i feel lost......

[bingxu3]

i an new here so this the story, i am a young mum with 2 kids, dis yr would have been my 7yr of marriage but my SO left the family last sept.

Now hes staying at his mums place with his mistress, i am thinking of divorce cause my inlaws does not care at all about me or the kids, best things is his other woman use to be his younger bro girlfriend.

In 2006 i ever allowed my brother in law and his then gf my so current gal to stay at my flat cause they said that they needed to use my com for some project purpose, then they did not even leave when thier project was done i kept quiet and hinted many times to my so that time to ask them to leave.

The breaking point came when my eldest went and lock the gal dog in the toilet, and she wanted to hit my son, i of cuase pulled him away while my stupid so jus push the son and told the gal u want hit u hit la, then i realise something not right le, had a argument which lead to a fight, my so did not even help me he just atand and watch but my bro in law tried to stop and after that i told my so to ask them to move bac, which they did.

Then a few mths later even my so move bac to his mum, i do not deny that i do still wish to save the family cause i do not wish my kids to grow up in a broken family, but things have gone to a point where the mistress had even called my phone to threathen me.

Just this yr the day before chu xi ye my eldest got very sick and i called my so for help and he told i am not free you settle yourself and i heard that gal in the background saying ask her to stop calling you la the kids are not your problem anymore, i got angry of cause and just hang up.

i need to know how to go about divorcing him, and i am afriad i may even lose the roof over my head
:nah:

 

[Leanne]

I intro-ed bingxue here cus she faces pro. Hope the fellow daddies & mummies can help her.

 

[bingxu3]

I intro-ed bingxue here cus she faces pro. Hope the fellow daddies & mummies can help her.

thanks gal for intros me here ^^ :wesmile:

 

[-SRI-]

Juz wondering does counselling helps?? U wanna try? Go to Family Service Centre (FSC) near ur hse.. Hope after counselling, u n ur HB can solve the probs...

 

[LoVeS]

I tink tt since u wanna divorce him then u should seek lawyer to see wat advice can the lawyer gif u n sumore divorce will need alot of paper wrk which u need a lawyer too. Check wif the lawyer abt the roof ur staying, ur kids' custody, maintenance $$ for both ur kids n u & lastly ur divorce wif ur dh. I believe the lawyer can gif u the best ans n solutions for u as they r the professionals + in term of the probs u wanna knw which got to do wif LAWS so they can help u better instead of seeking help here coz after all we r nt very gd wif LAWS so even if we gif u opinions but it might nt help u.

So seek for a lawyer asap n no pt dragging tis issue anymore since ur dh is so heartless.

Hope wat i said will help a tiny bit. :wong19:

 

[Umeko]

i an new here so this the story, i am a young mum with 2 kids, dis yr would have been my 7yr of marriage but my SO left the family last sept.

Now hes staying at his mums place with his mistress, i am thinking of divorce cause my inlaws does not care at all about me or the kids, best things is his other woman use to be his younger bro girlfriend.

In 2006 i ever allowed my brother in law and his then gf my so current gal to stay at my flat cause they said that they needed to use my com for some project purpose, then they did not even leave when thier project was done i kept quiet and hinted many times to my so that time to ask them to leave.

The breaking point came when my eldest went and lock the gal dog in the toilet, and she wanted to hit my son, i of cuase pulled him away while my stupid so jus push the son and told the gal u want hit u hit la, then i realise something not right le, had a argument which lead to a fight, my so did not even help me he just atand and watch but my bro in law tried to stop and after that i told my so to ask them to move bac, which they did.

Then a few mths later even my so move bac to his mum, i do not deny that i do still wish to save the family cause i do not wish my kids to grow up in a broken family, but things have gone to a point where the mistress had even called my phone to threathen me.

Just this yr the day before chu xi ye my eldest got very sick and i called my so for help and he told i am not free you settle yourself and i heard that gal in the background saying ask her to stop calling you la the kids are not your problem anymore, i got angry of cause and just hang up.

i need to know how to go about divorcing him, and i am afriad i may even lose the roof over my head
:nah:

Hi Bingxue,

If you are firm in divorcing, get a lawyer and settle it once and for all. Else, take SRI advise to go for a counselling session, this may helps..

Since he have left the house, if you can produce the proof of him having a mistress, he will lose the case for sure, you can still continue to stay in ur flat (unless u'r foreigner w/o PR status) and he will have to pay for maintenance fee, if both kids are under 7yo, custody will be wif mum... keep all receipts / bills or any payment made by yourself for reference..

But most importantly, be strong... will always be here for u.. :001_302:
Take care...

 

[LoVeS]

Hi Bingxue,

If you are firm in divorcing, get a lawyer and settle it once and for all. Else, take SRI advise to go for a counselling session, this may helps..

Since he have left the house, if you can produce the proof of him having a mistress, he will lose the case for sure, you can still continue to stay in ur flat (unless u'r foreigner w/o PR status) and he will have to pay for maintenance fee, if both kids are under 7yo, custody will be wif mum... keep all receipts / bills or any payment made by yourself for reference..

But most importantly, be strong... will always be here for u.. :001_302:
Take care...

If i am nt wrong if they r divorced, she cant live there anymore n haf to sell the flat away coz tt is the case for my sis n her ex-dh.

 

[Umeko]

If i am nt wrong if they r divorced, she cant live there anymore n haf to sell the flat away coz tt is the case for my sis n her ex-dh.

mmm, i remember my lawyer told me i can still stay in the flat if dh agree not to sell the flat..

 

[LoVeS]

mmm, i remember my lawyer told me i can still stay in the flat if dh agree not to sell the flat..

I duno is it the ownership muz b couple or mayb my sis's ex dh wanted to sell it bah BUT for TS case i dun tink her dh will b stopid to let her continue stay n dun sell lor. Even her dh ok wif it BUT i doubt the mistress will agree which will ask her dh sell it.

Anyway it juz guessing n eventually still haf to see TS's situation coz we duno if her dh will agree or disagree nt to sell.

 

[bingxu3]

he has told me he does not want the flats or the kids, so i will be making him sign and agreement to hold him to that and on top of that the house is being paid for by my cpf. i will not be going for counseling as i am serious about ending everything.

 

[-SRI-]

he has told me he does not want the flats or the kids, so i will be making him sign and agreement to hold him to that and on top of that the house is being paid for by my cpf. i will not be going for counseling as i am serious about ending everything.

oic...gd luck to u den..me too nw going to make my bf be responsible for my bb...nw going for legal consultation...but i still wanna go for counselling...dunno y i luv to being console..feel much more better after tt...

 

[LoVeS]

he has told me he does not want the flats or the kids, so i will be making him sign and agreement to hold him to that and on top of that the house is being paid for by my cpf. i will not be going for counseling as i am serious about ending everything.

He does nt wan the flat? Meaning is he is giving it to u? I am not sure if both person r divorced which means not related still can co-own the flat or not so it is better for u to enquire frm the HDB.

Although ur dh say he dun wan the flat but do u "really tink" tt the mistress will let the flat off so easily when she knw tt ur dh haf share of the flat? Sumhow i feel she is those very petty type tt is very calculative 1 by even asking ur dh dun care abt u or the kids which i tink the MORE she is unwilling to let u haf such "gd deal" continue staying the flat. Anyway monitor ur situation n check wif HDB or lawyer abt ur current issues.

 

[edy]

Move on and divorce that useless man!

Please gather all the evidence so that you could get monthly allowance from him.

You do not need him but you should take what rightfully belongs to you and your kids.

How could he said that when his own son was seriously sick during festive season.

I guess this could be one of the reason why more people are ended up in old folks home.

Good Luck
Edy

 

[~m3m~]

i an new here so this the story, i am a young mum with 2 kids, dis yr would have been my 7yr of marriage but my SO left the family last sept.

Now hes staying at his mums place with his mistress, i am thinking of divorce cause my inlaws does not care at all about me or the kids, best things is his other woman use to be his younger bro girlfriend.

In 2006 i ever allowed my brother in law and his then gf my so current gal to stay at my flat cause they said that they needed to use my com for some project purpose, then they did not even leave when thier project was done i kept quiet and hinted many times to my so that time to ask them to leave.

The breaking point came when my eldest went and lock the gal dog in the toilet, and she wanted to hit my son, i of cuase pulled him away while my stupid so jus push the son and told the gal u want hit u hit la, then i realise something not right le, had a argument which lead to a fight, my so did not even help me he just atand and watch but my bro in law tried to stop and after that i told my so to ask them to move bac, which they did.

Then a few mths later even my so move bac to his mum, i do not deny that i do still wish to save the family cause i do not wish my kids to grow up in a broken family, but things have gone to a point where the mistress had even called my phone to threathen me.

Just this yr the day before chu xi ye my eldest got very sick and i called my so for help and he told i am not free you settle yourself and i heard that gal in the background saying ask her to stop calling you la the kids are not your problem anymore, i got angry of cause and just hang up.

i need to know how to go about divorcing him, and i am afriad i may even lose the roof over my head
:nah:

Really feel sad for you after reading this.

But seriously, we are in no position to advise you 'correctly' as it may not be right for YOU afterall. But what I can say is to tell you what I am thinking...

First, ask yourself - do you seriously want a divorce?

2. If no, any thought of salvaging this marriage like seek a counsellor's help (provided you are able to get your dh to go for the session too).

3. Is there REALLY NO MORE HOPE to save this marriage anymore (esp your dh side...really no way)?

3. If in the end you are really divorced, even with his monthly 'contribution' of the vitamin 'M' ($), do you think it will be enough for you and the kids + house etc (if you add up all costs it is not a small amt).

4. Is there any other means that you can seek help from, be it financially or emotionally (support) to ensure that both you and your kids will still live happily and have enough to support the family even without this man?

OK, actually those I mentioned abv are just some very basic qtn that you need to ask yourself before you really decide to make a final decision.

But as a woman, a wife and a mother too, I, MYSELF do not think I will still want this man back anymore. Why? Base on his heartlessness (see the purple coloured, bolded sentence), this already tells me a lot. Imagine a father who can care less about his OWN BIOLOGICAL child, even when he's so sick, he can still tell you that he's not free (when he is, obviously) and to settle it yourself! He is worse than an animal! (Sorry, doesn't mean to scold him so meanly but I despise such man!) So what if the gf stopped him? If he really loves his children, she is not able to stop him at all!

Base on this, I will let him go...which is actually to FREE MYSELF and the children. There are many marriages which are 'forced' to keep just because of the children (mostly) but do you think this is really healthy? Imagine the child in this environment - seeing the parents quarrel and fight almost every day...you think he will be happy and it's good for him just because both his parents are around him? Definitely NO! Sometimes in certain situation, I feel that it is best to let the child grow up in a single parent family than a 'whole' but then again, yes, it may not be so good to some children as well so THAT single parent who is WITH the child will need to learn how to explain, teach and guide the child well. All these can be helped with the help of counsellors from family centres too.

I am NOT encouraging nor discouraging you from getting a divource but do give it an all-round serious thought first and of course, consider all factors, problems, hurdles and burden that you may face, then go ahead with what you think is the BEST for you and your children.

Sorry I can't help but those mentioned above are what I will think if it happens on me.

All the best to you and I believe you will grow stronger and tougher because of your children. This, is the greatness of a mother.:red:

Also do not forget to come into the forum to seek solaces, support or advises if you need any of us anytime. :bbwink: Hugs.

P.S: Forgotten to tell you that actually now you can seek advises from the counsellors or who ever from family centres on all these matters too. They can assist you from now till everything's over...even after you on your own with your kids, they will assist you financially too if you have problem with that or need a job etc. HTH.

 

[bingxu3]

He came back to clear all his stuff already on Thurs and i made him sit down and write a agreement in his own handwriting promising to leave me and the kids alone, leaving the house to me.

in this soon to be 10yrs of marriage i have given him many chances he will never change i have learn to accept this fact.

He said to me on Thurs when he cleared his stuff, he said is this what u really want, i said yes, then he said you have changed last time you will not be so cruel towards me, and he can ask whether he can have both, of cause the answer is no.

I also told him when your mistress wanted to hit your son for accidentally kicking her dog last yr what did you do you never shield him instead you push him to her, and if i was not around i think she already whack him like hell and you also will not care, when he was so sick during the festive season where were u.

He just kept quiet and packed his stuff, and he said sure all this is people teach you to do, you will never be so cruel, then i had enough and just said to him you are the one who taught me to be so cruel, not anyone else.

Haiz i have taken the 1st step in getting him out of the house, now is just going to the legal bureau on mon.

 

[-SRI-]

He came back to clear all his stuff already on Thurs and i made him sit down and write a agreement in his own handwriting promising to leave me and the kids alone, leaving the house to me.

in this soon to be 10yrs of marriage i have given him many chances he will never change i have learn to accept this fact.

He said to me on Thurs when he cleared his stuff, he said is this what u really want, i said yes, then he said you have changed last time you will not be so cruel towards me, and he can ask whether he can have both, of cause the answer is no.

I also told him when your mistress wanted to hit your son for accidentally kicking her dog last yr what did you do you never shield him instead you push him to her, and if i was not around i think she already whack him like hell and you also will not care, when he was so sick during the festive season where were u.

He just kept quiet and packed his stuff, and he said sure all this is people teach you to do, you will never be so cruel, then i had enough and just said to him you are the one who taught me to be so cruel, not anyone else.

Haiz i have taken the 1st step in getting him out of the house, now is just going to the legal bureau on mon.

Jia you to u n me...:001_302:...me going tis tues...hope everything runs smoothly for both of us.... :wewink::wewink::wewink: Loves said..tis kind of guy is called @sshole cz they gt the heart to do tis to their own children... Means...well, ur HB n my guy is under the @sshole category den... :we2biglaugh::we2biglaugh::we2biglaugh:

 

[bingxu3]

Jia you to u n me...:001_302:...me going tis tues...hope everything runs smoothly for both of us.... :wewink::wewink::wewink: Loves said..tis kind of guy is called @sshole cz they gt the heart to do tis to their own children... Means...well, ur HB n my guy is under the @sshole category den... :we2biglaugh::we2biglaugh::we2biglaugh:

SRI hes not jus an @sshole hes a cold blooded beast

 

[-SRI-]

SRI hes not jus an @sshole hes a cold blooded beast

lol...wah...i tot my guy is @sshole n heartless only..gt new word for him...cold blooded!! :tlaugh:

 

[LoVeS]

He came back to clear all his stuff already on Thurs and i made him sit down and write a agreement in his own handwriting promising to leave me and the kids alone, leaving the house to me.

in this soon to be 10yrs of marriage i have given him many chances he will never change i have learn to accept this fact.

He said to me on Thurs when he cleared his stuff, he said is this what u really want, i said yes, then he said you have changed last time you will not be so cruel towards me, and he can ask whether he can have both, of cause the answer is no.

I also told him when your mistress wanted to hit your son for accidentally kicking her dog last yr what did you do you never shield him instead you push him to her, and if i was not around i think she already whack him like hell and you also will not care, when he was so sick during the festive season where were u.

He just kept quiet and packed his stuff, and he said sure all this is people teach you to do, you will never be so cruel, then i had enough and just said to him you are the one who taught me to be so cruel, not anyone else.

Haiz i have taken the 1st step in getting him out of the house, now is just going to the legal bureau on mon.

If i am not wrong even he write n sign but u nid a witness to sign as well.

2ndly, IS HIS BRAIN SCREWED UP OR wAT?! Who is the one been cruel?! Who is the one who didnt even care abt own son who is sick? WHO is the one who had affair? Still got the bloody cheek to say u r nt cruel last time? Ask him go to HELL!!

Instead of knwing his own fault yet still dare to say u r cruel to him n say ppl teach u? SO WAT if ppl teach u? PPL care abt u so wan u to knw HOW TO PROTECT URSELF & UR CHILDREN. If nt react like him ah? I really feel like showing him _|_

 

[LoVeS]

Jia you to u n me...:001_302:...me going tis tues...hope everything runs smoothly for both of us.... :wewink::wewink::wewink: Loves said..tis kind of guy is called @sshole cz they gt the heart to do tis to their own children... Means...well, ur HB n my guy is under the @sshole category den... :we2biglaugh::we2biglaugh::we2biglaugh:

Nope he is much much worse than ur hb coz he is the 1 who had affair n dun care abt her n her children so why rite does he haf to say she is cruel when HE IS THE ONE!!

As for ur hb the case is the other way rd as TS is the wife, he choose his wife which u cant blame him too coz after all tt is his wife n the r/s u haf wif him is an affair although u haf no idea he was married inititally BUT dun mind me saying tis as u haf part of the share in wrong too coz after u knew he is married but u didnt stand firm of ur decision to let him settle his divorce b4 u 2 continue which lead to the situation ur now.

BUT u haf the rite to get ur child custody since they didnt wan n even ask u abort. Which is why u haf to protect urself n ur child as the child has no wrong to anyone. As for u now, u need to protect urself coz u dun owe him or his family anything n as for his wife i haf no comment.