Parenting : punishments ?

[mummy of three]

Yup, for me too...my friends are mostly single, but because my son is in childcare, I got to know some of his friends mummies.....

Parenting is not easy, we always have a choice in watever we do....but if you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to the mummies in this forum :tlaugh:

Meanwhile, keep your spirits upancing_wub:

true true.. sigh.. recently I started working PT, bcoz i dun wanna lost the touch of the outside world, my lady is v kind to me & slowly introducing the work load to me. but still sometimes i feel nervous.
yup, that's y i find this forum to chat w other mummies.. :tlaugh:

 

[Ting]

TS, pin is the same.
when things dont go her way, she would rather refuse it.
like she wants a sweet, if i say NO the first time, then she will get angry n even if my parents offer her she will tell them NO.
she even told me dad:"later mummy scold me how?!?"
i think its not really the mid child syndrome, n more perhaps its the stage of the terrible Ts.

 

[Oppsgal]

Dont cane then try cut off TV timing if the child watch tv. From 30 mins reduce to 15 mins as punishment. Cut off the favorite show as punishment might works.

 

[serenelm]

sigh, my ds2 (almost 5 yrs old) has been misbehaving since ds3 was born... everyday oso testing my patience too... so i can absolutely understand wat u mummies are gg thru...

i'm oso "waving" the cane at him daily but i try not to hit him cos i always feel so bad everytime after i cane him... simply feel so guilty cos b4 i had ds3, we were so close... but since ds3 came along, i've had to spend my time wif ds3 instead cos he's a very clingy baby... ds2's temper been getting worse, everyday oso banging his bedroom door and locking himself in the room each time after he loses temper... i've tried talking to him, scolding him and even caning him but nothing seems to work... so now, i've gone back to trying to reason wif him instead but he always dun listen... wonder how much of wat i say everyday goes into his head... sigh...

 

[ping26]

guess it's occupational hazard...

when u mentioned prematurity & yr child not understanding yr qn/expln, the 1st thing that comes to my mind is not mid-child syndrome but language difficulties - expressive language & receptive lg (comprehension).

Some children who are born pre-mature may have learning difficulties, esp those w very low birth wt. Some may have diff w impulse control & motor planning difficulties, ie they may be clumsy or destructive/disruptive. kind of fidgety and do not understand new games w multiple rules easily. they can become v stubborn due to learning and comprehension diff.

Last check - does he present w similar problems in sch?

If yes, u may wish to get a referral fr polyclinic to NUH (q is shorter there). Get language therapy.

I think it's great u r aware of this problem & seeking support fr other mummies. Going back to work part-time may also help u gain a more open world-view.

u may wish to talk to someone/counsellor abt unresolved emotional issues surrounding his birth - prematurity, post-natal support, health issues, etc...
This may help in establishing a fresh start to yr r'ships.

course, try to spend more time playing w yr kids.
The best way to connect w a child is to PLAY w him.

best wishes, Ping

 

[mummy of three]

I think for my case its all the add ups!!! ahahahaa...
Terrible Ts & middle child sydrome..
recently I heard of alot of things like AHDA (is it?? not very sure..) abt those hyperactive.. or what.. how do we see that ?

TS, pin is the same.
when things dont go her way, she would rather refuse it.
like she wants a sweet, if i say NO the first time, then she will get angry n even if my parents offer her she will tell them NO.
she even told me dad:"later mummy scold me how?!?"
i think its not really the mid child syndrome, n more perhaps its the stage of the terrible Ts.

 

[diymummy]

Hi mummy of three,

You can go to this site from SingHealth for more info: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Child)

But from what I read, it doesn't seem that your child has ADHD.

Even if he does, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Some ADHD kids still grow up to be very successful adults when treated correctly. Phelps was an ADHD kid.

 

[mummy of three]

hi ping26

after reading ur post.. I realised something.. Once we were so worried abt his speech (even now), his understandings.. he still cant speak or pronouce properly.. we still need to guess what he's asking for or talking abt.. & we ever wanna tried the speech therpy, but after a few mths.. he improved & is talking more aldy but still unclear. & yes, I still hv problem understanding his needs & wants.
both my elder child & him were born prematured but my gal dun seems to hv his prob.. my gal born at 26+6 wks & he's 24+5wks. on top of that, he had the "tube" inside him for almost 1 1/2mths which it worry me that this is the reason y he still cant pronouce words properly. den I realised too, he dun chew his foods & he simply swallow them at first & later I make him eat food like apples, grapess carrots, nuts.. etc.. in order to make him chew & at the same time exercise his jaws.. which it improve to what he is now, still far from good but at least so much better & he now chews his food before he swallow..

you mentioned abt the learning difficulties.. his sch teachers actually told me he's doing v well.. its only his controls over anger is there. a very highly attention seeker & wants lots of praises boy.
at home, i find that "they may be clumsy or destructive/disruptive. kind of fidgety and do not understand new games w multiple rules easily. they can become very stubborn due to learning and comprehension diff" which is very true.. at times, he wld gives up easily & times he's stubburn in insisting his way.

he has appt, follow ups at NUH, & hopefully everything goes well.. the doctor actually suggesting bringing him to the therapy but den... actually we went twice, they wanna refer us to.. jurong east cc ( i think, cldnt rem) as it was too far as we stay in hougang area, we wanted to try the nuh 1st, but 2nd time we go, still talking abt the refer to jurong.. in the end.. no therapy or anything.. therefore we suggest we will monitor him at home & kept pouring more "new" words & getting him more involved till he's older.. maybe 4 or 5..? at least, we believe at that age its easier to see whether he really understands & able to express himself..

yup, going out to work really help in the sense, although it was really busier den b4, some stress i hv out there.. but feel entirely diff.. my lady boss is gdm & we share our probs.. at least someone out there to talk to.

thanks ping..

guess it's occupational hazard...

when you mentioned prematurity & your child not understanding your qn/expln, the 1st thing that comes to my mind is not mid-child syndrome but language difficulties - expressive language & receptive lg (comprehension).

Some children who are born pre-mature may have learning difficulties, esp those w very low birth wt. Some may have diff w impulse control & motor planning difficulties, ie they may be clumsy or destructive/disruptive. kind of fidgety and do not understand new games w multiple rules easily. they can become very stubborn due to learning and comprehension diff.

Last check - does he present w similar problems in sch?

If yes, you may wish to get a referral fr polyclinic to NUH (q is shorter there). Get language therapy.

I think it's great you are aware of this problem & seeking support fr other mummies. Going back to work part-time may also help you gain a more open world-view.

you may wish to talk to someone/counsellor about unresolved emotional issues surrounding his birth - prematurity, post-natal support, health issues, etc...
This may help in establishing a fresh start to your are'ships.

course, try to spend more time playing w your kids.
The best way to connect w a child is to PLAY w him.

best wishes, Ping

 

[mummy of three]

hi diymummy,

thanks for ur info..
sigh, but sometimes i find him so hard to teach/love.. feel so guilty when i hv such thots..

Hi mummy of three,

You can go to this site from SingHealth for more info: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Child)

But from what I read, it doesn't seem that your child has ADHD.

Even if he does, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Some ADHD kids still grow up to be very successful adults when treated correctly. Phelps was an ADHD kid.

 

[diymummy]

Hi mummy of three...

Can understand how you feel. I get impatient with my son too. And he's only 10mths and I only have 1 child. I also feel guilty at times when I lose my cool. But hang in there. We also make mistakes. Just have to rise above them and our kids will be able to see that we're still trying and have not given up hope on them.

Hopefully this phase that your son is going through will pass. Maybe when he starts to attend school and has some friends he can play with and interact with.

Hang in there mummy of three, jia you! I think you're doing fine and at least you're aware of your own emotions and keeping them in check.

 

[jojoki]

hi mommy,

i think U need a break. U need to take some time off the kids, even if its just a couple of hours. Do something fr urself, go for a spa/massage or even just window shopping .. without the kids.

I may not be right, but ur kid sounds like any typical 3 year old. Relax and just let him be, I personally find caning, etc not effective, y dun u try distraction when they are disobedient? eg if he's jumping on the sofa n u dun wan him to do it, eg "Billy, can u jump on the floor five times fr mummy?" Normally it works.

btw, check out this dvd call happiest toddler on the block by dr harvey karpp... i've watch it looks effective. My nephew is 3 n not fully toilet trained, its ok. Just re-direct n tell them patiently.

I think its not about how to resolve issues with the kids, its mainly ourselves. How we react emotionally n physically. I constantly remind myself to be gentle, patient wth my child. (cos by nature i am a very paikia person, rough chou lou n loud!) cos our child will grow up mirroring us.

Good luck!

 

[mummy of three]

hihi..
thanks thanks for all concerns..
for that jumping example.. I guess.. and almost i will feel i will get it 101% not only 5x on the floor !!! ahahaa.. as he's very active.. the more i wanna tame him down.. bcoz i cant stand them monkeying ard at home.. i always tell my in laws.. if they go crazy, im going mad !!! lolx!!!
i want a break very much.. i dun think i have only prob w kids.. but w my husband too..
hmmz.. abit paiseh.. but i think i better voice out..
its the "sex" thing. I have since lost interest in it and everytime after my husband to make me, i was like totally turn off.. I dunno y.. ive told myself.. i shld "play" my part too.. but.. always get turn off.. sigh.. am I having prb ?

hi mommy,

i think you need a break. you need to take some time off the kids, even if its just a couple of hours. Do something fr yourself, go for a spa/massage or even just window shopping .. without the kids.

I may not be right, but your kid sounds like any typical 3 year old. Relax and just let him be, I personally find caning, etc not effective, why dont you try distraction when they are disobedient? eg if he's jumping on the sofa n you dont want him to do it, eg "Billy, can you jump on the floor five times fr mummy?" Normally it works.

btw, check out this dvd call happiest toddler on the block by dr harvey karpp... i've watch it looks effective. My nephew is 3 n not fully toilet trained, its ok. Just re-direct n tell them patiently.

I think its not about how to resolve issues with the kids, its mainly ourselves. How we react emotionally n physically. I constantly remind myself to be gentle, patient wth my child. (cos by nature i am a very paikia person, rough chou lou n loud!) cos our child will grow up mirroring us.

Good luck!

 

[diymummy]

Hi mummy of three,

Maybe you feel turned off coz you're too tired? Or too saddled with worrying abt your children?

 

[mummy of three]

I really duno.. somehow I feel like I dun even know how to do it le.. too tired.. maybe but some times i feel its more " not interested " rather den tired..

Hi mummy of three,

Maybe you feel turned off coz you're too tired? Or too saddled with worrying about your children?

 

[diymummy]

If there's someone you can leave your children with, maybe you can go away for a while with your hubby?? Spark the romance once again Say, go for a short holiday... Even if it's to Sentosa for a few days.

 

[jojoki]

hihi..
thanks thanks for all concerns..
for that jumping example.. I guess.. and almost i will feel i will get it 101% not only 5x on the floor !!! ahahaa.. as he's very active.. the more i wanna tame him down.. bcoz i cant stand them monkeying around at home.. i always tell my in laws.. if they go crazy, im going mad !!! lolx!!!
i want a break very much.. i dont think i have only prob w kids.. but w my husband too..
hmmz.. abit paiseh.. but i think i better voice out..
its the "sex" thing. I have since lost interest in it and everytime after my husband to make me, i was like totally turn off.. I dont know why.. ive told myself.. i shld "play" my part too.. but.. always get turn off.. sigh.. am I having prb ?

ya u r rite he will not jump 5 times but at least hes not jumping on the sofa, u cant stop a lil boy from monkeyin around. but give him an alternative of watever he is doing, but in a more acceptable form.

ya me too lost interest in sex but thank goodness hubby;s appetite not so big so hes ok wth nt havin sex. Mainly we are both terrified of me gettin pregnant so soon. so we are sooo cautious we even abstain from it now.

 

[ping26]

sigh, my ds2 (almost 5 yrs old) has been misbehaving since ds3 was born... everyday also testing my patience too... so i can absolutely understand what you mummies are gg thru...

i'm also "waving" the cane at him daily but i try not to hit him cos i always feel so bad everytime after i cane him... simply feel so guilty cos before i had ds3, we were so close... but since ds3 came along, i've had to spend my time with ds3 instead cos he's a very clingy baby... ds2's temper been getting worse, everyday also banging his bedroom door and locking himself in the room each time after he loses temper... i've tried talking to him, scolding him and even caning him but nothing seems to work... so now, i've gone back to trying to reason with him instead but he always dont listen... wonder how much of what i say everyday goes into his head... sigh...

Actually if u r aware of the problem, ie sibling rivalry, the solution is very easy.

Just spend more time w ds2. Write on fridge "7pm-7.30pm go cycling/play games w DS2". In the meantime, get daddy or someone to babysit ds3. One-on-one time usu works very well.

You can also try hugging & saying "I love you" every morning. Look him in the eye & cuddle warmly. The key is making a child feel special & loved. He shld become more manageable (there is no magic cure).

 

[jojoki]

You can also try hugging & saying "I love you" every morning. Look him in the eye & cuddle warmly. The key is making a child feel special & loved. He shld become more manageable (there is no magic cure).

tht explains the happiness radiating fr ur bb's super cute look eh? :001_302:
yes agree the best wat to parenting n even disciplining is through love.

 

[ping26]

hihi..
thanks thanks for all concerns..
for that jumping example.. I guess.. and almost i will feel i will get it 101% not only 5x on the floor !!! ahahaa.. as he's very active.. the more i wanna tame him down.. bcoz i cant stand them monkeying around at home.. i always tell my in laws.. if they go crazy, im going mad !!! lolx!!!
i want a break very much.. i dont think i have only prob w kids.. but w my husband too.... I dont know why.. ive told myself.. i shld "play" my part too.. but.. always get turn off.. sigh.. am I having prb ?

Girl, is it possible that "u have lost yrself". I don't think u have a problem, rather u need to find a sense of self & purpose to overcome this feeling of inadequacy that is kind of life-sucking...

Sharing on a mummy forum may help for some. H/r nothing beats confiding in a close friend. Many ladies feel better after talking. :001_302:

 

[Ting]

mummy of three, prob its your stress with your kiddos thus u get turn off or too tired for ML.
as for your son, its a passing phase.
sometimes pin gets so UGH!!! that i myself cant take it too.
soemtimes in my mind, i just feel like screaming my head of her n using the cane to give a good beating.
but so far, i nvr done it.. (ok la, maybe mentally imagine doing it).
at times, i also tell my bf, i dunno how to teach pin, she's just too smart for her age, the way she acts n talks....ppl think she is like a 4 yo.

sometimes i hear myself tellin her, can u pls act like your age?!?


n the prob is she doesnt act like tt in sch, so they cant work tgt with me on this, cos pin doesnt throw tantrums in sch!