i have a lousy husband, lousy marriage and life

[iseearainbow]

i know i sound negative.. but allow me to air my unhappiness and grudges if not i think i will go into prenatal blues and possibly post natal depression when my baby comes out... i have been crying pretty badly these few months and nobody's care..

i have an insensitive, heartless and inconsiderate hubby.. to add on his mum always approve his son's actions and my mum willingly acknowledge that but still defends him making me feeling more miserable when i have no one to pour my sorrows to... the only reason i can think of my mum defending him is bc she dun want our marriage to break down as my baby is at stake.. i love my mum but i feel miserable when she couldn't stand on my side..
it is really my fault in the end as i choose to stay with him and carrying his baby despite knowing he is a changed man who only cares about himself...

during my 6 months pregnancy, he rarely shows any love and concern for me nor his child, even his mum hardly cooks anything nutritious for me (frequency can use 1 hand to count at the most).. to top that his mum stated very clearly do not depend on her for my confinement nor caring for the baby bc she is already booked, looking after her daughter's precious girl. Fyi, im also carrying a baby girl... i am guilty i feel sad im not carrying a boy bc i always feel being girl is more tough than boy and i dun want my child to suffer like me.. my mum is very old, almost coming to 70, and i really feel apologetic that she has to do confinement for me and helping me taking care of my baby when i have to go to work.. of coz i have the option of employing CL and maid but i worry abt financial bc the man wasnt going to spend on us and requested everything to be split equally; wedding, family planning, renovation etc etc.....

i already have thoughts of the family being split up after marrying him less than a month... this man is stingy to me physically and emotionally(hardly shower me with love and concern).. he knew i am upset/angry and when i cry terribly, he never flinch and give in to me.. i have to cry badly in the end and ask him to hug me to make myself more stable in which he do so unwillingly.. instead of calming me down and consoling me, he choose to fight with me in his words to hurt me further... yes maybe he did not love me but to a stranger would you treat a person so badly? we are always pointing fingers at each other, always at the opposite side of each other, this kind rs will fail ultimately, everyone can see it but he just couldn't be a gentleman for once & try to understand me first.. communication breakdown is the major cause i would say... whenever i try to communicate with him, he will be sarcastic and not cooperating.. all i wish is he try to stand in my shoe, feel for me as his wife; alot of ppl say you marry a wife to treat her good but i feel that he marry me is to make me suffer, he feel the same too and say i purposely want to make him miserable... there are always 2 sides of stories and i guess he or anyone will ever be able to see the side of my story...

thank you for reading, i rarely write such thoughts online now.. coz i am bad in expressing myself.. but the more i keep to myself, im afraid i will affect my baby character/temper/mood.. i want her to grow up happy, cheerful & contented.. i should be grateful.. for having a baby just that i am not confident being a gd example for her... gratitude is hard to maintain when im feeling so miserable crying...

dear mummies, pls do share w me how to raise a happy, cheerful and healthy kid with me... the battle im fighting alone, but im sure the gd souls and god will help me one way or another...

 

[lovemum]

divorce is not at all a bad option

Hi, I felt the same about few years into my marriage, after our kid was born. He was a changed man and we started to drift apart, and he made no attempt to improve the relationship.

Now that 2 years after divorce, I m beginning to feel happier, although I will b raising a kid on my own. Better than quarrels, crying, and having our kid witness all these in the home. Since he everything want to equally split the cost and being calculative, it is no difference. Might as well divorce and state everything out clearly.

 

[Babygirlwed2013]

something it is equally important to find out if we hurt the other partner too before...unless there are no other options left. how about going to counselling sessions?

 

[MsKoh1973]

ask yourself the reason u marry him in the first place. There must be something good about your husband or some thing u love about him that made u wanted to spend the rest of your life with him right. Try to talk to him "nicely", tell him how u feel, ask for his help to make this marriage work. Divorce may be an option, but at least try to make it work first.

 

[sleepypiggy]

reading your post, i feel your anguish and pain.. i think for a short term solution, you can trying going for antenatal classes to learn how to take care of your baby then for confinement food wise you may consider ordering tingkat delivery.. but for other minor stuff like the washing of baby clothes and your clothes, you might have to ask your mom for help.. however, this has to be kept at a minimal since you mention that your mum is 70+ already..

i know talking is cheap but i can tell you i am going worse myself cos i am a single mother to be and i dont even have the luxury to have someone like a husband or bf to rely on.. but i told myself i will try my best and things will work out..

remember if you dont help urself, dont expect anyone will cos everyone have their own sets of problem to handle.. ultimately, ur husband will realise you changed when you become too independent.. by then, if he still dont know how to change or treasure you eventually he might lose you..

most importantly jia you.. dont think too much or be negative.. not good for your baby..

 

[yamimi]

I'm so sorry to hear that @iseearainbow. Did your husband's attitude towards you change over the past few years? Men, you know, sometimes they need a little space when they feel like they've been locked into a marriage. My relationship of 7 years failed because I didn't give him the space he needed.

But I doubt the situation is as simple as we think. All I can say is to try to seek your mother's support as a first step. Instead of defending your husband's actions, please tell her that you need her help to ACTIVELY come up with a solution to adjust your husband's behaviour. It shouldn't be just talk. At the very least, your mother should be supporting you instead of defending him. Seek advice from your friends too and ask for their feedback on what you might have done to cause your husband's antagonism.

Sometimes you never know until you get an outsider's perspective...

 

[PinkUmber]

stay strong and positive for your baby girl fellow mummy. Try not to dwell on negative things, go out with your baby for some time tgt etc. you can do this. god bless...