i know but...

[sillysilly]

Hi all.
I am feeling suicidal lately and cant focus on anything at all. I am now about to 8 months pregnant and been crying almost everyday even before being pregnant.

I am feeling afraid and very lost. I feel alot of stress. And i have got tons of things to worry about.

My man is always busy at work Mon to fridays and not around with me during the weekends at all.

I dont see him at all. We are not married. But im having his child. He never pays for any of my consultations fees, hospitalisation fees or visit me when im being awarded when i had bleedings for a few times.

I went for an abortion for him 2 times and had a mscarriage which i attribute to being to depressed and upset at that point of time- not eating and crying and running about.

It has bee and like this for years. We will meet for lunch daily and talk about everything. Go for occasional movies and ktvs. Spend an hour of quality bonding time.
he will give an evening once in a blue moon.
He will buy me really nice stuffs quite frequently too. Will bring me out for nice meals and gifts during special ocassions.
I was contented already. knowing that he has me in his heart is enough for me. I tell myself, its ok.

Now, for the past 2 years, he's been ignoring me. Everyday he tells me he is terrribly busy at work, he forgets our anniversaries, my birthdys and never took the initiative to wish me during christmas, new years...we dont even meet at all.
i feel so sad.
i spent 4 years of my life, putting him on top of my priorities, trying to be understanding towards his work.
Its been 2 yrs that he has been treating me cold and hot.
Sometimes whn we fight, he will disappear on me for days and weeks and not show any concern at all.
There wil be no calls, no sms, nothing at all.
He never address me as anyone, no more darling and loving stuffs. he talks to me like i am just an aquaintance he just know.
i try to be understanding. I give him space and time. I dont bother him at work these days and have not met him for ages already.
I try to handle alot of things on my own and sometimes i feel so overwhlemed by all, i just break down and sit in a daze.
He says he has feelings for me.
But its been almost a year we even hold hands or hug. there is just no affectionate moves like what a couple should have.

He never buys me anything at all for my baby since my pregnancy days till now and often screams at me and hang up on me when all i want is a listening ear and some reactions and concern. But he never ever react or respond whenever i talk to him about baby son.
at first i thought he is just being an insensitive man, but tell me, how can anyone be so busy until completely no care at all?

i tried talking to him, telling him how i feel, i spoke to him a thousand times, but he always nevr bother.
i am so depressed. Now that i am pregnant, i was advised not tocontinue with my pills and i find everything so hard to cope on my own.

I took a 4d ultrasound and told himabout it, thinking he would be excited and i was hoping he will say he wants to see how baby looks like.
But he didnt. He just leave it as it is when i told him.
I am upset that he didnt acompany me to buy maternity clothes, see baby stuffs or discuss. Upset that he didnt even want to help monetarily, emotionally nor physically.

 

[sillysilly]

Ever since i got pregnant, instead of giving me more attention and showering me with more care, he simply leaves me all alone most days.
Sometimes, i only recieve 3 sms from him the whole day. And when i call him, he will quickly hang up my phone and say he has to go for a meeting.

I feel so neglected.

From everyday lunch meetings, and ffrequent bonding times, till once a week lunch, to now, not even meeting at all.

I am so sad. I gave him so much space and he complains im being unreasonable.

I bought all the baby stuffs on my own, find out everything on my own, read up and find out this, find out that...

Sometimes i feel he is trying too. but very soon he will turn nasty to me again.
I feel so insecured that i tend to keep calling him up at work just to hear his voice.
recently i got so fed up, i just text him and ask him what he wants.

He told me he wants to have a normal life.
And when i asked him what he means, he says he wants it out.

I want him to be happy too. In my heart, i love him alot. no matter what happens, i will be there for him. but the same cannot be said for him to me.
And i thought if i love him, i should let him go. I tried so hard.
Which explains why we havent met for ages. I miss him so much and i cry so hard everyday and i will lose my apetitie and get gastric all the time.
I will cry to bed and cry when i wake up and cry when i cant get tohar his voice and cry i the afternoon again.
I wake up with puffy swollen eyes and i dont feel like doing anything at all.
I cry until i cant see clearly now. I cry until my nose's skin cracked.
I wish he can treat me better and offer me a sincere hug and sincere loving assurances.
I wish he can tell me " we will work it out together" and really mean what he says. But so far, he refuse to do anything t his own initiative.

many times, i almost died.
I stood by my window and keep staring into the sleeping pills i got.
Sometimes, when i really couldnt take it anymore, I will take one or 2 just to go to sleep.

but i always wake up crying and feeling upset.

He did said " we will work it out together" a few times and everytime i hear him say that to me, i feel more secured and better. But i will soon realised he only said that for the sake of saying it.

in less than 2 months time, i will have a bb and he has not offer anything.
And when i ask him for it, he tells me he has no money at all for us.
i feel so sad.
how can he bear to leave me and bb in the lurch?
how can he bear to?
i feel so depressed.
he doesnt even care if i really die.
I almst succeed if not bb kicking me.
why? He knows how much i love him, so how could he?
my heart hurts knowing that he doesnt care if he hurts me or bb.
my heart hurts.
but i remember how he once loved me with his heart. How we cried together and promised never to leave each other no matter what the future may come.
I kept to my promise and believed him.
i am so upset.

 

[Domique]

Try to control ur emotions.

Devote ur attention to ur little one in ur tummy. Its a life there too... dun be selfish..... u decided to keep the bb, u take responsibility of the bb.

Ever since i got pregnant, instead of giving me more attention and showering me with more care, he simply leaves me all alone most days.
Sometimes, i only recieve 3 sms from him the whole day. And when i call him, he will quickly hang up my phone and say he has to go for a meeting.

I feel so neglected.

From everyday lunch meetings, and ffrequent bonding times, till once a week lunch, to now, not even meeting at all.

I am so sad. I gave him so much space and he complains im being unreasonable.

I bought all the baby stuffs on my own, find out everything on my own, read up and find out this, find out that...

Sometimes i feel he is trying too. but very soon he will turn nasty to me again.
I feel so insecured that i tend to keep calling him up at work just to hear his voice.
recently i got so fed up, i just text him and ask him what he wants.

He told me he wants to have a normal life.
And when i asked him what he means, he says he wants it out.

I want him to be happy too. In my heart, i love him alot. no matter what happens, i will be there for him. but the same cannot be said for him to me.
And i thought if i love him, i should let him go. I tried so hard.
Which explains why we havent met for ages. I miss him so much and i cry so hard everyday and i will lose my apetitie and get gastric all the time.
I will cry to bed and cry when i wake up and cry when i cant get tohar his voice and cry i the afternoon again.
I wake up with puffy swollen eyes and i dont feel like doing anything at all.
I cry until i cant see clearly now. I cry until my nose's skin cracked.
I wish he can treat me better and offer me a sincere hug and sincere loving assurances.
I wish he can tell me " we will work it out together" and really mean what he says. But so far, he refuse to do anything t his own initiative.

many times, i almost died.
I stood by my window and keep staring into the sleeping pills i got.
Sometimes, when i really couldnt take it anymore, I will take one or 2 just to go to sleep.

but i always wake up crying and feeling upset.

 

[mich_liu82]

Firstly, do you think this is the man you can spend your life with?

Have you tried havin a heart to heart talk.

No offence, but keeping the baby is it just your own decision thats why he doesn't bother?

If you really wanna die, is it worth it? Is this man worthy of your love?

What if you died, is it fair to the unborn child? Taking the life away from the unborn child b4 he can see the world? Thats very selfish of you to think that way....

You are a Mother To Be. YOU LIVE LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR UNBORN CHILD.

No point hanging on to someone who treats you like nothing. You are too good for him. He is not worthy of you.

If you think you still can savage things, then talk things out. See a counsellor togther.

As a saying goes in chinese,, "LIU DE CHU REN, LIU BU CHU XIN YOU SE ME YONG?"

My 2 cents worth...

 

[sillysilly]

he told me we can have a bb. so when i got pregnant with his bb, i was really really thrilled and happy.
I was lookingforward for a happy pregnancy.

but soon, he grew distant.
There are times i asked him if he wanted me to go for abortion again.
he didnt answer me. he never gives a direct answer about this question.
he always tells me to relax and dont think so much. enjoy pregnancy.

so i assumed he wanted this bb as much as i did.

not true?

 

[sillysilly]

it really hurts alot.
i even tell him very directly what he can do to make me feel better and happy.
He can buy me a bear to hug so i can feel him for a hug even when he is out there being busy.
He can buy me chicken essence, no need alot, just a box.
He can buy me a single rose just cheer me up.
he can buy something for bb.
he can acknowledge our bb son.
Speak to me like we a couple and not like im an aquaintance.
meet me once a week.
show some affectionate towards me and us.
abit of love and care.

i bore with so much and yet he just told me he wants it out.

I wanted to give him the normal life he wants.
But i miss him so much. He did try for this few days.
talk to me for a few mins instead of a min.
He stop using vulgarities on me a month ago.

sometimes when i haveto handle so much stuffs and all he does is to tell me how busy he is, i get angry and then i will start asking him for some money so i can buy bb stuffs on his behalf and he simply just say he dont have.

I feel so sad.


its not as though im desperate for his money. you know what i mean?

 

[apollo]

i know i might sound bad but i think you shd give up on him... it's NOT WORTH getting upset and get into depression for this kind of guy...

your unborn baby needs you ALOT! if you get into depression/commit suicide cause of a guy who treats you invisible, it's very unfair for ur baby....

since the both of you are not married, faster forget him... give him up now is better than regretting after you got married to him... i'm sure you can bring up ur baby alone...

dun think of suicide! Remember, now you shd take care of ur health! NEVER let urself get into depression or thought of suicide.. ur baby really really needs you alot... any pro, just come to the forum and rant all you want...

 

[Domique]

I agree...

There are many happy single mummies out there u know....
there is nothing to be ashamed. Instead be proud if u can survive without him!

Single mummies tell her and wake her up!!!

i know i might sound bad but i think you should give up on him... it's NOT WORTH getting upset and get into depression for this kind of guy...

your unborn baby needs you ALOT! if you get into depression/commit suicide cause of a guy who treats you invisible, it's very unfair for your baby....

since the both of you are not married, faster forget him... give him up now is better than regretting after you got married to him... i'm sure you can bring up your baby alone...

dont think of suicide! Remember, now you should take care of your health! NEVER let yourself get into depression or thought of suicide.. your baby really really needs you alot... any pro, just come to the forum and rant all you want...

 

[tika]

I seriously think you should seek professional counselling immediately. Its apparent you are in too deep and have no way of getting out of this emotional mess yourself. You need someone professional to help you make the first step to getting better. There are plenty of free counselling services around. If you dont't think you can see someone face to face, you can seek help over the phone. Below is one....

Hotline Counselling 1800-3535-800

This toll-free service is available 7 days a week, from 10 am to 10 pm. Manned by well-trained volunteers, it offers the public an opportunity to share their problems in total anonymity and strict confidentiality.
For more information, please contact Care Corner Counselling Centre

 

[sillysilly]

.
he said if i give him enough space and time, we will work things out.
but the more time and space i give him, themore he took advantage and i am now so disapointed in him.

i dont want to give up without a fight. .
but i feel so unloved and so neglected and all.
he trys to call me this 2 days. i can see that he is trying but still its so little.
izzit just all my hormones? he says its me being moody due to pregnancy.

but i cant help feel hurt and pain and crying.
i know i cant keep crying eveyday and not eat but i really really have no appetite.

i wil force milk and milo and eggs.
because im so scared the same thing will happen again. previous miscarriage. actually its missed abortion. My baby died inside me. stop breathing.
i think its largely due to me not eating and under depression and running about to look for him when he disappear on me.

 

[sillysilly]

thank you caroltpl for sending me a pte msg asking me to take care and telling me how he doesnt care about the relationship at all and the baby inside me.

but you reminded me of something that i dont know how to face.
that my baby will look like him.
.
tika, i have went for counselling help but really, its not of any use to me.
i still go home and end up crying and wanting to call him and missing him.
i keep going back to the night where we hugged and cried so hard together and promised that we will never leave each other no matter what happens.

he will say he will not abandon me and he will always be here for me these few months.
what did he really mean when he say that to me?

am i reading too much into that?

 

[tika]

.
tika, i have went for counselling help but really, its not of any use to me.
i still go home and end up crying and wanting to call him and missing him.
i keep going back to the night where we hugged and cried so hard together and promised that we will never leave each other no matter what happens.

Ask yourself HONESTLY....

Do YOU let ppl help you?
Do YOU create excuses everytime ppl suggests ways for you to forget him?

Seems to me that YOU are not allowing yourself to move on leh. If thats the case then sadly no amount of professional counselling or raving and ranting in any forum is of any use. =(

 

[sillysilly]

tika.
i know you meant well for me.
i really did try.
but i go home feeling down and find it hard to sleep.
i try to eat but somehow the food will end up in vomits.
i will try to drink some milk or sugar to keep myself sane and not faint.

i really wanna try.

but the thing is. i only am willing to try for his sake, because he told me he wanted a normal life.


i am such a stupid woman.

 

[tika]

then try to be better for your baby's sake. That's all I can say. There's only so much advice we can give. Its really up to you my dear.
=)

 

[austrina]

Hi all.
I am feeling suicidal lately and cant focus on anything at all. I am now about to 8 months pregnant and been crying almost everyday even before being pregnant.

I am feeling afraid and very lost. I feel alot of stress. And i have got tons of things to worry about.

My man is always busy at work Mon to fridays and not around with me during the weekends at all.

I dont see him at all. We are not married. But im having his child. He never pays for any of my consultations fees, hospitalisation fees or visit me when im being awarded when i had bleedings for a few times.

I went for an abortion for him 2 times and had a mscarriage which i attribute to being to depressed and upset at that point of time- not eating and crying and running about.

It has bee and like this for years. We will meet for lunch daily and talk about everything. Go for occasional movies and ktvs. Spend an hour of quality bonding time.
he will give an evening once in a blue moon.
He will buy me really nice stuffs quite frequently too. Will bring me out for nice meals and gifts during special ocassions.
I was contented already. knowing that he has me in his heart is enough for me. I tell myself, its ok.

Now, for the past 2 years, he's been ignoring me. Everyday he tells me he is terrribly busy at work, he forgets our anniversaries, my birthdys and never took the initiative to wish me during christmas, new years...we dont even meet at all.
i feel so sad.
i spent 4 years of my life, putting him on top of my priorities, trying to be understanding towards his work.
Its been 2 yrs that he has been treating me cold and hot.
Sometimes whn we fight, he will disappear on me for days and weeks and not show any concern at all.
There wil be no calls, no sms, nothing at all.
He never address me as anyone, no more darling and loving stuffs. he talks to me like i am just an aquaintance he just know.
i try to be understanding. I give him space and time. I dont bother him at work these days and have not met him for ages already.
I try to handle alot of things on my own and sometimes i feel so overwhlemed by all, i just break down and sit in a daze.
He says he has feelings for me.
But its been almost a year we even hold hands or hug. there is just no affectionate moves like what a couple should have.

He never buys me anything at all for my baby since my pregnancy days till now and often screams at me and hang up on me when all i want is a listening ear and some reactions and concern. But he never ever react or respond whenever i talk to him about baby son.
at first i thought he is just being an insensitive man, but tell me, how can anyone be so busy until completely no care at all?

i tried talking to him, telling him how i feel, i spoke to him a thousand times, but he always nevr bother.
i am so depressed. Now that i am pregnant, i was advised not tocontinue with my pills and i find everything so hard to cope on my own.

I took a 4d ultrasound and told himabout it, thinking he would be excited and i was hoping he will say he wants to see how baby looks like.
But he didnt. He just leave it as it is when i told him.
I am upset that he didnt acompany me to buy maternity clothes, see baby stuffs or discuss. Upset that he didnt even want to help monetarily, emotionally nor physically.

my dear... it seems like we r in a similar position... our man dun care abt us or e baby... nt even a word of console when we ended up in hospital due 2 bleedin... bt 1 thing diff is i m married 2 dis man... & he suddenly MIA 4 no reason... i m nw gg 3 mths pregnant & same like u, keep cryin every nite askin myself y is he bhavin dis way? blah blah blah...
bt @ e end of e day u muz rem therez still a life gg on within u & itz waitin 2 come 2 dis world 2 enjoy e motherly love fr u... so no matter hw sad or depressed or hw much u feel like dyin perservered 4 ur little 1... jus like when i feel like slashin my wrist i c my DD & DS face... i tel myself 2 b strong 4 their sakes s well s e unborn 1...
dun worry ur efforts will b reciporcrate by ur lit 1... by den u will realised u hv made a rite decision... so cheer up... u r nt alone... lets brace up 4 our babies... they needed us e most nw...
heck care wat ur man 1 or wat... if he realli 1 2 b w u he will... bt if he doesnt show him ur life will b beta off w/o him...
I b there cheerin u up... if u 1 i can b ur listening ear... *hugs*

 

[Triquetra]

*hugz*

I don't know what to say to make you feel better. Things are always easier said than done.

I really hope that you will get over this phrase soon, perhaps after you've delivered your attention will be diverted to your baby and you won't feel so depressed anymore.

Remember to keep all the gynae consultation receipts etc... just incase next time you wanna claim maintenance fee from him (which I think you should).

 

[sillysilly]

Remember to keep all the gynae consultation receipts etc... just incase next time you wanna claim maintenance fee from him (which I think you should).

confronting him with money issues will be the last thing i want to do to him.

when you love someone alot, you just want the person to love you back too.

have i been in denial all these while? is it so obvious?

so its not a matter of him being busy?

 

[uddermummy]

my guy friends have always told me this: if a guy blows hot and cold, he prob isn't that interested in you.

after all these years, i have found it to be very true.

babe, you deserve better.

 

[apollo]

darling, you said you're afriad that your baby might MC again like the previous one? I tell you, the more depressed you're, the more dangerous your baby is!!!!!!!!

do you know that some misabortion (baby's heartbeat stop) is due to the mother too stressful?? and the baby will be affected!

i'm not trying to scare you or what but it's a fact that your emotion will affect your baby directly... if you love your baby, MOVE ON! i believe you love your baby more than that guy right???

you're left with few more weeks to see your lil one... if you get into depression, who's going to take care of him?? who's going to work hard for him?? dont expect that guy to do anything for you and your baby in future since he's doing nth now...

And yes, i agree too that being a single mummy is not shameful at all! in fact, i salute those single mummies out there... they can bring up their babies alone without men's help, why can't you??? i'm sure u can do it! cos after you become a mother, you'll know that there lotsa things you used to think you can't do it are actually so simple! that's call mother instinct... live for yourself, live for your unborn baby and NOT that guy who dont appreciate you at all! =)

 

[applebreeze]

he told me we can have a baby. so when i got pregnant with his baby, i was really really thrilled and happy.
I was lookingforward for a happy pregnancy.

but soon, he grew distant.
There are times i asked him if he wanted me to go for abortion again.
he didnt answer me. he never gives a direct answer about this question.
he always tells me to relax and dont think so much. enjoy pregnancy.

so i assumed he wanted this baby as much as i did.

not true?

Sillysilly,

The reason for this could be it be ur bf is feeling guilty after your 2 abortions.
Since he heard the 3rd time u r pregnant, he does not wan u to have a abortion yet he also doesnt really wish to have a baby. To me, when he says he is asking you to relax is just that cos he has say you guys can keep the baby. Nothing more. As ur baby is nearing the date to be delivered, he will be feeling the stress of having a baby. All these about not behaving like before and stuff are jus his way of avoiding you and e baby.

Since it is like tis, do you think u can still stay with a man who does not love u or his own child? I strongly agree that they are many single mums out there, and some have even found a doting man for themselves and their child.

Pls free yourself from all this agony and leave this man. Be strong for your baby, he is alrdy 8 mths in your tummy, how can u even thought of killing yourself and him? If you dont help yourself, then nobody can help you. I know it sound harsh but let this be a wake up call for u. I have been thru enough worse things as well so pls do not fret...