scary MIL? idk

[felicity]

i'm just wondering if any of the ladies here have blessed life to have nice inlaws? able to share so i can see bright lights?
mine sucks to max shit and frankly i HATE my inlaws to max. shld my husband be less nice to me, i will let go and get the whole family out of my life!

since u asked... i must admit i'm very blessed to have nice inlaws. i believe my parents will make very nice inlaws too, to my bro's gf as they are planning for marriage next year but their lovenest will not be ready in the next 3 years.

i am not that fortunate. my hubby has bought a new flat and his parents sold theirs to live with him, so now we are all living together. my filial hubby kinda promised to stay with them, so it seems like i do not have a choice. of course i would really really really love to have my own lovenest but after all these years i also 'ren ming' already.. thankfully my inlaws are easy going and so am i. live together for 4 years already, have not't had conflicts. but i worry will have when baby comes (in 2 mths!) cos i kinda disagree w the way my inlaws bring up his nephews... now i'm just counting my blessings, and mother in law does all the housework. i never had to wash anything besides my own undergarments. they really treat me like own daughter.

next thing to worry is in future no room for baby, esp if we have 2 kids which is what he wants? the spare room is like my storeroom cum study. hubby telling me to throw things away and clear it up but i refuse. it's just so unfair that my friends w their own lovenests have their own bookshelves all along the wall to keep many things, i only have two tiniest ikea shelves (waist height only) and i have to throw away my books? somemore his parents has so many things in the storeroom n cabinets etc. when i moved in i feel like a tenant, no space for my things at all, now many still in plastic storage boxes in the spare room... so i told him we have to save to upgrade (have 4-bedroom unit?) cos his parents take one room, we take one room, and the current spare room how to fit 2 beds n 3 study tables (i need one!) if got 2 kids in future.

 

[Sad 33]

since u asked... i must admit i'm very blessed to have nice inlaws. i believe my parents will make very nice inlaws too, to my bro's gf as they are planning for marriage next year but their lovenest will not be ready in the next 3 years.

i am not that fortunate. my hubby has bought a new flat and his parents sold theirs to live with him, so now we are all living together. my filial hubby kinda promised to stay with them, so it seems like i do not have a choice. of course i would really really really love to have my own lovenest but after all these years i also 'ren ming' already.. thankfully my inlaws are easy going and so am i. live together for 4 years already, have not't had conflicts. but i worry will have when baby comes (in 2 mths!) cos i kinda disagree w the way my inlaws bring up his nephews... now i'm just counting my blessings, and mother in law does all the housework. i never had to wash anything besides my own undergarments. they really treat me like own daughter.

next thing to worry is in future no room for baby, esp if we have 2 kids which is what he wants? the spare room is like my storeroom cum study. hubby telling me to throw things away and clear it up but i refuse. it's just so unfair that my friends w their own lovenests have their own bookshelves all along the wall to keep many things, i only have two tiniest ikea shelves (waist height only) and i have to throw away my books? somemore his parents has so many things in the storeroom n cabinets etc. when i moved in i feel like a tenant, no space for my things at all, now many still in plastic storage boxes in the spare room... so i told him we have to save to upgrade (have 4-bedroom unit?) cos his parents take one room, we take one room, and the current spare room how to fit 2 beds n 3 study tables (i need one!) if got 2 kids in future.

hi felicity,

in fact, my own parents are very nice in laws too. somewhat similar to your inlaws, my parents treat my sis in law with similar kindness and equity.

u know what...u are truly lucky to have such nice in laws...esp your mil who does not mind to pick up yr laundry. of course i understd totally it is only right that u wash yr own undies...
just to share with u, i am not so lucky to meet with such nice mil...

once i was quite seriously injuried and hub makes me stay with his parents for 1 month so that i can have regular meals. he asked the mum to make some frog legs and tonic for me. i never have that. but shortly after the sis's kid learn to walk, my mother in law starts making that for the kid. further during my 1 month sickness, she never offer to do my laundry even though i can't touch water due to wounds, and after that i have to bring home and wash after I'm well...
there's also occasions i found that i am not included in her herbal tea or tonic soup. she simply will past them to my hub or sister In law's hub. i have no share!
​

because u have really nice in laws, perhaps that's the reason yr hubby wants them close by u all? and also to help on your upcoming birth?
however as a woman, i understd the desire to have own home and own space.
my case is that after more than 10 yrs of marriage,

my inlaws sound to us that want to come stay with us so they collect rental, I told my hub pls dont't let them indispose us because they can earn money. I prefer my peace than to have them come stay with us. It's not that I'm selfish, but til now I can't even understd their behaviours to lack of love to me as a daughter in law, their selfishness to not give me same food as what other family members have, how can I torelate them everyday under same roof. No same love, no fairness, but lots of rubbish talk and poor treatment to me....so why must I torelate their inconvenience to us when I get all the shIt's and no even a little benefit.
therefore my situation is very different from u. however once inlaws stay with u...i think they have little intention to move out. without the support of your hub. thus maybe u really have to upgrade or children all in 1 room.........
however things will change.. look on bright side ​

 

[felicity]

yes Sad 33, i really count myself super lucky everyday... always counting my blessings and appreciating everything that comes my way so far. my MIL will complain to me abt SIL's MIL though. she v cute... i sometimes just be a listener while she complain abt her own daughter's MIL. she was v bad... when it rains she will keep everyone's clothes except SIL's! i told my mum, my mum says even if it's unrelated tenant's clothes also should keep for them lor... raining and u at home what, how can bias until like that?! SIL has 3 sons and has been v nice, so dunno why her MIL treats her like that also. some MILs are really hard to get along so i count myself very lucky.

ur MIL also v bad and selfish, like my SIL's MIL and yes her in-laws was staying w her because they rented out their own flat to earn income! now i think they don't stay together anymore... got story behind it but nvm v long to share. haha... yup looking on the bright side. and hope ur better days come very very soon! *hugs*

 

[annawt]

Dont please her, after a period it will be a habit instead of appreciating you.
I'm having a scary or rather crazy mother in law as well.
In the start, I thought of helping her with the housework, buying her food and chatting with her is a nice way of pleasing her.
But I was wrong and totally wrong,end up everything you are doing it and she will never appreciate you, she will just think this is the way you should be as a daughter in law. When you got tired of it cause you are taken for granted, it will only worse a lot of things . Not worth, afterall marriage is about your husband, boyfriend and you, nt pleasing anyone !

So just keep a distance, greet her that's all.
:wong16:

 

[Kaykay2009]

Dont please her, after a period it will be a habit instead of appreciating you.
I'm having a scary or rather crazy mother in law as well.
In the start, I thought of helping her with the housework, buying her food and chatting with her is a nice way of pleasing her.
But I was wrong and totally wrong,end up everything you are doing it and she will never appreciate you, she will just think this is the way you should be as a daughter in law. When you got tired of it cause you are taken for granted, it will only worse a lot of things . Not worth, afterall marriage is about your husband, boyfriend and you, not pleasing anyone !

So just keep a distance, greet her that's all.
:wong16:

Hi annawt,

I agree with what you said. They just dont't appreciate the good things you do, take for granted and then pick on everything else to make lives tough for you!Well, at least my mother in law was like that.

I also think it's possible to get hubby on your side even if your MIL only does/says stupid things in front of you and not your hubby.Its a skill...the way you say it so you don't get him on defensive mode! I used to fight with my hubby unitl i gave up and thought of divorcing him but because i realised the happiest person will be his mom so i tahan. But i had to do something to make my life better so i changed tactic. Even though me and my MIL did not get along and she lived with us as she herself is divorced, i will still try and be nice and tabao food for her and get her presents on special occasions but i'll get hubby to pass the gifts to her so i think she thought that all of a sudden, her son so thoughtful when i was the one doing it. So i started like to delibrately 'show' hubby how upset i was and iplayed my MIL's game...I controlled my temper and behaved very tolerant of her when hubby was around. But when hubby wasn't at home,if sh slammed the door, I SLAMMED IT EVEN LOUDER and she complained to hubby that i was disrespectful blah blah but cos huby didn't 'see' it for himself, he didn't say anything.

Then my MIL flared up one fine day when she quarelled with hubby about how "sad' her life was and hubby just blew! Live with us for 7 years never even spend 1 cent buying anything for the house! Everytime slam door and anything else she could get her hands on, Use the toilet roll until don't have liao also dunno how to buy and she will use tissue paper to wipe her damn ass until i went to buy! After hubby told her off she lose face liao then she threatened once again to move out!In the 7 years we lived togther, she threatened us 4 times!!! Like i damn want to live with her like that!!!!! This time hubby also buay tahan her already so he said ok to her moving out and my MIL face went blank for a while! ithink she didn't expect her son to take up the offer of her moving out! so she then asked hub to pay for the rental and hub said ok! Honestly, a bit siong to pay for her rental and our own expenses but i think it's worth the price for the peace i'm getting

 

[Sad 33]

yes Sad 33, i really count myself super lucky everyday... always counting my blessings and appreciating everything that comes my way so far. my MIL will complain to me abt SIL's MIL though. she v cute... i sometimes just be a listener while she complain abt her own daughter's MIL. she was v bad... when it rains she will keep everyone's clothes except SIL's! i told my mum, my mum says even if it's unrelated tenant's clothes also should keep for them lor... raining and u at home what, how can bias until like that?! SIL has 3 sons and has been v nice, so dunno why her MIL treats her like that also. some MILs are really hard to get along so i count myself very lucky.

ur MIL also v bad and selfish, like my SIL's MIL and yes her in-laws was staying w her because they rented out their own flat to earn income! now i think they don't stay together anymore... got story behind it but nvm v long to share. haha... yup looking on the bright side. and hope ur better days come very very soon! *hugs*

Hi Felicity,
Thanks for sharing your sis in law's mil's story...it really makes me feel less alone! heee.. yes, unfortunately there are such terrible in laws out there!
u are a lucky gal to be good hands.
may u have a smooth delivery that to be due soon. take good care meanwhile!

 

[KAmum]

Dont please her, after a period it will be a habit instead of appreciating you.
I'm having a scary or rather crazy mother in law as well.
In the start, I thought of helping her with the housework, buying her food and chatting with her is a nice way of pleasing her.
But I was wrong and totally wrong,end up everything you are doing it and she will never appreciate you, she will just think this is the way you should be as a daughter in law. When you got tired of it cause you are taken for granted, it will only worse a lot of things . Not worth, afterall marriage is about your husband, boyfriend and you, nt pleasing anyone !

So just keep a distance, greet her that's all.
:wong16:

I WILL KEEP MY DISTANCE THEN XD yalor she keep taking me for granted liddat. Expectedd to SERVE her omfg

 

[karynn]

I think you just do your jobs , whether they happy or not is another story. Cause we can't force them to agree/like us . They say or what just left in right out .
Living with P-I-L isnt easy man..

 

[felicity]

Ya I agree don't do too much for mil... Wait they will keep expecting u to keep up. Even my mil v nice I try to stay clear from the kitchen. I don't even volunteer to wash the dishes because I don't want end up expected to always wash the dishes (and his family uses a lot of dishes, unlike my family... And they leave unwanted food on the plates which I find v disgusting. Now still do the dishes everytime i go back to my parents' place, and I actually enjoy doing it because all the plates r cleared plus not a lot of dishes to wash, which makes the chore v easy!) and I usually come home from work v late n tired... So since mil no complain I just let her do. I think I lucky la, feel like mil finds meaning in her life by doing chores for us and she's very willing... She even go to hubby's elder siblings' houses and do chores for them... All spoilt by her.

My colleagues from china all only hv good things to say abt MILs.. They say all the mils that they know are v nice and willingly do the chores for all the dils one... Dunno how true lor..

 

[Janellebb]

Remember not to complain everything about your MIL to your hubby. He wouldn't like it and it may affect your relationship. I feel that MILs just deliberately do things to anger us so that we will quarrel with our hubby. Yes, I told my hubby that to. So I've to remain very strong and polite with her. So that she doesn't climb over me and neither will I offend her. Just maintain that distance.

I used to complain every single thing abt that witch to my hubby. And we fight a lot because of her, which is not worth it. I still complain to him these days but selected ones, and how you bring it up to him is also important.
Pick your war to fight and not fight every war.

Totally agree!! I used to complain to my husband about my mil. My mil is biased and selfish!! She got 3 sons, including my hubby. My hubby is the eldest. My mil very biased towards the 2nd one, then 3rd. My hubby always the neglected one. Then if my mil buy food or what she always let the 2nd one choose first then 3rd then left overs one for us. Got quite a few times, they cant finish a packet of rice or who dont want eat then me and my hubby not yet have our dinner, my mil asked me to share that packet of rice with my hubby. Omfg?! Im 8 months preggy and she ask me to share 1 packet rice with my hubby? We rather dont eat. Wo bu xi han. She always like to act nice infront say nice things but her actions like shit.

She is those act blur one. That time my mother meet her to talk about marriage, she talk like arrogant idk what she trying to act. And so fucking selfish. I cant wait to move out man, cannot stand it anymore.

I watch tv see those mil so good, but in real life its all lies!! See forum so many ppl complaining about their in laws, I see no any bright side of mils anymore omg..

 

[Janellebb]

Idk how to cook and my mil expect me to cook once a week. That time i cook when i was 7 months preggy, i cook 3 dish and 1 soup.. They eat finish, put the plates inside basin.. Expect me to wash it all by my ownself. Nobody helped me. Its torture!!!!!!!! Nightmare!!!!!!

 

[KiBin]

Idk how to cook and my mil expect me to cook once a week. That time i cook when i was 7 months preggy, i cook 3 dish and 1 soup.. They eat finish, put the plates inside basin.. Expect me to wash it all by my ownself. Nobody helped me. Its torture!!!!!!!! Nightmare!!!!!!

sounds like old times when DILs do all the housework... so who does the cleaning before you married in?

 

[Janellebb]

sounds like old times when DILs do all the housework... so who does the cleaning before you married in?

She!! Even after i married in, i only care about me and my hubby room clean and etc. because she herself also selfish clean herself one only, sometimes even asked me to clean living room.. I reply her "orh" but i never. Hehe. And few months back she expected me to bathe for doggies!! Hell ridiculous.

 

[KiBin]

She!! Even after i married in, i only care about me and my hubby room clean and etc. because she herself also selfish clean herself one only, sometimes even asked me to clean living room.. I reply her "orh" but i never. Hehe. And few months back she expected me to bathe for doggies!! Hell ridiculous.

From what you say, she sounds like those bad MILs in shows where they have been treated badly by their own MILs when they were young.. so when they are old now they also treat their DILs same way...

old thinking la... think got DIL can bully them... stay strong, but stay away from conflict with her... otherwise your hubby also poor thing.. like hamburger...

thought of getting your own house in future?

 

[Janellebb]

From what you say, she sounds like those bad MILs in shows where they have been treated badly by their own MILs when they were young.. so when they are old now they also treat their DILs same way...

old thinking la... think got DIL can bully them... stay strong, but stay away from conflict with her... otherwise your hubby also poor thing.. like hamburger...

thought of getting your own house in future?

I cant wait to move out!! Waiting for new btos around north areas... Yup, i guess the reason why she treating this way is because last time her mil treated her badly too. She got tell me before say her mil treat her badly and always say her and etc.. I really cannot stand her acting blur.. My mum told me to act blur with her. Haha.

 

[KiBin]

I cant wait to move out!! Waiting for new btos around north areas... Yup, i guess the reason why she treating this way is because last time her mil treated her badly too. She got tell me before say her mil treat her badly and always say her and etc.. I really cannot stand her acting blur.. My mum told me to act blur with her. Haha.

your mum's advice is good... act blur live longer...

just remember that next time if you have a SIL or DIL, treat them nice nice..

 

[Janellebb]

your mum's advice is good... act blur live longer...

just remember that next time if you have a SIL or DIL, treat them nice nice..

Yah! I cfm wont be like her! Me suey to have her as my mil .... Sigh

 

[Janellebb]

Yesterday she bought chilli back home, then ask me want to eat the steam buns or not. Then they ownself eat chilli crab!!! Wtf.

 

[KiBin]

Yesterday she bought chilli back home, then ask me want to eat the steam buns or not. Then they ownself eat chilli crab!!! Wtf.

look on the bright side... at least got offer you steam buns.. and i like steam buns with the chilli crab sauce.. nice..

but how come they can eat chilli crab and you cannot sit in the same table and eat? no space or chair har?

 

[Janellebb]

I inside the room, she open my door ask me got steam buns ask me want to eat or not.. Never mention any chilli crab until i saw my bil's instagram pic he posted!