How to increase couple time?

[Casandra]

Since the birth of my 2nd boy...hubby and I have no time for each other. We are always busy at work and the moment we got home..busy with my 2 children. My 2 boys fight alot. I have to spend alot of time to try and explain to them what is right and what is wrong. By the time I settle them to sleep..i am totally exhausted.

It's been ages since we last went shopping, dining, movies alone. It's usually with the kids and my maid. Worst of all...my hubby always sleeps very late. He will be in front of his computer screen...busy with work. I usally doze off the moment I lie on the bed..as I am totally exhausted.

The sparks are no longer there. Feel kinda sad whenever i think of it. Anyone with similar problem?

-Cas

 

[snowy]

Hello casandra, we have to sacrifice couple time to some extent after kids are born. It is very hard to have the best of both worlds as our kids are still very young and need alot of our attention.

For me, what we do is to set aside at least one day of each week for each other only. My mum-in-law will help to take care of my children while hubby and I spent time together alone.

I am very fortunate as my mum-in-law is a wonderful woman. She takes very good care of my kids and I do not have to worry abt them when hubby and I go out pak tor. Can't imagine life without her. With her help, hubby and I are able to maintain a strong couple relationship

Why not leave ur kids at home with ur maid while the 2 of u go out and spend some quality time? Since u mentioned u r a working mum, I believe ur 2 kids are taken care by ur maid when u r at work.

 

[renaong]

Hi Casandra


same as you, after my 2nd pregnancy, we have no time for each other a, the most we can do is take one day leave every month and go pak tor.

 

[Yukee]

Hi mummies, since my #1 is here we really have no time to pak tor, as we have no maid at that time, so wherever we go my gal has to go...when my #2 came along, we are worse, later i decided to let go and let my maid to look after my #2...recently, i send my #1 to childcare, so we have more time to be 2gether & go pak tor...so tink couples wif kids usually have no time to be alone, unless they have supportive parents/in-laws...

 

[Casandra]

Hi snowy, as both of us are working, we spend very little time with the kids...hence, if we ever go out other than work..we make a point to bring them along. Else, we will stay at home and company them.

Hi Yukee...I also intend to send my boy to childcare very soon. Lets hope things will get better when our kids are bigger.....

 

[charmaine]

can try some family activities together like pinic, fishing or catching movies together.
sometimes can throw the kids with parents and then both of u go on dates

 

[Elaine35]

Hi snowy, as both of us are working, we spend very little time with the kids...hence, if we ever go out other than work..we make a point to bring them along. Else, we will stay at home and company them.

hi casandra, u have the same mentality as me. try to spend as much time as possible with the kids whenever i have any chance, thereby sacrificing time alone with hubby. den complain complain...

you see, its a give and take situation. wanna spend more time with kids? den less time with hubby. wanna spend some time with hubby? den gotta sacrifice abit of time with the kids.

doesn't have to be much, once or twice a month go on a date, just the 2 of u. initially u'll can't bear to do it, but soon enough you can't wait to dump the kids home

 

[Yukee]

Hi Casandra, actually couple time doesn't mean has to go out of the house...me & my HB sleep very late...ard 2pm (i can do it cos i am a SAHM)...and my gals sleep ard 1030pm...so we have ard 4hr to play with...sometime he will go Geylang to buy 'tao huay & you tiao' home, we can sit down eat and chat, sometime we watch DVD together..we also tried cooking instant noodle and have supper on the bed (this may be too fattening)...maybe you are too tired to this after work on weekdays, but can try it during weekends...:tlaugh:...hmm...but most of the nite he sit in front of the PC to surf net...hee hee...:001_302:

 

[jedamum]

i agree with yukee.
my couple time with dh is before bedtime..can be 15min to 30min chatting about the day.
if not, sign your boys up for enrichment, then take that time away from them to go shopping with dh.

 

[`julee]

i see u r tired because of the responsibility of a working mom and of taking care of the children...

communication is the key. even a little chit chat b4 bed time is couple time.
discuss with hb how much u wan to spend more time with him alone, tell him mayb both of u shud hav a date 2wice a month... watch a movie or jus hav a dinner alone...

 

[Ting]

yes, agree..maybe ask your parents/in-laws/maid to help take care of ya boys for a few hrs then u n ya hubby go out for a walk/dinner/movie..just try to spend some time tgt..just the both of u lor..

 

[bluechin]

How about fixing a date nite either every week or once a fortnight?

And keep the agenda to just yourselves and strictly no topics on the kids, work, family issues etc but just the two of you

I think it helps keeps yr sanity and at the same time.... focus on each other

 

[LoVeS]

Same here ever since got ds, hubby n me hardly got our own time for each other.:frown:

 

[Yukee]

Why not leave ur kids with your maid once a while, u & ur HB can go for a midnite show...this was wat my sis did last time when her gal was small...i cant lor, cos almost every nite my #1 will wakes & cry & look for me...my maid cant handle her...so have to "pak tor" at home lor...haiz...

 

[mamasweety]

*hands up* me...me...me.....
like you, I'l be bz with 3 boyz after work and oso the cooking.Not everyday I clean hse cos no-one at home during the day..
My 2 elder sonz will sleep by latest 9.30pm, follow by the 3rd sone, abt 10pm. Then once my head get onto the pillow, I am oredi into my dreamland within seconds.. heeheehee...
But if I took leave, then we'll get to do things together....
Even if on weekends when i send my elder 2 to my mom;s place, I still got my 3rd one with me and dh...

Now oni hope that they grow up faster and we will have more time together again..... Cant wait to be old.. heeheehee

 

[Ting]

maybe if cant do things outside then stay hm n like grabs some pizza n watch dvds tgt? also very sweet ma...

 

[CanCanMum]

Since the birth of my 2nd boy...hubby and I have no time for each other. We are always busy at work and the moment we got home..busy with my 2 children. My 2 boys fight alot. I have to spend alot of time to try and explain to them what is right and what is wrong. By the time I settle them to sleep..i am totally exhausted.

It's been ages since we last went shopping, dining, movies alone. It's usually with the kids and my maid. Worst of all...my hubby always sleeps very late. He will be in front of his computer screen...busy with work. I usally doze off the moment I lie on the bed..as I am totally exhausted.

The sparks are no longer there. Feel kinda sad whenever i think of it. Anyone with similar problem?

-Cas

Me used to be like tat when my son was a baby.

As your kids grow older u will have more freetime.

Perhaps u can leave your boys at MIL or parents place on one day or two so that both of you can spend some couple time.

For us we will both take MC to pak tor.

Its important to maintain good relationship with hubby even after years of marriage for the bond to stay strong.

Find back the sparks! Go to the favorite restaurant tat u both loved. Or the 1st place tat u meet each other on the 1st date. Will help to bring back fond memories.

 

[Vicki]

Hi Cas and all,
I think most of the couples in our contemporary society are facing such problem like yours. To keep up the high standards of living in SG, both the father and mother will need to work. Unlike our parent's time when usually only our fathers work (not as long hours as compared to now ya? haha =p) and mums to look after us, thus naturally we will have to make conscientious effort to maintain r/s with our partner. I feel those posted in this thread are indeed very sweet but somehow I'm thinking, other than trying to find few hours per week or even per month (if possible), why not we go straight and tackle the problem, which is definitely not our children.. but what we spent our time the most on, work. That's my personal opinion, what do you all think?

 

[daddysg]

Hi Cas and all,
I think most of the couples in our contemporary society are facing such problem like yours. To keep up the high standards of living in SG, both the father and mother will need to work. Unlike our parent's time when usually only our fathers work (not as long hours as compared to now ya? haha =p) and mums to look after us, thus naturally we will have to make conscientious effort to maintain r/s with our partner. I feel those posted in this thread are indeed very sweet but somehow I'm thinking, other than trying to find few hours per week or even per month (if possible), why not we go straight and tackle the problem, which is definitely not our children.. but what we spent our time the most on, work. That's my personal opinion, what do you all think?

I would concur with you. Many parents spend too much time at work that it exhausts them by the end of the day and leave them without any spare time to do things together with the family. My dream for the future is to be able to work from home, so that my future wife and I need not go to work and can spend time together. I have a picture of such a life in my mind. Of course, this won't be easy and it depends on the kind of job too..

 

[Lotus]

I would concur with you. Many parents spend too much time at work that it exhausts them by the end of the day and leave them without any spare time to do things together with the family. My dream for the future is to be able to work from home, so that my future wife and I need not go to work and can spend time together. I have a picture of such a life in my mind. Of course, this won't be easy and it depends on the kind of job too..

My husband has worked from home for about 4 years. He works 10+ hours every day, but then realistically so do alot of others. The downside he says is that you don't get travel time to 'decompress' the days work as you travel home, but the upside is that you don't need to waste time travelling to work.

Ultimately with 2 small children, we are extremely thankful for the situation, as we definitely know many who get to spend little or no time with their children on work days.