How to tell my MIL to back off!

[Stan]

My mil is driving me nuts.. . she is obsessed with my DD. She wants to see her everyday and play with her… How extreme? She will wake my DD up if she is sleeping.
yday was crazy, when I got home at 616pm, DD was awake and MIL claimed she don’t want to sleep. Fine.. cos she just finished her feed at 5pm. At 730pm, DD finished her feed again and wanted to sleep, so I put her in her baby cot and went to toilet. When I came out, MIL and FIL have already removed her from her cot and asking her to play with them. When I tried to tell them that she needs to sleep, my MIL told me babies don’t need to sleep so much… Before that when DD cannot finish her milk, she said babies cannot finish nvm. Hellooooo, if babies don’t drink milk, don’t sleep, what should they be doing? It ws already 8plus and you can see my DD ‘d eyes a bit swollen. They didn’t leave till 930pm and DD KO-ed at 945pm!!! She didn’t sleep from 4pm till 930pm!!! She almost missed her 1030pm feed cos she was exhauasted… finally make her drink at 1130pm….Oh did i mentioned i will not get a chance to go near my DD when both of them are around?? I am very very pissed..
Actually my mum is the one taking care of the kid but each time my mil comes, she will tell me my mum to go home! And in front of my mum, MIL will be brainwashing my 4.5mth old baby that she must go to her house every Sunday to play with her and FIL… a serious case of jealousy
How to tell my mil not to come to my house as and when she likes? She duplicated the house key using my hubby’s and when I was at home, it was still ok. Now I am back working, she will come to my house to clean my house, do laundry etc.. I know I may sound crazy cos isn’t it nice to have a free maid? But I don’t like the fact she come as and when she likes and touch my stuff, shift furniture…Is my freaking house right?! And I like it messy and dirty ok!
She wants to take care of the kid but she refused to do it my way and she is also working partime what!.. She want to feed her solids/water … all the things I said no… throw away my breast milk, want to use cotton bud sticks to clear her ears !!
So I brought my DD to my mum’s place in the mornings and she showed up at my mum;s place!!!!!!! How to tell her not to do that? I asked my hubby to speak to her but he is afraid of hurting her feelings… how!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Domique]

Gosh Stan, u must be feeling so helpless and frustrated!

I think its best to speak to ur hubby the seriousness of it... baby not getting enuff zzz and milk is bad for them.. its important to set a routine for your baby at Kayla's age. Tell him the negative effects and he gotta tell his mum off... its his mum and it may be tough for us to tell her.... tell him, if he dun say, u say and things may turn nasty and relationships may turn sour!

Hope all will be well soon!

My mother in law is driving me nuts.. . she is obsessed with my dear daughter. She wants to see her everyday and play with her… How extreme? She will wake my dear daughter up if she is sleeping.
yday was crazy, when I got home at 616pm, dear daughter was awake and mother in law claimed she dont’t want to sleep. Fine.. cos she just finished her feed at 5pm. At 730pm, dear daughter finished her feed again and wanted to sleep, so I put her in her baby cot and went to toilet. When I came out, mother in law and father in law have already removed her from her cot and asking her to play with them. When I tried to tell them that she needs to sleep, my mother in law told me babies dont’t need to sleep so much… Before that when dear daughter cannot finish her milk, she said babies cannot finish nvm. Hellooooo, if babies dont’t drink milk, dont’t sleep, what should they be doing? It ws already 8plus and you can see my dear daughter ‘d eyes a bit swollen. They didn’t leave till 930pm and dear daughter KO-ed at 945pm!!! She didn’t sleep from 4pm till 930pm!!! She almost missed her 1030pm feed cos she was exhauasted… finally make her drink at 1130pm….Oh did i mentioned i will not get a chance to go near my dear daughter when both of them are around?? I am very very pissed..
Actually my mum is the one taking care of the kid but each time my mother in law comes, she will tell me my mum to go home! And in front of my mum, mother in law will be brainwashing my 4.5mth old baby that she must go to her house every Sunday to play with her and father in law… a serious case of jealousy
How to tell my mother in law not to come to my house as and when she likes? She duplicated the house key using my hubby’s and when I was at home, it was still ok. Now I am back working, she will come to my house to clean my house, do laundry etc.. I know I may sound crazy cos isn’t it nice to have a free maid? But I dont’t like the fact she come as and when she likes and touch my stuff, shift furniture…Is my freaking house right?! And I like it messy and dirty ok!
She wants to take care of the kid but she refused to do it my way and she is also working partime what!.. She want to feed her solids/water … all the things I said no… throw away my breast milk, want to use cotton bud sticks to clear her ears !!
So I brought my dear daughter to my mum’s place in the mornings and she showed up at my mum;s place!!!!!!! How to tell her not to do that? I asked my hubby to speak to her but he is afraid of hurting her feelings… how!!!!!!!!!!

 

[TANZHENZHI]

Oh Stan, you're in a very difficult position. BB needs most is eat/slp enough. I think you really need to tell your hubby to speak to her. Tell her things which you find not comfortable with her. It's not about hurting her feelings, but you have to let her know you have your way in bringing up your child. Is your MIL staying near to you?

 

[jxmummy]

i did encounter the same issue as you, Stan! once i was really pissed off and i just argued with them face-to-face! i know it may be disrespectful, but i don't bother, cos she's my daughter, not theirs! sometimes, my hubby will help me in talking to them.
maybe you really gotta talk to yr hubby and ask yr hubby to talk to them.

 

[sharonyi66]

My mother in law is driving me nuts.. . she is obsessed with my dear daughter. She wants to see her everyday and play with her… How extreme? She will wake my dear daughter up if she is sleeping.
yday was crazy, when I got home at 616pm, dear daughter was awake and mother in law claimed she dont’t want to sleep. Fine.. cos she just finished her feed at 5pm. At 730pm, dear daughter finished her feed again and wanted to sleep, so I put her in her baby cot and went to toilet. When I came out, mother in law and father in law have already removed her from her cot and asking her to play with them. When I tried to tell them that she needs to sleep, my mother in law told me babies dont’t need to sleep so much… Before that when dear daughter cannot finish her milk, she said babies cannot finish nvm. Hellooooo, if babies dont’t drink milk, dont’t sleep, what should they be doing? It ws already 8plus and you can see my dear daughter ‘d eyes a bit swollen. They didn’t leave till 930pm and dear daughter KO-ed at 945pm!!! She didn’t sleep from 4pm till 930pm!!! She almost missed her 1030pm feed cos she was exhauasted… finally make her drink at 1130pm….Oh did i mentioned i will not get a chance to go near my dear daughter when both of them are around?? I am very very pissed..
Actually my mum is the one taking care of the kid but each time my mother in law comes, she will tell me my mum to go home! And in front of my mum, mother in law will be brainwashing my 4.5mth old baby that she must go to her house every Sunday to play with her and father in law… a serious case of jealousy
How to tell my mother in law not to come to my house as and when she likes? She duplicated the house key using my hubby’s and when I was at home, it was still ok. Now I am back working, she will come to my house to clean my house, do laundry etc.. I know I may sound crazy cos isn’t it nice to have a free maid? But I dont’t like the fact she come as and when she likes and touch my stuff, shift furniture…Is my freaking house right?! And I like it messy and dirty ok!
She wants to take care of the kid but she refused to do it my way and she is also working partime what!.. She want to feed her solids/water … all the things I said no… throw away my breast milk, want to use cotton bud sticks to clear her ears !!
So I brought my dear daughter to my mum’s place in the mornings and she showed up at my mum;s place!!!!!!! How to tell her not to do that? I asked my hubby to speak to her but he is afraid of hurting her feelings… how!!!!!!!!!!

This is insane my dear!! You really got to stop your mil all these. It's way out of hands already. How can say 'baby cannot finish milk nvm'? If they don't drink milk, den wat?? I rem PD once told me baby shld be drinking 900ml to 1000ml of milk daily if they not on solids...what more a baby at 4.5mths only???

Throw away your B-milk?! Gosh~~ Don't she know that B-milk is the best food for babies for the 1st 6mths of life??

Cotton Bud stick to clean her ears?! Babies ears are so small, just use a cotton pad with few drops of baby oil is very clean already!

It makes me wonder if your hb has got suffient rest and drinks well when he's a baby....

Get your hb to tell your mil asap before things get worst or r/s turn sour.

Take care dear :wong19:

 

[diymummy]

I think you should ask your hubby to tell his own mum off. If your hubby won't do it then you would have to do it. Your mil is totally selfish and extreme. She's crazy to be exact.

Next, change the locks in your house or add an additional padlock. Then tell your mil lately your area don't seem safe. And after you change locks please don't pass her any of your keys anymore. She will definitely try means and ways to get her hands on it.

 

[Ting]

i guess u really need to talk to them.. if not, ask your mum dun open the door!!
it's really rude of her to just turn up as n when she likes.
drop hints first, if she dun get it,make it very obvious!!change the hse locks!

if i were u, i will really CANNOT STAND IT.
your mum nvr say anything to her? like ask her STOP GG HER HSE???

if is my mum, n she deprive my kid of slp n milk, my mum sure KPKB n tell her off.. or rather, TEACH HER HOW TO LOOK AFTER A BABY.
i gotta admit, my mum is very good in taking care of babies.. though she also like to five pin too much snacks.


omg, i think u might need to just talk to her face to face if not your girl n u will be the one who suffers.
bcos, if your girl not enuf milk n rest, she sure to be cranky n your mil will prob just dump her to you (when they go home) then u will hv to coax her n all.. really tiring esp if u r working!

 

[Stan]

Mil is not staying near, she will travel 1hr plus just to come my hse.
My hubby said let her do the housework (cos then he dont have to do it).. In the end, I wake up at 7am when i am at home to clean the house so that she has nothing to do when she arrives.., now i am doing laundry at midnight and waking up at 5am to feed DD. very pathetic right?
He did speak to her 2 mths back abt the sleeping and eating part... now it is back to square one... she will pretend she nv hear.... and then do it her way...she said my hubby also nv sleep last time!!!! duno true or not cos she was a working mum, so hubby was with nanny.
She was nearly jump for joy when she saw the breast pump at home while i was at work.. she asked me: oh u finally not pumping anymore? I told her i borrowed a spare set to put in office...Shld have seen her smile disappear man!!! My mum was the one who stopped her from using the cotton buds and then hide it away later on.

 

[apollo]

ur mil is really v nuisance! if i were u, i alrdy change my hse's lock etc...

it is really VERY bad to do things to affect a baby's slp and milk feed! ur mil's 'logic' are totally WRONG WRONG WRONG!! hw can wake a baby up when she is slping?

agree with the other mummies, tok to ur hubby, get him to tok to ur mil. tell him if this pro dont get solved asap, u will end up going crazy... most impt, is to get ur hubby to stand by ur side..

 

[Ting]

omg stan, i really feel annoyed for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


if my MIL is gg to be like your MIL, im sure a war will start. i wont even let her come near my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Renzie]

I think if I were you, I would have already gotten into a huge argument with them already. Change the locks, you can give reasons like you lost your housekeys and make sure that your husband don't hand over the keys to her to duplicate. Its best to talk to your husband about it. He may be afraid of hurting her feelings, but he is not afraid that his child is not getting enough rest and milk???????????

Your MIL passed your husband to a nanny, so of course he got enough rest in the day time while she is working. Plus its different then, I highly doubt she stayed up the whole night to play with your husband when he was a baby since she had to work next day as well.

You need to talk to your husband that its your house, and that she needs to respect it as well. Would she like it if you go over to her place and throw out things and re-arrange things? Your husband is her son, so most likely he is used to her way of doing things, especially since its like he is staying back at her house, with someone to do laundry and such. But now, both of you are having your own family, and she needs to respect that and to respect you as well.

 

[Stan]

when me or my mum feeds my baby, she will always finish her milk.. only with my mil she wont finish.. Same for the naps in the afternoon. How to sleep when someone keeps talking to u??
Usually when babies do their jabs may have slight fever right? Last friday, my DD did her jabs and had fever... The fever subside the next day so we went over to my in laws' place on sunday.. Only when i got there, i realised my SIL is having a bad flu!!! They nv tell us!!! Dont they understand she just recovered and immune system is low??? They just want us to bring the baby over so that they can play with her!!
THIS IS HOW CRAZY they are!!!
Gonig nuts!

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Yes your mother in law is too much, I agree with other mummies, get ur hubby on ur side first and tell him u cannot take it anymore of ur mother in law's behaviour , tell him tht she is making u feel tired and angry....and if u r tired and angry u will let off steam at somebody and most probably it would end up ur hubby or worse off is ur mother in law....

Children need rest & milk to grow healthy and strong, and BM is the best for bb every mother know it, how can ur MIL throw it away? and yup bb don't really need to "dig" their ears, cos' according to my PD it will cleanse itself when the"thing" will flow out

My mother in law oso like tht sometimes, just past two weeks, I went to church early and hubby send me, and ask my MIL to take care of my son for a while, by the time he got home, he was up it was 8am...usually on sunday he would sleep till abt 10plus 11 ....and we just leave him, but my MIL wake him up....hmm dun know what is she thinking? Sometimes, the previous day we let him sleep late, then when she drop by nv see him she would asks why so late hvn wake up, u lazy bum....then when we told her tht he slept late last night, she dun care, would say haiya now so late oredi still dun want to wake up....sometimes dun understand them....

Thank God we not staying tog.....

 

[apollo]

when me or my mum feeds my baby, she will always finish her milk.. only with my mother in law she wont finish.. Same for the naps in the afternoon. How to sleep when someone keeps talking to you??
Usually when babies do their jabs may have slight fever right? Last friday, my dear daughter did her jabs and had fever... The fever subside the next day so we went over to my in laws' place on sunday.. Only when i got there, i realised my sister In law is having a bad flu!!! They never tell us!!! Dont they understand she just recovered and immune system is low??? They just want us to bring the baby over so that they can play with her!!
THIS IS HOW CRAZY they are!!!
Gonig nuts!

even when ds didnt hav jab, my mil will ALWAYS inform us if anyone at hm is ill and told us NOT to bring ds over. they miss him, but they r more concern abt his health.

since they are SO SELFISH, i think dun hav to gif much face. rmb, CHANGE ur lock.. =)

 

[angelwendy]

I think u should have a meet up & talk session with them... let them know about wat u think & if they r piss of with that... just ask ur hubby to get back the key from ur MIL.... cause for me i also don't like others to have my house keys... be it my mum or MIL... chill ya.. i know how angry can u be....

 

[pepperphibs]

I think you and your hubby really need to sit down and talk to your MIL although it usually doesn't help much as the old folks will be very defensive.But she really too annoying man. I will definitely 'blow up' big time if i'm in your situation.

I'm staying with my MIL and we have never been on good terms for the longest time. This was why i put off having a kid as i didn't want to deal with her. Now that Kayla has come along, things are worse. she thinks she has rthe best way of looking after a baby and when we do things our way. she comments non stop.

I told her off 2 weeks back as my hubby found it hard to tell her to back off. I was really really pissed liao. Now we don't talk at all but i find it a relief as she no longer comes near my daughter or get involved. For me, sadly i find it is better.

So coincidence that our daughters share the same name. She was boen on 8 Oct. Abt a week plus after your daughter?

 

[sugarcookie]

When it comes to MILs, you have to be firm. Don't keep letting your MIL get her way. After all, you are Kayla's mother, not your MIL.

In your case, you may even need to change the locks and NOT give your MIL the key.

Your hubby has to back you up when the MIL complains.

I know I may sound harsh, but seriously, sometimes when it comes to MILs, we really don't have a choice.

 

[diymummy]

I feel most importantly your hubby needs to know how difficult his mum is and also he needs to side with you no matter what.

Since you're already waking up early and sleeping late because of the housework, then all the more your hubby should understand that his mum is really not welcome since she is of more harm than good and is coming due to her own selfish reasons.

My mil was also very enthu abt my son when he was born. But he's sometimes quite difficult to take care. She had a taste of that when he was sick and I was unable to take leave from work. Now she understands. But for my hubby and myself, our plan is not to hold off our son from his grandparents. It's simply not the right time now.

Maybe you can discuss with your hubs regarding when's a "right" time to let your daughter start to get close to your in-laws. We feel, a good age would be 3. When the child can speak a little and can eat outside food. It'll be easier for the older folks to play and take care. Not now, where they know nuts abt taking care of babies and are led more by their feelings than by what's good for the baby.

 

[Ting]

if your hubby dun side u then get him to do the hsewrk n wake up in the night to feed baby.
then he will know how tough n tiring for u to do that.

even my mum is good at taking care of babies, i also let her know tt some things she does is not right (cos time has changed) n she also ok just do my way.
n i also inform my bf, if we were to hv #2, im gg to let my mum take care.

 

[Stan]

I feel most importantly your hubby needs to know how difficult his mum is and also he needs to side with you no matter what.

Since you're already waking up early and sleeping late because of the housework, then all the more your hubby should understand that his mum is really not welcome since she is of more harm than good and is coming due to her own selfish reasons.

My mother in law was also very enthu about my son when he was born. But he's sometimes quite difficult to take care. She had a taste of that when he was sick and I was unable to take leave from work. Now she understands. But for my hubby and myself, our plan is not to hold off our son from his grandparents. It's simply not the right time now.

Maybe you can discuss with your hubs regarding when's a "right" time to let your daughter start to get close to your in-laws. We feel, a good age would be 3. When the child can speak a little and can eat outside food. It'll be easier for the older folks to play and take care. Not now, where they know nuts about taking care of babies and are led more by their feelings than by what's good for the baby.

DIY mummy, my MIL very smart one... she always use the housework as an excuse to su ka su ka come over... i already told my hubby that if i want a maid i will get one myself.... she is also 'over enthu' like your mil.. havnt reach my house, already shouting my DD's name from the lift... show up suddenly at my mum's place, nv ack my mum 1st even is my mum's hse... shout her grand daughter's name 1st.....now my mum also close her front door cos scare of her...
Today i knocked off earlier, i actually stood at my opp block to see if my front door is open or not? if open i think i wont go home 1st. Damn xian right?

And who ever heard of CL showing black face to MIL and i dont blame my CL? MY CL cannot stand her at all cos she keep waking the baby up during my confinement.....During confinement baby's was going through a 2hrs interval feeding pattern which mean me and my CL almost nv sleep since i was trying to bf...so afternoon we will grab power naps... She will wrap and unwrap her diaper and then say: "See, she wake up liao!!"

During my 4mths leave, i actually had to lie to her that i going out with baby to meet frens for tea so that she wont come over!!

All these i already lun and lun... but yday was over the limit... I dont really wanna create a scene during CNY...so wondering if i shld approach the topic after CNY?? Also she wasnt such a pyscho before she became a grandma leh!!!