Irritating in-laws - letting off steam
- Thread starter quincy1986
- Start date
Hello people,
I accept that part on the 'dun bath when have fever and flu' but the next thing I have to say is, my husband mother is really the extreme and extinct case. Plus I have a husband who side his mother no matter what she does and at my expense.
I have my reasons for saying so and I am not saying I am a perfect or that great person, but I feel and can dare say maybe hard to find one who can tolerate like me.
In Nov 2012, she brought my daughter to KKH and reported that she got abused by me - the mother of the child.
This is really an insane act - 1st, she used to looked after my daughter day in and night out (not anymore as I put my daughter to full day childcare in Dec 2012) and 2nd the marks on my daughter's legs are nothing but mosquitoe bite marks due to our frequent fishing trips.
Her act caused me to camp at KKH for 5 days and 4 nights because police, social worker intervened since it was child abuse case (suspected).
I was put under interrogation by a police officer who kept apologising to me for he knew the situation but he said has to go thru procedure. He said that stupid old woman reported to the Emergency department doctors that I used needles to poke my daughter and I used scissors to poke her as well. The police officer who took mystatement finds it absurb too when I am a full time working mother whereas that old woman look after the child.
Social worker interviwed old woman, me and my husband and even the social worker can say to me 'you really have a very difficult mother in law' by just a mere conversation with that old woman.
Yes, all of you may say that you are hearing just one side of my story - but can anyone tell me who's mother in law has ever done such a thing?
For nothing my child was hospitalised from Friday to Tuesday and on Sunday she felt sick with stomach flu due to hospital environment.
Imagine the physical mental and emotional trauma I have to go thru?
While I thought finally God heard my prayers and intervened and I thought at crazy old woman will be put in IMH but sad to say, after rounds of sessions with doctors (who could not find any evidence on my daughter) and social workers (who cannot seem to resolve the family situation) that old woman is back to my place to stay.
Social worker said because she did not cause any bodily harm to me or anyone, so cannot mandate her to see specialist to have her brain properly checked!
So no bodily or physical harm, but she can continue to cause me emotional and mental harm?I
told my husband if this goes on, before she goes crazy I will go crazy first.
And,well, if anyone wants to ask what was my husband's reaction after the episode, he said no matter what his mother has done, it's still his mother, so win huh?
Until one fine day when old woman cannot control and takes a knife to stab me or the gradnchild then I will see what next my husband will say.
Maybe he will say 'she did it accidentally'...Hahaha
I accept that part on the 'dun bath when have fever and flu' but the next thing I have to say is, my husband mother is really the extreme and extinct case. Plus I have a husband who side his mother no matter what she does and at my expense.
I have my reasons for saying so and I am not saying I am a perfect or that great person, but I feel and can dare say maybe hard to find one who can tolerate like me.
In Nov 2012, she brought my daughter to KKH and reported that she got abused by me - the mother of the child.
This is really an insane act - 1st, she used to looked after my daughter day in and night out (not anymore as I put my daughter to full day childcare in Dec 2012) and 2nd the marks on my daughter's legs are nothing but mosquitoe bite marks due to our frequent fishing trips.
Her act caused me to camp at KKH for 5 days and 4 nights because police, social worker intervened since it was child abuse case (suspected).
I was put under interrogation by a police officer who kept apologising to me for he knew the situation but he said has to go thru procedure. He said that stupid old woman reported to the Emergency department doctors that I used needles to poke my daughter and I used scissors to poke her as well. The police officer who took mystatement finds it absurb too when I am a full time working mother whereas that old woman look after the child.
Social worker interviwed old woman, me and my husband and even the social worker can say to me 'you really have a very difficult mother in law' by just a mere conversation with that old woman.
Yes, all of you may say that you are hearing just one side of my story - but can anyone tell me who's mother in law has ever done such a thing?
For nothing my child was hospitalised from Friday to Tuesday and on Sunday she felt sick with stomach flu due to hospital environment.
Imagine the physical mental and emotional trauma I have to go thru?
While I thought finally God heard my prayers and intervened and I thought at crazy old woman will be put in IMH but sad to say, after rounds of sessions with doctors (who could not find any evidence on my daughter) and social workers (who cannot seem to resolve the family situation) that old woman is back to my place to stay.
Social worker said because she did not cause any bodily harm to me or anyone, so cannot mandate her to see specialist to have her brain properly checked!
So no bodily or physical harm, but she can continue to cause me emotional and mental harm?I
told my husband if this goes on, before she goes crazy I will go crazy first.
And,well, if anyone wants to ask what was my husband's reaction after the episode, he said no matter what his mother has done, it's still his mother, so win huh?
Until one fine day when old woman cannot control and takes a knife to stab me or the gradnchild then I will see what next my husband will say.
Maybe he will say 'she did it accidentally'...Hahaha
evaclark51
Member
I think you should avoid them. The much you will notice them they will make you irritate.There is a simple way to avoid them just say yes and OK every time they say something with a smile. When they will see that it is not bothering you they will stop doing that.
xiaobaimummy
Member
aiyo vivitan i think your mil same as my mil got some mental problem but their son dont admit whom are our husband . ha ha
i also same case as u my mil everything i do also complain i tolerate for four years until one day i cant control cause my girl run out of the house one day without wearing shoes and she said in front of my girl that i am a failure mum. how can she say that i am the one looking after my girl and hubby from my girl newborn till now... and my girl was not hurt or anything so i ask her angrily what did i do that u don t like u tell me lar. u keep telling me this cannot that cannot do even the clothes i wear she also dont let me wear the words i say to my girl also said are wrong...
so i complain to my parents and my parents talk to her she then told my mum cause my house is not tidy enough not 100% clean although i am at home everyday she is a super clean person, what whenever my hubby and girl fall sick also my fault , ask her to amend my clothes for me 1 time asking my hubby to pass the message to her cannot lor and worst thing is say the way i sit at the table when me and my hubby going out with her and their side relatives before marriage , the way i sit is not straight. i was sitting sideway cause i was talking to his brother 's gf at that time of cause i will sit sideway to talk to his brother gf as she was sitting beside me at that time. she told my mum she stand up can see my back not nice dont know what nonsense is that and ask my parents to immediately bring me home. i went to kitchen to ask my hubby u want to divorce or not if want to divorce then divorce lar what u tell ur mum. then he told me he told her i sometimes forget to fold our home clothes and it was on our sofa for a few days and she can made a big deal and talk about other things to my parents... so funny
In the end, i told him since ur mum dont like me and u dont like the way my mum talk about ur mum then i better stop going to ur mum place. but he said cannot lor so now i will go to my mil place during sat but i wont chat with her or help her out with any housechores since she told my mum that i am bad at doing housechores not good in her eyes so why should i help her. i only play with my girl and talk to my girl only ha ha... i also never care much about my hubby too only ask him to drink water at her place cause my hubby is lazy to drink water let them mother and son have talking time. sometimes my mil will talk to me and ask my hubby why i never give her any reply... i will ask her back how to reply. i reply u said i talk back and every word i said is wrong u want me to say what then she keep quiet and face turn black ha ha.
At least i throw my temper in front of her and her son, she dont dare to critise me any more and the funny part is we are not living with her but she keep wanting to come over to our place 3 times a week to complain this and that . after that when she leave, my hubby will quarrel with me because of his mum stupid comments
now she dont dare to come anymore , unless my girl is sick such as hfmd then she will come to visit her only ha ha. I think we keep too quiet mil also think we are very good to bully too ha ha so cannot be too quiet. when it is necessary to speak up, we must speak up for ourselves too. we also got our own right.
i also same case as u my mil everything i do also complain i tolerate for four years until one day i cant control cause my girl run out of the house one day without wearing shoes and she said in front of my girl that i am a failure mum. how can she say that i am the one looking after my girl and hubby from my girl newborn till now... and my girl was not hurt or anything so i ask her angrily what did i do that u don t like u tell me lar. u keep telling me this cannot that cannot do even the clothes i wear she also dont let me wear the words i say to my girl also said are wrong...
so i complain to my parents and my parents talk to her she then told my mum cause my house is not tidy enough not 100% clean although i am at home everyday she is a super clean person, what whenever my hubby and girl fall sick also my fault , ask her to amend my clothes for me 1 time asking my hubby to pass the message to her cannot lor and worst thing is say the way i sit at the table when me and my hubby going out with her and their side relatives before marriage , the way i sit is not straight. i was sitting sideway cause i was talking to his brother 's gf at that time of cause i will sit sideway to talk to his brother gf as she was sitting beside me at that time. she told my mum she stand up can see my back not nice dont know what nonsense is that and ask my parents to immediately bring me home. i went to kitchen to ask my hubby u want to divorce or not if want to divorce then divorce lar what u tell ur mum. then he told me he told her i sometimes forget to fold our home clothes and it was on our sofa for a few days and she can made a big deal and talk about other things to my parents... so funny
In the end, i told him since ur mum dont like me and u dont like the way my mum talk about ur mum then i better stop going to ur mum place. but he said cannot lor so now i will go to my mil place during sat but i wont chat with her or help her out with any housechores since she told my mum that i am bad at doing housechores not good in her eyes so why should i help her. i only play with my girl and talk to my girl only ha ha... i also never care much about my hubby too only ask him to drink water at her place cause my hubby is lazy to drink water let them mother and son have talking time. sometimes my mil will talk to me and ask my hubby why i never give her any reply... i will ask her back how to reply. i reply u said i talk back and every word i said is wrong u want me to say what then she keep quiet and face turn black ha ha.
At least i throw my temper in front of her and her son, she dont dare to critise me any more and the funny part is we are not living with her but she keep wanting to come over to our place 3 times a week to complain this and that . after that when she leave, my hubby will quarrel with me because of his mum stupid comments
now she dont dare to come anymore , unless my girl is sick such as hfmd then she will come to visit her only ha ha. I think we keep too quiet mil also think we are very good to bully too ha ha so cannot be too quiet. when it is necessary to speak up, we must speak up for ourselves too. we also got our own right.
Those old woman are just crazy and want to meddle into everything every aspect of the son despite they are married.
The mothers still want to meddle with their wife and their children etc. They do not understand that their son has grown and has set up own family wiht a partner, his wife and things should be discussed between the couple first. Anything to do with the child, the grandchild, the parent's decision should reign. Well, yes, grand parents meant well, but there is a boundary and a lone to be drawn.
For you at least you dun stay with her and if she comes, you can pretend go out or wat lor.
It's bad that couples quarrel over words or actions of in laws, be it from the husband or the wife's side.
Marriage is between two person, a couple and they set up their own nucleus when they have children etc...Parents form the next outer circle.
Each time I try to mention such to my husband, he will say 'you want me to sereve ties with them isit'...
OMG! By putting his family first (married family) is asking him to servere ties huh?!?!
The mothers still want to meddle with their wife and their children etc. They do not understand that their son has grown and has set up own family wiht a partner, his wife and things should be discussed between the couple first. Anything to do with the child, the grandchild, the parent's decision should reign. Well, yes, grand parents meant well, but there is a boundary and a lone to be drawn.
For you at least you dun stay with her and if she comes, you can pretend go out or wat lor.
It's bad that couples quarrel over words or actions of in laws, be it from the husband or the wife's side.
Marriage is between two person, a couple and they set up their own nucleus when they have children etc...Parents form the next outer circle.
Each time I try to mention such to my husband, he will say 'you want me to sereve ties with them isit'...
OMG! By putting his family first (married family) is asking him to servere ties huh?!?!
quincy1986
Active Member
@vivitan
omgosh she accuse you of what?
really too free already...
and your hubby...even though he is very fillial, he should also think for his little girl.
i think your poor girl dont feel very good to be suddenly sent to emergency.
so poor thing.
omgosh she accuse you of what?
really too free already...
and your hubby...even though he is very fillial, he should also think for his little girl.
i think your poor girl dont feel very good to be suddenly sent to emergency.
so poor thing.
Till now I also duno if the child is traumatised by the episode?
But for my part, I try my best to distance her fromher grandmother.
Mornings I asked my hubby send her to childcare and we three will leave the house together.
Evening is that old woman go fetch cos my hubby request for that and he also dun wan me to rush back (I finish work at 6pm).
Sat and Sun old woman will be out whole day so no contact with my gal at all.
Yes, too free or crazy, its obvious.
I wonder what is her objective in doing so? As in the police will put me behind bars and then make her the mother? Crazy old woman
But for my part, I try my best to distance her fromher grandmother.
Mornings I asked my hubby send her to childcare and we three will leave the house together.
Evening is that old woman go fetch cos my hubby request for that and he also dun wan me to rush back (I finish work at 6pm).
Sat and Sun old woman will be out whole day so no contact with my gal at all.
Yes, too free or crazy, its obvious.
I wonder what is her objective in doing so? As in the police will put me behind bars and then make her the mother? Crazy old woman
xiaobaimummy
Member
vivitan yeap they are too free last time my mil is not working at 50 years old now she goes back to work 3 times a week and after I quarrel with her, she dont dare to come to my place too often. And we are moving house in 2 years time , hope she wont come to disturb our new house and I already warn my hubby not to give her the new house key in case she come up as and when she like and start to complain again. Like my dad said whether our house is clean or dirty or messy, we are the one staying in it. If it really gets too messy for us we will clean up ourselves so dont need to worry so much. Once we are married, we are already adults and he will not control or comment about our lives anymore. we will make our own decision. I agree with my dad....
xiaobaimummy
Member
I think ur mil wants to do that to make ur hubby leave u, cause she dont like u at all. just like my mil said in front of my parents to ask them to fetch me home when i quarrel with her before the chinese new year 2 years ago
. I ignore her and my parents also ignore her, i ask my hubby if he really want me to leave him if he want then we will get divorce. but my hubby said he dont want. only tell his mum i never fold our home clothes for a few days when i was working that time and his mum got to complain to my parentss that it is a very serious problem if clothes and housechores are not done superclean. so funny crazy woman. She even told my mum as a woman i should go to work, do every housechores and look after my child too. if my housechores is not done finish, I cant sleep at all. Maybe now I am not working so she disklike me even more. but not i dont want to work, is even i work when my girl at cc got problem i got to keep taking leave or rush back home immediately cause hubby workplace is too far from my girl cc and my mil is not willing to help too. Last time my girl caught the hfmd need to stay at home for 1 week the third day she looked after my girl cause i was working that time. she told me to bring my girl back to cc. I told her got mc how to go back her cc also dont let her enter. So I got no choice but ask my mum to take urgent leave from her part time work and rush from yew tee to ang mio kio to fetch my girl back to her place to look after her so that I could work. So now I refuse to work, since first my working hours are so short, anything happen i got to rush back home and lastly my pay is also little even i go to work only 400 dollars every month cause i work as service staff only as i only have o level cert. So I think I can go back to work when my girl is in primary 1. My mum and grandmother keep asking me to give birth again. but I see my mil pattern and my hubby keep saying money is not enough then I think I better stick to 1 now....
. I ignore her and my parents also ignore her, i ask my hubby if he really want me to leave him if he want then we will get divorce. but my hubby said he dont want. only tell his mum i never fold our home clothes for a few days when i was working that time and his mum got to complain to my parentss that it is a very serious problem if clothes and housechores are not done superclean. so funny crazy woman. She even told my mum as a woman i should go to work, do every housechores and look after my child too. if my housechores is not done finish, I cant sleep at all. Maybe now I am not working so she disklike me even more. but not i dont want to work, is even i work when my girl at cc got problem i got to keep taking leave or rush back home immediately cause hubby workplace is too far from my girl cc and my mil is not willing to help too. Last time my girl caught the hfmd need to stay at home for 1 week the third day she looked after my girl cause i was working that time. she told me to bring my girl back to cc. I told her got mc how to go back her cc also dont let her enter. So I got no choice but ask my mum to take urgent leave from her part time work and rush from yew tee to ang mio kio to fetch my girl back to her place to look after her so that I could work. So now I refuse to work, since first my working hours are so short, anything happen i got to rush back home and lastly my pay is also little even i go to work only 400 dollars every month cause i work as service staff only as i only have o level cert. So I think I can go back to work when my girl is in primary 1. My mum and grandmother keep asking me to give birth again. but I see my mil pattern and my hubby keep saying money is not enough then I think I better stick to 1 now....
creeni
Member
For my case, 12 years ago when i just started dating with my husband for 3 weeks. My husband bring me go to his house for dinner. All of a sudden, my mil slap me. And keep using her finger to point at my forehead.also keep scold me. She said i have stolen her son ^_^""""
I just ask her what is the meaning of stolen her son (with my tears)? She said since her son dating with me, she can not go dating with her son. So i just tell my husband (that time is a bf) for break up. I just run back to my house. After 45 mins, my husband bring all his clothes to my house. He said he can don't want his mum. So he stay at my house for 6 months. During this 6 months he only call her mum once a month.
After 1 year of dating he proposed to me. But i am not saying yes. Because i am still have a nightmare of the slap by his mum. I am so worry she will slap me again. I am the only daughter at my house. My parents very love me and nvr slap me or scold me. So i am request my husband for parents meeting dinner. During the dinner, my husband request to marry me. But my dad use his finger point to my mil head and said my mil must make sure that she wont't slap me and must took me as her own daughter. If my mil can not do it then my dad won't agree this married. My mil is agree to it.
Now after 11 years of married she really took me as her own daughter. I am so lucky because my hubby always at my side. He won't believe what ever my mil said. I and my mil just stay 2 blocks away.
I just ask her what is the meaning of stolen her son (with my tears)? She said since her son dating with me, she can not go dating with her son. So i just tell my husband (that time is a bf) for break up. I just run back to my house. After 45 mins, my husband bring all his clothes to my house. He said he can don't want his mum. So he stay at my house for 6 months. During this 6 months he only call her mum once a month.
After 1 year of dating he proposed to me. But i am not saying yes. Because i am still have a nightmare of the slap by his mum. I am so worry she will slap me again. I am the only daughter at my house. My parents very love me and nvr slap me or scold me. So i am request my husband for parents meeting dinner. During the dinner, my husband request to marry me. But my dad use his finger point to my mil head and said my mil must make sure that she wont't slap me and must took me as her own daughter. If my mil can not do it then my dad won't agree this married. My mil is agree to it.
Now after 11 years of married she really took me as her own daughter. I am so lucky because my hubby always at my side. He won't believe what ever my mil said. I and my mil just stay 2 blocks away.
quincy1986
Active Member
@creeni
your mil so funny =.="
your mil so funny =.="
I am envious on those even have husband support.
My IL always nag and find faults on me. Even my husband also side on them and blame me. Worse is my husband has affair with my kid's kindergarten classmate mommy. My life is ruining by them.
My IL think that it is me who owe them as my kids are been taken care by them. I want to send to CC and my husband against it. Of course extra money is been spending here.
In this family, all of them except my kids are united to force me to the end. I really don't understand what they will earn by doing such cruel things.
Anyway I'm ready to leave anytime with my kids. I'm working on it. I will bless them with good life instead of cursing. As I feel that life is short,no point hating or cursing and make myself take in karma.
My IL always nag and find faults on me. Even my husband also side on them and blame me. Worse is my husband has affair with my kid's kindergarten classmate mommy. My life is ruining by them.
My IL think that it is me who owe them as my kids are been taken care by them. I want to send to CC and my husband against it. Of course extra money is been spending here.
In this family, all of them except my kids are united to force me to the end. I really don't understand what they will earn by doing such cruel things.
Anyway I'm ready to leave anytime with my kids. I'm working on it. I will bless them with good life instead of cursing. As I feel that life is short,no point hating or cursing and make myself take in karma.
quincy1986
Active Member
my in-laws sometimes change sides.
either fil likes to tell me what to do or mil likes to tell me what to do.
funny thing is they are never on the same side.
they couldn't do so to their own children because they are a hot tempered family.
either fil likes to tell me what to do or mil likes to tell me what to do.
funny thing is they are never on the same side.
they couldn't do so to their own children because they are a hot tempered family.
xiaobaimummy
Member
hi everybody my hubby and mil keep asking me to go to work without finding a helper for me to fetch my girl from cc at 7pm and cook dinner for her, when she falls sick, her cc centre close on monday (mostly for teacher training or school annversiary) they will put the extra monday holiday after a long holiday.. so last time i work part time 3 days a week but hubby keep assking me to take leave end up i was retrenched 2 days before my probation period 3 months was up. now my hubby keep saying i am useless at home although i am doing online business and taking care of my girl and doing housechores at the same time (we have no maid), cause his mum keeps telling him i am a bad wife and he starts to belive... I wish to look for part time job 3 days a week but i only have o level cert and ite cert... and now how to do for a helper to look for a helper at my house area ? i got no idea at all... can anyone helps me? thanks so much
quincy1986
Active Member
@xiaobaimummy
sorry to ask but how is your mil able to psycho your hubby this way?
your mil staying with you?
sorry to ask but how is your mil able to psycho your hubby this way?
your mil staying with you?
Ask your hubby to shut up!
Tell him you can stay home to look after your girl but ask him give you monies every month.
Or you just continue with you online business while taking care of your girl.
DUN BE BOTHERED with wat your hubby's mother is spouting...I know it's hard but dun let her affect you, your life and your marriage!
Your girl sees and hears all these, next time she will grow up and know who is the best!
Take Care!
Tell him you can stay home to look after your girl but ask him give you monies every month.
Or you just continue with you online business while taking care of your girl.
DUN BE BOTHERED with wat your hubby's mother is spouting...I know it's hard but dun let her affect you, your life and your marriage!
Your girl sees and hears all these, next time she will grow up and know who is the best!
Take Care!
quincy1986
Active Member
@xiaobaimummy
correct.
i believe your girl is your flesh and blood and your heart and soul.
if necessary, communicate with your hubby and your mil so that you finally have a solution to have someone care for your girl.
emphasize heavily on the point that it's not that you do not wish to work.
be prepared for quarrels.
and since your girl is in cc, communicate with them when you girl is not around
correct.
i believe your girl is your flesh and blood and your heart and soul.
if necessary, communicate with your hubby and your mil so that you finally have a solution to have someone care for your girl.
emphasize heavily on the point that it's not that you do not wish to work.
be prepared for quarrels.
and since your girl is in cc, communicate with them when you girl is not around