stay with in-laws or not?

[peppermint]

I do too much wayang edi..hehee..3 mths edi i nvr go there..i say bz werking no time to visit2..hahaa..

No, you cannot be out of sight totally. Remember that your presence may also irritated your mil. Haha. And if you disappear for too long, she will have all the opportunity to bad mouth you.

I tried not to let my hubby have an alone time with her. I will usually stick very close to him so that she cannot brainwash him. But she has this bad habit as in she likes to whisper into his ears even when at family dinner, etc. very rude.

Anyhow, he has less communication with her is the best. She's a bad influence.

 

[Iqa]

Bt i no nid to worry abt him ler..everyday work,come back mum zZzz liao..off morning2 come my plc edi..hahaa..bt i planning to go over this weekend.heard she's sick -.-

 

[Alisa]

wayang wayang a bit... say you not feeling well (headache or stomach pain)... cannot go anywhere... then laze in bed whole day... can't you just reject firmly by saying you need to rest today?

If ppl see u are sick, will they still ask u to do things? Obviously that ppl is buay zi dong wan lor.

Yup. I'm not the wayang kind. But I does that when I want to avoid his mother. At times, I will even give in doing it his way after all my 'wayang' like headache, cramps etc.... Then i say I'm doing it because she is your mother, so got to show respect. Shows that I'm so gracious and i am making a sacrifice.
Half way, I can pretend to be very tired or headache is getting worse and good excuse to end whatever thing that I have to do with her early. And if my face black black, hubby cannot say much because I'm not feeling well. Heh!

I will sometime like u, purposely do and tell my husband his mom ask to do bla bla. but now, i don wish to stay in the hse alone with her even if i am sick. I wasnt feeling well ytd but i kept drinking warm water till i feel better.

I am facing the same as some of u. My husband bought this flat n stay with his parents b4 I married him. His elder siblings all moved out le, so he is youngest n like some of u said abt ur own husbands, most doted on. I've been living with my in laws for 4+ years so far... I am v easy going and fortunately so is his mum, so no conflict this far.

My only complaints to my gfs is I don't get to cook or learn to cook cos that's my MIL's kitchen, not mine! I dun like to go in touch this touch that... And the kind if utensils she uses are different from my mum's which im more used to. Sometimes still feel like a tenant.

Now expecting will worry in future will have conflict in bringing up baby though :/

my husband kept saying i never cook too but i don wan to use her kitchen too, she will say things wan.

 

[KiBin]

wayang wayang a bit... say you not feeling well (headache or stomach pain)... cannot go anywhere... then laze in bed whole day... can't you just reject firmly by saying you need to rest today?

If ppl see u are sick, will they still ask u to do things? Obviously that ppl is buay zi dong wan lor.

Yup. I'm not the wayang kind. But I does that when I want to avoid his mother. At times, I will even give in doing it his way after all my 'wayang' like headache, cramps etc.... Then i say I'm doing it because she is your mother, so got to show respect. Shows that I'm so gracious and i am making a sacrifice.
Half way, I can pretend to be very tired or headache is getting worse and good excuse to end whatever thing that I have to do with her early. And if my face black black, hubby cannot say much because I'm not feeling well. Heh!

I will sometime like u, purposely do and tell my husband his mom ask to do bla bla. but now, i don wish to stay in the hse alone with her even if i am sick. I wasnt feeling well ytd but i kept drinking warm water till i feel better.

I am facing the same as some of u. My husband bought this flat n stay with his parents b4 I married him. His elder siblings all moved out le, so he is youngest n like some of u said abt ur own husbands, most doted on. I've been living with my in laws for 4+ years so far... I am v easy going and fortunately so is his mum, so no conflict this far.

My only complaints to my gfs is I don't get to cook or learn to cook cos that's my MIL's kitchen, not mine! I dun like to go in touch this touch that... And the kind if utensils she uses are different from my mum's which im more used to. Sometimes still feel like a tenant.

Now expecting will worry in future will have conflict in bringing up baby though :/

my husband kept saying i never cook too but i don wan to use her kitchen too, she will say things wan.

Ya, better dun touch her stuff. U never know if she will find your cleaning of utensils or kitchen up to her expectations.

 

[felicity]

Ya.. So is give n take.. Also telling hubby u r so bent on living together w ur parents then don't expect me to cook when I don't hv my own kitchen n stuff... One kitchen cannot tolerate 2 women one... In fact I was pretty annoyed when I bring my own one saucepan and one nonstick pan over... They burnt/spoilt them.. Nonstick pan even turned rusty! I was horrified because my pots n pans were with me for ten years since I stayed in hostel as an undergrad n I always keep them in perfect condition, the way my mum does to hers... Obviously mil is v different, her pots r charred n black n she's ok. I'm not! Yuck, so I dun use them n dun cook... I bought another nonstick pan n now I keep it inside my bedroom!!!! Sorry but no one else is to use it except myself on occasions when I'm home alone...

 

[peppermint]

Ya.. So is give n take.. Also telling hubby u r so bent on living together w ur parents then don't expect me to cook when I don't hv my own kitchen n stuff... One kitchen cannot tolerate 2 women one... In fact I was pretty annoyed when I bring my own one saucepan and one nonstick pan over... They burnt/spoilt them.. Nonstick pan even turned rusty! I was horrified because my pots n pans were with me for ten years since I stayed in hostel as an undergrad n I always keep them in perfect condition, the way my mum does to hers... Obviously mil is v different, her pots r charred n black n she's ok. I'm not! Yuck, so I dun use them n dun cook... I bought another nonstick pan n now I keep it inside my bedroom!!!! Sorry but no one else is to use it except myself on occasions when I'm home alone...

Yikes! And she prepared your meal in those black pots?

 

[peppermint]

if can, dun stay wit in laws!!!!! i havin tis exp right now. staying w my mil n the whole family. n den hav to tolerate her saying my bad to my baby and infront of all the family members! sometimes its jus so angry to hear those directly at my presence. no choice, waiting for my BTO to come soon!! cant wait!

dun expect ur hubby mummy or family to treat u like their own. dey wont, onli ur own family r the true ones.
no matter how, mus tolerate in laws and i understand hubby is sandwiched in betw wenever i in bad mood. thanks hubby though. hehe

Agree, they will never treat you as a family because no matter what, you are not the same surname. Well, my grand in-laws are like this. They draw the line. I told my hubby before, just because I'm not born in the Lim family, so fertility issue is with me. But how about the other way round, if we exchange surname, grandma will surely say its man's fault and not mine. He kept quiet.

Then when it comes to some situation, they will say that WE are a family. Example, when having to contribute money to the Lim family or some stupid Lim family gathering. It's a MUST that we do it.

 

[peppermint]

Oh ya, and if you are lucky enough not to stay with in-laws, remember not to pass them your house keys! Not even when you are on a holiday and wants someone to watch over the house. Once you pass to them, you can forget about having your keys and privacy back. I'm sure every corner of your house will be scrutinized.

 

[kiwimummy]

hi dear. i was in your position before but now we're married and staying over at my house. it took us 5 years to finally settle down because hubby have to give in and let his siblings marry first as he's the eldest. his mum finds it hard to let him go. and till now, he's still a mummy's boy and we as a woman, have to be firm in our decision.

i donno y but girls and girls can never get along well.

 

[felicity]

Ya, better dun touch her stuff. U never know if she will find your cleaning of utensils or kitchen up to her expectations.

for me is the other way round! i scared she realized i can wash so much cleaner than her, then she will want me to wash and expect me to help wash... so i've been the lazy dil who doesn't do chores, i dun wan to raise anyone's expectations of me!

Yikes! And she prepared your meal in those black pots?

yup he's ok, his family is ok. but my mum's kitchen has always been spotless with pots as old as me and as shiny as new... so i'm never gonna get used to his mum's kitchen even after 4 years of living together and i refuse to cook. i only cook when i go back to my parents' place.


with all those said, i'm fortunate that my mil has been doing all the chores, so shouldn't complain too much...

 

[elohz]

I guess you should not stay with the in-laws. Its more comfortable to stay in the house where you are the only boss. You can do everything and can say anything.Nobody will criticize you.

 

[elizabethdennis]

Never ever stay with your in laws. Buy your own house if you can. If you still can't afford a new house, go find a place to rent. Seriously conflicts will always arise especially when it comes to child rearing. Even if they don't mean it, in laws will tend to make you feel that you are not good at raising your own child.