Mother in law
- Thread starter FirstMummy
- Start date
mil n sil
sorry but got to rant n need advice if im too sensitive ..my daughter is 13 months now and I quit my job recently to take care of my dd as my hb doesn't allow bb to b put into infant care n my mil took care of her when I was working n i got depression becos i feel my dd doesnt bother abt me. I really regret not quitting earlier as my dd is closest to her n my unmarried sil now. whenever they r around, my dd will only want them n have eyes for them, I'm transparent. it hurts me badly... I do not like to b around w ils as they will hogged onto my dd as if I'm not there. when we have our meals outside, fil, mil n sil will take turns to carry my dd n bring her away where I do not know.when one returns, the next will take over n it goes on until the meal ends. if we continue to shop around, it will continue until we go home. now, my dd doesnt sit long at our dining table n wants to b carried shortly. I really hope to c less of them to spend my time w my dd but my hb will make it a pt for mil to c my dd at least twice or thrice a week not including the compulsory sunday lunch w ils. I had many unhappiness with them ever since the birth of my dd but hb felt I'm being difficult. I feel no one understands me. ..
sorry but got to rant n need advice if im too sensitive ..my daughter is 13 months now and I quit my job recently to take care of my dd as my hb doesn't allow bb to b put into infant care n my mil took care of her when I was working n i got depression becos i feel my dd doesnt bother abt me. I really regret not quitting earlier as my dd is closest to her n my unmarried sil now. whenever they r around, my dd will only want them n have eyes for them, I'm transparent. it hurts me badly... I do not like to b around w ils as they will hogged onto my dd as if I'm not there. when we have our meals outside, fil, mil n sil will take turns to carry my dd n bring her away where I do not know.when one returns, the next will take over n it goes on until the meal ends. if we continue to shop around, it will continue until we go home. now, my dd doesnt sit long at our dining table n wants to b carried shortly. I really hope to c less of them to spend my time w my dd but my hb will make it a pt for mil to c my dd at least twice or thrice a week not including the compulsory sunday lunch w ils. I had many unhappiness with them ever since the birth of my dd but hb felt I'm being difficult. I feel no one understands me. ..
Other than MIL, i still need to face grand parents in law and this annoying aunty.
I was supposed to do comfinement at in laws house which is home to 5 pax already.
Totally no privacy! And on weekends, they play mahjong n smoke. Last time when I was pregnant already smoking infront of me.
Things won't change now that my baby is out.
Though they are quite harmless and not as crazy as some of ya MILs, but its still taking a toll over me.
MIL nearly dislocated my dog's leg twice, made me so pissed! Where got people grab a dog's leg so awkardly like wanna rip drumstick off a chicken?
When bb cries, I get stressed out not because of the crying but of who in e hse would barge into the room.
Anyway, their whole family have their own ideas and opinions on how I should do my confinement & look after my baby.
And as DIL, I can't voice out as I'll appear rude but keeping quiet will drive me nuts.
Luckily I've moved back home.
Kinda pissed off with this particular aunty too, she talks so much like she darn experienced just cus she has 2 kids.
At e hosp she still exclaim loudly why my mom allow me to take epidural just cus some cow she knows got backache. Oh please, not everyone is the same & so many women take epidurals. Stop forcing ya opinions on me. Furthermore, my mom is working in the labour/maternity ward and she strongly advised me to take epidural.
When I insisted on moving back home, she told my bb 回家没人疼了 只有妈妈爸爸疼. WTF??
And must faster see bb cus no chance already once I return to my own home to do comfinement.
Geez, somemore say so loudly like wanna hint me.
Initially they just cooked sesame oil chicken n rice for me only, no veg! I think I would have gotten constipation if not for my mom who suggested I needed a veg dish too to them.
So now I'm back in my own house, I have to spend more cus catering confinement food but I'm happier.
I was supposed to do comfinement at in laws house which is home to 5 pax already.
Totally no privacy! And on weekends, they play mahjong n smoke. Last time when I was pregnant already smoking infront of me.
Things won't change now that my baby is out.
Though they are quite harmless and not as crazy as some of ya MILs, but its still taking a toll over me.
MIL nearly dislocated my dog's leg twice, made me so pissed! Where got people grab a dog's leg so awkardly like wanna rip drumstick off a chicken?
When bb cries, I get stressed out not because of the crying but of who in e hse would barge into the room.
Anyway, their whole family have their own ideas and opinions on how I should do my confinement & look after my baby.
And as DIL, I can't voice out as I'll appear rude but keeping quiet will drive me nuts.
Luckily I've moved back home.
Kinda pissed off with this particular aunty too, she talks so much like she darn experienced just cus she has 2 kids.
At e hosp she still exclaim loudly why my mom allow me to take epidural just cus some cow she knows got backache. Oh please, not everyone is the same & so many women take epidurals. Stop forcing ya opinions on me. Furthermore, my mom is working in the labour/maternity ward and she strongly advised me to take epidural.
When I insisted on moving back home, she told my bb 回家没人疼了 只有妈妈爸爸疼. WTF??
And must faster see bb cus no chance already once I return to my own home to do comfinement.
Geez, somemore say so loudly like wanna hint me.
Initially they just cooked sesame oil chicken n rice for me only, no veg! I think I would have gotten constipation if not for my mom who suggested I needed a veg dish too to them.
So now I'm back in my own house, I have to spend more cus catering confinement food but I'm happier.
Hi Erinmummy,
My colleague's son used to be looked after fulltime by his grandparents until 3yrs old, then he returned back to his parents.
At first, he kept crying for his grandparents and always wanted to go find them, but as the months went by, he gradually adjusted to having mommy & daddy around instead. Now he's super sticky to my colleague!
So cheer up! I believe as long as the mommy is not a bad one, the child will in the end prefer her own mommy.
But I think you can try weaning your husband away from inviting his mom over. What time does she usually go over though? Try dropping subtle hints like MIL visiting so often can be disrupting for the baby, and that it's not good that baby's always so distracted. Or adjust baby's sleep time such that whenever MIL comes over, its bedtime!
I think your hubby is like mine, who will get defensive whenever we argue about MIL stuff. So what I do is alot of hinting. Also, try to find a way such that when MIL comes over, it will inconvenient him! I feel that if hubby is not inconvenienced himself, he would just think I am being fussy.
For example, whenever my MIL comes over, I practically throw baby at both of them and go relax. If baby cries or wants milk, I tell hubby to ownself handle, since his mom is there. There's an unspoken rule whereby i will handle my parents, and he handle his own parents. So if his mom there, he has to go handle everything himself. So after a few weeks, he couldn't tahan anymore and limited MIL's visits to once a wk. Yay!
You can also tell your hubby to feed daughter. Once he feels the pain of having to chase daughter who constantly wanders off, he will realize where went wrong and adjust his parents' bad habits immediately.
My colleague's son used to be looked after fulltime by his grandparents until 3yrs old, then he returned back to his parents.
At first, he kept crying for his grandparents and always wanted to go find them, but as the months went by, he gradually adjusted to having mommy & daddy around instead. Now he's super sticky to my colleague!
So cheer up! I believe as long as the mommy is not a bad one, the child will in the end prefer her own mommy.
But I think you can try weaning your husband away from inviting his mom over. What time does she usually go over though? Try dropping subtle hints like MIL visiting so often can be disrupting for the baby, and that it's not good that baby's always so distracted. Or adjust baby's sleep time such that whenever MIL comes over, its bedtime!
I think your hubby is like mine, who will get defensive whenever we argue about MIL stuff. So what I do is alot of hinting. Also, try to find a way such that when MIL comes over, it will inconvenient him! I feel that if hubby is not inconvenienced himself, he would just think I am being fussy.
For example, whenever my MIL comes over, I practically throw baby at both of them and go relax. If baby cries or wants milk, I tell hubby to ownself handle, since his mom is there. There's an unspoken rule whereby i will handle my parents, and he handle his own parents. So if his mom there, he has to go handle everything himself. So after a few weeks, he couldn't tahan anymore and limited MIL's visits to once a wk. Yay!
You can also tell your hubby to feed daughter. Once he feels the pain of having to chase daughter who constantly wanders off, he will realize where went wrong and adjust his parents' bad habits immediately.
Hi Angeldust, so you ended up doing confinement at home? Wise decision! Especially with smokers around, imagine if baby inhaled the smoke. Eeks!
I took epidural too coz my labor was very long. 29hrs!!! I think I would died of pain without it. Every woman's labor is different, so that silly aunty shouldn't act like so knowledgeable and that all births are so easy.
My MIL used to drop alot of hints too by talking to baby. Like 'must come visit granny often so will recognize granny!" I think once a week visit often enough liao hehe. Anyway, I think it's most impt to have papa mama 疼 first! So its ok if 回家没人疼了 只有妈妈爸爸疼 lol. But if tell that to MIL, confirm get slapped lol.
I took epidural too coz my labor was very long. 29hrs!!! I think I would died of pain without it. Every woman's labor is different, so that silly aunty shouldn't act like so knowledgeable and that all births are so easy.
My MIL used to drop alot of hints too by talking to baby. Like 'must come visit granny often so will recognize granny!" I think once a week visit often enough liao hehe. Anyway, I think it's most impt to have papa mama 疼 first! So its ok if 回家没人疼了 只有妈妈爸爸疼 lol. But if tell that to MIL, confirm get slapped lol.
Yes, after 1 week there, I told hubby I'll get post natal depression if I don't go home.
Too many people poking their nose into the way I'm handling my confinement & how I look after baby.
Sometimes you just get sick of listening cuz everyone seems to have an opinion!
At least now in my own home, I'm more relaxed.
my fil also like that lor, as long we go out together, dinner or shopping, he will hug & carry my son all the way till we are in the car, if my husband driving bus, then he will continue carry my son till we go home then let us bath or feed him. Even when i told my son, "later mummy carry u ok?" my fil will say, later gong gong carry. WTH! Only when i say in a pity voice then he say, ok mummy carry! best is, i am staying in in-laws hse so both in-laws are actually seeing my son EVERYDAY but yet they treat like they super long never see my son like that! When my son is close to my mil, i am upset, my mil still can say, why upset, he will outgrown it and like u wan. then ytd, my son suddenly treat my mil like transparent! not excited when see mil and mil very sad, now she knows how i feel la!
i am also very stress during my confinement, like u, whenever baby cry, they will came in the room (i closed my door and they just come in without knocking) and kept asking why baby crying. As if i know why my son cry? i need to smooth my son too ma and they always say, don let him cry too long. so my son knows that whenever he crys, will have ppl to carry him lor so kept crying.
i would prefer 只有妈妈爸爸疼. its more than enough.
Angeldust, glad ur hubby understanding enough to agree to let you return home to do confinement alone. But wow you are able to handle baby alone? I rem it was only after 3rd week when the stitches down there healed then I could look after baby properly (I did confinement at own parents' place, so my mom did most of the looking after at the beginning).
Alisa, I believe there is this unshakable bond between mommy & child and that no matter how close he is to his grandparents, sooner or later the child will still go to mommy! Jia you! I think your son is reaching that stage soon haha.
Alisa, I believe there is this unshakable bond between mommy & child and that no matter how close he is to his grandparents, sooner or later the child will still go to mommy! Jia you! I think your son is reaching that stage soon haha.
klynn, thanks for yr advice but a pity my mil is gd in caring for my dd. my hb Nvr feels inconvenienced in any way n he together w me have been taking care of my dd Every needs other than the time my mil looks aft dd. even if he is not free to feed her, my mil gladly does it...even making her sleep...n my dd seems to b v cooperative wIth her all the time...this makes me feel even worse. I can b feeding my girl n she can b v busy crawling here n there but as soon as sil or mil comes w the food, she will come...n I do not like the smirk faces on them that shows see? I feed she eat. u feed she go away...ahhh...this is killing me inside...
alias, im luckier that i dun stay w them...otherwise i go mad...how I wish my dd would ignore them one day n come to me instead...it's tough when mil, sil n fil wants attn from my dd. my hb even asked me yest if we should go on a holiday together w ils this month..I told him just the 3 of us I'm fine but w ils, no thanks. I can Nvr enjoy coz my dd will not b mine those days...
Klynn, so far my mom will help me when hubby not around cus he needs to fly due to job nature. I'm handling most of baby stuff myself as I wanted to show hubby my independence. To show that without the in laws, I can survive. In fact, day 6 after delivery, we were out for 10 hours shopping for bb's cot. In laws not very happy but didn't dare say much.
Alisa, yeah... They like to ask stupid qs even though maybe they are just trying to be helpful. Like "issit bb's diaper wet? Bb poo?" "bb hungry?"
During my 1 week there, I was exclusively breastsfeeding & EVERYDAY I had to endure the same old qs. U sure u got enough milk? Bb got drink enough or not? Don't need feed bb water meh? My bb put on 400g within 3 days, I told hubby to pls tell them that to shut them up.
Alisa, yeah... They like to ask stupid qs even though maybe they are just trying to be helpful. Like "issit bb's diaper wet? Bb poo?" "bb hungry?"
During my 1 week there, I was exclusively breastsfeeding & EVERYDAY I had to endure the same old qs. U sure u got enough milk? Bb got drink enough or not? Don't need feed bb water meh? My bb put on 400g within 3 days, I told hubby to pls tell them that to shut them up.
Sxien82
New Member
@Firstmummy & @alisa,thx for the concern im back home now. I told my mom thw whole story and my mom phone to scold my brother in law,after then i feel satisfied and go back home. My hubby dont help much,he didnt squeeze that 'sorry' words out of his bastard-bro mouth. I try to heck care more and more about them,i hope later when i have to do confinement my mils can shut their mouth up. Hopefully! Mommies here we must be strong!! 
Hi, I would like to join all of you here. Like all of you I am full of grievances when it come to the topic of MIL. I am living in unhappiness daily. And worst, she stay with me in my house. No way I can get away from her. She interfere into every single things. Will share more as we go along.
hi maca, my mil sounds like yrs too but luckily I'm not staying w ils..I stayed w ils for 4 yrs aft marrying my hb. thank goodness my bb came aft we moved... she is still telling relatives bb is doing this n that n that bb is at her house despite now that I have quit n taking care of dd myself. she told me not to tell relatives I have quit my job...I c nothing wrong to let them know though. think she still wants that "face"...
Any mommies have hygiene issues with in laws?
Their place had ticks infestation previously due to their dog & yet they don't wanna engage pest control.
My dog just got a tick which I strongly believe is from their place since I didn't have time to walk him ever since we moved back.
Now, they have one room that has bed bug invasion & still never engage pest control and actually expected me stay there for confinement. To think of it, I'm so glad tt I've insisted on moving back.
Now I tell hubby that if they don't get pest ctrl I won't bring my bb and dog over.
Their place had ticks infestation previously due to their dog & yet they don't wanna engage pest control.
My dog just got a tick which I strongly believe is from their place since I didn't have time to walk him ever since we moved back.
Now, they have one room that has bed bug invasion & still never engage pest control and actually expected me stay there for confinement. To think of it, I'm so glad tt I've insisted on moving back.
Now I tell hubby that if they don't get pest ctrl I won't bring my bb and dog over.
My MIL is also a great pretender who deserves the best actress awards. She like to act like a super loving grandma in front of others but in fact she screams and shout at my kids over the slightest thing. Did I also mention that she like to scold my kids stupid! She even tried caning my kids which I have sInce put to a stop.