**in-laws**

[Charbabe]

Hi all,
I am having a really major problem wit my parents in laws. All e while im stayin wit em, but currently im stayin wit my parents after a quaerell tat day... it happened like tis.... all e while i wil make it a pt to visit my parents every wk to bring my baby to let em see. However my in laws is thinkin tat i shd nt go back to 'nia jia' so often. Last wk when me n my dh bring ds bck to my parents place to stay...my mother inlaw called my dh when hes at wrk. she told my dh " yest ur grandma came, n ask ware r we. den i told her said u all go ur wife's parents hse, n grandma said hw can u all go nia jia so often". To me, even if grandma really said tat, do she has to purposely call up my dh n tell him when hes at wrk? y make it an issue? i tink she n my father inlaws r e one who has tis issue.

so on tat day tat she call my dh, we went bck to my in laws place n wanted to discuss tis issue wit em, leavin my ds at my parent's place. (as bringing ds difficult to discuss). when we reach, my dh say need to discuss things wit em, but my father in laws immediately flare up, say " u two want to move to my parents hse iszt?" my dh said to him nicely "no, we jus want to discuss things nicely" And.... MY FATHER INLAWS WALK TO ME N SCOLDED ME SAID "HEY,HOW CAN U ALWAYS LISTEN TO UR PARENTS?" I SAID WHEN DID I LISTEN TO EM? HE ASSUME TAT MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME TO GO AGAINST EM... AND WAD MAKES ME REALLI BOIL IS... MY MOTHER INLAW SAID '" UR FATHER MAYB WONT TEACH U BAD THINGS BUT UR MUM SURELY GOT. ALOT OF PEOLE SAY AH...UR MUM'S LOOK CAN TELL TAT SHE ALWAYS TALK ABT OTHER PPL 'SHI FEI ' AR". And fter she said tis...i got out of control n raise my voice at em. i siad " HW CAN U ALL ACCUSE MY PARENTS? I ADMIT TAT I DID COMPLAIN TO EM ABT U ALL SOMETIMES, BUT MY PARENTS ALWAYS TELL ME TO GIVE IN TO U ALL AS U R ELDERLY N I ALWAYS QUEARELL WIT EM AS I TINK THEY DUN UNDERSTAND MY SITUATION". My mother inlaws keep addin oil to fire n said " i wont believe...im sure ur mum did".

I tink my in laws r really causin my marriage alot of unhappiness... I felt really depressed but im embaress to tell my friends abt it. I need some advise... could anyone kindly me some advise?

 

[erjie_2]

O dear..u seems to b very misunderstood by yr in-laws. Tis problem, I think only yr hubi can help. He can talk to them by himself, u dun b around?

I also go back every wkend to my mum's place but my fa-inlaw is very fine w/ it. Yr mil abit too much by saying tat abt yr parents leh..can imagine yr anger. Mus ve been hell of a roller coaster ride of emotions for u..

Do u reali ve to live w them? How abt getting yr own place?

 

[Porukadotzu]

i will do wat you done if i were you!

i won't take other ppl talk bad about my parents especially if they randomly accused w/o any proof. Your inlaws are just too much, why can't bring ur son to your own parents? getting married with someone doesn't mean you don't hv your obligation towards your own parents.
:bmad:

what is wrong with visiting own parents all the time? it's not like you go there by yourself which makes the inlaws looks bad rite..

 

[LoVeS]

Hey ger dun feel sad coz ur nt alone n in fact my situations now is abt the same as urs. I do agree tat bcoz of in laws which r really the caused of alot of broken marriage n same apply to my marriage as they r the cause for my marriage to b strained.:wong19:

 

[Charbabe]

Thanks all for e reply.....

erjie 2: Currently me & my dh is waiting for our love nest...mention abt tis issue, initially we had actually wanted to buy a repurchase flat fr hdb(e time when e market is stil nt so hot) but when dh told hisparents tat we wan to get a flat nearby, my father inlaw was also against it... tink he mention like scared our cpf nt enough or something like tat, which we ourselve noe we had enough. To me, y mus they interfere, me n dh is married, we shd decide n not em. we even reason out to em tat if tat time we dun get one, future market wil be v difficult for us, n it came true! In e end we did nt get e flat. (as for unknown reason at tat time,we giv in to em). So after a while, 1 fine day, my mum inlaw confront us when we wan to go my parents place. my dh got really angry n quarel wit her said "y mus u all interfere so much, u all already cause us to nt gettin our own flat n now stil wan to interfere so much things". den my father inlaws said " tat time when u all told us e flat, we tot is resale one which need cash over valuation as u all told mum is fr hdb, but mum dunno wad is meant by hdb, n we mistood it as resale one". to me n dh, we noe they r turning the table against us,they noe its a flat fr hdb n noe wad it means. it really makes me feel so angry (tink angry is an understatement man). They r simply too much...really...
Last wkend, my dh went bck to his parents hse. Initially he plan to go bck alone, but my parents stil advise me to go bck wit dh n bring ds bck for em to see despite e nasty things they had said. N i did, cause in my heart i really dun wan things to turn so bad also. My dh himself also hate his parents now n i tink he is quite upset but he jus wont admit to me. So we went bck together, n my in laws din said anything to me, after my ds woke up, we went bck. Last few days my mum inlaw call my dh said "ur dad v upset, everyday he came hm he will cry... blah blah blah...". From wad i see, its always my mum inlaws called my dh sayin tis n tat...dunno iszt true or nt. If initially she din purposely called my dh sayin grandma came n blah blah blah... it wont be like tis now.
Shd i jus ignore em n live our own life or can anyone tell me if u were in my shoe, can u stil tolerate to go bck durin wkend to vist em or stayover?

 

[Charbabe]

Porukadotzu I agree wit u. I love my parents alot... wanted to make em happy tats y i bring my ds bck often to play wit em. however my in laws is super tratitional type. I noe their tinkin is im maried into their family, n cannot go bck often. Tink she will always hint to me things sayin" er... grandma's birthday comin, every yr is all e sons forkin out money to organise as daughter no need to cause daughter is married to others "jia chu ju de". To me, i tink tis is v mean to hav such mindset. Daughters r also child of own parents, cnt we daughter do something to show our gratitude n be nice to our great parents. I feel so sad when she said tis thing. Now i tink i cant handle em anymore. i wil jus lose control n be nasty wit em.

LoVeS Thanks for ur understanding. Its sad to hear tat u havin problems wit inlaws. Do u mind to share?

 

[vion]

Shd i jus ignore em n live our own life or can anyone tell me if u were in my shoe, can u stil tolerate to go bck durin wkend to vist em or stayover?

Charbabe, actually if u asked me, I dun tink the most affected one will b u, it shld be ur dh. Cos those r dh's parents. So how's ur dh taking it. I tink if he's ok with moving out den he shld oredi foresee tt his parents will be unhappy le. Is he the oni child? Dh n I used to stay at my ILs' hse where DH was oso a co-owner. But I wanted our own flat, thus they've got no choice but to sell their flat cos they can't tk up loan (too old n not working) n we couldn't afford to top up the diff in dh's cpf used to pay for the housing loan over the yrs.

My dh is the oni son with 3 elder sisters. SILs contributed some unwanted issues oso. Like saying tt MIL got depression cos dun get to stay with her oni son blah blah blah. All I can say is, we can stop ppl from toking so juz let them be lor. I agreed if my ILs were to verbally accused my parents, I wld hv blown my top too. Thus for now I feel tt moving out is the best solution for ur case. As for visiting them or not, when not staying tog, they'll probably learnt to appreciate when u visit esp with their grandson. Things will get better.

 

[LoVeS]

Porukadotzu I agree wit u. I love my parents alot... wanted to make em happy tats y i bring my ds bck often to play wit em. however my in laws is super tratitional type. I noe their tinkin is im maried into their family, n cannot go bck often. Tink she will always hint to me things sayin" er... grandma's birthday comin, every yr is all e sons forkin out money to organise as daughter no need to cause daughter is married to others "jia chu ju de". To me, i tink tis is v mean to hav such mindset. Daughters r also child of own parents, cnt we daughter do something to show our gratitude n be nice to our great parents. I feel so sad when she said tis thing. Now i tink i cant handle em anymore. i wil jus lose control n be nasty wit em.

LoVeS Thanks for ur understanding. Its sad to hear tat u havin problems wit inlaws. Do u mind to share?

Nah it ok coz if i were to share LOLX mayb 2-3 posts aso cant finish. Mine is more on my mil issues but sad to say there wont b any ending until we finally move out of current flat w/o staying wif them. I juz feel tat it nt gd to always assuming things, always tink ownself is rite n always so stubborn coz living in the same roof haf to give n take lor. Anyway i am refering to my own case.