ling.er
Member
retiring?? So fast think till there haha.. she only 54 wor.. abit early ma?? While i nt sure la.. Anyway i reach home bath eat play with son lei.. also dun wan care about her...
How much did you give to your IN LAW or PARENT who is looking after ur baby ??
- Thread starter ling.er
- Start date
retiring?? So fast think till there haha.. she only 54 wor.. abit early ma?? While i nt sure la.. Anyway i reach home bath eat play with son lei.. also dun wan care about her...
I used to give my mom $200 every month (have to put into her bag discreetly) but after knowing that I am pregnant again, she has warned me not to give her another cent. In fact she is the one always offering me money and reminds me how much joy my daughter has given her.
I feel really bad and guilty towards her but I have no choice but to put her at a disadvantage first. I am exploited at work and underpaid, my in laws are also selfishly demanding and inconsiderate.
I feel really bad and guilty towards her but I have no choice but to put her at a disadvantage first. I am exploited at work and underpaid, my in laws are also selfishly demanding and inconsiderate.
Stormblessed
Member
You dont need to care abt her lah...if she got money issue, maybe thats why she ask your DH for money, so become your money issue.
If she settle her money issue, then she wont disturb your DH anymore.
Stormblessed
Member
How old is your mum? Does she need money from you to support herself?
Ting
Well-Known Member
well, right now, u hv to admit, u are dependent on her- to look after your son, and for a roof over your head. if your husband dont even bother, then seriously, just tolerate. if u think moving out will make your life easier, i can honestly tell u, u r very wrong.
right now, u r only paying $500 to ur MIL for looking after your son n household expenses.
i'm moving out soon, so i roughly give u an estimation on how much needed to be spent.
groceries- if one meal is abt $10-$12 (minimumly, if u eat simply) X 30 days (assuming that u hv dinner at home everyday) = $300-$360
conservancy fees- $50-$70 (if im not wrong)
PUB bills- minimumly $100-200 (if on AC daily, will be more)(this is IF no one is at home in the day, your son is home daily, so u can estimate how much MORE is needed?)
other "groceries" like shampoo, soap, detergent. toothpaste, etc- $50-$80 (depending on brand and how much usage a month)
SCV,internet bills- if u hv SCV and stuff at home, depending on what u choose- i think abt $80-$100 a mth?
so totally one month household expenses is abt - $600-$800 a month. and this is for a family of 3 persons. and it doesnt include if u hv your meals outside.
for your MIL case, whatever she pays is for 5adults and 1 kid. that would be definately more right?
my calculations may be more than what u might need to pay, but this is just an estimation on my side, think abt it after u move out, if $600 a month on household, then plus your son's CC fees of $480, one mth u need to fork out close to $1100, and this is just a minimum amount.
and even if your mil stay home in the day, etc and even IF your fil wrking, so what? cant be she spend all the money given to her on hsehold expenses only? she hv things she might wanna buy for herself or put part of it for her savings?
right now, u r only paying $500 to ur MIL for looking after your son n household expenses.
i'm moving out soon, so i roughly give u an estimation on how much needed to be spent.
groceries- if one meal is abt $10-$12 (minimumly, if u eat simply) X 30 days (assuming that u hv dinner at home everyday) = $300-$360
conservancy fees- $50-$70 (if im not wrong)
PUB bills- minimumly $100-200 (if on AC daily, will be more)(this is IF no one is at home in the day, your son is home daily, so u can estimate how much MORE is needed?)
other "groceries" like shampoo, soap, detergent. toothpaste, etc- $50-$80 (depending on brand and how much usage a month)
SCV,internet bills- if u hv SCV and stuff at home, depending on what u choose- i think abt $80-$100 a mth?
so totally one month household expenses is abt - $600-$800 a month. and this is for a family of 3 persons. and it doesnt include if u hv your meals outside.
for your MIL case, whatever she pays is for 5adults and 1 kid. that would be definately more right?
my calculations may be more than what u might need to pay, but this is just an estimation on my side, think abt it after u move out, if $600 a month on household, then plus your son's CC fees of $480, one mth u need to fork out close to $1100, and this is just a minimum amount.
and even if your mil stay home in the day, etc and even IF your fil wrking, so what? cant be she spend all the money given to her on hsehold expenses only? she hv things she might wanna buy for herself or put part of it for her savings?
ling.er
Member
So nw i tryin to save for future use as well . since i ask her hw much she wan she did tell mi i also dun kwn hw much she wan ma. So i juz give her $600 1st when my pay was adjust the increase ..
As if she really nt enough she ewill start complain again de.. So nw i juz shut up..
ling.er, always remember, you're staying under her roof. You're a guest there. A daughter in law is NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER truly a part of the family. If your MIL treats you like her daughter, that's a blessing. Your MIL can never love you like your own mother. It's totally different. So don't say that my mother never ask for this and that and my MIL is like this and that. Why don't you take your child to your mother for her to take care if things are so hard between you and MIL. Yes, MIL can be hard. I've had my moments too. I don't like to be under her rules and therefore whenever we head back to Spore, we never stay at her place. Because her place her rules. I don't like to wash my own clothes and not even my own underwear! And i like to eat what I like and don't want her to nag. So if my parents' place is not available, then we stay at hotel. Life is tough so deal with it. The more you grumble about your in laws, the more you'll be mad and soon, it can turn to hate. And the relationship can crumble. But at the same time, be firm. Tell her what you can afford and that's it. Like the rest of the posters have said, she show black face, then you have to take it because you are under her rules and under her roof.
Ting
Well-Known Member
so if she tell u one month she need 1K, u will give her ma?
like one of the mummy here suggested, just do your math and work out the maximum u and your husb can give her. then tell her, this is the MOST you can give her, if u hv to, break down your monthly expenses n let her know this is WHY u can only afford that much to give her. perhaps like that, she can hv a clearer picture and understanding. perhaps the reason why she is complaining is really bcos monthly not enough money? maybe she is using part of her savings to top up for household expenses? like i alr roughly estimated to show u, one mth need $1100 (for family of 3), now u n ur hubs only giving her $500, so the other $600 is as if your SIL toping up for both of u.
My mom is 54 years old she is working from 2+am till 9am to be financially independent.
She also claims that she is more comfortable that way. If only my in laws can be half as consider or thoughtful as my mom, life will be so much better and easier for the innocent parties -.-"
ling.er
Member
1k i cant effort lo... Mostly is only up to 700 i can able to give her if i save her & there.. My hubb alrd say give $600 .. Since her son like tat say laio then anything happen they 2 talk lo.. I dun care laio.. Nw i juz hope time pass faster n faster .. So after 3 yr i mvoe out then better.. nw can bear only lo..
MyHappyKids
Member
First of all, can you get a trusted "nanny" for S$500?
No matter what her other sons or daughter gave her, that's their decision. What you can do is ask your hubby to seek his mum understanding because of your other financial committment.
I believe she will be compasionate and understanding.
If you use the money to employ maid with both of you working, ask yourself this... how confidence do you have for maid with your baby?
Another maid is extra additional responsibilities and human to human problem may surfaced. Can you handle her?
If put in child care, be prepared mentally for sickness sickness sickness.....
Taking baby need alot of attention. Moreover, it's a boring "job".
You are taking things for granted.
If we are more appreciative to those who care for us, it will surely make our life better!
BTW:
I have maid and so hard to find a good maid.
I pay mum S$1k up from S$700 because I have absolutely confidence in her ability to take good care of my boys and girls.
I used to put son in whole day childcare but withdraw due to high rate of falling ill.
Just my own opinions.
Last edited:
ling-er at least your MIL still supporting (more or less) on house expenses and looking aft yr baby. My MIL always disappear LOL n we see only 1 or 2 time one year. (DH is the ONLY child). And my mum hahah like yr MIL always $ n show black face last time. But NOW i am SAHM, i can understand it's not easy to look aft baby or worst active toddler plus cooking and house chores, LOL, I always show black face with messy hair when DH is back fr work. heheh. But he understand n always remind my kids not to make mummy angry. hahah.
ling.er
Member
Haha u so cute lei.. Messy hair lolx Ya somehw she able to help. But juz she love to nagg & show black face ... I dun care alrd.. She wan show juz show i go in room tat all. Juz dun let mi hear she KPKB about mi can lei.. next mth i will increase $ to her .. Hope tat shut her mouth.. I only able to give tat amount lo..
Ting
Well-Known Member
linger, if $600 or $700 is the max u can give her, then u just let her know. tell her nicely, even if she gives u black face.think abt it this way, u make it "look nice", as in talk to her nicely since u need her help, even she speaks ill of u in front of others, u hv nth to fear, since u are alr doing the best u can. if she wanna gossip abt u behind your back, this will only reflect what type of person she is. as long as u do your part as a DIL, then whatever ppl say, it wont matter alr. but if u dont show her respect and continue to ignore her or show her black face, then u r just giving her n others a chance to talk abt you.
ling.er
Member
She is those type tat nth to do like to gossip de ... Last time she work then nth much ma but nw she have alot of FREE TIME.. U knw wat i mean?? anyway i talk to her always use nice tone even she show mi blk face nor ....
She wan say wat let her ba.... 3 yr blink over laio.. BEAR WITH IT lo...
Nw i dun save then future i go where tk $ for my kid schlin or other
Stormblessed
Member
THere are kids education plans that you can buy from insurers like NTUC, or TM asia to help save for tertiary education.
Worst case if you cannot save is to get an education loan in future but there must be some collateral or guarantor if need to get education loan.
now 1 room rent is more than 700 dollar for 3 ppl . Nanny cost is more than 600 dollar . So total like 1300 dollar . If your hubby does not give her anything then 500-600 dollar is too little regarding singapore living cost . You should appreciate her support , tell her nicely why you cant give her more than that . You should not totally ignore her for 3 years , she will more stress and one day may be burst on you. 3 years is a long time .
Ting
Well-Known Member
oh please, she alr mention she is cash-strapped now, so where is she gg to find extra money to get edu plans n stuff now? pls take your financial advising somewhere else and not get too carried away.
apollo
Well-Known Member
i dont get what u mean by "now she have alot of FREE TIME.. " you feel that she is now very FREE at hm? ling.er, u were once a SAHM right?? u shd noe that it is not easy to tc of a baby somemore ur MIL is alrdy 54. u might think that 54 is not old BUT it is still very tedious for a 54 yo to tc a baby. my MIL n mum refused to give up their job to tc my son FT though they dote me n my son alot. i dont blame them cos they alrdy brought up 3 and 2 kids respectively. my mum is only 50yo this yr and she will feel tedious when she help me to tc ds for less than a day, somemore ur mil is FT caregiver of ur son (except night time).
I just want you to know that YOU ARE TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED!!! and you dont seems to get what we are trying to tell you!!! Yes your mil is not right to keep showing the black face but pls ask yourself, why she did that in the 1st place? she is not money face but she NEEDS money to maintain the whole household well. taking care of ur son and cooking for ur, letting ur stay with her, she alrdy 到贴 alot and use her time to tc ur son. it is not easy okay, she is very stressful too. I'm a SAHM for 2 yrs and I know hw she feel. the only difference is: she is just a grandma, she has a choice NOT to tc ur son for u but i dont have much choices cos the one i taking care of is my own son. shdnt you be more appreciative?
Sry if i sound too harsh but i seriously feel that it takes 2 hands to clap and when u expect ur mil to make some changes on her attitude, you shd do some self reflection too, dont let ur hub caught in btwn. just give and take and you will see the difference. even you cant give her more money, explain to her and treat her better so she will feel that though ur cant give her more money but at least ur treat her well and she will be more happy. if she is happy, she will not give black face and u will be happy also, right? =)
JMO!
Last edited:
ling.er is not in touch with reality. At first, I felt sorry for her but the more she writes, it becomes very apparent that she is rather selfish and self centred. Firstly, she was pregnant before getting married. So in laws have no choice but to let her in. Sure, her husband has a part in getting her pregnant, but at 25 or 24 at that time, she doesn't know about contraception? From the looks of it, she was unemployed when she was pregnant and in laws were not happy. Sure, if i was in law, i'll also grumble. Free eat and stay? Taking advantage of the family? Then she found a job and to a certain extent gave peanuts to her in laws. Yes, understand that she's cash strapped and living under someone else's roof. But please grow up and suck it up and not be a child about it. Someone is doing you a favour so deal with it. If you can stand on your own 2 feet, sure move out and stamp and stomp your feet. But now, can you do that? And if your parents are so nice, then move back to live with your parents! Ling.er, grow up is all that I can say.