One, two or more kids? How do you cope with more than one young kids in Spore?

[MamabbJ]

Dear parents,

I need your views on the following issues:

1) Wht are your thots and experience of having only one child in the family? Are you concerned that the only child will be overly-protected, overly-pampered and will lack certain social developmental skills because there is no sibling to grow up with him/her at home?

2) Are you the only child in your family? Have you ever felt lonely and wished for a sibling?

3) Being the only child, the heavy burden will be on him/her to handle the affairs of the ageing parents esp. when it comes to medical treatment, decisions, etc. wht do you think?

4) How do you cope with two or more young kids at home if you are a full-time working mummy without any additional help at home (i.e. no domestic helper, parents or parents in law)? (The only help comes from hubby, a day time time nanny and child care services).

I am concerned for my only baby boy now... I can see tht he likes playing and interacting with other kids. But sadly, I don't think I can have another child after a very traumatic experience aft labour (...due to my doc's negligence...)
Wht do you think of adoption? There are many beautiful babies out there without proper homes and family...

 

[xiaodaisy]

1) had wanted to have more den 1 child even money was tight on us bcos i can feel as being the only child was very lonely as i went thro that esp my parents was protective and i don even have frens that time , tho had a brother in a very later age so our gap was 9yrs apart

2) had a little brother at later part , before that was boring , no people to play with and my mom very strict of not letting me go to fren's hse or letting them come over .. =(

3) yes , esp wen parents pass away , if the child is unmarried , the child would be lonely without any other close family with him/her

4) spend quality time after work , bond with them .. i believe every mummy got such ability to handle wen the times come =)

i rmb the post u had , however u can give urself more time to come over the fear , for the sake of ur boy , i'm sure u can go thro all the hardship once again , just get a better gynae whom u feel comfy with =)

 

[MamabbJ]

Thanks lots, Xiaodaisy, for replying to all my 4 questions and your words of encouragement...
Wow, you have three wonderful kids! A great mummy you must be!

1) had wanted to have more den 1 child even money was tight on us bcos i can feel as being the only child was very lonely as i went thro that esp my parents was protective and i don even have frens that time , tho had a brother in a very later age so our gap was 9yrs apart

2) had a little brother at later part , before that was boring , no people to play with and my mom very strict of not letting me go to fren's hse or letting them come over .. =(

3) yes , esp wen parents pass away , if the child is unmarried , the child would be lonely without any other close family with him/her

4) spend quality time after work , bond with them .. i believe every mummy got such ability to handle wen the times come =)

i rmb the post u had , however u can give urself more time to come over the fear , for the sake of ur boy , i'm sure u can go thro all the hardship once again , just get a better gynae whom u feel comfy with =)

 

[lyra]

1) I'm not very worried about that as we can let him go to play groups and play with my friends' kids who are about the same age. He can learn social skills from there. Also, it is time consuming and expensive to have more kids in Singapore. I think for me now, I'm thinking of having only one child. Maybe when he's 5 or 6 years old, and start asking for another sibling, I'll consider. When he's too young, he may not want a younger sibling and will be jealous.

2) I have 2 other younger siblings and we share a room. Quarrels and fights all day! I don't know how my parents can stand it seriously and I wonder whether they ever regretted having so many kids! The fights get worse as we enter teenagehood. Moody and all those emotional roller coaster going on. But when we grow older, 20+ years old, we get very close. Maybe coz we play together and sleep in same bedroom since young, and when we are old and move out or study abroad, we will miss those days with loved ones. But for me, I won't have so many kids coz it's too noisy.

3) if you have more kids but you don't inculcate moral values to them, and only focus on getting them to study and achieve, when you are old and sick, maybe none of them will want to bear your medical burdens and other bills. So I think it's better to have the amount of kids we can handle so we can commit time and effort to teach them well. If one is all I can afford to mentally and financially, then no choice.

4) I only have 1 baby boy and I'm finding it hard to cope. I care for him myself, no domestic helper. When I go back to work, will get mother on law to care for him and pay her the money to care for baby. My parents don't want to do baby care. They are very smart. Want to have retirement honeymoon! Nanny and childcare fees are expensive here.

I have a colleague who adopted her baby from overseas and she's enjoying it, very cute and healthy boy. Adoption is great too. Give a baby a great future and a happy home.

Dear parents,

I need your views on the following issues:

1) Wht are your thots and experience of having only one child in the family? Are you concerned that the only child will be overly-protected, overly-pampered and will lack certain social developmental skills because there is no sibling to grow up with him/her at home?

2) Are you the only child in your family? Have you ever felt lonely and wished for a sibling?

3) Being the only child, the heavy burden will be on him/her to handle the affairs of the ageing parents esp. when it comes to medical treatment, decisions, etc. wht do you think?

4) How do you cope with two or more young kids at home if you are a full-time working mummy without any additional help at home (i.e. no domestic helper, parents or parents in law)? (The only help comes from hubby, a day time time nanny and child care services).

I am concerned for my only baby boy now... I can see tht he likes playing and interacting with other kids. But sadly, I don't think I can have another child after a very traumatic experience aft labour (...due to my doc's negligence...)
Wht do you think of adoption? There are many beautiful babies out there without proper homes and family...

 

[MamabbJ]

Thanks, Lyra, for sharing your thots and experience.

I am feeling very, very depressed recently... sigh... mentally & physically, I can't bring myself to go thru another pregnancy and labour. I feel I am "barren" now... Wht if I really die from another labour this time? I almost did die...!! Two young kids without their mummy is unthinkable...

I can now empathatise with couples who would like to have kids but just couldn't...
Some of my frens who gave birth in the same yr as I did are already in their 2nd pregnancies now... I am very happy & excited for them but it makes me even more depressed now....

When I finally stopped breastfeeding, it was one of the saddest days in my life because I told myself it would be my 1st and last breastfeeding experience... When you knw you are doing something for the very last time, you would just feel terribly, terribly depressed...

 

[Eliza]

Thanks, Lyra, for sharing your thots and experience.

I am feeling very, very depressed recently... sigh... mentally & physically, I can't bring myself to go thru another pregnancy and labour. I feel I am "barren" now... Wht if I really die from another labour this time? I almost did die...!! Two young kids without their mummy is unthinkable...

I can now empathatise with couples who would like to have kids but just couldn't...
Some of my friends who gave birth in the same yr as I did are already in their 2nd pregnancies now... I am very happy & excited for them but it makes me even more depressed now....

When I finally stopped breastfeeding, it was one of the saddest days in my life because I told myself it would be my 1st and last breastfeeding experience... When you knw you are doing something for the very last time, you would just feel terribly, terribly depressed...

Hi. I have been through what you are going through. My son is three years old now and I'm still a little scarred by my tough pregnancy and the complication that came with it after my son was born. It's not thru the fault of my gynae though. But inconsiderate in-law. I had an emergency c-section and afterwhich, I tore a stitch within the first week of labour (coz my MIL insist my confinement lady that I climb into the bathtub to shower as she doesn't want the floor to get black and wet due to the herb I'm showering with) and had to go back in to open and stitched back. Anyway, my first year was hell.
But as time goes by, I'm more open to the thought of having a second child. I have asked my son if he wants a sibling. His initial reaction was NO. He just want to go to pre-school and play with his friends and come back home to his mummy and daddy without sharing with anyone. But three months past, he has been coming home asking for a didi or meimei (he's more incline to meimei though) =). I think if age permits, you might want to wait for a little longer before making a decision whether or not to have a second child. I have explored the idea of adopting as well but my husband was not keen. His idea was if we are healthy and I have warmed up to the idea of a second child, perhaps we could have another one on our own. He is not totally against it and he leave the decision to me. We do express our feelings out so it makes it easier to discuss and decide.
How about talking to your husband about it if you really can't get through to having a second one.

 

[MamabbJ]

Dear Eliza,

I'm so sorry and saddened to hear your trying moments in the 1st yr. It must have been very challenging having to deal with all tht in addition to caring for a delicate newborn baby. I am glad you managed to overcome the difficult moments. Bravo!

I appreciate your honest comments.

Unfortunately, age and time is not on my side although... I knw there are many mummies out there who had their kids at a much later age than mine.

My hubby is also very concerned how we can cope and aft seeing my traumatic ordeal he is not keen on having anymore kids. I still suffer from PTSD and am still very angry with my good-for-nothing obsgyn (may he and his family members be barren in future...)

I am just worried tht my son is going to be very lonely next time as we do not have any other family members here...

Hi. I have been through what you are going through. My son is three years old now and I'm still a little scarred by my tough pregnancy and the complication that came with it after my son was born. It's not thru the fault of my gynae though. But inconsiderate in-law. I had an emergency c-section and afterwhich, I tore a stitch within the first week of labour (coz my MIL insist my confinement lady that I climb into the bathtub to shower as she doesn't want the floor to get black and wet due to the herb I'm showering with) and had to go back in to open and stitched back. Anyway, my first year was hell.
But as time goes by, I'm more open to the thought of having a second child. I have asked my son if he wants a sibling. His initial reaction was NO. He just want to go to pre-school and play with his friends and come back home to his mummy and daddy without sharing with anyone. But three months past, he has been coming home asking for a didi or meimei (he's more incline to meimei though) =). I think if age permits, you might want to wait for a little longer before making a decision whether or not to have a second child. I have explored the idea of adopting as well but my husband was not keen. His idea was if we are healthy and I have warmed up to the idea of a second child, perhaps we could have another one on our own. He is not totally against it and he leave the decision to me. We do express our feelings out so it makes it easier to discuss and decide.
How about talking to your husband about it if you really can't get through to having a second one.