Staying with your in-laws

[myusha]

Can your own mother take care of your baby?

Staying with in laws is like that.. no choice.. Hopefully you can move to a bigger flat soon.. as 3 bedrooms stay so many ppl really too cramp! Then still have your maid coming next month!

Think now u can only "ren".. I become very good at it already.. hee..

my own mother can help to take care of my baby, just dat my house is also a 3-room flat, there isnt enough room for the baby also. my hubby house is also a 3-room flat, not 3 bedrooms... only 2 bedrooms...

my maid has come in few days ago. finally i can relax a bit. she help to take care of my baby in the day, and i take care of the baby in the night...
these 2 days, mil's mother came over. when she come over in the morning @ 8am, i cant sleep at all. after she was discharge from the hospital, she wont stop talking. she keep asking ppl over to listen to her, and she keep repeating stuff. den suddenly she will talk in a language which u dont understand, when u nv reply her, she will say that u are very arrogant, selfish, etc. she start talking nonsense and anyhow scold ppl. she even ask me to let my bil's son who is 1yr+ to carry my 6 weeks old daughter. when i say cannot, baby still young, she scolded me also. she cant control her bowels oso, and so my maid have to help her to toilet & etc.
when she is in the hospital, the patient next to her also complain her. at the polyclinic, doctor also ask her to stop talking. but she will only stop for a few second. i told my husband, if mil's mother come over n stay, i will bring my daughter go back to my own house. sometimes 忍无可忍， 无需再忍。。。

 

[Vincher]

Wah Myusah, your MIL is really too much man..

 

[Vonn55]

Myusha,

I can understand how terrible u're feeling..
It's really not easy to stay with in-laws la!

And I dun mind staying with in-law's if they're those Reasonable, Thoughtful and Automatic type who're willing to help me with my baby especially when I'm still pain after delivery or going back to work.. As my baby is still their grandchildren afterall..
And plus.. if they can dont interfere about my personal matters or my living styles etc..
I really dun mind if it's this way lor!

But.. I can tell u frankly that nowadays most of the in laws are very hard to handle and very hard to communicate with..
Even when we already try our very best to do to follow what they says or what they want, to meet their expectations bla bla bla...
They still can be so unreasonable to scold us or blame us 1 la..
We give them respect, we care for them but what we gain instead? Well.. they will treat us like shit n still can complain this n that to everywhere that we're dispectful to them etc..

Luckily I've already talk to my hubby long ago that I rather have our own flat, I rather stay without in laws, in order to have more freedom n privacy and also to prevent conflicts with in laws about kids etc.......
So now I only have to endure another 1 more year staying with in laws before my bto flat arrive..

I suggest u to talk to your hubby about this matter nicely but seriously!
Let him know about what u're feeling n thinking, and also let him know about how Serious it can be if continue staying tgt..
Give him some examples...
If ur hubby really love u and ur baby, I think he will listen to u n will try to figure out what should be done..

Your in law's already kind of 'Over' la.
And still plus ur in law's Mother, this 1 really too much!
If I were u, I will straight away bring my baby back to my mum's plc right after she scold me for nothing lor!
I will even try staying for a few days, not wishing to go back to let my hubby feel the seriousness of this matter, and cannot tolerate any longer..
So please talk to ur hubby about it man..

 

[Alisa]

sunday, we washed our blanket and sun it under evening sun, at night time, the blanket is dry so we use it to cover ourselves instead of taking out another wan. MIL kept commenting that the blanket is still not dry despite she did not even feel the blanket herself. ytd, she ask my husband to sun the blanket again as she insist its not dry. The blanket is already dried when we covered it last night and more over, we slept in aircon room, even is the blanket is not dry the night b4, would have dried in the morning. but MIL kept nagging and my husband in order to stop her naggy, sun the blanket. but he never clipped the blanket properly and the whole blanket drop to ground floor! my stupid husband, pick up the blanket and put on our bed! he should have wash it!!! So when he told me in the evening, i insist to wash it! i do not wan to sleep on dirty bed! then my MIL still can say, its ok ma, no that dirty. ya with roaches running around the ground floor and dustbin truck clearing rubbish everyday, how clean can the floor be??? how about i change with her?

After that when we are having dinner, MIL commented that her daughter bring her infant over and she wrapped her baby in so many layers of clothing la, so hot. my husband and myself said her back, she is the 1 that insist baby is afraid of cold, always wan me to wrap my baby in thick clothing when i said my son afraid of hot instead but she always say i don know... so my husband said, she wrapped up u also say, if she don wrap u also say. hahaha... so shiok!

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

A lot of old pple are lidat, tok and repeat. It can be quite frustrating especially when you are so tired and just want to have proper rest. Maybe you can tell her that you aren't feeling too well and need to rest? As for her scolding you, forget it bah, she is so old liao, not say i bad, but how much longer more does she have? Last time my hb's grandmother also lidat, she will scold n scold and mostly in vulgarities. Even late at night, she will be scolding and its quite loud. But just ignore her la, so old liao.

How you guys slp if its only a 3-room flat? Seriously, i think it is too cramp, plus u got a maid now..tok to ur hb again bah. Tell him it is very impt to have a good environment for bb to grow up in.

 

[lasery2k]

haiz,

anyway it's still not so bad for your case lah...ther's alot more other which i had read and if i myself were in their shoes i will literally go jump n sucide tt kind.

my IL also nt very good but i just ren and appericate them for who they are. My FIL is a businessman and he's usually not at home most of the time. total members at home are ILs 2, a maid, my hub, myself n DS who just turn 2 this year. the maid was employ by FIL as he's 'rich' so no complaints on tt...but MIL abit naggy at times and she don't really helps to look after my son too..she also don't know how to make milk and bathe for my son when i just gave birth.

when i just gave birth i also very very piss off then i literally tabao my son n went home for 3weeks to do confinement just 3days stauing at my IL place. IL also duno how to cook confinement food and i called my mum to cook for me after i went bk (left 1 week of confinement tt time). lucky she's a bus aunty whose bus will pass by my place daily n she will pass to my maid who will bring up for me. everyday at IL place i gotta bathe my son (confinement nt allow to touch water loh) then pump, breastfeed n his feeding time is also not fix..n DS got super huge appitite for his young age. BM nt enough to cover 2 feeds...right after birth he's already drinking at 90ml per 3 hrs and shortly 1 and a half weeks he drinks at 120ml.

until a point where i quarrel n broke dwn infront of my hub n i was also prescribe for slight depress medication to relax myself.

hub went to quit his job and this make everything worst as i also start to worry abt money. but now thinking back, he did make a good choice in quiting as he helps at home to look after son while i get to rest. (now he's a very hands on father on diaper changing n bathing infant).

as for my MIL, she will just say mi nv listern and wash hair, eat fast food during confinement ( mouth itchy n cannot stand the same old food everyday). hub just let mi eat what eva i want also after doc told him i might have mild depression. i also don't care and brought my DS out for forum gathering during the last few days of confinement, went out shopping with DS and during maternity leave every week i will just bring DS out for high tea at least once.

you could try to bring yr DD out by yrself too..give it a try and u would love it. might sounds scary just yrself n DD outside alone, but after u take the first step out, u will know it's not tt scary afterall.. rather then confine yrself at home in a room. sooner or later will get depression like mi tt time. same like Alisa, ask yr hub to take 2 days leave n look after DD himself while u go out with a few friends or just go out shopping with yr mum. let him have a feel of it and he will appericate it at the end of the day. i did that, and it just shut my hubby up and at the end of day 2 (my 1 day is 24hrs look after DS which include nite feed) he told mi, it's worst then army combat training..coz he need to tolerate DS crying, then make milk, then duno he cry for wat also, at nite cannot sleep coz i will kick him to wake up n feed DS which is like 3-4times a nite while i will just be a cow n do the milking out).

anyway, if u need a company to try go out and have a break can always look for friends who are experience with kids and can help u out when outside. at least won't panic so much.

 

[KiBin]

sad to hear so many bad in laws stories.. i can understand the frustrations that you all are going through...

ever thought of the arrangement of staying a few days at hubby parents' place and a few days at wife parents' place?

would this be a solution to the cramped up frustration?

Don't think it's easy to change an old person's thinking unless something major happened to his or her life...

 

[felicity]

some ppl have a choice some dont't. like my hubby is the type, already promised the parents will live with them forever type... so what to do? blame myself for marrying a filial son? fortunately my in-laws are easygoing, but until now i still envy those with their own lovenests. it will never ever happen to me. hubby wants me to throw away my things because i used up space in the spare room then no more room for baby. but his things and in-laws things also a lot what... just that they have more place to keep, the storeroom also all their things, all the cupboards also all their things... only my things keep in boxes in the spare room, cos when i move in already they used up all the space mah. always complain i hv so much things... but i already left most of my things at my parents' place lor, even my parents complaining i moved out for 4+ years still take up so much space in their place. sometimes i feel like a tenant, a person without a home. sigh.

 

[busygal]

tenant also got pay rent and have rights.....just explain how you feel and ask for even more space

 

[MummyJanelle]

is that all in-law the same? My in-law staying with us. i do regret that to ask them over.
I don't like ppl smoke,i told my h in the very 1st point before move in to the house .. starting fil did follow no smoking in the house, but slowly he start to smoke in the wc and now start to do it in the hall.. i cant talk much, cos h will not happy,what should i do? i just wan my house to be a clear,tidy that all.. but too bad, things wasn't it.

 

[decollette]

is that all in-law the same? My in-law staying with us. i do regret that to ask them over.
I dont't like ppl smoke,i told my h in the very 1st point before move in to the house .. starting father in law did follow no smoking in the house, but slowly he start to smoke in the wc and now start to do it in the hall.. i cant talk much, cos h will not happy,what should i do? i just want my house to be a clear,tidy that all.. but too bad, things wasn't it.

Everytime there is a thread about in laws, ithe posts are always many, no matter what.

I think mostly is different living habits thats why its very hard to see eye to eye and be comfortable living under one roof. And now somewhat old people are kinda stubborn. Most people have probs with their mother in law.. but i guess mine is father in law! haha.. My mother in law is super bochup and childlike, but my father in law... zzz.

Everytime we bring my boy to visit, Im practically bracing myself to be cool and bear with it. No matter how nicely and gently i tell him to please not do something, he will do it. Like that day he bought some cherries for my boy (we are outside) and he just pluck it off the bunch and wanna feed to him. Im like, u gotta wash the fruits first, so I told him thanks i will give it to him later when we reached home. Then he went all the way to the tap and washed it, and continue feed my boy. My boy was wearing a white shirt and the cherry juice dripped and stained all over the shirt!

Then as daughter in laws we are always the one who is devil.. for example when they have one relative that comes from malaysia and everytime she comes to Singapore the father in law will ask my hubby to let her stay in our spare room. Recently, my hubby told him over the phone that is not convenient, and to head to his sister place since its bigger. Immediately i know he asked him isit that i disapprove. I just kept quiet about this. Fine, Im the devil so be it, i will be the devil if it means i dont have to deal with a nosy auntie type sharing my private home space. I mean, cant my hubby be the one who feels uncomfortable? So I must be the one who coerce his decision?


By the way, I would like to know isit common for you to think its ok if your in laws distant relatives ask to stay in your place and how will you react to it?

I know since i married him there must be give and take between his family members.. but I really feel annoyed at how some old folks have this sense of entitlement that they feel free to impose on you.

 

[MummyJanelle]

haha.. u talk about this .. remind me this: mil sister came .. near wash room for shower, mil asked me can aunty used ur washroom, very fast de .. wat can i say? i just say: o, your son hvnt shower too! And she still continue she bath very 1st de.. WL! i dun like other woman use our rest room lor .. At the end she still used it *_*
i oso dun really like pil every week once ( esp Sat.. thn Sun early in the morning i can hear they talking which the rest day n wish to sleep abit late oso can not! ( if school holiday worst) sure bring the grand son over .. when he is here even in the afternoon also on aircon. The 1st thing come to my house went to the room and switch on the aircon! How will you do if you face this?
To me, yes when it really hot we can on it , but when he is sick they still do the same thing which made me really angry ..
They like never think of their son before .. tok he earn 10K per mth!! If they really love him they wont do this .. they will help him to save and give us space.. Even we go holiday they want to follow.. sight*

 

[Chewysee]

My stupid mother in law is getting on my nerves! Im pregnant and needs to rest but she always bring all Herr mahjong kaki come to our hse and talk so loudly I cannot even sleep. Actually is not talk so loudly. Is shout so loudly. Their form of talking is by using shouting. Like another person is 5km away. And today she really pissed me off. My dog will always bark non stop when she sees other people coming to out hse, and I find it to be very irritating, that's why I always put Her in my room in the afternoon when all the kakis come. Then today she just open my door and let my dog out without my permission! And my dog is barking outside like mad now! Which is irritating me now! I told my husband and his reply was "then what u want me to do?" Wtf! I really cannot stand this relationship with him and his family anymore. I really want to leave this place!

 

[Alisa]

can go back & stay at yr mom's place?

 

[Chewysee]

If I go back and stay with my mom or dad. They will ask a lot of questions then things will get very big. I really just wanna tell his mother off in the face!

 

[Alisa]

i don think u can and yr husband will be stuck in middle and yr relationship with yr hubby will turn sour. believe me, i been thru this. luckily i sort it out with my husband and we are now enduring till our BTO is done.

Can you go to yr parents's hse during the time when they play majong and come back in the evening?