Mummies with Maids, pls share how u feel...

[pinkDior]

Dear all,

my husband just employed a maid to take care of our baby about 4 mths back. This maid has been good as she can take care of my baby very well and also make him laugh alot. In the night time, it is also the maid who takes care of our baby as both my husband n me had to work.

4 mths passed by, n my baby is increasingly attached to my maid. He is always looking out for her to play and carry. i also feel that my baby prefers the maid to me and my baby might even think that the maid is his mummy. i feel very sad and have even told my hubby not to employ maid anymore as i'm afraid my baby will not be close to me anymore. however my hubby said its necessary due to our work commitments and also my baby is extremely attention-seeking.

mummies with maids who help to take care of babies, do you all feel sad like me as well? or am i over-reacting? will baby grow up and not be attached to me anymore?

thks for sharing...

 

[apollo]

pinkDior, I dont have a maid but my cousin employs one to tc her son and she shared her feelings with us before. She said her son is very attached to the maid but there is nth much they can do expect to spend more time with her son whenever they could. And she feels lucky that her son loves the maid cause this means that the maid is taking care of him well and love him as much.

Unless you are willing/able to be a SAHM to take care of your son on your own, if not, the results is still the same. If you ask your MIL/Mum to tc of him, he will be close to them. End of the day, he will still rmb you as his mother. =)

 

[blsc78]

Though my son is only 2 month old, I share such worries as well.. But Singapore living standard is so high, not working is almost impossible. Guess what we can only do is to spend as much time with our baby as possible. I make it a point to let my son sleep in my room every night no matter how tired we are, hopefully this will somehow limit his attachment to my maid..

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

I'm a SAHM with a family helper. She only helps us with housework and cooking, I take care of son fully.
Hubby works hard and I guide him on bonding with son since young. Now, our boy is 2 years old and they're very close.

In your situation, spend as much time as possible with baby after work to cuddle, change diapers, feed him, bathe him and put him to bed. During weekends, try to take care of baby fully, bring him to the park, etc. These are what i encouraged hubby to do early on and will enhance bonding.

At night, consider sleeping in the same room with baby as I read about night-tine parenting concept. Your baby will feel your close presence, and you'll understand your baby even better. To ensure sufficient sleep, consider going to bed early, shortly after baby sleeps. If baby is very fussy on a particular night, then you can rope in your helper to take over.

Hope the above helps and all the best!

 

[stonston]

My maid takes care of my son. She has been looking after my boy for the past 3 years.

1. They will definitely get attached to each other. Good in the sense that your maid is loving and taking good care of your child.
2. They will always know how their mummy is. My boy will run to my maid when he wants food, but he will run to me if he wants someone to sayang him.
3. Spend more time playing with your baby whenever you can. Bring baby out with hubby alone without maid (tell the maid that she can rest at home or do housework without baby disturbing). Spend more alone time will do. When at home, try to be the main caregiver (change diapers, feed milk)

I breastfed my boy for 18mths, so he was very attached to me though looked after by the maid. And at 18mths, I send him to childcare for social interaction and to learn things. And also to free up my maid's time so she can focus on housework and cooking. So he's not very dependant on my maid. Now at 4yo, he can take most of his snacks on his own without help and my maid focuses more on cleaning and cooking now.

 

[zazaziya@gmail.com]

Hi
I think breastfeeding helps alot with the bonding.
When i went back to work a few months after my 2nd child was born, i left her in the care of a nanny, and my maid, and she remained very much attached to me. In fact, i pass her to the maid, and she would sniff at her to " smell" if it is mummy, and then she bawled when she realised its not me. When the maid handed her back to me, she would "sniff " again, and then calm down and snuggle herself in my arms...hahaha....i figure thats bec she smells my breastmilk...

 

[mamapenguin]

Even though I am a SAHM, I can totally emphatise with you. I am very possessive of my two daughters. I try my best to do everything myself and only rely on the maid to clean the apartment and look after our dog. If not for the dog and the fact that that my daughters are only 20mths apart (youngest being 7mths soon), I wouldn't even have a maid.

 

[bingbing]

Hi Pinkdio,

i was like you when my boy was young. My boy was taken care by maid since birth due to my health was poor and cannot take the night care myself. at 3 yrs old, my maid decide to go back kampung, i was worry my boy will make a big fuss over her disappear but i was thinking too much. He can accept the fact that his so call kaka has left and he got so attached to me from that day onwards. Always believe blood is thicker than water but you must also spend as much time as possible with your baby. Best is bb to sleep with u at night.

 

[ping26]

Any mummy will feel the same way. Maybe u try to do night duty on some days.

I used to feel jealous whenever my baby shows "signs" of preferring maid over me. Mostly it was my imagination or hormones. haha.

I took paycut and did night feeds as I wanted to be the person to comfort her when she wakes up at night. I wanted to be the first and last person she sees in the morning and night.

I worked 3-day week after maternity leave ended. When she was 8-9 mth, I switched to 4-day wk. I usu reach home late, abt 8-9 pm. There were some days I saw her awake for 1 hr. My maid gets to play with her for whole day. so sad and jealous...can't bear it if I missed most of her milestones. Thankfully I didn't

I think this phase will pass when your baby learns to walk and talk. My hub prob spends less time (than u, i think) taking care of baby. Previously he spends abt 1+ hr on weekdays. Now he is so busy that his time with her is mainly during weekends. She still loves him.

I send her to paternal grandparents' place just once a week (without us) just before 1st birthday. They adore each other.

Don't worry, your baby will increasingly cling to you ard 1st birthday Children will begin to show preference for their parents earlier if you play regularly with them.

 

[fionong]

Any mummy will feel the same way. Maybe u try to do night duty on some days.

I used to feel jealous whenever my baby shows "signs" of preferring maid over me. Mostly it was my imagination or hormones. haha.

I took paycut and did night feeds as I wanted to be the person to comfort her when she wakes up at night. I wanted to be the first and last person she sees in the morning and night.

I worked 3-day week after maternity leave ended. When she was 8-9 mth, I switched to 4-day wk. I usu reach home late, abt 8-9 pm. There were some days I saw her awake for 1 hr. My maid gets to play with her for whole day. so sad and jealous...can't bear it if I missed most of her milestones. Thankfully I didn't

I think this phase will pass when your baby learns to walk and talk. My hub prob spends less time (than u, i think) taking care of baby. Previously he spends abt 1+ hr on weekdays. Now he is so busy that his time with her is mainly during weekends. She still loves him.

I send her to paternal grandparents' place just once a week (without us) just before 1st birthday. They adore each other.

Don't worry, your baby will increasingly cling to you ard 1st birthday Children will begin to show preference for their parents earlier if you play regularly with them.

Fully agree.

I used to be over-possesive of my eldest daughter. I will go mad when my eldest daughter cling onto our helper more than me. My husband always blame me for been over-reacting. Whereas for my husband, he seldom play & talk with our daughter. He is always busy with work. I consulted my friend and she console me by saying," When your daughter grow up she will stick to the person who got the spending power." And it's true. Every now and then, my daughter will ask for her father because he always buy toys for her.

Eventually, I am less possesive over my youngest daughter. I allow her to cling onto our helper and even to sleep together with her at night.

 

[Simple Mum21]

Hi mummies,
All of u here has such a caring maids who is taking care of your baby well. I am thinking of getting maid for my son who is 20 mnth old nw. I have to work full time so i really need a good and realiable maid. If you all knw any agency whr they provide such maids kindly pm me or email me. Also indicate how much you are spending on your maids...
Thanks
alkaderi_1624@yahoo.com

 

[Cupidlovesme]

I feel u.. My son is now 6 months old and I think he is beginning to show 'signs' that he prefers the helper over me. Before this he was alright for me or the helper to put him to sleep, but recently I think he's old enough to show his preference. He cried for my helper when I was trying to put him to sleep last night..I tried to carry him and pacify him, but he cried louder n louder, really hurts my heart.. But I guess we as a FTWM ve to accept it and think on the brighter side, that our helpers must have love our babies enough that our babies are so attached to them.. I really have love-hate relationship with the helper..Dilemma~

 

[HappyMummy99]

I would like to share my auntie's story with you. She is a full-time working mummy who needs to wake up very every early in the morning and sleep by 9pm every day.. She has two daughters and one son. The eldest daughter was looked after by her mother-in-law and her second daughter was looked after by a nanny. The eldest daughter was closed to her as she she sees her every day. The second one was looked after by a very nice nanny and was brought home on weekends only and hence the relationship was not very closed. As times goes by, the second daughter was by nature treated the nanny as the "mother" and my auntie as where her finance comes from. It was very sad. After about ten years, my auntie was pregnant again and this time, she learnt her lesson. As her MIL had passed away, hence she got a maid to look after her children. Her eldest one is married wth two beautiful kids now and is still very closed to her. Same for the son who had been looked after by the maid he was born but she tried to spend as much time as possible with him and he is liked his elder sister is very closed to her. The second daughter is still closed to the Nanny after all this years. I guess the bonding time is very important.