What does he mean???

[sharonyi66]

Every morning, before hb sent me to work, we will drive to the nearest mamashop to buy 'The New Paper' and also to buy my breakfast which is few shops away.

*while I'm buying paper and breakfast, he will be waiting for me in the car*

This morning, I wanted to buy Mac breakfast (abit further down the road) and beside mac, there's also mamashop selling newspaper so I told him.....

Part 1~

Me: Today I wanna eat mac, we go there then I help you buy newspaper too.
Hb: Can help me buy paper 1st? (at the usual mamashop which we always buy from) After that then drive you to mac. I can read paper while waiting for you to buy yr breakfast
Me: Go mac there then I buy for you la, so I no need to walk up and down.
Hb: I'm your hb leh, can you 'chi hou' me?
Me: *In joking tone* I'm your wife leh, can dun bully me?
Hb: What bully you? Walk abit more cannot meh? You've already done very minimum as a duty of a wife.
Me: *Keep quiet coz by then, already reach the usual mamashop. Get down the car and help him buy the paper.*

Part 2~

**Inside the car, both keeping quiet. Reached mac and I went to buy my breakfast but inside my heart I keep thinking of the word he said 'You only done very minimum as a duty of a wife.' I dunno why the more I think, the more sad and gek sim I feel... What does he mean by that?? Until I buai tahan liao, my tears seems like bursting out already so.....**

Me: What do you mean by I only done very minimum duty as a wife??
Hb: I never mean anything, I'm just saying I want you to help me buy paper.
Me: If you dun mean anything, why do u have to say me until like that? Have I not done enough??
Hb: You are just being over sentitive.

**After that, both of use quiet keep on the way until I reached office. Never say 'byebye' either**

I'm still thinking (until now) why must he say I only done very minimum as a wife?? What have I not done to his so-call 'maximum'??

(ME) Everyday (Monday - Friday) after work -> reach home at 630pm -> bathe -> eat dinner -> (take over tasks from mil) look after Inez (6mths old baby) and Fayth (5yrs old), play with them, feed Inez milk, coax Inez to sleep (by then is already 10+pm) -> express my B-milk -> sleep at 11+pm -> 3am Inez wake up for milk -> 6am Inez wake up for milk -> 7am I wake up express B-milk and prepare for work.

I'm so shag and tired at work...

(HB) Everyday (Monday - Friday but surely got 2 nights he will be out for entertainment till wee hours) after work -> reach home at 630pm (hb will fetch me from work) -> eat dinner -> watch soccer, read paper, play with Inez (only when I need to go pee or do something else), read story book for Fayth (only when Fayth keep asking hb to read for her) THEN SLEEP as early as 8+pm IF THE NIGHT BEFORE HE WAS HOME IN WEE HOURS.

My ILs is 'off' on weekends..

Saturdays, I have to work till 1pm while he's off. I reached home -> lunch -> look after the kids all the way while hb, nap -> watch soccer -> read paper -> nap until 5+pm then we go out dinner. Sometimes I really too tired and need a nap, I will ask my maid to help look after the kids and took a short nap.

Sundays, (ME) teach Fayth do homework, look after Inez. (HB) teach Fayth do homework only if I need to do something else, nap, nap, nap. Night rountine same as Mondays to Fridays..

*While I'm typing till here, I really wondering WHAT HAVE I DONE NOT ENOUGH?!!*

I fall sick on 2 Sundays. 1st Sunday, he leave me, maid and baby at home while he bring Fayth and ILs to granny's house for dinner and mahjong till 3am! I'm running a temperature of 38 degree yet have to coax Inez to sleep and even wake up to feed her milk.

You all might ask why I didn't leave Inez to maid? Coz maid already look after Inez the whole day (without clearing much of her house work) when I'm sleeping after taking my medicines. So I have to look after in order for maid to clear the work, somemore maid has to wake up at 6am...

2nd Sunday, again, he wanna leave me and baby at home but this time maid is off so SIL will be at home with me. I so pissed and i told him off..
Me: You very 'zhe er' leh, I'm having fever yet you still leave me at home with baby.
Hb: Got SIL help you mah...
Me: SIL dunno how to handle Inez, how can she help??

End up, mil was home with me BUT she's doing housework (mil can't stand house messy or dirty de) while (back to the square 1) I'm looking after Inez with my very weak body...

I took mc the next day, hoping to rest more.. Hb sent a sms telling me: If you're feeling better, look after the kids. Mum and dad very tired, let them rest.. Oh my, how and what do you feel upon seeing the sms???? I am still but not yet recovering and there instead of asking me to rest more, ask me to look after the kids... Ok fine, I look after them with the help of my maid..

I really really really wondering AGAIN that...have i not done enough?? Does he mean that I no need to cook, no need to wash, just need to look after the kids so this is the 'minimum' of what I suppose to do???

I am a human, I need rest, own time too. Whenever (once every 2/3weeks) I wanna meet up with my bff for dinner so some shopping after work, hb will sure tell me to go home early and look after them as ILs need to rest. Hey. come on, I know ILs are old and they get tired easily but please, I need some of my own time too!! Somemore I purposely choose to meet up with my bff when hb is at home so he can help my ILs.. I did anything wrong or being too much?? Even I go out with my bff, the latest I will home is 10+pm... Unlike him, always home at wee hours.

I told him before, if he's not going to help me to look after the kids, then his parents will do it. If he dun heart pain his parents, then go ahead and leave the kids to them while I still go ahead to meet my friends. I NEED FRESH AIR TOO!!!

In what or which way I've not done well as a wife or as a mother???

Sorry for my long ranting.... I'm really feeling very sad, gek sim and disappointed that such words can come out from hb's mouth.. :embarrassed:

 

[jasobias]

No lah i think u have done ur best as a mum n as a wife.Its ur idiot husband who is just sitting there laying eggs.
Maybe u need to point out to him exactly wht he is doing wrong n in comparison wht u r giving up for him n the family.
I cant stand men like tht.
Wht minimum duty is he talking abt?ha?got guide book is it tht he thinks u r not up to it?bloody hell..if its me ah i wld have lost it n whacked him or leave the kids with him n go for long hol or for a break.Then let him enjoy the fun.
Look after baby when u r sick?thts ridiculous.When he gets sick next time n expects u to run ard him..DONT!
Dont feel sad ok..i have seen ur baby pics n all n i know u have put in great effort n u r a very loving mum n wife!!Dont let anyone tell u otherwise!!

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Men are always insensitive to our feelings, sometimes they don't mean what they say, that is what my hubby alwasy tell me, just like us, sometimes our no means yes.......

But I do agree that you hv been doing a great job as a mum and also as a wife, when you are sick the least ur hubby could do is stay home and take care of you and the kids

Pardon me for asking but is your hubby in his 20s? cos his behaviour looks like he is around tht age, not really mature yet wanting to do as he pleases and thinks that he has done enough as hubby

Please do take care of your health too, when u r sick you shd not be walking abt carrying Inez, your body needs complete rest. Is there a way that you can take leave on one of these days and just go out have a me time by urself? Go for a spa to relax your body or a massage?

 

[apollo]

babe, i also think tt u hav done alot alrdy, much more than me in fact!

it's not easy being a SAHM and much more diffi to be a wking mummy. daytime have to wk, aft wk have to take care of kids. if hubby is understanding, no matter hw xinku u're, u also feel worth it..

though i'm SAHM, but my hubby will help out aft he comes hm, everyday without fail. though i will nag nag nag him to help me more, but he will still help without complains, cos he jolly well know tt the kid belongs to him too.

sry to say tt, but i feel that ur hubby has said sth very unwanted and extra. sometimes my hubby will say 'extra' things too which make me feel sad n angry, and he will claimed tt he dont hav any 'meaning' behind what he said. then i'll tell him, if he dont mean tt, den dont say.

 

[sharonyi66]

Men are always insensitive to our feelings, sometimes they dont't mean what they say, that is what my hubby alwasy tell me, just like us, sometimes our no means yes.......

But I do agree that you have been doing a great job as a mum and also as a wife, when you are sick the least your hubby could do is stay home and take care of you and the kids

Pardon me for asking but is your hubby in his 20s? cos his behaviour looks like he is around tht age, not really mature yet wanting to do as he pleases and thinks that he has done enough as hubby

Please do take care of your health too, when you r sick you should not be walking about carrying Inez, your body needs complete rest. Is there a way that you can take leave on one of these days and just go out have a me time by yourself? Go for a spa to relax your body or a massage?

My hb is in his 30s.. His thinking is that we, women must take care of the family and house work when men out for work.

But hello, now is 2010 already. Women and men are the same.. I told him before dun expect me to follow those olden time women; 'jia ji shui ji, jia gou shui gou' lor! and somemore, I dun depend on him financially. I paid for my girls almost everything.. From school fees to piano fees to ballet fees to milk powder to pampers to supplements to check ups to injections to doctors, you name it, I almost pay for it..even go out buy things for my girls, Im the 1 paying for it while my hb will pay for maid, house loan, bills and give ILs $..
So, i were to 'run away' with my girls, I know I'm still able to feed them with proper 3 meals.

How i wish I could go for spa/massage.. I wanna go downstair neighbourhood do medi and pedi, he already say: faster come up hor and look after them.. KAOZ!!!

 

[TANZHENZHI]

Yes i agree.. You done your part as a wife and mum. Your hubby really immature i can say. When you're sick where got strength and energy to look after bb. You dun need to be sad and disappointed. I think it's your hubby who didn't do his duty as a father and husband. You try to get some off day to go for a massage or spa, it helps. Relax yourself and dun bother too much of what he say to you.

 

[sharonyi66]

babe, i also think that you hav done alot alrdy, much more than me in fact!

it's not easy being a stay at home mum and much more diffi to be a wking mummy. daytime have to wk, after wk have to take care of kids. if hubby is understanding, no matter hw xinku you're, you also feel worth it..

though i'm stay at home mum, but my hubby will help out after he comes hm, everyday without fail. though i will nag nag nag him to help me more, but he will still help without complains, cos he jolly well know that the kid belongs to him too.

sry to say that, but i feel that your hubby has said something very unwanted and extra. sometimes my hubby will say 'extra' things too which make me feel sad n angry, and he will claimed that he dont hav any 'meaning' behind what he said. then i'll tell him, if he dont mean that, then dont say.

You're right but its to heart pain to hear the words coming out from his mouth! I feel like stuffing chili padi into his mouth lor!! I dun feel I'm worth at all... :embarrassed:

I did told him if he dun mean it then dun say..then he will say im being over sentitive!!!

When I fall sick, he said I never take care of myself. Huh?? I never take care of myself? How do when sick still need to 'work' at home???

 

[apollo]

My husband is in his 30s.. His thinking is that we, women must take care of the family and house work when men out for work.

But hello, now is 2010 already. Women and men are the same.. I told him before dont expect me to follow those olden time women; 'jia ji shui ji, jia gou shui gou' ! and somemore, I dont depend on him financially. I paid for my girls almost everything.. From school fees to piano fees to ballet fees to milk powder to pampers to supplements to check ups to injections to doctors, you name it, I almost pay for it..even go out buy things for my girls, Im the 1 paying for it while my husband will pay for maid, house loan, bills and give ILs $..
So, i were to 'run away' with my girls, I know I'm still able to feed them with proper 3 meals.

How i wish I could go for spa/massage.. I wanna go downstair neighbourhood do medi and pedi, he already say: faster come up and look after them.. KAOZ!!!

u're right! u urself can bring up ur girls if one day 'touchwood' *ahem*... i think if i'm able to go out earn money, my hubby will love me more! LOL!

lik wat u said, now is no longer 'jia ji shui ji, jia gou shui gou' time. i'm those v hard-hearted one. when ds was v young, i think ard 2mth old, my hubby didnt really help me, or rather he dunno hw to. den i was v stress at tt time and we quarrelled cos he feel tt taking care of baby is v easy, just tt my expectation is too high etc.. so i just take my bag dashed out of the hse, gif myself some 'freedom'.. he got no choice but to take care of ds for tt few hrs.. and he kept sms me to ask me come bk, even called my fren, tell her tt he cannot tahan ds liaoo..

You're right but its to heart pain to hear the words coming out from his mouth! I feel like stuffing chili padi into his mouth !! I dont feel I'm worth at all... :embarrassed:

I did told him if he dont mean it then dont say..then he will say im being over sentitive!!!

When I fall sick, he said I never take care of myself. Huh?? I never take care of myself? How do when sick still need to 'work' at home???

guys also say us sensitive.. my hubby will lik tt say also lorr.. he will just say "dun be sensitive" den push away the topic..

 

[pineappletart]

shame to say, but i dont know how i can cope it myself with your schedule. . with him going out till wee hours and u trying to handle things at home is selfish. how involve is he as a father and husband then? i think he's quite blind not to see how much your giving. like jas said, if my hubby were to tell me that, i'll also *#!*^!*&@!*

i think he failed to appreciate you. if he were to care and appreciate you more, no matter how tough it gets, im sure you'll also be happy to overcome it all. if he really have some dissatifaction about "your duty as a wife" then pls be fair and tell you. dont say something to make your loved one feel heart broken and not give the reason.

 

[Ting]

hmmm just feel worth it cos it is for your kids n not him.
but if my bf is gg to be like your hubby, he can be sure his sorry ass will be kicked everyday.
your hubby's thinkin is like so old fashion lahs.
i think u alr done your best n still doing it to make sure your girls r well taken care off.
very tiring to keep waking up to feed the kids, if can, train Inez to slp thru the night bahs, then u wont so xinku also.
even now pin is a big girl alr, i also feel so tired when i was sick last week n she is at home..
normally if im on mc, i'll still bring her to sch then i can rest at home, but due to the HFMD cases in her sch tt week, i let her stay home..
thank god my sis at home, so she just accompany her. if not pin will keep on come in to ka jiao me.

 

[apollo]

hmmm just feel worth it cos it is for your kids n not him.
but if my bf is gg to be like your hubby, he can be sure his sorry ass will be kicked everyday.
your hubby's thinkin is like so old fashion lahs.
i think you already done your best n still doing it to make sure your girls r well taken care off.
very tiring to keep waking up to feed the kids, if can, train Inez to sleep thru the night bahs, then you wont so xinku also.
even now pin is a big girl already, i also feel so tired when i was sick last week n she is at home..
normally if im on mc, i'll still bring her to sch then i can rest at home, but due to the HFMD cases in her sch that week, i let her stay home..
thank god my sis at home, so she just accompany her. if not pin will keep on come in to ka jiao me.

i doubt he dare to! LOL!

actu i feel tt shd let the guys do our job, then they will noe hw tiring it is..

 

[sharonyi66]

you're right! you yourself can bring up your girls if one day 'touchwood' *ahem*... i think if i'm able to go out earn money, my hubby will love me more! LOL!

lik what you said, now is no longer 'jia ji shui ji, jia gou shui gou' time. i'm those very hard-hearted one. when dear son was very young, i think around 2mth old, my hubby didnt really help me, or rather he dont know hw to. then i was very stress at that time and we quarrelled cos he feel that taking care of baby is very easy, just that my expectation is too high etc.. so i just take my bag dashed out of the house, give myself some 'freedom'.. he got no choice but to take care of dear son for that few hours.. and he kept sms me to ask me come back, even called my friend, tell her that he cannot tahan dear son liaoo..



guys also say us sensitive.. my hubby will lik that say also lorr.. he will just say "dont be sensitive" then push away the topic..

Last year when Im still preggy with Inez (around 7mths), we got a huge arguement and i just went out at around 12am with my friends. Leaving him to look after Fayth.

He too, keep calling and sms me asking me faster go home coz Fayth will still wake up for milk at times and hb din't know how much water to add even though everything is alreadt prepared for him. Milk powder is already in the milk dispenser and bottle is already filled with water, he just need to add hot water to the certain ml, this, he also dunno...

I simply ignore his calls and sms. He called my friends and they told him I'm with them but in fact i am. That day, I finally go home at 5am then, he just pretend nothing happen, not even a sorry!!!

Guys really think looking after baby is such an easy task.. eg; cry? just feed milk. still cry? change pampers lor... Wa, so easy ar? Then ni lai lor....

 

[Ting]

i doubt he dare to! LOL!

actually i feel that should let the guys do our job, then they will know hw tiring it is..

yah!
they really think looking after kids is a pc of cake!
haha but lucky KW know it is not..

 

[sharonyi66]

hmmm just feel worth it cos it is for your kids n not him.
but if my bf is gg to be like your hubby, he can be sure his sorry ass will be kicked everyday.
your hubby's thinkin is like so old fashion lahs.
i think you already done your best n still doing it to make sure your girls r well taken care off.
very tiring to keep waking up to feed the kids, if can, train Inez to sleep thru the night bahs, then you wont so xinku also.
even now pin is a big girl already, i also feel so tired when i was sick last week n she is at home..
normally if im on mc, i'll still bring her to sch then i can rest at home, but due to the HFMD cases in her sch that week, i let her stay home..
thank god my sis at home, so she just accompany her. if not pin will keep on come in to ka jiao me.

Inez 'used' to sleep thru the night.. 10pm - 5am but dunno why recently, she start her 3hrsly rountine again -.-"" If only hb can make the effort in helping with those night feeds, I wont be so xinku.

Ya, gotto agreed tat hb's thinking still kinda old fashion.. maybe becoz mil is those 'quietly-follow-hb-type-of-woman' but too bad i'm not lor!!

 

[Ting]

Inez 'used' to sleep thru the night.. 10pm - 5am but dont know why recently, she start her 3hrsly rountine again -.-"" If only husband can make the effort in helping with those night feeds, I wont be so xinku.

Ya, gotto agreed that husband's thinking still kinda old fashion.. maybe becoz mother in law is those 'quietly-follow-husband-type-of-woman' but too bad i'm not !!

no wonder!!
maybe he thinks since his mum is like tt, u shld too!
my bf definately knows im not.

 

[sharonyi66]

no wonder!!
maybe he thinks since his mum is like that, you shld too!
my bf definately knows im not.

I already told him I'm not those type of woman if he wants me to be..

In fact, before we were married, he already knows that I dunno how to cook, dunno how to wash, dunno how to do house work BUT 1 thing i can assure him is; I will learn to be a gd mother which i think i've done my best, or if not, done my part already.

If he still think not enough, then he gotto change wife but he can never change my kids mother!

 

[apollo]

Last year when Im still preggy with Inez (around 7mths), we got a huge arguement and i just went out at around 12am with my friends. Leaving him to look after Fayth.

He too, keep calling and sms me asking me faster go home coz Fayth will still wake up for milk at times and husband did not't know how much water to add even though everything is alreadt prepared for him. Milk powder is already in the milk dispenser and bottle is already filled with water, he just need to add hot water to the certain ml, this, he also dont know...

I simply ignore his calls and sms. He called my friends and they told him I'm with them but in fact i am. That day, I finally go home at 5am then, he just pretend nothing happen, not even a sorry!!!

Guys really think looking after baby is such an easy task.. eg; cry? just feed milk. still cry? change pampers ... Wa, so easy ar? Then ni lai ....

sry to say tt, but i think tt ur hubby really v gone case! from the very 1st day we brought ds home, my hubby alrdy learn hw to make milk, how to change diaper. in fact, he is a pro in changing diaper, v xi xin, make sure ds wont feel uncomfy. when i change for ds, he will say "cannot lik tt, must lik this.."

 

[sharonyi66]

sry to say that, but i think that your hubby really very gone case! from the very 1st day we brought dear son home, my hubby alrdy learn hw to make milk, how to change diaper. in fact, he is a pro in changing diaper, very xi xin, make sure dear son wont feel uncomfy. when i change for dear son, he will say "cannot lik that, must lik this.."

like i say... he's thinking is; men only know how to go out work and earn $..

those looking after kids tasks is wife's duty, SO, IM DOING A WIFE'S DUTY YET STILL SAY I'M ONLY DOING THE VERY MINIMUM!!!!!!

Before decide to have Inez, I already told him i only want 1 kid coz i will be very tired if I AM THE ONLY ONE to handle baby coz i know he WONT or i should say he DUNNO how to help me.. But, he say he will help.. Ok lOr, Inez come out liao leh? Everything back to me....

5 years back when Fayth is a baby, same situation. Is just that now, repeat the procedure only.

 

[apollo]

like i say... he's thinking is; men only know how to go out work and earn $..

those looking after kids tasks is wife's duty, SO, IM DOING A WIFE'S DUTY YET STILL SAY I'M ONLY DOING THE VERY MINIMUM!!!!!!

Before decide to have Inez, I already told him i only want 1 kid coz i will be very tired if I AM THE ONLY ONE to handle baby coz i know he WONT or i should say he dont know how to help me.. But, he say he will help.. Ok , Inez come out ? Everything back to me....

5 years back when Fayth is a baby, same situation. Is just that now, repeat the procedure only.

***sayang***

i feel tt nowadays no matter hw MCP the guy is, also must noe hw to make milk, change diaper..

 

[Ting]

yeah even KW also know..
n he dont hv to do it but he also still do it.
haha, now only he dunno how to bathe pin nia...