irresponsible baby's father?

[shiyi]

although he pays for all the expenses, he seldom lay a finger on the baby.
when the bb needs to feed or change diapers he will pass her back to me.

only play with her when the bb is in a good mood n not crying.
hates bringin the baby out cos he finds it troublesome, but still will bring me out.
he treats me good.

bb is sick, but he dont seem to bother..still slping on a sunday. now i can only bring her to kkh.

haiz
but overall hes still a good man leh

 

[suett]

Some men just cannot handle babies. My friend's husband wasn't good with babies but now when they are bigger, he goes out with them very often.

If he treats you well, take that as a blessing and remember to appreciate him. I'm sure he will be more hands on when they are bigger.

Or if not, then you are still better than off than many many other ladies whose husband don't even provide for the wife and don't bring them out at all.

 

[ahpei]

my hubby didn't really bother abt our babies when they were younger. he would not know how to handle them... when they cry in the nights, i would be the only one waking up all night to soothe them, and do things alone...

may be guys are like that.. when they are like 1 yr old, he started to be involved heavily in the upbringing... he spent time with them, when i am not free...

don't think too much.. you can just concetrate on baby for this period of time, as the baby needs you most. sometimes it would be better that he does not bother abt baby much, cos if he 'bothers the wrong way', you will feel frustrated, and in tremendous stress....

all the best to you!

 

[Amulet]

i guess some men are just not very hand-on with their kids..

 

[littlehelper]

yeah agree with the mummies. Mayb he don't know how to handle?
mayb you can teach him?Do it together so that he can learn and be part of it?

 

[NIisme]

ya, agreed too.
teach him, let him play and learn ya..

my hubby 1st 1-2months also nv take care darling Vyanne de, only "entertain" her. after teaching and learning, he now will help me bath her, feed her, etc...

just a matter of time.. let your hubby learn step by step. =)

 

[kenxf_03]

yes, i do agreed that most men cant handle their kid well, esp when they cry..

Still rem when our Ds cries badly during his 1st 3 mths due to colic, Hb will get panick and not knowing wat to do.. So along the way, I'll guide him and we will learn tgt wats happening to our DS and everyday I'll update him with the progress of our DS. So that, when I'm not ard, he will know how to handle DS. And now, he can handle our Ds very well.

U can try this too. Try to communicate to him, let him know how u feel. He's the father to ur kid, he can participate in maybe diaper chging or feeding of milk. Let him know that this is a kinda of bonding with his kid too!

Hope that all things will go well for u!

 

[lylie]

He's good to you because he knows you have been good to his child. I have a friend who's going through a rough patch because her husband can't handle babies. Her husband is good with toddlers but not babies though. She took care of her two babies until they reached toddler age and the husband became so hands on. She became a tai-tai because her hubs takes care of everything. During her third pregnancy, her hubby was unhappy. He probably thinks that he has to go through another round of parenting toddler when the other two are in their preteens. What to do??!?? Whose fault?? They are going for divorce right now. I guess, that's this much a human can take. The wife wants to have more kids ( pregnancy can be fun, because you are number one!), but the husband is tired of taking care of toddlers all over again.

Your husband is nice to you. That's an encouragement.ancing_wub:

 

[lovely0315]

My frien's husb not dare to take care their baby at all, don know wat he was scared of, everytime went out for gathering, my frien alone hugging the baby, feed her and do everything, the hubby wish to help but he no dare to touch at all... cannot remember until how many mths of the baby girl, then he only dare to carry her... -_-""

I have a nice hubby, he can take care bb without my assistant(after short train) and even do all the housework..

 

[shiyi]

thanks all.. think im too sensitive.
now i noe most of the husbands cant handle infants..
hope he will love to brring the bb out when shes older.

Thanks all!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[angelwendy]

:tlaugh:Last time i use to have this feeling as well.. but once we talk it out.. it is actually he don't dare to carry him when he is newborn or younger.. because my boy is quite small in size.. & my hubby is quite big size... he scare that will hurt him... after the talk i feel much much better.. now benson is 7 months... he spend more time with Benson now... & Benson love playing with him too.... try to talk it out.. some time we alone.. mind will think too much... sit down & talk when both of u r out... i'm sure he will explaine why...

 

[shiyi]

baby is now 8mths/.. but i just had this feeling yesterday.
cos bb was coughing and he was there slping and reluctant to accompany me to bring her to the doc. in the end all the clinics are closed and we have to go kkh

 

[nellu]

baby is now 8mths/.. but i just had this feeling yesterday.
cos baby was coughing and he was there sleeping and reluctant to accompany me to bring her to the doc. in the end all the clinics are closed and we have to go Kandang Kerbau Hospital

maybe...you are really overreacting?! That's why he didn't want to accompany you to go to the clinic.

Just reading from your first post, I really think you might just be a tad to oversensitive. Or perhaps you could even have been rather overpowering towards your husband in the department of childcare. Well, most women tend to be like this anyway, and that puts the men off.

Perhaps you want to try asking for his opinion on the care of your baby instead of telling him what you think he should do.

Also create time for yourself to be busy with something else so that he can 'help' you with the baby.

 

[nellu]

He's good to you because he knows you have been good to his child. I have a friend who's going through a rough patch because her husband can't handle babies. Her husband is good with toddlers but not babies though. She took care of her two babies until they reached toddler age and the husband became so hands on. She became a tai-tai because her hubs takes care of everything. During her third pregnancy, her hubby was unhappy. He probably thinks that he has to go through another round of parenting toddler when the other two are in their preteens. What to do??!?? Whose fault?? They are going for divorce right now. I guess, that's this much a human can take. The wife wants to have more kids ( pregnancy can be fun, because you are number one!), but the husband is tired of taking care of toddlers all over again.

Your husband is nice to you. That's an encouragement.ancing_wub:

I SERIOUSLY don't think that is the real reason for their divorce lah...

Too shallow!

 

[shiyi]

are u mummies usually the one waking up in the middle of the nite when the bb cries or wants to feed?
i find it a lil unfair when i too have to work the next day but im always the one waking early to look after the kid

 

[Jovy]

Believe it or not I am the one total breastfeeding my baby, waking up anytime of the night and day, I pumped milk for my partner to help me out but then still I am the one end up feeding my baby.

I remember the first night I deliver my baby, was in the hospital by myself as he went out and came back at 5 am in the morning very drunk. (note no families here)

And he went on almost every night until now.

If i have doctors appointment I would wake up to get myself ready, my baby and only to wake him up to ask if he wants to come. He would come but very unpatient to wait so I end up waiting by myself.

Takes time for me sometimes to put my baby to sleep and here he is so good to wake my baby up and will pass baby straight away to me. (baby is very good, never really cry for anything) but he likes playing so once he is up you have to spend sometime with him. He is 7 weeks old now.

Aside from not helping me out with the baby,he pays everything, bill, weekly food expenses, medications, flights, holidays, clothings,make up and etc. as in everything I do not have to pull any penny out of my pocket.

I dont have to complain much as I sometimes think he is tired from work so he is not able to help me out.

 

[Jovy]

are you mummies usually the one waking up in the middle of the nite when the baby cries or wants to feed?
i find it a lil unfair when i too have to work the next day but im always the one waking early to look after the kid

Oh so you work?? That is lil unfair i think. Why dont you guys talk about it and set each others schedule on looking after the baby at night. Does baby stay with you in the same room?

 

[angelwendy]

are you mummies usually the one waking up in the middle of the nite when the baby cries or wants to feed?
i find it a lil unfair when i too have to work the next day but im always the one waking early to look after the kid

i do most of the night feed because i'm a full time mummy... so i don't really ask my hubby to help on this because he need to wake up for work next morning... hmm.. if u both r working... is better to ask him to help u sometime.. as it can be tiring... even i stay home i also feel tired.... try talking to him... my hubby knows i'm tired.. or not feeling well.. he will offer to help on weekends... :001_302:

 

[angelwendy]

Believe it or not I am the one total breastfeeding my baby, waking up anytime of the night and day, I pumped milk for my partner to help me out but then still I am the one end up feeding my baby.

I remember the first night I deliver my baby, was in the hospital by myself as he went out and came back at 5 am in the morning very drunk. (note no families here)

And he went on almost every night until now.

If i have doctors appointment I would wake up to get myself ready, my baby and only to wake him up to ask if he wants to come. He would come but very unpatient to wait so I end up waiting by myself.

Takes time for me sometimes to put my baby to sleep and here he is so good to wake my baby up and will pass baby straight away to me. (baby is very good, never really cry for anything) but he likes playing so once he is up you have to spend sometime with him. He is 7 weeks old now.

Aside from not helping me out with the baby,he pays everything, bill, weekly food expenses, medications, flights, holidays, clothings,make up and etc. as in everything I do not have to pull any penny out of my pocket.

I dont have to complain much as I sometimes think he is tired from work so he is not able to help me out.

ur hubby even till now still got drunk till 5 am then back home??:err: i feel that is not healthy this way... u must try to talk to him & change a bit of lifestyle...

 

[Jovy]

your hubby even till now still got drunk till 5 am then back home??:err: i feel that is not healthy this way... you must try to talk to him & change a bit of lifestyle...

2 weeks ago he went out twice and both nights came back at 3 am.

last week once only back at 2 am +.

This week if he goes out again and back at late night I do not think I should keep quiet. Just like you suggest have to talk to him. He is not single anymore. I sometimes think ang mo's takes longer to be matured. They are into late parties at nights grrrr! drives me mad but hopefully not doing bad things.