Offended being a SAHM

[Wonderwhy]

my inlaw side all also say me as a sahm is soooooooooo free.... for me, i don't bother to explain to them.. Cos when a person think in this way, no matter how much we talk, they also think in this way...

I jus know that being a sahm got no pay, 24hr standby, cant hv a proper meal, rest.... no freedom.....

Dun bother abt wat other say. so long as our hubby don't feel that. we shld be gald le...ancing_wub:

 

[Wonderwhy]

stay at home mum is the lowest pay job in the world.. 24hrs of work + low salary!! i will slap anyone who says dat stay at home mum does nothing at home.. all thought that stay at home mum = taitai

I totally agreed with you. my inlaw side always feel that Im a TAITAI.. and their son is soooo poor thing that earn $ for us to spend....

What i can say is "stupid thinking"

 

[meiteoh]

meiteoh, you decided to go back to work? whos gonna take care of eva??

Yeah...$$$ are a bit tight for us so after calculating the costs and all, we decided that it's best for me to go back to work. It was always the plan actually - that I will eventually go back to work but I decided to push it earlier coz I didn't want to go through the emo fighting with my hubby over money. Had enough already. It was ruining our marriage - me being a SAHM and all that. So between the two - what I want and my marriage (plus stability for my daughter), I picked the latter lor.

I managed to find a good babysitter - thank you God! - and even though Eva will have a tough time adjusting to her, the babysitter is very loving and patient, just like a grandma. So I can relax a little.

 

[jojoki]

i hav 11 more months to go back to rat race.. unless a miracle happens...

 

[MomoMummy]

Actually I beg to differ that stay at home mum are more tiring than full time working mum.

I think full time working mum are more tiring than us stay at home mum because they are like holding 2 FT jobs - 1 to earn money, 1 to look after kids. They morning prepare kids for school/nanny, bring them there, go to work, knock off fetch them home, prepare dinner and still have to do some chores in the house. Which is why I'm quite reluctant to go back to work Hahahaha.

But of course I do believe some working mums will have some extra income to get a part-time cleaner to help out with chores, but it's still not very easy!

I have to thank my lucky stars that my daughter is quite independent to play on her own. Now that I'm pregnant as well I need a lot of rest so my girl is very understanding and plays on her own.

I did get such remark before, and i replied, "Yah , I stay at home do nothing. So good life you also want right?" And the person just kept quiet. Usually people say such things I just give them back the reply that they want.

yup i agree.. working mums are much more tiring den SAHM.. least we get to nap with our kids in the afternoon.

working mums have to tahan working life ex standing the whole day or receiving shit from boss or customers.. night have to wake up to feed..

*hopefully next time when get back to work my girl can sleep throughout the night

 

[MomoMummy]

Yeah...$$$ are a bit tight for us so after calculating the costs and all, we decided that it's best for me to go back to work. It was always the plan actually - that I will eventually go back to work but I decided to push it earlier coz I didn't want to go through the emo fighting with my hubby over money. Had enough already. It was ruining our marriage - me being a stay at home mum and all that. So between the two - what I want and my marriage (plus stability for my daughter), I picked the latter .

I managed to find a good babysitter - thank you God! - and even though Eva will have a tough time adjusting to her, the babysitter is very loving and patient, just like a grandma. So I can relax a little.

me too.. hubby is giving almost all of his pay to this rent and support to his family as well.. cant wait to move in to my house in june..

living in sg is so costly.. if onli government supports much more.. hee..

its hard balancing being a mum and a good wife.

 

[apollo]

me too.. hubby is giving almost all of his pay to this rent and support to his family as well.. cant wait to move in to my house in june..

living in sg is so costly.. if onli government supports much more.. hee..

its hard balancing being a mum and a good wife.

ya, yet govt still keep want us to gif birth more babies? with such high living standard, how to?

 

[cinx]

i got the same comments too ... so young stay at home doing nothing, it's a waste ............. i wish i could kick them or slap their face ...

 

[meiteoh]

Well, after having experienced life in Switzerland where the standard of living is way higher, I must be honest - Singaporeans have it much better than them. Over there, well, no one buys a house because it's just too costly. Almost all the properties are owned by banks and people rent. Hospital bills run in the thousands - each check up I went for when I was preggers, I would end up being billed for over CHF500. That's why over there, medical insurance is compulsory and very comprehensive.

For women, antenatal classes, check-ups, ultrasounds and delivery cost at a public hospital is covered plus vaccinations and postnatal check-ups as well as baby's first few check-ups are free. Of course, your baby will have to get insurance too. Childcare ranges in the thousands so mothers are given time off for a longgggg time and provided with subsidies for breastfeeding, childcare and so forth - this, of course, are for residents and citizens. NO ONE looks down on a woman for being a SAHM. It's perfectly acceptable there because in European societies, time and energy taken to be a SAHM is considered an investment towards a future citizen (read: the child).

One thing great though is that with the high standard of living there, the pay matches it. But not quite over here. Hence why I find that many Singaporeans (and Malaysians) have it easier if it's a dual income family.

 

[apollo]

Well, after having experienced life in Switzerland where the standard of living is way higher, I must be honest - Singaporeans have it much better than them. Over there, well, no one buys a house because it's just too costly. Almost all the properties are owned by banks and people rent. Hospital bills run in the thousands - each check up I went for when I was preggers, I would end up being billed for over CHF500. That's why over there, medical insurance is compulsory and very comprehensive.

For women, antenatal classes, check-ups, ultrasounds and delivery cost at a public hospital is covered plus vaccinations and postnatal check-ups as well as baby's first few check-ups are free. Of course, your baby will have to get insurance too. Childcare ranges in the thousands so mothers are given time off for a longgggg time and provided with subsidies for breastfeeding, childcare and so forth - this, of course, are for residents and citizens. NO ONE looks down on a woman for being a stay at home mum. It's perfectly acceptable there because in European societies, time and energy taken to be a stay at home mum is considered an investment towards a future citizen (read: the child).

One thing great though is that with the high standard of living there, the pay matches it. But not quite over here. Hence why I find that many Singaporeans (and Malaysians) have it easier if it's a dual income family.

yup, at SG, all the things' prices raise v quickly but not salary.

 

[Joy03]

Really cant stand those ppl when I told them I'm on NO PAY leave, ppl response is WAH SO GOOD BE TAI TAI AT HOME! Yah right! These ppl just cant understand how it is to be at home looking after the little one. My boy just turned 4mths and looking after him myself alone for a first time mummy is no joke. The stress of looking after him every minute and not having time to even eat a proper meal is tough. Sometimes can only wait til he is asleep before we can hav time to do housework or any other chores like washing bottles, clothes, hanging clothes, cooking a meal, cleaning up not to mention shower. Gotta wait til someone is back to go for shower even if u feel sticky and hot. Only mothers who stay at home will know. Who are they to comment on doing nothing at home.

 

[cinx]

Really cant stand those ppl when I told them I'm on NO PAY leave, ppl response is WAH SO GOOD BE TAI TAI AT HOME! Yah right! These ppl just cant understand how it is to be at home looking after the little one. My boy just turned 4mths and looking after him myself alone for a first time mummy is no joke. The stress of looking after him every minute and not having time to even eat a proper meal is tough. Sometimes can only wait til he is asleep before we can hav time to do housework or any other chores like washing bottles, clothes, hanging clothes, cooking a meal, cleaning up not to mention shower. Gotta wait til someone is back to go for shower even if you feel sticky and hot. Only mothers who stay at home will know. Who are they to comment on doing nothing at home.

agreeeeeeee ... already forgot when the last time had a proper peaceful meal and shower ... hate people saying SAHM is free, nothing to do, we could take a nap ... and it's not a real job ............. i wanna see if we left them at home with a baby ....... the most 1 hr and they will call us for help :001_302::001_302::001_302::001_302::001_302:

 

[snowbear]

I've been a sahm for almost 21 mths and I've got my fair share of such comments and other ignorant remarks... most of these silly comments are made by:
1) women who do not have a kid/ don't look after their kid
2) men who don't have kids and/or men who don't bother to help out with the kids at home.

Just learn to ignore such ignorant people.

Btw, do you notice that even the description for this section of the forum makes sahms sound very free? A mis-representation of sahms I say... lol.

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

With a fussy light-sleeper + super-active when awake son, I bet no one will be free taking care of him full-time. Sometimes, I need to wear him in a carrier to use the loo! Now, I have mastered the art of carrying him to the loo when needed.

He is such a fussy light sleeper that I need to be in bed with him by 10p.m. and 'sleep' with him till 9a.m. This means holding off going to the loo sometimes!!!

There is no room for MC, so I take good care of myself.

I get a 'salary' from my husband, because we believe I deserve it.

My husband and family fully support me taking care of the boy full-time. Thank God!

Recently, I started a business to keep my mind active, especially when the children grows up in future.

All devoted mothers are fantastic, keep going!

 

[Ting]

I've been a stay at home mum for almost 21 mths and I've got my fair share of such comments and other ignorant remarks... most of these silly comments are made by:
1) women who do not have a kid/ dont't look after their kid
2) men who dont't have kids and/or men who dont't bother to help out with the kids at home.

Just learn to ignore such ignorant people.

Btw, do you notice that even the description for this section of the forum makes sahms sound very free? A mis-representation of sahms I say... lol.

i guess all i can say is, it takes one mother to know another.
those who arent, just like to make ignorant comments.
they'll know when their time comes.

 

[woo22]

u poor thing!! i was thinking of using a carrier as well..but was told not to..now he is getting better..lucky for me..hope yr ds will get better as well!!

 

[Mummy to Baby V]

you poor thing!! i was thinking of using a carrier as well..but was told not to..now he is getting better..lucky for me..hope yr dear son will get better as well!!

Babywearing provides many wonderful benefits for the parent and the baby. It certainly makes life easier for me and my baby happier + more secure + cry less. Feel free to read more at Why I Love Babywearing |

 

[meiteoh]

I swear by babywearing and so does my hubby! Even now when Eva is at the babysitter, I babywear her on the weekends to make up for the "lost" time. I find that it helps maintain that close bond I have with her before I started sending her to a babysitter.

 

[MomoMummy]

I have 4 kids(no maid) & I still get comments from insensitive relatives like "So, when r you going back to teaching? So wasted your job & degree & your $3k-4k salary!"...."Wah you so good no need to go to work tomorrow eh!"...."Best eh, no need to work!"

Aarrrgghhhh!!! Feel like kicking their butts!!

wow! u have 4 kids n didnt get any help? if me i go ki siao cos i confirm cannot handle..

seriously dunno what to reply to them lo.. if can " u think looking after 4 kids v easy v free izzit" but watever reply also cannot satisfy them want.

 

[cocraze]

I've been a stay at home mum for almost 21 mths and I've got my fair share of such comments and other ignorant remarks... most of these silly comments are made by:
1) women who do not have a kid/ dont't look after their kid
2) men who dont't have kids and/or men who dont't bother to help out with the kids at home.

Just learn to ignore such ignorant people.

Btw, do you notice that even the description for this section of the forum makes sahms sound very free? A mis-representation of sahms I say... lol.

Really cant stand those ppl when I told them I'm on NO PAY leave, ppl response is WAH SO GOOD BE TAI TAI AT HOME! Yah right! These ppl just cant understand how it is to be at home looking after the little one. My boy just turned 4mths and looking after him myself alone for a first time mummy is no joke. The stress of looking after him every minute and not having time to even eat a proper meal is tough. Sometimes can only wait til he is asleep before we can hav time to do housework or any other chores like washing bottles, clothes, hanging clothes, cooking a meal, cleaning up not to mention shower. Gotta wait til someone is back to go for shower even if you feel sticky and hot. Only mothers who stay at home will know. Who are they to comment on doing nothing at home.

I agree that people who make such comments have not been through it, and I think I myself was guilty of such comments in the past too! Which was also partly the reason why I quit and decided to be SAHM, cos I thought I could get to enjoy life! Now Im starting to learn its NOT THE CASE, the hard way.

I think most people DONT MEAN to sound condescending, nor are they 100% IGNORANT, but look from their point of view, they probably are so tired and stressed from work that they ENVY us who can stay at home and not face a demanding boss and irritating clients/colleagues. My mental model before I became SAHM was also that SAHM=being like on leave everyday:red:!!! For those who have worked before being SAHM, and have looked forward to every weekend/public holiday/leave, Im sure you can understand that mental model.

I swear by babywearing and so does my hubby! Even now when Eva is at the babysitter, I babywear her on the weekends to make up for the "lost" time. I find that it helps maintain that close bond I have with her before I started sending her to a babysitter.

Babywearing provides many wonderful benefits for the parent and the baby. It certainly makes life easier for me and my baby happier + more secure + cry less. Feel free to read more at Why I Love Babywearing |

By babywearing, you mean using a carrier and/or a sling? I got comments from my TCM doctor to avoid using baby carrier for prolonged periods cos will squeeze their groin area. Need to massage her thighs... After trying to bring my girl out in a stroller on my own while doing grocery shopping/running errands, I realised it was so less mobile, though it was lighter on my shoulders. I had to find the best route (i.e. with least steps/uneven surfaces), and had to learn how to push the stroller up and down the escalator without toppling.

I love my Babybjorn carrier, but she's getting heavier. I have not tried a MIM sling yet cos I still feel quite insecure using it, llike she will fall off anytime...

I have 4 kids(no maid) & I still get comments from insensitive relatives like "So, when r you going back to teaching? So wasted your job & degree & your $3k-4k salary!"...."Wah you so good no need to go to work tomorrow eh!"...."Best eh, no need to work!"

Aarrrgghhhh!!! Feel like kicking their butts!!

Wow! 4 kids! I only have one and she (and my MIL at home) is driving me nuts already. And Im not doing any household chores yet, until we move to our own place in June/July. Im also ex-teacher, and I also get similar comments about wasting my degree and time, esp since people see me as high-flier. But it came to a point where I lost the 'heart' for the job. Maybe my personality was a mismatch with the job in the first place. :embarrassed: