very troubled

`julee

`julee

Member
city.pumpkin said:
I agree that u might not be at a losing.
1) u can work n support yrself n child
2) u hv a steady job. he doesnt. Ensure yr CPF has monthly employer's contribution.



3) he has suicide issue, dangerous for him to keep child.

U may hv cheated but that doesnt give him the right to be lazy n rely on ppl. A married man shld be responsible for his own family, not his aged mother or wife. A man who cant even earn a decent living + threatened to end an innocent kid's life is no way better den you! Dont be frighten. If u want a divorce, make sure u r standing on firm grounds.

Did u kept the police record of his suicide threats? Must keep it if u want to win custody. If dont hv, see whether u can hv one for rainy days. A man who wants to die with yr kid is really dangerous. After repeat chances so doesnt repent .......... got to think of a 'bright plan'.


Keep us updated. Can always log in to vent.
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the thing is dat i decide to turn the story to the police that he only threatened to commit suicide so he wont kena charge...
 
`julee

`julee

Member
i had to glance thru asap thru the reply since my hubby went out for awhile...

i am very touched by the kind and warm hearted words and the advises..

divorce is deft on my mind but i cant bring out to say it to him again. afraid of the consequences and a belief at the back of the mind to give him another chance. i am afraid of wat the future is for my dd if i divorce... i wanted her to hav a happy family not a broken..
as for his frens, i noe them very well.. only 1 of them is married the rest are either single or has a child but not yet married.... i told one of them about this and he was pissed of with hubby cause its the umpteenth time he does this. even he promised his frens that he will find a good job...
and as for my affair, its still in his mind and he cant trust me that well.. so i never go against him and jus let him 'climb over my head' since i knew that was my mistake.. because of my affair i jus let him be.. jus wanting to make up to him. :embarrassed:
for money, i tried to say many many times to MIL that let him be.. if she keep giving him money he will nvr find a job. but she pity us... and my hb has ways to ask money from her..
i wait for him to change from our wedding day. pray & cried for him to change. but one will only change wen one realises his mistakes.. but he nvr..
even he said, "why is evryone looking down on me??"
i cant look at him on the face now or talk to him...
i did try to seek counselling after my affair cause i felt we needed a third party advice but he refuses..... my family tried to recommend him jobs which he nvr went to..
i talk to many and i decide, mayb i'd give him another chance.. see how it goes.... but i just cant talk to him w/o getting angry.. so i jus keep quiet..
i even burst into tears yesterday infront of my dd.. she came & hug me and i promised myself not to hurt her, mentally or physically.. she is jus a small child.. she din noe wat is happening... i try to be patience for her.. i try to... haiz...
 
Endoh

Endoh

Alpha Male
rjj said:
:tlaugh:so easy to feed....... btw, u eat a lot?????:err:
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I am actually a small eater, and can survive on banana on the whole day. But when I am with the right company and mood, I will gorge myself with food.
 
Endoh

Endoh

Alpha Male
`julee said:
divorce is deft on my mind but i cant bring out to say it to him again. afraid of the consequences and a belief at the back of the mind to give him another chance. i am afraid of wat the future is for my dd if i divorce... i wanted her to hav a happy family not a broken..
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This is the clearest indication you are not ready for it. In layman terms... anything unsure, don't do it.

`julee said:
as for his frens, i noe them very well.. only 1 of them is married the rest are either single or has a child but not yet married.... i told one of them about this and he was pissed of with hubby cause its the umpteenth time he does this. even he promised his frens that he will find a good job...
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You have found yourself the best "weapon" but you have not used it effectively. You might want to harness on this and when his friends start to lose respect for him and drift away from him, he will start to realise he need to be respectable to keep a family and friendship alive.

`julee said:
even he said, "why is everyone looking down on me??"
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Nobody is looking down on him, unless he is looking down on himself. Even if someone is looking down on him, that's only because he gave the reasons for others to look down on him. If a father and husband failed to provide for his family, what respect does he wants? Respect he wants... earn it.

I have a friend who's divorced with a daughter too. Over the past 3 years that I know him, he has not visited his daughter a single time. Now, many of us refused to call him out for drinks or even take his call until we see that he does what a father ought to do.

`julee said:
i cant look at him on the face now or talk to him...
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When heated arguments are about to come, we should be able to sense it. In this instance, get out of the situation. No, I don't mean running away from home but remove ourselves from the possible environments where there are chances of any exchange of rash words. Stay away from one another to cool down, then resume talking again.

I believe deep down inside his heart, he's hoping to be able to feed the family too. Perhaps, in some ways he just couldn't find that motivation to give him that sense of urgency. If he doesn't loves you, he wouldn't be feeling hurt by the affair. We can't help him to work, nor can we continue to feed him with money, let alone having another man to take care of his wife literally... we can only help him in the path in discovering that motivation.

All the best to you.
 
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mummy serene

mummy serene

New Member
Hi Julee,

I feel that u should sit down and discuss with him, telling him how worry and frustrated you are. No child expect to see the mum working and the dad lying at home doing nothing. Arent he worry that 1 day, he don't have a single cents to eat. If he can go hungry but not the child. You should tell him that since both of you are young, we should give the best to our kids. You just ask him 1 question, does he wish to see her daughter looking at other kids on having new toy but she don't even have a chance to have a new 1.

Another way, u can get to talk to a close friend of his which he listen & respect, say out your problem, get the friend to talk to him.

Overall, its best that the two of u sit down in a quiet environment, discuss about your problem.

Julee, all the best, god will sayang u.
 
xiaodaisy

xiaodaisy

Active Member
Endoh said:
I am actually a small eater, and can survive on banana on the whole day. But when I am with the right company and mood, I will gorge myself with food.
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haha no problem with us u comfirm is with e right company n mood haha.. amk got a steamboat at $10 oni loh n its eat all u wan haha, bring u go dere sure sibei wu hua de loh haha
 
Endoh

Endoh

Alpha Male
One night of steamboat... one week worth of training gone. :eek:

Reminds me of the hotplate in Marina South though. But wouldn't I look like a toy boy sitting among so many chio mummies? LOL!:tlaugh:
 
aby

aby

Member
Endoh said:
One night of steamboat... one week worth of training gone. :eek:

Reminds me of the hotplate in Marina South though. But wouldn't I look like a toy boy sitting among so many chio mummies? LOL!:tlaugh:
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TOY BOY??? A huge one??? :001_302:
 
Endoh

Endoh

Alpha Male
LoVeS said:
eh how come off topic again? :tlaugh:
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Still on track mah... when Julee comes here and see food discussion, she gets tempted and she won't feel so troubled anymore. Stress relieve~:tlaugh:
 
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aby

aby

Member
Endoh said:
Still on track mah... when Julee comes here and see food discussion, she gets tempted and she won't feed so troubled anymore. Stress relieve~:tlaugh:
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:tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh::tlaugh:
 
`julee

`julee

Member
i am not much of a steamboat person leh...
if seoul garden or seafood im on... :p


hey for the concerned mummies, i am truly touched for ur kind words and all.. but can refrain frm sms or msn me?? hee.. my hubby always nearby and he asks y this y that.. sian. i don wan him to noe i go tell everyone.. even his fren he don wanna tell... :(

well for now the outcome is tat i am giving him another chance..... pray for all the best lor... :Dancing_wub:
 
xiaodaisy

xiaodaisy

Active Member
yes julee den we go for seafood den to relive ur stress ok? hehe so take care meanwhile n we will pray hard for u de .. hope he treasure ur chance to him ^_^ all e best
 
xiaodaisy

xiaodaisy

Active Member
Endoh said:
One night of steamboat... one week worth of training gone. :eek:

Reminds me of the hotplate in Marina South though. But wouldn't I look like a toy boy sitting among so many chio mummies? LOL!:tlaugh:
Click to expand...

wahahah a big wan plus a handsome wan ??? lolx
 
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