How to tell my MIL to back off!

kaixinnn

New Member
Godness, i didnt know many still face the same problem as me :( I totally understand how you feel and how you wish to kill your MIL. Let me tell you my side of story. When i was pregnant, im like the king. MIL will be cooking bird nest for me, talk to me so nicely. Whenever my husband and i reach home, i will call her'mother' and she will replied back. HAHA, here comes the wonderful thing. My bb girl was born on the 4th of feb, and can you imagine, on the day of discharge, she actually told my mom, 'hey you dont need to go, i go can already' i find that it was so rude to do that, and even if so, i dont need her to come ! As im doing my confinement at my own place, can you imagine that she has been coming by my house since then?! Can you imahgine how irritating that is. Worst off, when bb is sleeping nicely in the sarong or on the bed, she will carry her up ! And now my baby needs people to carry when she wants to sleep. I couldnt explain how irritating she is when she kept ordering me to clean the baby eyes as her tears duct have not been opend,thats why there is always shit in her eyes. She has been always repeating the same thing when she comes over to my place. She works for her husband and always claim that she is very busy, so why do you keep wanting to visit when you are that busy ! Im getting so fed up even when typing all this.

Even when im pregnant, i'd have to visit my gynae for the regular checkups. Can you imagine, she is always there without fail ? For my entire checkup, she is always following us. And even when it comes to talking and asking the doctor question,she is always the one commenting. Even my gynae showed me a face of irritation. She is always asking the same old bloody question, can pregnant woman drink cold drinks ? When i did the urine test each time of my visit, my sugar level is always quite high, so it was suspecting of diabetes. And all the time before my diabetes check, she keep commenting' haiya ask you dont drink so much sweet things' and in fact i did not even drink any sweet stuff that day. After my glucose check, i was not diagonese with diabetes, then she keopt on asking my gynae, oh so some pregnant woman is like that one ah. OMG !

After a week of baby dischagr, we have to bring bb for her checkup. She insist on following again. And she carry her all the way and didnt give me the change to do that. So i headed to do her registration, she was outside carrying the bb and picking up phone calls. So the nurse requested me to carry bb in to check weight,she insist on carrying and not leeting me carry her. where on earth is there such sickening MIL ?

I could not tell my husbadn as he is being controlled by his mom due to monetary issues. I could only rant off all this to my own mother who actually detest my MIL. SAVE ME FROM THIS AGONY !
 

JazN

New Member
Hi Stan,

I do sympathize with you too *pat* *pat*. Do update us after your husband talk to his mum. PIL are hard to handle when it comes to our kids but nevertheless your husband's support in this very important.

Jia you!
 

Stan

Member
Hubby is getting irritated that i kept bitching abt his mum... but he is not doing anythg...
very very angry!
On sat night we had dinner with extended family... ended at 11plus... so baby was totally KO. so told my MIL that we not go over on sunday reasons being:
1. Baby need to rest (She was cranky on sunday)
2. I also need to rest cos have to work on monday (anywhere just meet on Sat right?)
Here's her reply to my 2 reasons:
1. Good wat...bring her (baby) out play till she concuss and then can sleep later.
2. You think after becoming a mummy, you still want to get your 8-9hrs of sleep??!!!

I hate her!
 
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Ting

Well-Known Member
omg, she's really damn annoying!!tell her YES I NEED MY REST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

apollo

Well-Known Member
Hubby is getting irritated that i kept bitching about his mum... but he is not doing anythg...
very very angry!
On sat night we had dinner with extended family... ended at 11plus... so baby was totally KO. so told my mother in law that we not go over on sunday reasons being:
1. Baby need to rest (She was cranky on sunday)
2. I also need to rest cos have to work on monday (anywhere just meet on Sat right?)
Here's her reply to my 2 reasons:
1. Good what...bring her (baby) out play till she concuss and then can sleep later.
2. You think after becoming a mummy, you still want to get your 8-9hrs of sleep??!!!

I hate her!
next time dun bother to listen to her reasons, just tell them u're not going, if u want, tell them ur reason den full stop. haha..
 

camom

Well-Known Member
Actually, does your MIL tell those to you directly or through your hubby? If directly, I will go "ya, ya, ya, *smile*", then totally ignore and do what I want. Life is easier if I don't go charging everywhere with my devil horns raised (this is how hubby describes me at times).

If through hubby, then I'll be abit more devious. Fob him off like 20-30min before leaving with the excuse that "Oh bb needs to eat now." Or "Oh no, bb is cranky and needs to sleep now", followed by "why don't you go over on your own. I'll stay at home and look after bb".
 
I think e best solution is to ask your hubby tell ur mil off.. Ur hubby must stand firm de lo. U can tell ur hubby off in the face but not your mil.. if not situation will worsen de lol.. I am also facing mil problem.. everything i just target my hubby and i make sure he go tell his mil off... In my point of view, we are only "give birth machine".. no matter hw nice we are to them, they are only other pple's daughter to them lo. I think they thinking we snatch their sons away ba..
 

ahpei

Member
Hi, Stan, you are not alone.

I also have the similar encounter when my gal was born abt 5 years ago.... but in my case, it's not the MIL giving all the problems, but the FIL.

when my gal was sleeping, he would try to carry him... yes, when she was already falling a sleep.. when she was crying, he would want to be the first to carry him, so that when she opens her eyes, he would be the first one she sees... i was very pissed off.. and then my hubby would tell him not to be like this and that and blah blah blah... then he not happy, went to complain to MIL that "I'm the grandfather, what's wrong with me carrying the grandchild?"

5 years... becos of my gal, we have many many quarrels.... when my gal cries for nothing, he will rush out from his room, and trying to comment that we have spoilt her.... there are times that i was really angry and angry, and shouted at my gal.. then he would be standing aside mumbling that i don't know how to take care of my gal....

my hubby told him that we have our way of teaching our child and he said he eats more salt than us, and his way is the best way to bring up a child.... i vomitted so many times with his words....

when my boy was born, he sweared that he won't touch him, cos he said we don't like him to touch.. so i made sure that he didn't get the chance to touch him during my maternity leave... i didn't call him, neither do i talk to him.... the moment i see him, i feel my food would flow from my stomach....

he always complain to my hubby, saying that i no good... complain to MIL, but then in front of me, sometimes, he can pretend to be very friendly, and very nice... actually, he is putting a show, to let people see that he is the one being bullied.... WTF!

everytime sure quarrel whenver my gal cry.. i have becoming more like "siao" woman when i see everyone quarrelling... i really cannot stand all these things...
 

helenkong

New Member
well, Ah pei.
Ur father in law might have his reasons when he said:" I eat more salt than ur rice"
hehe.
My ex mother in law also like Stan's MIL.
Pissed off nearly 24 hours.
So, i choose to talk to her face to face without my ex husband, my baby.
That time, i already divorced with my ex husband even before the baby. But my ex MIL wants to see her only grandson, so i let her be.
who knows...getting worst and worst.

1st from visiting.
then come the cleaning the house part.
then baby's shirt, food, milk come in.
then my kitchen...( i stay alone with my baby)
then my house.( a condo that fit me and my baby).

Then one day, i cannot stand.
i went to see her at her house. I left my son with my mother.
then talk to her face to face.
i said " u want to see ur gc is ok. i dun mind. but pls respect the style of living that i have. and i love the way i live right now. so stop pretending wan to care but to interfere by intruding my privacy."

she straight away shut up...and cried..( i know its bad) but u know u have to.
so now...i fits some dates for her to meet my son.
 

shirley tan

New Member
Hi Mummies

I can unstand how u all feels... when my MIL keep saying yr mummy dont want u liao to my 5 mths old boy (when i wan to go out)... i will jus pretend to hear nothing.
MIL also keep waking my boy up when he is sleeping juz to carry him and play.. worse, she lik to carry my ds and let everybody play expect me.. somethimes i was so piss off.. but come to think of it... who dont lik babies especially when we are all adults and suddenly got a baby at home...
We will all become MILs in futrue too... will we be like them next time?
Imgine when my baby become adult... and when i have my 1st grandchildren... i guess i will be one of them as well coz we all love babies.
So when i think of tat.. i will forget abt the rest... and live peacefully with them(btw i stay with my MIL)
No point make my huuby in a difficult position and make the relationship worsen becos of this kind of matter.
Its also good to know that there are so many pple sayang yr baby too rite~~
dont be to harsh to them... they love yr bb too =)
 

fruityzee

New Member
I have a 4 mth old niece & MIL pops by regularly to play with her. When the bb was sleeping, she will also use the pacifier to "disturb" her by rubbing it on the lips and keep shaking the cot & calling her to wake her up.

During CNY, when we were preparing the yu-sheng, she dipped her finger in the plum sauce and put it in the bb's mouth. The bb started to frown and MIL tot it was so funny so she did it again & again. I was shocked and i think it is really unhygienic to do that...

She also fed the bb packet chrysanthemum tea and because it is sweet, my niece will want more & MIL seemed to enjoy it when the bb kept seeking her attention so she kept feeding her!

Once, she was playing with my niece and she told her, "next time when my grand-daughter is out, i don't want you already!"

I believe MIL will also pop down as and when esp after my bb is born as she lives near us. BTW, MIL also told me not to feed my bb breastmilk, better to drink FM so easier for anyone to feed. I think she just wants to reduce the bonding time i have with my baby.
 

apollo

Well-Known Member
I have a 4 month old niece & mother in law pops by regularly to play with her. When the baby was sleeping, she will also use the pacifier to "disturb" her by rubbing it on the lips and keep shaking the cot & calling her to wake her up.

During CNY, when we were preparing the yu-sheng, she dipped her finger in the plum sauce and put it in the baby's mouth. The baby started to frown and mother in law thought it was so funny so she did it again & again. I was shocked and i think it is really unhygienic to do that...

She also fed the baby packet chrysanthemum tea and because it is sweet, my niece will want more & mother in law seemed to enjoy it when the baby kept seeking her attention so she kept feeding her!

Once, she was playing with my niece and she told her, "next time when my grand-daughter is out, i dont't want you already!"

I believe mother in law will also pop down as and when esp after my baby is born as she lives near us. BTW, mother in law also told me not to feed my baby breastmilk, better to drink FM so easier for anyone to feed. I think she just wants to reduce the bonding time i have with my baby.

ur niece is ur bro/sis baby right? not ur inlaws' side one right?? okay, no matter whose baby she is, how can ur mil do that?!

and most imptly, dun listen ur mil when she ask u dun bf! go ahead n bf as long as u can! tell u, u can expect her saying things lik "since got no milk den dun bf.." etc.. u must stand firm! =)
 

fruityzee

New Member
your niece is your bro/sis baby right? not your inlaws' side one right?? okay, no matter whose baby she is, how can your mother in law do that?!

and most imptly, dont listen your mother in law when she ask you dont bf! go ahead n bf as long as you can! tell you, you can expect her saying things lik "since got no milk then dont bf.." etc.. you must stand firm! =)
Oops sorry! Is uncle's daughter = our cousin. Not niece hahaha. So is my MIL's niece, not my niece!

I also read that bb does not need a lot of milk during the first few days after birth. But no point explaining cos old ppl always very stubborn one. They have more experience so they think they are right.
 

Mummy to Baby V

Well-Known Member
Oops sorry! Is uncle's daughter = our cousin. Not niece hahaha. So is my mother in law's niece, not my niece!

I also read that baby does not need a lot of milk during the first few days after birth. But no point explaining cos old ppl always very stubborn one. They have more experience so they think they are right.
Actually, many women of our mums / MILs' generation have ZERO breastfeeding experience because of the marketing of formula milk (so most of them fed us formula milk). Ignore these wrong comments with regard to breastfeeding. Read up well in advance and know how to counter all the obstacles.

Yes, full-term babies are born with reserves to lady a few days without food; they only need colostrum. Just latch on directly and correctly 8-12 times a day, feeding as long as baby desires.

Hope all the MILs will be more reasonable in the year ahead...
 
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