To stay together or not?

[SunShine07]

It's every mother's dream to give their child a complete family.

The question is: How is your husband going to contribute to your son's upbringing?
(Stan, I agree with you being 'practical'.)

People may say I'm selfish by thinking this way. But ultimately, we want the best for our kid. Since you already left him & SURVIVED without him, you need to think carefully. Is allowing him back into your life going to make any POSITIVE changes?

If you are really thinking of allowing him back into your life, it should be because you believe that he is willing to change for the family's sake. Not because you 'pity' him.

If you are willing to give this relationship one more shot, I'll suggest the following:
Marriage counselling. Ask him to go for counselling with you first. Attend the sessions regularly & with an open heart. What he has done to you has hurt you tremendously & he needs to understand that your expectations/views of him will never be the same again. During marriage counselling, you'll re-evaluate your expectations of each other & re-assess your purpose of coming together. It'll also help him understand his roles & responsibilities. If he does not agree to such a simple request, I'm very sure you should know what is the outcome. A man who is willing to change will be willing to seek help.

Attend pre-marital course. There are many courses out there for couples getting ready to marry. It's also good for you to attend on to of marriage counselling (as this focuses more on remedying the married life). Such courses will allow you to 'rebuild' the 'lost' family. Being back together will be like starting from scratch again.

Let him know that you can & will leave him again if he misbehaves again. However, it does take a man quite some time to 'change'. So identify his weakness & help him work towards overcoming it. I know some men find another woman outside for the 'thrill'. Then give him other forms of 'thrills' to prevent him from getting thrills from there. Get a new hobby which both of you enjoy. Or get him more involved in your son's activities.

ever come across my mind too..

actually he ever seek help from church counsellors....we wanted to attend b4...but dun know why in the end becos the church counsellors didn't inform us, then we also forget about the idea.

Years later, he did try to seek help on counsellor, but i dun wan to attend already (that's was when he cheat on me) i find it no point, cos i just feel that he won't change. like austrine said, some men did to be very jia lat then he will learn, which i agreed, and this time i think he is really very jia lat liao. Cos he 'said' he will listen to everything i said, (which i dun think it true, after a while go back to his old ways again)

But i tot of no one can replace a father role expect himself....he may not be a good husband, but a good father .....

 

[Ting]

i dun agree that no one can replace him as a father role.
as a father yes, bcos only he is the biological father, but father role, why not?
i think my current bf plays a much better father role than my ex, definately.
actually, i think, u dun hv to get back to him, if u dun wan to, but u dun hv to take away the rights of him being a good father, he can still visit your son n play n tc of him, but u 2 can just stay as frens.
why must be tgt then can????
i hv frens, their parents r divorced, n remarry, but they r still close to both parents.
their parents cant get along, so they seperate, at first, they r young, they dun understand, but as they grow older, they know tt its hard for 2 person to be tgt if they cant get along, esp if betrayal is involved.
but if u choose to forgive n give him a chance, u must be able to put the past behind u n move on, or u wont be happy being tgt with him too.