Should we allow our kids to have their space to learn.. or be overly protective?

[choiceessentials]

Understand the education environment is so competitive... however, should we be overly protective... or should we still allow some breathing space for them to manage their schoolwork themselves and develop the independence for higher level education?

Especially for working mums. Being realistic that one doesn't have much time... not to stress oneself unnecessarily and also, to allow the kid to be independent in their study at an early age.... I strongly believe in this saying... "teach them how to fish rather than fishing along with them".

For example, at Lower Primary, learning spelling.... learning Ting Xie.. the kid should be able to learn.. recall the words and test oneself and not wait for mummy to return from work to test them to access if they know their spellng or Ting Xie.

If they learn on their own.. when they get good marks.. they see they earn it themselves. Credit goes to them. Rather than develop this dependability on their mummy.

Hence as Mummies, believe it's more worthwhile to impart the study technique, time management skill .. playing more a supervisory role to track their record rather than as a co-worker.

Would you agree?

 

[stonston]

Hence as Mummies, believe it's more worthwhile to impart the study technique, time management skill .. playing more a supervisory role to track their record rather than as a co-worker.

I agree w u, but not all mummies are able to do so.

1. some mummies themselves are not equipped with study techniques to teach their kids
2. to teach time management, u need someone to guide them first. many parents dun hv this luxury to sit at home to remind ur child when it's time to do something
3. teaching them self-study skills does not show immediate results. many parents want immediate improvement in results
4. the kid must be mature enough to understand the need for self-study. many kids do not understand the need to study, therefore they do not focus on it

when i give tuition, i do teach the kids time management and self-study techniques. everyone is different so the kids gotta learn to discover their own unique way of studying. some kids can use mindmap very well to study, some kids need to read many times, some kids need to write many times to be able to remember basic facts. basically it's a discovery process which may take quite a while for the child to discover his/her own best study technique.

it's easy to 'say' but when put into practice, it really takes alot of effort. it's easier to jus 'baby' them thru the education system which would be wot most parents would choose to do bcos they do not noe how to go about imparting these lifelong skills to them. most children will be able to discover their own self-study methods by the time they are in sec sch.

*this is the reason y expensive motivation n study skills courses which can costs thousands are always full n even have long waiting lists. parents understand the need n importance, but how many parents are able to guide their child on their own without the knowledge and time?

 

[choiceessentials]

I agree w u, but not all mummies are able to do so.

Agree w u that not all mummies are able to do so... or have the time.. or have the patience to do so.

Maybe I am the exploratory, DIY sort... and I see this is part of the joy of parenting.

Agree.. many would turn to quick fix.. immediate results.. coz it' so competitive and no time to waste. Well, that's why how the adjective 'KS' came about, isn't not?

1. some mummies themselves are not equipped with study techniques to teach their kids

That's where mummies have to spend time to improve oneself... read more ... attend courses.. if needed. I see this is enriching. (speaking for myself... can't quite count how many parenting books that I have combed)

2. to teach time management, u need someone to guide them first. many parents dun hv this luxury to sit at home to remind ur child when it's time to do something

Well, we are the living examples. Thro' how we manage our day-to-day activities and just need some explanation and translate what we are doing to the child's level, the child will be able to understand and apply.

Again, as I always say... as parents.. able to inculcate the joy of reading to our kid is the greatest gift as parents that we could give them.

Likewise, dealing with life.. juggling with time.. managing time well.. is so so important so to achieve the work-life balance that we are still trying hard to achieve, isn't not?

Hence it's not just how to achieve good grades but a holistic approach to life...that's how I see.

3. teaching them self-study skills does not show immediate results. many parents want immediate improvement in results

Having the heated competition... this leaves parents with no choice. But having said that, doesn't mean getting them to receive tuition would solve the problem.

If one is lucky to have good tutors..that's a great blessing!!

However, have heard more horror stories.. things don't work out is more than things that work out well.

Again, for me...I see there is no U-turn in whatever we do in parenting. Hence not to leave to chances.. if I can't manage them well.. ONLY myself to blame as not good enough. At least, I have done my part.

Leaving to others... can be dicey.

4. the kid must be mature enough to understand the need for self-study. many kids do not understand the need to study, therefore they do not focus on it

Maturity is over time. Never too young to inculcate... kids are like sponge. They may turn a deaf ear..but believe me..they do understand. It's a matter of putting it to practice. They sure test their parents' patience.


when i give tuition, i do teach the kids time management and self-study techniques. everyone is different so the kids gotta learn to discover their own unique way of studying. some kids can use mindmap very well to study, some kids need to read many times, some kids need to write many times to be able to remember basic facts. basically it's a discovery process which may take quite a while for the child to discover his/her own best study technique.

Fully agree. From here. I can see that you are a responsible and qualified teacher.

Every child is unqiue.. amongst siblings ..they can be very different. Not just on the learning style.. this has to incorporat with their personality before parents/teachers/tutors able to diagnose what is the best approach to get them to enjoy learning.

Learning got to be FUN. When one put in the right effort, the results will show. Marks don't lie... marks equate to the effort and level of understanding to the subject. If proper effort is put in.. acquisition of good marks is there.

It's just like the working class... if we just chase for $$$$ alone, won't work. If we set goals and succeed.. the success will come with $$$$.


it's easy to 'say' but when put into practice, it really takes alot of effort. it's easier to jus 'baby' them thru the education system which would be wot most parents would choose to do bcos they do not noe how to go about imparting these lifelong skills to them. most children will be able to discover their own self-study methods by the time they are in sec sch.

Yes, it's perseverance and determination coming from parents. It's about how much we want to be involved in parenting... bringing the best of our kids... not just showing good results on report card. The wholesome approach is best.

*this is the reason y expensive motivation n study skills courses which can costs thousands are always full n even have long waiting lists. parents understand the need n importance, but how many parents are able to guide their child on their own without the knowledge and time?

Conclusion, as parents, we just have to guide and manage ourselves first. We have to stay highly motivated ourselves... having good self-esteem, confidence... walk & talk,.. set examples. Kids are very smart .. they can see. Non-verbal communications... is much more effective.

Well, I am still learning... loads to learn... one fine day, just wish to look back and able to tell myself, I have made it .. hope my title as awarded by my kids ' Greatest Mummy in the Universe' still stands in decades to come... ha...ha....

It's a journey.......

 

[stonston]

Problem is, I've seen so many parents who don't have the time to even read up. Once they are free, they rather spend the time 'coaching' their children without realising they need to read up. It's the reality. Only a handful of parents have the luxury of time and the knowledge to do so.

Younger children need to be taught explicitly how to study. They can absorb alot of information but need someone to tell them how to study 'step by step'. It is quite difficult to 'know' how to study without someone teaching you the steps. Many young children lack application skills. They observe and they know what needs to be done, but it's not done. I can ask my student "do you know how to study?" and they can tell you all the techniques, but they rarely put it into action because they don't know where to start.

Some schools do conduct courses/lessons on study skills and I've seen alot of children benefit from them. If parents really do not have the knowledge/time, sometimes engaging a tutor will help if the parents do chat with the tutor to understand what is their expectations from the tuition lessons.

 

[choiceessentials]

Can understand time is the essence. It's really difficult to squeeze out the time to do the necessary. At times, we may not even be able to find time to breathe.. if you know what I mean?

Having said that, if it is recognised as necessary.. one just have to find time.. make time to read and improve oneself... Otherwise, it would be a case of the blind leading the blind. For each child, we have only one chance. No point trying to coach whereby we can't coach, isn't not?

As I have been telling my girls.. it's very important to plan with a goal. Many times, they will find it too much time needed to plan. Howevere, after many incidences, they can see for themselves that the time is well spent. Only with a proper plan on hand and adhering to it, then the goal can be achieved.

More often than not... it's human nature.. we think we don't have the time... just rush into a matter and try to accomplish something. In the process.. either don't achieve much or cause more trouble.

Even if we are lucky to have a super teacher/tutor.. we still can't evade the fact and responsibility to read and equip and be ready to be a good coach. It's a life-time coach that we are talking about here.

Nothing can be more important than this.

Certainly I have never had been a KS parent... however, in this aspect, I see the seriousness.

When the kids under the guidance of a good coach.. they will gain the trust.. the confidence that they are in good hands.. if you know what I mean. The respect is there.

I'm not saying if the parent is a poor coach and the kid will not respect their parents.. but that kind of respect is different.. not just respecting them as their parent but a role model. In time to come, not just as a coach.. but a good friend that they can confide in. (well... just planning ahead..ha..ha..)

Sigh.. as what the old folks been telling me.. coz' I am pretty close to my mum and MIL, it's more difficult to play the role as a parent now than before.

Or are we just too demanding on ourselves?