Is it normal for SAHM(without maid/help) to have low self-worth?

[PlayfulFairy]

Hi all,

Have you ever felt as if you are like a maid at home(for SAHM without maids/helpers), you are a one-man show, nobody understands how you feel?
If so, how do you elevate the level of self-worth to make yourself happy?

 

[1568mummy]

Hi PlayFulFairy,

this is very common, especially if one is not used to open conversation. Well, before I became a full time SAHM, I did expect days to be like that, feeling low, feeling taken for granted, feeling low in motivation...blah blah blah...

so I've made a pact with my hubby, that every month, there must be at least 1 day I get to spend time with myself OUT OF THE HOUSE, away from children, away from husband, just completely enjoy my me-time or time with friends... most importantly, I did tell him why I needed to do this ~ I need to re-charge.

sometimes being a SAHM can be so mundane, you can lose the joy and privileges, worse, sometimes the precious time you have spending with your kids (instead of making you happy) can make you frustrated. That's when the mind is not right liao... that's why me-time is VERY IMPORTANT, at least once a month....

communication with husband is very important, let him know how you feel and at the same time, tell him what you would like to do. 'cos man DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO after you tell him how you feel.

so go talk to him....

 

[EnFlor]

Yup, i agree with 1568. Me-Time is important. Also do set dating time with your spouse. Get someone to tend to the kids for a couple of hours.


You need time out from housework and managing the kids to rejuvenate and feel 'fresh'.


Also, try think of what you want to prioritize. If you feel spending quality time with the kids is impt, everything else falls second place. So don't worry too much abt cleaning up (that you can do when they are in sch or napping), do quick easy-fixed meals (don't cook like you are having a feast everyday).

Sometimes, when you have so many things that you want to do in your head but you know that you are not able to meet the target, your thoughts can escalate to frustration and eventually, low self-esteem.


If you can't get away easily, think of simple activities that you can indulge at home for yourself to space out. - having a cup of hot cocoa/coffee while the kids are busy, ice-cream treat for yourself, bubble bath/body scrubs, watching your fav DVDs, reading, etc. These are some of the little things that could help you elevate your feelings from frustration to something better, perhaps. Think of it as you 'rewarding' yourself after a long day of being the CEO of the house.

 

[hnfarin]

Ya... Just don't know why people always tot a SAHM is tai tai where they never tot that it's much more stress looking after kids rather than going to work, u know it's like u cant vent ur fustration to ur in laws which they say u unfillial, to kids will say u abuse, to hub, he'll say u don't understand his day of work very tired n stress, haiz~~~ seems like no matt wat we do also wrong and super wrong lor, especially when ur kids are slow in learning u'll kena accused for lazy to teach ur child or don't know how to teach or bring bad luck to the child that he's development slow... hinking u had already wasted so much youth n time and getting more further from society, thinking of gg out to work in future already super hard lor, still need to kena those heartless people's "joke"....

I had to even bring my child out wherever i go, even gg out with friend. I enjoy singing alot and now at least he's 29mth so can bring him to KTV at least can free abit le but before that, hell......

 

[winxme]

yes .. ME time is very important.. I had my free time in the morning(just being myself , do whatever i loved and likes). I do not spend my free time doing housework or anything related to family. And makan and shopping with girlfriends are a MUST too.....monthly event.

 

[baby_mittens]

Hi all,

Have you ever felt as if you are like a maid at home(for SAHM without maids/helpers), you are a one-man show, nobody understands how you feel?
If so, how do you elevate the level of self-worth to make yourself happy?

I always feel that...some days I actually wished things were different. That hubs would understand, that people would understand. But still...it's hard. Some times I wonder if I need to do more drastic things before hubs realises that I am really stressed out & need him.
When I'm down, I usually blog or go out & take a puff. Not that I'm encouraging smoking of course, but you should get out of the house & just take some time out. It helps keep you sane. =)

 

[LoVeS]

Hi all,

Have you ever felt as if you are like a maid at home(for SAHM without maids/helpers), you are a one-man show, nobody understands how you feel?
If so, how do you elevate the level of self-worth to make yourself happy?

I dun feel like been a maid UNLESS sum1 treat me like 1 who tink tat been a SAHM wont b tired JUZ bcoz they dun haf to go out wrk so they SHOULD continue take care of bb 24hrs EVEN when they r so tired n even when they r so sick~ :embarrassed:

 

[winxme]

Hi all,

Have you ever felt as if you are like a maid at home(for SAHM without maids/helpers), you are a one-man show, nobody understands how you feel?
If so, how do you elevate the level of self-worth to make yourself happy?

first of all, i treasure my "free time" in the morning. House chores are secondary in the morning. I will arrange facial and massage. I will take a slow walk to nearby mall. Have my coffee, cold storage and shop a bit. Will also arrange time for my girlfriends and other mummies. Meeting friends or other mummies are very important, we are human, we need company as well as communications. Be it sharing experiences or just to listen what other mummies got to say. And once the morning time is over, i am back to a good mum and spend my quality plus quantity time with my 3 kids. At night, we will talk, share and watch TV programmes together as a family.

 

[jjmummy]

Hi all,

Have you ever felt as if you are like a maid at home(for SAHM without maids/helpers), you are a one-man show, nobody understands how you feel?
If so, how do you elevate the level of self-worth to make yourself happy?

Hi, i'm a mother of 2 kids who are 10 & 7. I have been a SAHM for 8 years without maid. At that time, i was still very young (married young).And my DH is a very busy man who often works late. So being a SAHM isn't very easy for me. Sumtimes i do feel like a maid who have to handle all matters at home which is not easy. But after seeing my gal who fares well in her result, i feel all my hard work really worth. At times, i will read or listen to music or even meet up with my friends for coffee to relax.

 

[elmo493]

I agreed that SAHM do have alot of stress if they have no one to help them to take care child.

I am not the type who are good in handling kid so I think I better work hard to stay employ.

Whenever I am on leave, I try to take care my son myself, but after a few hour, I give up.

I really admired those who can take care few kids all by themselves.

During my confinement period when I have to take care my baby for the day time only, it nearly kill me.

3 cheers for the SAHM

Ya... Just don't know why people always tot a SAHM is tai tai where they never tot that it's much more stress looking after kids rather than going to work, u know it's like u cant vent ur fustration to ur in laws which they say u unfillial, to kids will say u abuse, to hub, he'll say u don't understand his day of work very tired n stress, haiz~~~ seems like no matt wat we do also wrong and super wrong lor, especially when ur kids are slow in learning u'll kena accused for lazy to teach ur child or don't know how to teach or bring bad luck to the child that he's development slow... hinking u had already wasted so much youth n time and getting more further from society, thinking of gg out to work in future already super hard lor, still need to kena those heartless people's "joke"....

I had to even bring my child out wherever i go, even gg out with friend. I enjoy singing alot and now at least he's 29mth so can bring him to KTV at least can free abit le but before that, hell......

 

[snowbear]

Hi all,

Have you ever felt as if you are like a maid at home(for SAHM without maids/helpers), you are a one-man show, nobody understands how you feel?
If so, how do you elevate the level of self-worth to make yourself happy?

yup, esp when people around me are all working. Sometimes SAHMs are misunderstood as being very free, relaxing at home etc... my ex-colleagues still think i'm having a good life, lazing at home. Wonder if these people have actually tried taking care of their child all alone...

My hubby is quite understanding and tries to help and tries to give me me-time every now and then. I've found that sometimes having a cup of tea or coffee and just lounging around in the afternoon (while baby is asleep) can help lift spirits by quite a bit. Sms-ing fellow mummies or frens also quite good. At least you have some communication with other people (other than your hubby). I just wish sometimes that my mil won't be so irritating. It's tough enough already having to take care of bb alone and living on only hubby's income....

 

[PlayfulFairy]

Hmm my baby will wail when I go out alone... so I havent gone out alone for donkey years. She doesnt even allow my parents to take care of her for a few min... Havent gone shopping spree for long time. Not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, still fat...Everyday, my life just revolves around my 6 years old daughter, nagging her to eat, sleep, study, bath, sending her to enrichment classes, taking care of my 8 mth old baby, cooking, cleaning...When I go out, I'm always wearing the same old boring, nursing clothes. When I see those women so well-dressed, well-groomed, I look at myself and feel like rubbish... I really miss my old trendy self. Sometime, I even wonder whether my hubby will get bored of me (after all, he's much more intellectual than me, working as high post and will have no lack of female colleagues around him..)

 

[xiaobaimummy]

Hi

Me too just give birth to my girl 3 months plus going to be 4 mths. I hve resigned from my retail job for half year already. When I want to go out shopping with hubby also cannot go out more than 3 hours, cause baby always want to suck my breast milk even after we feed her formula milk. And
when we bring out to go out, we have to take public transport or taxi and carry a heavy bag with all the baby items really troublesome.

Nowadays, I onlyhave time to take care of my baby breastfeed her , play with her bath her, cook dinner for hubby wash baby clothings. thats all. Night time I am too lazy to do the housechores only feel like sleeping.

I am wondering should I look for a part time maid or not. But hubby income is limited and my savings is also limited too. I really admire those mummies who can keep their house so clean while looking after the kids at the same time. Wonder how they do it ???? Is it they don't need to sleep.

When my mil comes over and nags my house is very messy. I just pretend that I never hear it. She is a control and cleaniness freak. Last time before I am pregnant, I clean my house often. She also said my house is very untidy.
Everything I do she is not happy. Sigh...

By the way, my girl got dry cough for 1 mth plus. I bring her to pd once and after taking the medicine . Its becomes worsen. She coughs more often and non stop. I stop the medication after three days.

Now I give her the ho jun sun, her cough is better no more phlegm. But still can hear her cough three to four times twice a day. Should I bring her to see doctor again. Or she will recover on her own ? Really confused.

Hope my girl cough can recover soon. Don't wish to give her too many medicine since she is still so small.

Any mummy in here wish to be friend with me, can email me @xiaobaimummy@hotmail.com. Hope to hear from u all soon.

And jia you all mummies. Don't give up.

 

[autumn82]

Hmm my baby will wail when I go out alone... so I havent gone out alone for donkey years. She doesnt even allow my parents to take care of her for a few min... Havent gone shopping spree for long time. Not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, still fat...Everyday, my life just revolves around my 6 years old daughter, nagging her to eat, sleep, study, bath, sending her to enrichment classes, taking care of my 8 mth old baby, cooking, cleaning...When I go out, I'm always wearing the same old boring, nursing clothes. When I see those women so well-dressed, well-groomed, I look at myself and feel like rubbish... I really miss my old trendy self. Sometime, I even wonder whether my hubby will get bored of me (after all, he's much more intellectual than me, working as high post and will have no lack of female colleagues around him..)

I just started looking after both of them only after I delivered DS. Now already have feelings like u oredi. Only thing is that, when I really wanna go out, I'll bring both out by myself.. But come bk that time, is totally shacked. :tlaugh::tlaugh:

 

[PlayfulFairy]

Hi Autumn82,

Me also always bring the 2 kids out, but I put my baby in pouch cos I find stroller very heavy and very troublesome to bring along to taxi. Thus, go shopping can only see clothes, can't try clothes...I think it's much easier to work than be SAHM... more freedom, financial independence, mingle around with colleagues, frequent nice restaurants with them, can dress up to work, sense of identity.. SAHM has to stay at home, wait for kid and husband to come home, then serve them, it's like everyone has his own world, but I'm living on this island which revolves around only kids and husband..

Ha do you know if I have a son, I would name him Ignatius, and call him Iggy for short cos I think the name sounds intellectual! Isabelle's a nice name too.

 

[autumn82]

Hi Autumn82,

Me also always bring the 2 kids out, but I put my baby in pouch cos I find stroller very heavy and very troublesome to bring along to taxi. Thus, go shopping can only see clothes, can't try clothes...I think it's much easier to work than be SAHM... more freedom, financial independence, mingle around with colleagues, frequent nice restaurants with them, can dress up to work, sense of identity.. SAHM has to stay at home, wait for kid and husband to come home, then serve them, it's like everyone has his own world, but I'm living on this island which revolves around only kids and husband..

Ha do you know if I have a son, I would name him Ignatius, and call him Iggy for short cos I think the name sounds intellectual! Isabelle's a nice name too.

Yea, I also hate strollers coz so troublesome.. Always in carrier. Heh. Yes, I agree work has it pros too. Currently = no life... :001_302: Omg... We call him iggy too! LOL. and my DD = Belle.. Only when I'm angry wif my DD or she did something wrong.. Then I will call ISABELLE SAW! :tlaugh:

 

[SH74]

actu only those who hv gone thru taking care of bb ALONE for a period of time will understand that we SAHM's life is not as SHIOK as they thought.

 

[superwoman]

Hmm my baby will wail when I go out alone... so I havent gone out alone for donkey years. She doesnt even allow my parents to take care of her for a few min... Havent gone shopping spree for long time. Not back to my pre-pregnancy weight, still fat...Everyday, my life just revolves around my 6 years old daughter, nagging her to eat, sleep, study, bath, sending her to enrichment classes, taking care of my 8 mth old baby, cooking, cleaning...When I go out, I'm always wearing the same old boring, nursing clothes. When I see those women so well-dressed, well-groomed, I look at myself and feel like rubbish... I really miss my old trendy self. Sometime, I even wonder whether my hubby will get bored of me (after all, he's much more intellectual than me, working as high post and will have no lack of female colleagues around him..)

Hi babe..be fair to yourself,plz!!First of all,do chuck those same old boring nursing clothes,will ya? Just bcoz we r sahm,life is not over,yet.Start by wearing,simple,comfortable clothings that look presentable (dun hav to be expensive).Light make up will do wonders! I have 7 kids and life wasn't easy many yrs ago.I took care of all of them on my own with lil or no help at all frm relatives.Not everyone can raise kids and do loads of housechores every single day.So be proud of yourself!ancing_tongue:

 

[AugBoyz]

eh... I m a FTWM but hor I am still being taken for granted ley hahaa~ I am the one who brings my son to child care, fetch him fm child care, go dinner then go home together. Weekends I am the one who takes care of him, either bring him out jalan-jalan or stay home n rot, entertain him when at home. I am the one who nags, scold, discipline, change diapers, bath etc etc *tiring manz*

Then last yr I started to make noise so now hubby helps me to fetch son sometimes n takes care of son (bath n entertain him n put him to bed) at nite.

There was a period of time I sent my son to Sat child care, so I have some ME time fm like 9am-1pm before I fetch him home. Now I signed up a singing & dancing class on Sat, both of us enjoyed it so much so its sort of my R&R time too.

There is no need for SAHM to feel lousy or low self-esteem. Everyday dress up nice (not ask u to doll up lah), send/fetch kids fm school, go market etc. When u dress up in more presentable clothes rather then old tees with bermudas/shorts n slipper, u will feel better. Dun always tie pony tail or use those big croc clips to clip up ur hair or tie hair then put hair band *AIKS!*... so auntie lor hehe~

Remember, no one can treat u like a 2nd grade person or look down on u IF you treat urself better n dun allow them to. Being a mum, regardless its SAHM or FTWM, requires huge amount of energy so cheers to all mum~

 

[AugBoyz]

Hi Autumn82,

Me also always bring the 2 kids out, but I put my baby in pouch cos I find stroller very heavy and very troublesome to bring along to taxi. Thus, go shopping can only see clothes, can't try clothes...I think it's much easier to work than be SAHM... more freedom, financial independence, mingle around with colleagues, frequent nice restaurants with them, can dress up to work, sense of identity.. SAHM has to stay at home, wait for kid and husband to come home, then serve them, it's like everyone has his own world, but I'm living on this island which revolves around only kids and husband..

Ha do you know if I have a son, I would name him Ignatius, and call him Iggy for short cos I think the name sounds intellectual! Isabelle's a nice name too.

I love my MIM sling too~ last I used it was Dec'08 when he was like 12.5kg... after tt major shoulder n back ache :001_302:

SAHM not necessarily = no life lor, u can arrange for meet ups with other SAHM ard ur ya? Go lah-kopi with them at the kopi-tiam with or without kids. I know some of the mummies ard my area arranged for jogging in the evenings with or without their babies/kids.