willing to do ur confinement for u then i tink it better tat ur hubby hire a confinement lady instead of asking ur MIL to quit her job n ending up ur hubby haf to support her fully~

 

[IcyTaz]

i've discuss with him plenty of times. but he always say still long... next time then say. i'm gonna work after my confinement as expense will go up with a baby coming along. if MIL quits her job i guess the tough one is gonna be hubby... he'll have to give her extra money and she likes to play mahjong. his hse got dog has it has skin problem that's y the whole flat is so dirty. and MIL only mop the floor once a mth? whereas my mum is a stay home housewife, has plenty of time ans is willing to look after the unborn, most imptly my house very clean. she sweep and mop the floor everyday. he feels that his mum should be closer to his child and said if i do my confinement at my mum's place his parents don't get to see the baby etc... and after that i'll have to go back to work, under the seen circumstances, i guess all mothers would wanna put their children in a clean growing up and learning conducive environment right? so he's not happy that my mum will be the baby's main care taker. sad...

 

[MomoMummy]

i've discuss with him plenty of times. but he always say still long... next time then say. i'm gonna work after my confinement as expense will go up with a baby coming along. if mother in law quits her job i guess the tough one is gonna be hubby... he'll have to give her extra money and she likes to play mahjong. his house got dog has it has skin problem that's why the whole flat is so dirty. and mother in law only mop the floor once a month? whereas my mum is a stay home housewife, has plenty of time ans is willing to look after the unborn, most imptly my house very clean. she sweep and mop the floor everyday. he feels that his mum should be closer to his child and said if i do my confinement at my mum's place his parents dont't get to see the baby etc... and after that i'll have to go back to work, under the seen circumstances, i guess all mothers would wanna put their children in a clean growing up and learning conducive environment right? so he's not happy that my mum will be the baby's main care taker. sad...

he want to see yr baby being in a very dirty environment? his parents can always cum over to yr place and see their grandchild.. my pil will sometimes take 12 hours train to cum here n see my dd

for yr baby sake if bb contact in any ways with the dog or sniff too much dog hair and dun wan sweep, yr son will get health problems. newborn v prone to diseases..

be firm that u want to take baby to yr mom's place.. if yr hubby care for the baby rather than wanting grandchild to be with his parents den he better let u do confinement there..

hmm yr hubby quite selfish le.. y dun let yr mom b caregiver..

 

[Ting]

i've discuss with him plenty of times. but he always say still long... next time then say. i'm gonna work after my confinement as expense will go up with a baby coming along. if mother in law quits her job i guess the tough one is gonna be hubby... he'll have to give her extra money and she likes to play mahjong. his house got dog has it has skin problem that's why the whole flat is so dirty. and mother in law only mop the floor once a month? whereas my mum is a stay home housewife, has plenty of time ans is willing to look after the unborn, most imptly my house very clean. she sweep and mop the floor everyday. he feels that his mum should be closer to his child and said if i do my confinement at my mum's place his parents dont't get to see the baby etc... and after that i'll have to go back to work, under the seen circumstances, i guess all mothers would wanna put their children in a clean growing up and learning conducive environment right? so he's not happy that my mum will be the baby's main care taker. sad...

then i think your hubby is very selfish..
why SHLD his mum be closer to baby than your mum?
both r the grandmas, shldnt be who's must be closer or who musnt.
dun tell me bcos baby has his surname? if like tt, i will tell my hubby, then baby put my surname...

of cos, we need to see what environment is BEST for the child.
mop the floor once a month is really HORRIBLE.
shld at least 2 days once.
esp with baby, shld do it everyday!
plus his dog got skin problem, makes it worst..
u shld really talk to your hubby abt this, it is very important for babies esp NB, to live n grow in a CLEAN environment.
tell him, if want his mum to look after can, cure the dog's skin problem, n she MUST clean the hse everyday.


for me, im very straightforward, will tell hubby off n do things my way if i think its right.i wont give face to hubby, he wanna angry is his prob, but my child is i XIN XIN KU KU preggers n delivery, not him!!!!!