Unwed single mother.

[Unwed]

Hi fellow mummies!

I am 21 this year and will be expecting my baby to be out next year Feb. I know its kind of early to post these thing but I need to check and plan things out. Once my tummy gets bigger, I am not allowed to stay at own home anymore. My mother and my uncle wouldnt like that. That means I would have to stay with my boyfriend's mum when my tummy is bigger. However, he does not have his own room, not even his room. His family is complicated and his life complicated.

After I give birth, I do not want to stay with his parents as his mother is really grumpy, noisy and its really irritating naggy. Not those normal ones, but correct also nag, wrong also nag. Shout here and is also someone who just act nicely infront of someone and different behind the bag. She is also dirty and unhygienic. Of course, if I tell her, she will nag and not happy. One more thing, she is really too much of superstitious.

I am unable to get marry with my boyfriend so there would be a lot of difficulties along the way but never ever did we think of abortion.

My question:
a. After giving birth, can I rent a house or a room from hdb? Any ways at all? :/
b. Can I include my boyfriend name at my baby's birth cert?

thanks!

 

[patsie]

Hi Unwed

U can rent those rental flat fr HDB However there r certain criteria such as household income, whether u r a name occupier in ur parents' flat, etc U probably can check out HDB website 4 more info

As 4 naming ur BF as father of ur child... It's not a prob

 

[daydreamer]

Hi Unweb,
Bear in mind that even if you include your bf's name on bb bc, so long as u do not married to him ur bb will not enjoy the bb bonus.

 

[Unwed]

Hi Unwed

U can rent those rental flat fr HDB However there r certain criteria such as household income, whether u r a name occupier in ur parents' flat, etc U probably can check out HDB website 4 more info

As 4 naming ur BF as father of ur child... It's not a prob

Hi patsie,

Err, what do you mean by name occupier?
I tried reading the hdb web but its so complicated.

It has to be 21 years old and abv, divorced or widow. I am none!
So does it mean I am unable to rent from hdb?

Hi Unweb,
Bear in mind that even if you include your bf's name on bb bc, so long as u do not married to him ur bb will not enjoy the bb bonus.

Hi daydreamer!
Does that mean that if I don't include daddy's name, my baby can enjoy baby bonus?

 

[tiny rabbit]

Hi there, baby bonus only allow for lawfully married. If you married with your baby before your baby turn 6 years old, you can have the baby bonus by then. If you didn't married with him, means get nothing....

 

[tiny rabbit]

Sorry, typo error... I mean married with your bf...

 

[flowerii]

Hi unwed,

does your mum and uncle know abt your pregnancy already? maybe they will eventually accept the fact and be ok with it? i would advice you to stay w them if your bf side is so messy.. and i dont think you can get rental flat if you're single, unless you rent it with someone related to you like your mum. govt bodies are never so kind to single parent like us..

Having bf name in birthcert is no problem but do consider that if his name is inside, he is able to fight for the child's custody in the future. is he willing to provide for the child? dont put his name in for the sake of 'his the child's dad'.. not worth it. And if im nt wrong, in the future when the child goes to sch, you'll need to produce the dad's ic/details too and it's troublesome to explain to them if you don't have it.

Im a single mum-to-be, and am expecting my boy in a few wks time. I don't plan to put his dad's name in at all although we're still on talking terms, just in case he do something funny in the future.

oh and i've checked with mcys. no baby bonus - no cash gift, no top-up or whatever.. totally ZERO for us unless we are legally married, doesn't matter if dad's name in bb cert or not.

 

[Unwed]

Hi unwed,

does your mum and uncle know about your pregnancy already? maybe they will eventually accept the fact and be ok with it? i would advice you to stay w them if your bf side is so messy.. and i dont think you can get rental flat if you're single, unless you rent it with someone related to you like your mum. govt bodies are never so kind to single parent like us..

Having bf name in birthcert is no problem but do consider that if his name is inside, he is able to fight for the child's custody in the future. is he willing to provide for the child? dont put his name in for the sake of 'his the child's dad'.. not worth it. And if im not wrong, in the future when the child goes to sch, you'll need to produce the dad's ic/details too and it's troublesome to explain to them if you dont't have it.

Im a single mum-to-be, and am expecting my boy in a few wks time. I dont't plan to put his dad's name in at all although we're still on talking terms, just in case he do something funny in the future.

oh and i've checked with mcys. no baby bonus - no cash gift, no top-up or whatever.. totally ZERO for us unless we are legally married, doesn't matter if dad's name in baby cert or not.

i once have a kid, aborted because she does not agree. She keep ask me to abort saying if you dont abort it, no one is going to take care of her when you work. No one is giving you $ at all if you dont work. She is a very money minded person. Although I know she care but she is too moneyminded. The things she do to my bf is super ridiculous. No one can stand her. I am totally not allowed to stay at home. My uncle (stepfather in another word) is a very traditional guy, more traditional than you think of. No joke. So I am not able to stay home.

My boyfriend has a complicated life, we cant get marry because of his identity. I cant really say it clearly but we can, we would be married. Just very troubled recently. But this time, there wont be anymore abortion.

 

[Jouline]

Hi unwed, you can actually rent a flat/ room through a housing agent. There's a lot of advertisement of such everywhere. With regard to your putting your bf name into the birth cert, I strongly agree with flowerii. You are giving your "bf" chance to fight for your child's custody in future. Ask yourself how much can your "bf" be trusted in the first place.

A gentle reminder, humans change. Don't offer any chance when the future is unspoken. Bringing up a child is not easy. A strong financial base is very important too.

Anyway, what cannot be done is done. You need to solve the problem in front of you and not be thinking of the problems for 'later on'. The problem in front of you now is after giving a serious thought of the baby, to keep or not to keep. If yes, keep. If no, suck it out and move on. There's no problem that has no solution to it. The life inside your stomach belongs to your "bf" too. A "special identity" is not sufficient enough to be an excuse. My 5-cents thought above. No offence.

 

[Unwed]

Hi unwed, you can actually rent a flat/ room through a housing agent. There's a lot of advertisement of such everywhere. With regard to your putting your bf name into the birth cert, I strongly agree with flowerii. You are giving your "bf" chance to fight for your child's custody in future. Ask yourself how much can your "bf" be trusted in the first place.

A gentle reminder, humans change. Don't offer any chance when the future is unspoken. Bringing up a child is not easy. A strong financial base is very important too.

Anyway, what cannot be done is done. You need to solve the problem in front of you and not be thinking of the problems for 'later on'. The problem in front of you now is after giving a serious thought of the baby, to keep or not to keep. If yes, keep. If no, suck it out and move on. There's no problem that has no solution to it. The life inside your stomach belongs to your "bf" too. A "special identity" is not sufficient enough to be an excuse. My 5-cents thought above. No offence.

I understand what you are trying to say.
My boyfriend and I will be staying together but we just won't get married. Seeing those above comment really make me think twice. Especially you said, human change. :/

 

[Jouline]

Especially a baby born is a life. A lifetime precious. A lifelong bring-up. No confidence, don't commit. Else, your child will be the one who suffers most when his/ her parents separate.

 

[flowerii]

i once have a kid, aborted because she does not agree. She keep ask me to abort saying if you dont abort it, no one is going to take care of her when you work. No one is giving you $ at all if you dont work. She is a very money minded person. Although I know she care but she is too moneyminded. The things she do to my bf is super ridiculous. No one can stand her. I am totally not allowed to stay at home. My uncle (stepfather in another word) is a very traditional guy, more traditional than you think of. No joke. So I am not able to stay home.

My boyfriend has a complicated life, we cant get marry because of his identity. I cant really say it clearly but we can, we would be married. Just very troubled recently. But this time, there wont be anymore abortion.

Maybe in the past your mum thinks that you're still too young. Can't even provide for yourself, how to provide for your kid? Now you're older w better working capability, maybe you can try again. Tell her you're determined to keep the child and need her to support you, not financially but at least morally. Of cuz, you must be prepared to work hard for your child.. We single mums are entitled to child care subsidy too, so i believe you can sort the arrangement out if nobody can take care of your bb.

I agree with Jouline, human changes. How willing are your bf to do something abt his 'special identity' for you and your baby to give you two a rightful status? My honest opinion is that if you are unable to provide and care for your baby on your own capability or together with help of your own family, maybe you should think twice. Don't ever think of depending on your bf and his family (especially with this status) as they can turn their back on you anytime..

 

[Jouline]

Ya really. Unwed. Think twice ba. Hope you will make the right choice. Not for the sake of anyone else. But yourself. Still wanna say the same old thing, no confident, don't commit. End of the day, choice is yours. If determine to keep the baby, let your mum know. She gave birth to you once afterall. My parents advise me to abort even my husband and I are financially stabled too.

That time, my decision was to keep her and my husband then willing to keep her. Today, we're bringing her up together.

Please remember, a married couple, husband not helping is a single woman job. An unwed mum, definitely much more not easy. Be it toward financial issue or moral support issue, your family is still your closest kin.

 

[Jojoai]

I am also a single mother. But I strongly advice not to put name on BC. As my boyfriend was there throughout my pregnancy. But once but he's name on BC he didn't even bother coming to see my son. Because suddenly too much responsibility. So he left. And had to go through a lot of lawyers and worse of all my boy is having my surname now but he's dad name still in BC. If he wants he can marry you and then you can put in fathers name in birth cert. might as well wait till its 'confirmed'. I strongly advice that ! You should talk to your mom. I'm sure she will help. Just talk things out !! Hugs dear. If you want you can pm me too. I'm currently 18 and my boy is alrdy 7 months. I don't mind being a listening ear. Or give you advice.

 

[KiBin]

hi unwed, what i type below is not to scare you but to make sure that you are really 100% prepared as there is no turning back once your bb is born...

before the baby is out, everyone will tell you how difficult it is to bring up a child..

when you baby comes out, it is when you will truly feel it.. you will need to spend A LOT OF TIME and EFFORT to take care of baby.. means almost the whole day and night cannot do anything much...

and someone needs to work to bring in the $$.. means maybe only time to work and take care of baby for the 1st year of baby life.. no more partying, etc, etc... have all these been considered?

without $$ and time together, people will quarrel and homes are sometimes broken up because of these...

 

[hpc]

Hi unwed,please seat down n talk with ur boyfriend.Ask him what he wants,register with u n be husband n wife.Baby will have all benifits from govt,can rent flat from HDB,baby will have proper birth cert details,anything happen can ask for maintainace for baby etc.....
Many things to consider
Baby milk powder
pampers
baby bath
clothings
fee for a babysitter/infantcare
medical expeses
Hope u can settle down and have a happy family

 

[quincy1986]

unwed: y your bf so selfish got u pregnant when he cant give u a status?

u try talk to your mother. as far as i know, mothers will not leave their children in the lurch.

 

[Lush]

thats what i think too, there is no such thing as cannot married unless he is currently wedded , other than that i do not see why he can make your tummy big but cannot give you a status, i feel that girls sometimes have to think for ourselves. Of course if you think its fine to stay un-wedded it is also solely your choice, but in the long run it will not be a long and secure situation for u and your child. ( esp with no family support ) - hope you really think twice. ( im a passer by who has been thru all this and i know it really isn't easy.) but now both of you are already making a child. be responsible for the child and the little life in you. take care

 

[Paigepaige]

Hi unwed, what do u mean u are unable to get married with him? Do you have a job right now? Because providing a baby is not easy.. If u intend to rent a flat, u will need to have monthly income too (pardon me if i'm wrong). Have you talked to your mum and uncle about this pregnancy yet? Cus I don't think she will chase you out of the huse with a big tummy.. Finding a place to stay also need some time.. Not like you apply now you will get 1 - 2 weeks later.. They have to check your income, who you are going to stay with but I think if you want to find a rental flat with HDB, you have to be married (smth like that).. Best is to talk to your mum and uncle about it first and see how they react and have a talk with your boyfriend. Saying is easy but when it comes to doing it, it's really hard.. My sister just got pregnant not long ago (unplanned), she was overwhelmed.. But now she's lost cus she doesn't have a proper job now and don't even have money to see a government hospital.. Having a baby is a joyous thing, but when baby comes out is a lot different..

 

[ZeeTyl]

Hi , im a single mom here with a 16months old son .. I suggest u talk to ur mom.. my ex (baby"s father) dump me when I was pregnant but came back to me after I gave birth.. but i don't trust him at all .. so I didnt put his name on bc .and lucky I didnt.. because we broke up and he keep pestering me and want to fight for son custody.. months later he got another girl pregnant and they got married.. so lucky I didnt put his name on bc .. im lucky my parents somehow change their mind and didnt asked to abort .. back then I was only 16 when I was pregnant.. now still a single mom. Still the best thing is talk to ur family about it. All the best babe