Scared baby closer to in-laws?

[CWL]

Hi, I am a new mum and my girl is 3 & half months old. I just return back to work from maternity leave and my mother-in-law helps to take care of my girl while me and hubby goes to work. I stayed with my in-laws under one roof and so it's very convenient for my mother-in-law to take care of my girl.

I take care of my girl at night and she sleeps with hubby and me in the same room. Will my girl be closer to my mother-in-law? I only get to interact with my girl at night when I get home. I will take care of my girl during weekends too.

My girl seems to be very happy when she is playing with my in-laws and sister-in-law but she doesn't seem to smile a lot at me when I play with her. It's really saddening sometimes. Yesterday I tried to carry her from my father-in-law but she turn away from me a few times. My father-in-law was laughing away and he seems happy. I am a bit mad and it breaks my heart too.

Anyone encounter the same issue? I love my girl very much and I can't bear it if she is closer to others and not to me. Pls advise.

 

[pineappletart]

kinda same position as u except that it's my mom who is taking care of my 18 month old ever since I went back to work after maternity leave. when I return from work, I'll take care of my baby, sleep together with baby and weekend its also me. my girl treats my mom and me almost the same. think u just have to spend more alone time with your baby.

 

[CWL]

Thks for sharing! So is your 18 month very attached to you? I know some of my colleagues their child is very attached to their mum. Their child is very sticky to their mum too. Hope my girl can show me this kind affection.hehe

 

[sparklingstars]

Wow.. I ve the same issue as u! My MIL carry..my bb can stop crying..
I carry carry all no use..
I have not rtn to work yet but I m gg back soon on end of aug..my bb will be 3 month plus by then..
My situation will b worse than urs as I m on sales line.. Weekend n PH burnt n only one day off on weekday.. Sometimes full shift or night shift..soooo hard to c my boy..
But I ll jx keep tellin myself he loves me n hopefully he Think of his mummy when I m working..

 

[Jinny]

Same situation as CWL! My girl now 5mths+, back to work since 2mths ago.
I also very scared from the start of my prgnancy that my baby will be closer to in-laws, so from birth till I return to work, I did not let my in-laws handle or carry my baby even though we staying tgt...
I just tell them, I need to be independent and breastfeeding baby is a great way to be away from them and bond with my girl.
Until I return to work, no choice, then let my MIL babysit her and I set my ground rules very clearly when looking after her. Now my baby not very close to them and don need them to pacify her. Sometimes they call her she also dont look at them...lol She sees me will smile but she doesnt cling to me.

 

[nutela]

hahaha...jinny..nice one!
i think breastfeed babies tend to b mre attach to mummy coz my baby is also like tat... i am a workin mum n my aunt take cares of my baby. i only c him on wed to sun while others days, he stay over my aunt hse. but til now, so far so good, he still like to be with me n when my mil carry him, he will follow my mil but his eyes are fix to my every movement around the hse, once i lose sight from him, he start crying...hahaha...i loving it...
sometimes my mil call him out, he dun c too...n when he c me getting ready to go out, he will cry n wan me to carry him back. n the best part was, my mil try to take him baq frm me n baby refused...

 

[Jinny]

lol...nutela your boy so obvious! I realise boys tend to stick more to mums, and girls prefer dads, I also want to see that happen but my girl wont cry when she didnt see me lei...

 

[CWL]

So good! I hope my girl can show me this kinda affection. But strangely my girl is very happy and responsive to my father in law who doesn't feed or change her diaper. He only hug and play with her. My girl didn't smile much to me and i tried all kinds of method to tease her but her smile is so hard to get. It's really depressing and puzzling

 

[pillowhugger01]

So good! I hope my girl can show me this kinda affection. But strangely my girl is very happy and responsive to my father in law who doesn't feed or change her diaper. He only hug and play with her. My girl didn't smile much to me and i tried all kinds of method to tease her but her smile is so hard to get. It's really depressing and puzzling

My DS very responsive to my fil too.. He only come in my room like less than 15 mins a day to play with him.. He doesn't feed or change the diaper..

 

[CWL]

My dear son very responsive to my father in law too.. He only come in my room like less than 15 mins a day to play with him.. He doesn't feed or change the diaper..

Really?! So strange right? Yesterday after feeding my girl my father in law came to my room looking for my girl. My girl so excited and was smiling and cooing to him. Arh!! But she didn't even wanna look at me sad!

 

[nutela]

Really?! So strange right? Yesterday after feeding my girl my father in law came to my room looking for my girl. My girl so excited and was smiling and cooing to him. Arh!! But she didn't even wanna look at me sad!

Eh y ah? Luckily my father in law nvr play wit my son or carry him around. He juz clap his hand my i mv ard e hse wit my baby. My father in law been like tat since his children time too.. So tat y he nvr carry e grandchildrens

 

[Renzie]

When DD was much younger, she tends to prefer my in laws than being with me, when my FIL carried her, she wants no one else, and will cry if anyone dare to try to take her away.

Nowadays, she'll come running to find both of us if we are not around. When my in laws take over, it gives both hubby and I a breather, and we are able to do our own things.

i think at different stages they'll prefer certain members over others.

 

[CWL]

Eh y ah? Luckily my father in law nvr play wit my son or carry him around. He juz clap his hand my i mv ard e hse wit my baby. My father in law been like tat since his children time too.. So tat y he nvr carry e grandchildrens

I think some father in law are like tat wan. Maybe more conservative ba or they are not comfortable with kids? Hmm...

 

[CWL]

When dear daughter was much younger, she tends to prefer my in laws than being with me, when my father in law carried her, she wants no one else, and will cry if anyone dare to try to take her away.

Nowadays, she'll come running to find both of us if we are not around. When my in laws take over, it gives both hubby and I a breather, and we are able to do our own things.

i think at different stages they'll prefer certain members over others.

Wow really?! I am so comforted to hear that. I hope my girl will be like your girl.. Like to be with parents when they grow older. That means there's a chance for my girl to change her preference ya. I am so happy to hear that! Thks for sharing

 

[pillowhugger01]

Really?! So strange right? Yesterday after feeding my girl my father in law came to my room looking for my girl. My girl so excited and was smiling and cooing to him. Arh!! But she didn't even wanna look at me sad!

My #1 used to be very close to my sis in law when she's still a baby.. Until when she turn about 2 yo she starts to be very close to me.. Now that she's 3.5 yo, my sis in law told her to say 'i love gugu' and my daughter said 'I love mummy' .. No matter how my sis in law force her to say.. She die die won't say i love gugu.. Lol

Someday your girl will know who's the mummy and will know that you love her.. Don't have to worry too much now since she's still very small

 

[CWL]

My #1 used to be very close to my sis in law when she's still a baby.. Until when she turn about 2 yo she starts to be very close to me.. Now that she's 3.5 yo, my sis in law told her to say 'i love gugu' and my daughter said 'I love mummy' .. No matter how my sis in law force her to say.. She die die won't say i love gugu.. Lol

Someday your girl will know who's the mummy and will know that you love her.. Don't have to worry too much now since she's still very small

Thks pillowhugger01 for sharing. your Daughter is so smart! Hope my girl will know when she is older that mummy and daddy is the best. Hehez

 

[engel]

3 1/2 mths still pretty young though... Not sure if they have perfect eyesight then, but they recognize smells, so avoid using scents?...

Anyways the real 'fun' starts after 6 -9 mths ... They start getting very responsive...
After 1st yr, they might start getting clingy ... My girl is 15 mths now, damn clingy...not a gd thing when you've work to do...:/

 

[CWL]

3 1/2 mths still pretty young though... Not sure if they have perfect eyesight then, but they recognize smells, so avoid using scents?...

Anyways the real 'fun' starts after 6 -9 mths ... They start getting very responsive...
After 1st yr, they might start getting clingy ... My girl is 15 mths now, damn clingy...not a good thing when you've work to do...:/

Thks for the advise engel. After I give birth I dun dare to put perfume le. By the way is baby more clingy to full time mum or working mum? I am a working mum myself therefore I am not sure if my girl will be clingy to me when she reach 1 yrs old.

My sister is a full time mum and her girls really stick to her like glue. And I hv one thing that is making me very pissed off, that is my father in law. My girl like him to hug her and when I wanna take over to feed her milk, my girl will turn away. My fil everyday purposely wanna hug her and see my girl's reaction to turn away from me and he will say 'see she dun want mummy, want ah gong hug' then he will be laughing away happily. I listen Liao, my blood boils.

I dun want to dislike my fil because it's very unhealthy but his attitude and action really sucks

 

[engel]

I'm full time working though on ML now with #2..

don't worry too much, Your girl will start knowing who is who in her life soon enough don't get disappointed now.. Look on the brightside, if she looks for grandpa, let them play as long as your fine with the activity they are doing, use that time as space out time for yourself
when they are older, they will find specific person around them for different needs.
My #1 finds me for comfort; when she falls, wanna sleep, etc etc... grandma for food, daddy for roughhouse play, grandpas for bringing her out to play ball...:/

regarding ure father in law's attitude; no matter how much i respect the older gen, they can b childish sometimes
cause I'm spending more time with #2 right now, I can't carry nor cuddle my #1 when she comes looking for me, grandparents have to lead her away and sometimes they mention to her' mummy don't want u already, mummy got mei mei'... I know they meant it as a joke, but seriously not funny...
I'll still hug #1 to sleep, that's when I'll talk to her, that I'll still love her and mei mei, not sure , but I think she understood she kisses and strokes her younger sis now...
It's up to u how u wanna deal with it, when my parents did it, I could easily talk to them, but in laws are trickier. Bring it up to hubby? Maybe he could talk to his dad?

Mai stress k keep talking to your girl though she may b only 3+ months... Will b amazed with how fast they pick up the language and understand...

 

[CWL]

I'm full time working though on ML now with #2..

don't worry too much, Your girl will start knowing who is who in her life soon enough don't get disappointed now.. Look on the brightside, if she looks for grandpa, let them play as long as your fine with the activity they are doing, use that time as space out time for yourself
when they are older, they will find specific person around them for different needs.
My #1 finds me for comfort; when she falls, wanna sleep, etc etc... grandma for food, daddy for roughhouse play, grandpas for bringing her out to play ball...:/

regarding ure father in law's attitude; no matter how much i respect the older gen, they can b childish sometimes
cause I'm spending more time with #2 right now, I can't carry nor cuddle my #1 when she comes looking for me, grandparents have to lead her away and sometimes they mention to her' mummy don't want u already, mummy got mei mei'... I know they meant it as a joke, but seriously not funny...
I'll still hug #1 to sleep, that's when I'll talk to her, that I'll still love her and mei mei, not sure , but I think she understood she kisses and strokes her younger sis now...
It's up to u how u wanna deal with it, when my parents did it, I could easily talk to them, but in laws are trickier. Bring it up to hubby? Maybe he could talk to his dad?

Mai stress k keep talking to your girl though she may b only 3+ months... Will b amazed with how fast they pick up the language and understand...

Thks for your comfort engel, yes I understand how u feel when others say 'mummy dun want you' to your child. My father in law also say that to my girl when I go out to run errands or meet friends during weekend. Although they mean no harm, but is really hurtful to hear that. Imagine when my girl really understand wat he is saying, my girl will be so sad and really thought that she is not wanted.

I will try my best to control my anger and respect my father in law. Hopefully my girl will recognize that I am more important to her when she is older.