Such a Mil.... Sad

[infinity88]

Sigh! i feel so sad, upset and at times even angry bt my mil.
i am living with my parents during weekdays with my baby, as the place i work is very near to my mum's place and my girl is being looked after by my mum. I only go bk to my mil place once a week to stay over or for a visit. But the things she did makes me feel more and more dreaded of going bk.
Every time i go back to mil place, i will address her when i step into the house but she will not acknowledge or answer me and jus treat me as total transparent, jus carry my girl from me and kept talking to her. Initially, i thought maybe she cannot hear me, so i called her louder... but still no response. Confide in my mum, she does not really think its the case. However, that day mil came to my mum's place to see my girl, i went to the door when she entered, called her but she still no answer me. my mum thought maybe she cannot hear, my mum then talked to her from a further distance but she responded to her.. i jus feel that i respected you but you treat me like ultra transparent...
Then that day i was very angry with my hubby who had broke a very important promise. i shouted at him over the phone angrily. Knowing that he is at fault, he kept quiet and just let me vent my anger. My mil snatched over the phone and shouted at me and even scolding vulgarities... i was so angry but i kept my cool and did not answer her. My hubby then took over the phone to talk to me, and my mil was at the background shouting telling my hubby not to be with me... should leave me alone... dun need me... Makes me so upset.
My hubby used to come and stay over every 2 days to spend time with my girl and me. But recently i found out that his mum does not like him to come over and even tried ways to make sure he cannot come over.. now my girl only sees daddy once a week....
I really cannot tahan her liao..

 

[ahpei]

hmhm.. last time i also used to inform my MIL & FIL whenever i go out, and call them whenever i entered the house. i also greeted them before i take meals.. initially, they responded, and later, the respond was getting softer and softer, and sometimes, don't even bother to nod their heads...

so, after few rounds of quarelling over other issues, i stopped calling/greeting them, cos, i found no point greeting, and in the end, i don't feel good myself...

why don't you use other ways to deal with your MIL?

 

[ling.er]

Hmmm i can understand ur feeling.. I also not in good term with my MIL @@ I dun greet her wan haha.. Last few day juz argue with her only.. Since ur MIL alrd treat u tis way lei.. Then dun go back lo.. If is mi i will stay @ my own place lo.. Hw i wish i can brin my Son back to my hus stay lo... & i aso will tell my hubi this.....

Parent 1 day wil leave us..
Kid will grow up & have their life as well
Lastly only MI ( Wife) will be on ur side..

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Have you n ur mil had some misunderstandings before and that's y she's lidat towards u? It's always not easy to maintain a good or rather a healthy r/s with mils...but for her to tell ur hubby to not be with u is just a bit too much. Is ur hubby her only son? Maybe she felt u had 'snatched' her son away from her. Lol

Try speaking to ur hubby abt this and let him know how unhappy you r and also must let him know how impt it is for him to spend more time with ur daughter and u. I think the best way is to get ur own place,then maybe things will be easier for everyone.

 

[infinity88]

I do not have any misunderstandings with her but she always like to interfere in the way i teach my girl which i dun like. She also always ask me to feed my girl chinese medicine but i always turned her down cos my girl has allergy base and PD has actuali advised not to give her any unneccessary medicine unless after consulting of doctor. I have told her what PD had said but she jus tell me what do all these doctors know... See... tats how unreasonable she is...
I also wanted to send my girl to playgroup class and she said i waste money since what do they know abt school.. However i go ahead and so she might be unhappy too...
My hubby will always side with my mil.. cos his expenses my mil give him mah... i am on the verge of giving up..

 

[stonston]

What you need... is your own house... far from MIL's place.

 

[apollo]

ur hub is not staying with u and ur girl?
he is not wking??

sry to say that, but i feel that husband n wife SHD stay tgt. and ur MIL give me the impression that she still treats ur hub as a baby.

if i were u, i cant tolerant such mil. we call them cos we respect them. if they think that they are MIL so they can IGNORE us calling them, then sry, dun expect me to call next time. and i wont even go bk weekly, let alone stay over. respect is mutual, if u respect her but she dun respect u back, i think is plain rude!

and normal ppl will not ask their sons to leave their wives! me and hub once had a v huge quarrel that I nearly throw him out of the hse. my mil, aft knowing what has happened, called my mother and apologised to her, and my fil called my hub back home to lecture him. aft that my mil called me up to 'apologise' on her son's behalf. I feel that as parents, that is what they shd do instead of asking their children to leave their spouse.

as for chi medication, oh pls, never let ur mil get the chance to feed her. who knows what's the chi medi? unless ur girl has gone to a sinseh and the chi medi is prescribed by a lisenced chi sinseh.

One word to describe ur mil: UNREASONABLE!

 

[angelwendy]

I do not have any misunderstandings with her but she always like to interfere in the way i teach my girl which i dont like. She also always ask me to feed my girl chinese medicine but i always turned her down cos my girl has allergy base and pediatrician has actuali advised not to give her any unneccessary medicine unless after consulting of doctor. I have told her what pediatrician had said but she just tell me what do all these doctors know... See... tats how unreasonable she is...
I also wanted to send my girl to playgroup class and she said i waste money since what do they know about school.. However i go ahead and so she might be unhappy too...
My hubby will always side with my mother in law.. cos his expenses my mother in law give him mah... i am on the verge of giving up..

Ur hubby is not working?? i think ur MIL like what apollo say... she treated ur hubby as a little boy... i know how u feel when we start calling people & they don't answer... i feel that is very rude to do that.. even if they dislike u... they at least must repond something.. if not for.. i won't call them anymore.. they can ask that i'm rude or whatever.. but they started it first... so blame on themself...

 

[angelwendy]

I do not have any misunderstandings with her but she always like to interfere in the way i teach my girl which i dont like. She also always ask me to feed my girl chinese medicine but i always turned her down cos my girl has allergy base and pediatrician has actuali advised not to give her any unneccessary medicine unless after consulting of doctor. I have told her what pediatrician had said but she just tell me what do all these doctors know... See... tats how unreasonable she is...
I also wanted to send my girl to playgroup class and she said i waste money since what do they know about school.. However i go ahead and so she might be unhappy too...
My hubby will always side with my mother in law.. cos his expenses my mother in law give him mah... i am on the verge of giving up..

your hubby is not working?? i think your mother in law like what apollo say... she treated your hubby as a little boy... i know how you feel when we start calling people & they dont't answer... i feel that is very rude to do that.. even if they dislike you... they at least must repond something.. if not for.. i won't call them anymore.. they can ask that i'm rude or whatever.. but they started it first... so blame on themself...

 

[shopaholic]

The greeting part, I can still bear with it. Even if she does not acknowledge me, at least I did my part to call her. Then she cant go complain to other people that I did not call her. I will maintain the upbringing my parents taught me and will continue to call her, if I'm you.

But the part of interfering with your marriage, I think that's too much. You need to speak to your husband and get his understanding. If he willingly continue to be dominated by his mum and sees nothing wrong with the current situation, then it's only you being unhappy. Your hubby needs to see your point and do something abt it.

 

[lovely0315]

Husband n wife normally will quarrel cox of FIL/MIL or own dad/mum involved. Try to talk to ur hub. Every couple once married means they apart (脱离）their original family and have own family, they should be independent from mentally, financial etc etc. And, every time no matter what happen, have to discuss n solve among themselves without get involve of both parents.

Ur hub should not take any pocket $$ from his mum, tis wat i feel unless he is not working lo..

I think ur MIL unhappy with u cox of her grand daug stayed with u at ur parent house instead of stayed at her side.. is it vy far away for u to go to ur workplace from ur MIL house? Is ut MIL treat u the same way before ur got bb/get married with ur hub?

 

[apollo]

Husband n wife normally will quarrel cox of father in law/mother in law or own dad/mum involved. Try to talk to your hub. Every couple once married means they apart (脱离）their original family and have own family, they should be independent from mentally, financial etc etc. And, every time no matter what happen, have to discuss n solve among themselves without get involve of both parents.

your hub should not take any pocket $$ from his mum, tis what i feel unless he is not working ..

I think your mother in law unhappy with you cox of her grand daug stayed with you at your parent house instead of stayed at her side.. is it vy far away for you to go to your workplace from your mother in law house? Is ut mother in law treat you the same way before your got baby/get married with your hub?

very true! i agreed! even parents/inlaws wanna interfere, also shd 劝合不劝离.

 

[infinity88]

Mummies,
sigh, my hubby working as in he partners with his friends in repairing cars... so his mum give him money for his business which i think does not seem to be earning, pay for his car installments etc... so in a huge way, he is very dependent on his mum...
i never get his understandings as he will only side with his mum even though in situations when his mum is in the wrong. no way will he side with me... once when it is very obivious his mum is wrong, he ask me then do i expect him to confront his mum... i just kept quiet.
during the weekdays, he will nott ever call n chat with me like he used to do... and if i m in luck, we will only manage to talk for 15 mins at night in a day. tats how bad things are.. sumtimes i m jus tired of how things are.
Before marriage, if my hubby is very good to me at times, my mil will bad mouth me lor... then try to make us quarrel though i m not staying with her... amazing rite?
i dun even feel like going bk to in law place anymore...

 

[meiteoh]

Sorry to say this but so long as his mother is controlling his purse strings and his rice bowl by giving him money to support his business, he will always be on her side. After all, it doesn't make much sense to bite the hand that feeds you, right?

As for how his mother treats you, just bear with it. You don't live with her so that's half the battle that you don't have to fight. My grandmother treated my mother like crap even to the point of hiding her toiletries because my mother ran out of toothpaste and used my grandmother's. She would cook for everyone else including the tenant but my mother and us. It was worse than being a tenant! There was even a point in time where she went around telling people that my mother is not part of the Teoh family and that we were not her grandchildren.

Through those years - 26 years - my mum never badmouthed my grandmother to me or my brother. When my dad refused to have anything to do with my grandmother, my mum was the one who coaxed him into visiting her and spending time with her. My mum would always called my grandmother "Mother", took her in even when no one else wanted to and although my grandmother paid us back by badmouthing us and treated my mother with disrespect, etc, my mum always insisted on tolerating and putting up with it.

When I got married, she told me that one should never come in between a mother and her child. After all, our mother-in-laws do not live forever, so her advice was just to bear with it. Once you marry the man, you marry his family and it is for life. If you feel that you cannot bear with such a person, then you shouldn't marry the man because you'd not just make life miserable for yourself but also for your hubby. It may be old fashioned thinking but my dad, till today, cannot say that she was a bad wife or mother.