My husband and I have not known each other for 3 mths and I got pregnant. Now, my son is 5mths and he is in love with someone whom i also known. This third party is also a married woman who has a 1 yr plus son too...they are actually behind my back dating each other, meeting and calling each other dear...What really upset me was when found out his conversation in msn wif that lady...that my husband say to her that she is the 2nd person whom he had some much feeling in...and he love her more than I do...and cant stop thinking they are doing things together such as travelling, holding hand till the end...it was so heartbreaking for me...i can't imagine that his heart change so fast...probably ppl do change...even when i hint him that i knw he is dating someone, his msn conversation was still those mushy words to the gal, till i confront him and ask do u think there's any future with u and the gal who is also married? And y r u breaking up family not only ours but theirs? He couldnt ans me even i ask him whether will u come back to us or continue that relationship...he couldnt give me an ans...till the nxt day when i say i may b confronting the gal, he say dun have and he;ll settle and a mgs was send to me after 2 hrs that he'll break ties wif her...but before he mgs,i was already on my way to confront her and i did talk to her...although the gal say she will stop, i dun knw whether to believe anot...and i knw they still talk on msn and my husband pour out to her that he wanted me not to hurt her so he sent me the mgs that he will cut the tie wif her, and he worry abt seeing her losing the smile on her face and making her upset...he told her that he dun love me but as a responsiblilty to take care of me and my son and he also think thot of asking the 2nd chance back wif me...coz he feel that love and can click is very impt in relationship...those elements was wat we did once had..till my son is born and he is bz wif work and he usually spend time on internet even at home and dun wan to talk wif me although i try...knwing his thot frm msn make me feel so heartbroken, and also feel y am i that stupid to love him and get hurt...i hold on was becoz of my son as i really wan him to grow up in a family that have mum and dad..i dun knw wat shld i do..to juz file divorce wif him or juz give him time and think what he shld do? juz feel that i'm stuck in between...sometimes treat me like stranger,yet showing concern, still giving peck and sometime even touch me...juz feel so irrritated by wat he do...he such a grown man and still being indecisive...and still looking for someone based on feeling..this is such a secondary sch...haiz...he has no idea wat he wan...Previously before i knw him, he was also having affair wif a married woman and also ask her to go for abortion...this is the 2nd time le,shld i juz give him time and salavge the marriage for the sake of my son or juz let him go and take care of my son all by myself? :embarrassed:
What Shld I do?
- Thread starter lynnie85
- Start date
I feel for your situation. From a third party point of view, I dont think your hubby is honest with you. He is probably biding time. It seems that he is the unfaithful kind. Even if he breaks up with the current married woman, he seems to be the kind that fools around behind his wife back (judging from what you wrote).
Personally I think its better for you to be on your own raising you kid. I think its a decision you would need to make, whether its now or later.
Personally I wont cherish relationship with such a man.
If you wish to give him a second (or third fourth chance) I wish you well. But do be brave to face reality.
Personally I think its better for you to be on your own raising you kid. I think its a decision you would need to make, whether its now or later.
Personally I wont cherish relationship with such a man.
If you wish to give him a second (or third fourth chance) I wish you well. But do be brave to face reality.
Just a few questions:
1. Are you legally married to this guy?
2. Is the other lady legally married to her hubby?
Just a few suggestions:
1. SAVE & PRINT out the MSN chat with that lady.
2. If you decide to ask your hb about it again, either EMAIL, MSN or SMS. Save and print everything.
3. Speak to your hb & the lady TOGETHER. FACE TO FACE. Tell them to stop it else you'll pass all the evidence to HER HUBBY. RECORD THE MEET UP (either by hidden camera or use your HP).
4. Find her hb's contact, workplace, his family's address (his parents), etc. Get as much info as you can about her, her hb, her son & their families (address of parents, workplace of parents, etc).
Honestly, your baby is still young. If you break now, there's 'lesser' emotional damage as your baby probably won't remember. But you need to consider alot of things before you take action. Most importantly, HAVE EVIDENCE before you decide on anything drastic or show hints of wanting a divorce. Don't let him be prepared!
Since your hb already broke the trust, there's no need to be nice to him. There's also no need to be nice to the other lady who is trying to break not only your marriage but her own also.
If I'm you, I'll do the above first, then give the lady a chance to step back first. Observe hb from there. If they go back together again, I'll definitely use all the evidence to shame them at their workplace & at home. As long as what you are saying is the truth (with evidence), they can't sue you for slander.
Women are vengeful creatures. I think sometimes men think we're stupid and take us as fools. Just play along as a fool & fight back when it's necesary.
But if he really changes after this incident, then it's up to you to decide if you want to give it a second chance
1. Are you legally married to this guy?
2. Is the other lady legally married to her hubby?
Just a few suggestions:
1. SAVE & PRINT out the MSN chat with that lady.
2. If you decide to ask your hb about it again, either EMAIL, MSN or SMS. Save and print everything.
3. Speak to your hb & the lady TOGETHER. FACE TO FACE. Tell them to stop it else you'll pass all the evidence to HER HUBBY. RECORD THE MEET UP (either by hidden camera or use your HP).
4. Find her hb's contact, workplace, his family's address (his parents), etc. Get as much info as you can about her, her hb, her son & their families (address of parents, workplace of parents, etc).
Honestly, your baby is still young. If you break now, there's 'lesser' emotional damage as your baby probably won't remember. But you need to consider alot of things before you take action. Most importantly, HAVE EVIDENCE before you decide on anything drastic or show hints of wanting a divorce. Don't let him be prepared!
Since your hb already broke the trust, there's no need to be nice to him. There's also no need to be nice to the other lady who is trying to break not only your marriage but her own also.
If I'm you, I'll do the above first, then give the lady a chance to step back first. Observe hb from there. If they go back together again, I'll definitely use all the evidence to shame them at their workplace & at home. As long as what you are saying is the truth (with evidence), they can't sue you for slander.
Women are vengeful creatures. I think sometimes men think we're stupid and take us as fools. Just play along as a fool & fight back when it's necesary.
But if he really changes after this incident, then it's up to you to decide if you want to give it a second chance
apollo
Well-Known Member
ur hubby said he dont love u anymore? it's very difficult to maintain a healthy marriage if love is no longer exist.
if you both still love each other, u can forgive him and he is willing to come back, u can think of being tgt with him... but now the issue is, he told u he no longer loves u.
nowadays kids are v clever. even parents dont quarrel, they will still sense how come daddy mummy is diffe from others?
the impact for ur baby if u choose to maintain a marriage without love is bigger i feel...
if you both still love each other, u can forgive him and he is willing to come back, u can think of being tgt with him... but now the issue is, he told u he no longer loves u.
nowadays kids are v clever. even parents dont quarrel, they will still sense how come daddy mummy is diffe from others?
the impact for ur baby if u choose to maintain a marriage without love is bigger i feel...
angelwendy
Well-Known Member
I agree to wat StonSton say.... gather all the info u can.. & talk to both of them... but for my point of view is that if he can cheat u now... he can cheat again.... so even if u stay on this marriage is not going to be healthy for ur son... & u ask urself... will u ever trust him again?? even if he part with that married woman?? if there is no trust... there will only be suffer.... be strong & make the right & best choice for ur son & u.....
LoVeS
Well-Known Member
i agreed tat u should gather as much evidences as possible so tat in future if he were to fight for ur son's custody then u will haf upper hand as well n as for shaming him or nt it is really up to u~
Given to me i will gather alot of evidences n aso nt to b rush on action~ Confronting the lady wont do anything if ur hubby is persistence on their r/s. Since ur hubby said tat he dun love u anymore n sms u to break ties wif her is for the sake of stopping u frm confronting her IT SHOWS very clearly his heart dun haf u at all bcoz all he cares is tat lady nt u~
For me i wont gif another chance once he mentioned b4 he dun love me n show no remorse in the r/s he had wif another lady. Ur kid is still very young so it is a gd stage to proceed the divorce w/o alot of dmg to ur kid. EVEN if 2 of u continue tis marriage for the sake of ur kid where there is no love anymore, kids nowadays r very smart n sensitive so they can tell their parents r nt the same anymore which will b hurting to them as well so i will rather proceed the divorce
Sumore u mentioned tat tis is nt the 1st time he got involved wif married lady so seriously i doubt he will change EVEN if he break ties wif tat lady.
LASTLY, i knw tat words n advices r easy to say n gif others BUT when it comes to ourselves it will be a total different matter. It is really up to u whether to take up the advices we gave ya bcoz no 1 can force u to make a firm decision if u dun wan to. :001_302:
Given to me i will gather alot of evidences n aso nt to b rush on action~ Confronting the lady wont do anything if ur hubby is persistence on their r/s. Since ur hubby said tat he dun love u anymore n sms u to break ties wif her is for the sake of stopping u frm confronting her IT SHOWS very clearly his heart dun haf u at all bcoz all he cares is tat lady nt u~
For me i wont gif another chance once he mentioned b4 he dun love me n show no remorse in the r/s he had wif another lady. Ur kid is still very young so it is a gd stage to proceed the divorce w/o alot of dmg to ur kid. EVEN if 2 of u continue tis marriage for the sake of ur kid where there is no love anymore, kids nowadays r very smart n sensitive so they can tell their parents r nt the same anymore which will b hurting to them as well so i will rather proceed the divorce
Sumore u mentioned tat tis is nt the 1st time he got involved wif married lady so seriously i doubt he will change EVEN if he break ties wif tat lady.
LASTLY, i knw tat words n advices r easy to say n gif others BUT when it comes to ourselves it will be a total different matter. It is really up to u whether to take up the advices we gave ya bcoz no 1 can force u to make a firm decision if u dun wan to. :001_302:
he was actually not honest to me...coz i believe if i never found out the sms and msn mgs he had been sending, probably i'm still in the dark not knwing it and still think he still love me...As for whether giving him another chance, i've been pondering for very long...if i'm married and have no kidss, i'll definatel leave him for gd...but wat u say i also have thot that in mind, but am not sure whether i'm prepare for it..
Just a few questions:
1. Are you legally married to this guy?
2. Is the other lady legally married to her hubby?
Just a few suggestions:
1. SAVE & PRINT out the MSN chat with that lady.
2. If you decide to ask your husband about it again, either EMAIL, MSN or SMS. Save and print everything.
3. Speak to your husband & the lady TOGETHER. FACE TO FACE. Tell them to stop it else you'll pass all the evidence to HER HUBBY. RECORD THE MEET UP (either by hidden camera or use your HP).
4. Find her husband's contact, workplace, his family's address (his parents), etc. Get as much info as you can about her, her husband, her son & their families (address of parents, workplace of parents, etc).
Honestly, your baby is still young. If you break now, there's 'lesser' emotional damage as your baby probably won't remember. But you need to consider alot of things before you take action. Most importantly, HAVE EVIDENCE before you decide on anything drastic or show hints of wanting a divorce. dont't let him be prepared!
Since your husband already broke the trust, there's no need to be nice to him. There's also no need to be nice to the other lady who is trying to break not only your marriage but her own also.
If I'm you, I'll do the above first, then give the lady a chance to step back first. Observe husband from there. If they go back together again, I'll definitely use all the evidence to shame them at their workplace & at home. As long as what you are saying is the truth (with evidence), they can't sue you for slander.
Women are vengeful creatures. I think sometimes men think we're stupid and take us as fools. Just play along as a fool & fight back when it's necesary.
But if he really changes after this incident, then it's up to you to decide if you want to give it a second chance
Both of us are legally married. I actually have save all the evidences in his msn, but failed to save frm his hp as he was told to delete all the sms that is wif her...i did told him that i knw who he is dating behind with, yet for the next 2 days, he still address the gal as dear and still looking forward to see themselves walking down the road, frm moments they have done so far...after reading those, i confront him straight away and ask why he is doing so and even asking him whetherhe is choosing his family or continue that relationship..he couldnt ans me...only till the nxt day morn, when i told him i'll confront the gal,he then txt me and say he will cut the tie wif her...and i juz feel " ya rite, as if i believe" after all, it's juz a mgs to tell me not to hurt that gal lor...But still, i did confront the gal...she can even curse herself that she has stop seeing him and had nothing wif him,only going out..no kissing and hugging...but in msn, evidence like the smell in her linger on my husband clothes...juz make me feel she really knw how to act innocent...and she trying to act very nice and ask me to forgive my husband and not to divorce wif him as my son is still young...haiz...and honestly if to give time for my husband to change, i think the amt of time to give him i guess is endless as he is really a indecisive man...
That's what my family members told me also...a leopard will never change its spot...probably why i'm holding on probably is my son as my best fren told me that children growing up in a single parent family will not grow up that happy as compared to a neuclear family
he didnt told me directly...how i knw abt it was thru his msn coversation wif that gal...he told that gal she is the 2nd person in his life that he has felt so much for...as for me, he is juz showing concern and responsibilties as a husband, but no love was involved...and he told her that he has also never thot of asking 2nd chance from me even though that gal ask him to ask me for 2nd chance...
Thk You all for giving me the advices. Honestly, i did have the same thot like what you all have suggest...had been very upset and even cried for a few times, and he didnt do much except saying sorry...as for the gal, he is much more worry seeing her losing the smile fr her face that i do...and after several thots and crying, i knw that even he's back to me, his heart will not be back...it's like having a empty shell without soul...and i wont be able to trust him like b4 and i guess even he is back,he will also become smarter if he'll to have another relationship after this...now,i'm juz worry that i'm not tat strong to do it and get over wif it beocz he knw i'm soft hearted and he knw that i wont wan my son to grow up in the single parent family... and wat i hear is that for my situation, i cant divorce wif him immediately and have to wait for marriage to be at least 3 yrs, and have thot that if this is the case i rather wait for another 2 more yrs and get divorced immediately as i dun wan to waste money on the separation...but it's true that i've to wait for 3 yrs? as i ddnt want to spend so much money on it...
Secondly, i'm still trying to gather as much evidences as i can get...and even had the urge of showing the gal's husband as well as letting his colleagues to knw...but will i be overboard for doing this?
Ting
Well-Known Member
that's stereotyping.
i left pin's bio dad when she was arnd your son's age.
it's been more than 2 years n she is a very happy child.
it is how much love n concern u show to your child that gives your child happiness n bliss.
so what if they hv their mum n dad tgt but the mum is always sulking n crying over their dad cos he is fooling arnd outside? what would your child feel? if he grows up, knowing his mum is suffering bcos of him? bcos u want him to hv a complete family thus u suffer and sacrifice for the next 20 years?
this is definately NOT what i want my child to feel when she grows up.
u n your child is still young, u can still find a men tt will accept n love both of u truly.
i hv frens that r brought up singlehandedly by one parent, n they r still happy ppl.
Ting
Well-Known Member
if u can gather info abt him having adultary/extra marital affair, u can try bringing up to court n use to expedite the divorce.. if i m not wrong.
actually, IMO, i dun see a need to shame him n her.
what would u gain from there?
give closure to yourself, n be "da liang" abit.
honestly, u n him werent tgt for very long right? abt 2 years plus??
so, if u didnt hv your son, would u hv married him?
what im tryin to say is, perhaps if u didnt marry him, u guys might hv broken off in btw due to some other reasons right??
i would think, u guys married for the right n wrong reason. as in, bcos of your son. im not saying it is alright for him to do that, but, would u hv hated him so much if u guys were only dating n w/o a child?
in the beginning, u didnt hv a solid n stable foundation of your relationship.
it is not uncommon to see a change of heart, even couples who dated 10 years n then marry, also hv such problems.
but yeah, it is his fault for not making the effort in this marriage.
n as of the other woman's hubby, what would u gain again from letting him know? so tt he will also divorce his wife?
perhaps he knows but just closing 2 eyes? (some ppl just prefer to live in self denial).
or if he didnt know,n yet he is still happy in this marriage, then what for make him go thru all these unhappiness too?
let him find it out himself, which i think he would in time to come, n let him decide what he wants to do.
dun get involve n complicate things more.
JMHO.
angelwendy
Well-Known Member
I don't agree in staying in a marriage for the sake of my kids.... if the guy can do this to u now.... even if u stop it now.. he will do again later... & he will be even more smart.... wat i'm trying to say is... i understand that u scare that ur kids losing a father... but if he grow up & found out that all this things is happening... do u think he will be happy?? the answer is NO!! the hurt will be even more... My hubby told me before... if a guy is cheating behide u... he will never change... & don't expect him to change because of u & ur son... i have see lots & lots of men cheat outside.. when their wife is at home taking care of their children... & i tell u... they will never feel that they have hurt their love ones...
I cannot imagine if u carry on in this marriage with ur heart broken like this... wat if u suffer from depression?? ( it is possible... ) i can't ask u to make any decision... but this is the fact... & u gotta accept it...
actually if for me.... i will get all the evidences & find a lawyer to fight this case with him.. telling that to woman hubby is ur choice... ( Actually for me.... I WILL ....) but for his work friend... they might already know that he is cheating on u... If u reali can't cope this alone... find someone to help u.... let ur family knw wat is going on.... i'm sure they will support u... Or u don't wan ur family to knw... maybe find a close frenz... i hope that u will get over this soon... & HUGZ~
LoVeS
Well-Known Member
yeah tis is wat i am toking abt~ Kids very sensitive n smart nowadays tats why they can tell sumthing is wrong wif their parents. Like wat Ting mentioned, if he grows up knowing tat he is the cause of ur pain n agony, do u tink tat he wont feel guilty over tis n hate himself?
Regarding ur qns abt the min 3yrs rule, i haf checked out info for u as below :
In addition, under section 94 of the Women’s Charter, you cannot apply for a divorce if you have been married for less than three years unless you have the Court’s permission to do so.
You cannot apply for a divorce in the Family Court if you and your spouse are Muslims, or were married under the Muslim law.
As for requirement to proceed divorce are :
To prove that your marriage has ended, you must show the Court that one or more of the following facts is true:
• that your spouse has committed adultery, and you find it intolerable to live with him or her • that your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with him or her • that your spouse has deserted you for at least two years • if your spouse agrees to the divorce, that you and your spouse have been separated for at least three years • if your spouse does not agree to the divorce, that you and your spouse have been separated for at least four years.
Alot more info u can read frm tis website http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3688
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How do u manage to do this? Coz whenever i'm trying hard to tell myself i'm going to do it and bring my child up myself, my confidence will be shake off when some of my frens suggest me to hold on and do give him time...
Thks for the hugs and advice...
Thk you for the info