How much did you give to your IN LAW or PARENT who is looking after ur baby ??
- Thread starter ling.er
- Start date
Stormblessed
Member
I'm just trying to help. She did ask a question and I gave her my suggestion.
I can see underlying money issues that seem to be contributing to alot of the tension. I believe making a proper financial plan will help to reduce the stress involved for all the parties.
I believe this forum also includes the word Finance, so financial advising can and should be discussed if it helps
Last edited:
Ting
Well-Known Member
yup sure, looking at all your posts, im sure u r trying to help.
perhaps if u look deeper into the issue, money isnt the main issue. but then again...... **shrugs**
I agree with you. I don't think it's money. It's deeper than that. Maybe from in law's point of view, pregnant daughter in law and now stuck at home, got to care for the baby. Daughter in law's point of view, always black face, want more money. Communication? Misunderstanding? Or maybe more
Ting
Well-Known Member
ling.er
Member
Imt nt pregg .. Im nt stuck @ home ...
She can dun TC of my son but she went resign herself without informing us .. too late to stop her
** She nt always black face but werid ONLY to mi ... she did wan more abit but nv inform mi hw much she really wan it..
Ling.er, you did get pregnant before getting married right? And when you were pregnant, you were not working, right? And Ling.er, are you not grateful that she resigned to take care of your son? See this is what I don't understand about you. Your MIL resigned so that you can go and work. So what do you want? You rather stay at home and look after your son and cook dinner for like 4 or 5 people in your in law's house? Would you be willing to do that? And all the housework too?
ling.er
Member
I wan to be a stay @ home mum ... Yes i rather stay @ home do all these..
But nw is another way round alrd....
anyway somehw i did thk for TC my son. But wat i hate most is she like to say about mi.. Meaning complain to other... But she nv tell mi whre i do wrong ma.. Y i kw she complain about mi is I overhear she talking when i walk pass...
ANyway about the $ problem alrd settle..
THK ALL MUM FOR THE ADVICE !! i hope she can be more understanding as on my side i will do so... Since i alrd marry to my hubb she also half of my mum...
I no whre to complain to i Yell IN MUMMYSG na...
I remember spending a few days at home with my little 5 months old baby then, it was hard. It was hard because I had to make sure that the boy is cared for first. And then try to clean the house and get meals. And there's laundry to do as well. And the few days, we had dinner out every night because I couldn't cope. So maybe ling.er, you're better at staying at home, then talk to your mother in law and tell her that you'll stay at home and she can go back to work. And maybe you can do a better job than her.
apollo
Well-Known Member
ling.er, i'm curious. how ur usually communicate? will ur sit down and watch tv tgt? chit chat tgt? u noe, sometimes maybe she feel lonely, scare u 'snatch' away his son etc etc that's y she tend to complain alot to outsiders. try to communicate with her, after all u gonna stay with her for 3 more yrs and she is ur MIL, nth can change this fact as long as u are tgt with ur hub. instead of having hard feelings with each other, why not try ways to 'patch up' with her?
ling.er
Member
apollo
Re: How much did you give to your IN LAW or PARENT who is looking after your baby ??
ling.er, i'm curious. how your usually communicate? will your sit down and watch tv together? chit chat together? you know, sometimes maybe she feel lonely, scare you 'snatch' away his son etc etc that's y she tend to complain alot to outsiders. try to communicate with her, after all you gonna stay with her for 3 more yrs and she is your mother in law, nth can change this fact as long as you are together with your hub. instead of having hard feelings with each other, why not try ways to 'patch up' with her?
We do sit down watch Tv & we dun really talk much.. She l;ove to watch Show so i dun disturb her .. Some hw after work i look after son myself.. Hmmm i snatch away the son?? Is nt only son wor.. She had youngest son which juz 21 yr old only..
Last time we use to go shoppin every wk she seen ok de.. But after i work then change i also duno y like tat.. So i did tell hubb we give nt enough $ izit.. Even my hubb say enough alrd ah + we need save.. Then since hubb liek tat say I no comment... So i will tell inlaw $600/mth 1st when my pay increas then i give 700/Mth lo..
noelsmum
ling.er, i'm curious. how your usually communicate? will your sit down and watch tv together? chit chat together? you know, sometimes maybe she feel lonely, scare you 'snatch' away his son etc etc that's y she tend to complain alot to outsiders. try to communicate with her, after all you gonna stay with her for 3 more yrs and she is your mother in law, nth can change this fact as long as you are together with your hub. instead of having hard feelings with each other, why not try ways to 'patch up' with her?
We do sit down watch Tv & we dun really talk much.. She l;ove to watch Show so i dun disturb her .. Some hw after work i look after son myself.. Hmmm i snatch away the son?? Is nt only son wor.. She had youngest son which juz 21 yr old only..
Last time we use to go shoppin every wk she seen ok de.. But after i work then change i also duno y like tat.. So i did tell hubb we give nt enough $ izit.. Even my hubb say enough alrd ah + we need save.. Then since hubb liek tat say I no comment... So i will tell inlaw $600/mth 1st when my pay increas then i give 700/Mth lo..
noelsmum
Re: How much did you give to your IN LAW or PARENT who is looking after your baby ??
I remember spending a few days at home with my little 5 months old baby then, it was hard. It was hard because I had to make sure that the boy is cared for first. And then try to clean the house and get meals. And there's laundry to do as well. And the few days, we had dinner out every night because I couldn't cope. So maybe ling.er, you're better at staying at home, then talk to your mother in law and tell her that you'll stay at home and she can go back to work. And maybe you can do a better job than her.
I look after my own son till 9mth big.. Which was last mth.. morning after his bath i wash his clothes & mysel while he sitting there & watch.. after tat i feed him cereal/milk the brin down stair walkwalk.. Play with him Then when he fall aslp i start to clean hus & cook his porrid alrd.. Tat time Inlaw seldom cook.. Mayb 2-3 time a wk... Nw also about there 3-4 time awk.. So i will pack back myself..
WHen i look after son myself alrd.. She alrd naggy to the ahma say i shall go look for job lei.. hinting mi she can look after son ma. So i went interview & start to be a full time mummy lo... Then to my thinkin she also nt happy lei..
My sis say GEN NIAN QI ** = ="
I remember spending a few days at home with my little 5 months old baby then, it was hard. It was hard because I had to make sure that the boy is cared for first. And then try to clean the house and get meals. And there's laundry to do as well. And the few days, we had dinner out every night because I couldn't cope. So maybe ling.er, you're better at staying at home, then talk to your mother in law and tell her that you'll stay at home and she can go back to work. And maybe you can do a better job than her.
I look after my own son till 9mth big.. Which was last mth.. morning after his bath i wash his clothes & mysel while he sitting there & watch.. after tat i feed him cereal/milk the brin down stair walkwalk.. Play with him Then when he fall aslp i start to clean hus & cook his porrid alrd.. Tat time Inlaw seldom cook.. Mayb 2-3 time a wk... Nw also about there 3-4 time awk.. So i will pack back myself..
WHen i look after son myself alrd.. She alrd naggy to the ahma say i shall go look for job lei.. hinting mi she can look after son ma. So i went interview & start to be a full time mummy lo... Then to my thinkin she also nt happy lei..
My sis say GEN NIAN QI ** = ="
Ling.er, I mean DO EVERYTHING like your MIL in the house. Would you be able to do it? Your MIL cook dinner and clean the house and everything in the house too right? Can you do it? Maybe put yourself in her shoes before complaining. She has already raised her kids and now have to raise a grandson too. And she has to do her housework too.
ling.er
Member
clean hus she do 3 day 1 time... then cook is aso like mi.. when son slp then cook .. I did put myself in her shoes alrd... her kids is the ahma raise up.. she same as mi.. working tat time ...
somehw i did thk for the help ...
** Son clothes hubb clothes i wash ... like become 2 family lei lo **
I'm going to leave it as it is. Ling.er, I'm sure you're a nice person. But at the same time, it does seem to be that you're ungrateful to a certain to your in laws. But this is my perception or the way I see it by what you wrote. You seem to think that you''re right and your MIL is not a nice person. Honestly, if I did get pregnant before getting married, number 1, my in laws would not have accepted me. They will not welcome me into their house. And number 2, we will be on our own! I don't know how old your husband is. But in my situation, hubby and me would have to find out own place settle our own shit. So in my point of view, you are lucky. But you seem to think otherwise. Ling.er, my mother in law did not accept me even when I was at first year in university. And by the way, I had to support myself in Australia. My parents were broke, I got a scholarship and I had to work part time to pay for rent. It was only at my last year of university that I could be invited to my in laws' place for dinner. And my in laws were not very keen on us getting married unless we were financially independent. And yes, financial independence is very important to them and my parents. But it was their generosity that they picked up the tab for our wedding dinner. And I am very thankful and grateful that I was able to have a nice and expensive wedding dinner. Anyway, I'm not going to comment anymore. I wish you the best and importantly, grow up. And stop comparing your mother to your MIL and to her ah ma and everyone. It does not help. If you need her help, then don't complain and complain.
Ting
Well-Known Member
since the $$$ issue alr solved and it shld make her slightly happier for awhile now. meanwhile, just try to engage into a conversation with her, talk abt a topic both can relate to, which is your son. from there, slowly build up the r/s. it is not easy, but at least u make an effort. i think older ppl tend to grow soft after some time.
ling.er
Member
Every ting need time anyway... Some hw we sit down watch tv only 2 hr .. about 9 + i settle my son to slp alrd..
I think what we're all trying to tell you is that your circumstance really isn't as bad as you think. In fact you should be thankful particularly for:
1) Not many in-laws would even welcome a DIL who is pregnant before marrying in. Yours in fact allowed you, hubby and your son to stay under their roof and now even taking care of your family.
2) You all are contributing a minimal amount and yet she is still preparing your family's food and providing you all with a roof.
If after doing all the above and she still appears to be :001_302: every day, then she's a super nice MIL. Instead of hoping for her understanding, why don't you also try to understand her perspective? She really does not need to tire herself to look after your son, it's NOT her duty. Since your hubby has started his own family now, she really should not need to still take care of him (e.g. cooking). That should be your job. But instead now she even has to take care of you and baby. And yes she is taking care of your family. Unless you're giving her a very comfortable sum then you're considered as taking care of her. But honestly, what you're giving is barely enough to sustain your own family.
THEREFORE, what we're trying to highlight to you is it's a give and take. Given your circumstance, we understand it's very difficult for you to do anything more financially. So best you can do is to try to understand your MIL too and compensate by treating her better. If you know what she likes to eat, no harm to buy it back for her once a while. Sometimes it's little thoughts that show you care.
1) Not many in-laws would even welcome a DIL who is pregnant before marrying in. Yours in fact allowed you, hubby and your son to stay under their roof and now even taking care of your family.
2) You all are contributing a minimal amount and yet she is still preparing your family's food and providing you all with a roof.
If after doing all the above and she still appears to be :001_302: every day, then she's a super nice MIL. Instead of hoping for her understanding, why don't you also try to understand her perspective? She really does not need to tire herself to look after your son, it's NOT her duty. Since your hubby has started his own family now, she really should not need to still take care of him (e.g. cooking). That should be your job. But instead now she even has to take care of you and baby. And yes she is taking care of your family. Unless you're giving her a very comfortable sum then you're considered as taking care of her. But honestly, what you're giving is barely enough to sustain your own family.
THEREFORE, what we're trying to highlight to you is it's a give and take. Given your circumstance, we understand it's very difficult for you to do anything more financially. So best you can do is to try to understand your MIL too and compensate by treating her better. If you know what she likes to eat, no harm to buy it back for her once a while. Sometimes it's little thoughts that show you care.
apollo
Well-Known Member
that is exactly what I trying to tell ling.er! =)
ling.er
Member
Im doin tat .. i did buy some stuff back for the family.. Some hw i knw GIVE & TK .. As wat i needed her help & so on.. $ problem alrd settle therefore i hope we will be close lo..