stressed looking after newborn-help

[jaclyn13]

ya same.. i cant coax my boy no matter how i tried.. but my mum just carried over and my boy stop crying, then sleep in few minutes..
i also tink i am a failure, i cant even coax my own baby..
even more depressed when relatives come and witness all this..
wonder why my boy prefers my mum more..
sigh..

i oso look after my bb myself but 5-6hr @ weekdaes, i let my grandma look after. cos my bb VERI hyperactive. sumtime maybe ur bb's stomach got wind go in , so u try ru yi lu to apply. bb onli noe hoe to cry when they need things.

this wat i do every dae, morning bath him then make gripe water to let him drink. always burp him after milk. once a dae, use washing mouth lotion to wash his mouth to prevent the layers of milk stuck @ his tongue ,they will feel uncomfortable. n they need to poo poo. if they dun, they oso will feel uncomfortable.

 

[huiyin87]

thanks for all ur advices...
after considering...me n hubby decide to employ a maid to help out..
as after my maternity leave, we wld both be working in the day time..
we need help from morning 10am to noon 6pm..
we are thinking of indonesian maid..
but i got afew queries..
1) how much does it cost per mth to employ a maid?
2) which agency do u recommend? as in good and reliable..
3) does a maid know how to handle a 1 mth old baby?
4) do u mummies trust your baby with ur maid?
5) when do you start to fully leave baby with maid care? as in baby how many months?

 

[princessminn]

huiyin,jiayou!~u can do it...
lots of mummies giving advices here.=)
i'm going thru tt now,we can do it!!!!

 

[uddermummy]

[1) how much does it cost per month to employ a maid?

filippino maids about $300 to $400 odd each mth. don't know about indo maids.

2) which agency do you recommend? as in good and reliable..

you can google for some websites on blacklisted maids.

3) does a maid know how to handle a 1 month old baby?

you have to tell the agency what you need and then interview the maid if possible.

really have to train her for at least 1 to 2 mths.
4) do you mummies trust your baby with your maid?

i don't really trust anyone else with my fussy bb!
5) when do you start to fully leave baby with maid care? as in baby how many months?

my friends usually train them for about 3 mths...

am intending to get a maid when bb is older, but will leave the maid with my family for supervision. I don't feel safe leaving bb alone with the maid.

 

[meiteoh]

First of all, big big BIG hugs to you.

It's always hard being a new mum - it can be overwhelming yet tiring. I suffered from the baby blues in the first few days because I didn't get enough rest and well, it felt as if no one really understood me. Sometimes I wonder how the heck did I go from being able to sleep 8 hours straight to sleeping at an interval of 2 hours...

Annie provided some very good and practical tips - I learnt it from experimenting and spending as much time as possible handling my baby. The Baby Book by Sears was very helpful as well. While I didn't go all out to purposely set a routine in place, I was told to at least have a fixed schedule of 1) feeding times, and 2) what baby ought to expect around what time of the day.

My baby is one of the few who goes into quiet alert state (eyes wide open and such) after a feed and at the first sign of a yawn, I make it a point to move her to somewhere quiet and let her slowly doze off. If I don't, she'll start to flail around and fuss (active alert) and that is when all hell will break loose because it'll take longer for us to calm her down and it doesn't allow her to rest enough because I'll wake her up in less than two hours for her next feed and it accumulates. Then at night, on a very bad day, she'll fuss for three hours. I let her decide when she wants to stay up and when she wants to sleep because if I (or anyone else) forces her to stay awake, subsequently at night she won't sleep until 2am or 3am...and not only won't she sleep, she'll also be fussing and etc.

Some babies love white noise, others love motion - but be careful to not use motion as a tool to lull babies to sleep as it can be problematic when they grow older and expect you to rock them to sleep. Motion like walking and such can be use for calming but for to get babies to sleep, best to stick to things like lullabies and all otherwise you'd find yourself having to walk all the time when your baby is older.

One tip - babies prefer high pitch voices so you have an advantage over your hubby. When you carry your baby, whisper loving and tender words, sing or hum to her, talk to her when you feed her and well, just interact with her - apart from smell and touch, she needs to hear your voice too in order to get to know you. I started this from the moment my baby was born (always going "sshhh, don't cry, mummy's here") and so far *touchwood*, she responds well to me.

And yes, it's possible for a baby to go to sleep after each feed - with careful handling and such. The added advantage of breastfeeding is that the breasts produces a calming/relaxing hormone that comforts babies (and mummy) and some to the point of them sleeping at the breast. When you remove baby from your boob, try not to make any sudden movements (otherwise you may startle them awake) and avoid diaper changes if possible because that'll wake your baby up. I know my baby is so lum after a feed that she can even sleep while my hubby is trying to burp her. Carry your baby in your arms until you see that her/his limbs are limp (meaning s/he's in deep sleep) and then you can place your baby in a crib and do whatever you like (that includes rest!).

But really, all mummies go through some period of adjustment. You're not alone, ya! *hugs*

 

[Simple Mum21]

Here is my story...

After my labour, i tried to take care of the baby of myself. BUt it was tough. I had C-Sec. so getting up from the bed was very very painful. even when i was BF my baby. after some days my mother keep the baby with her at night. So i take some rest and my mother rest in the day time when i look after the baby. Gradually i keep the baby with me at night coz feel that my mother doing too much work. till now sometime i keep the baby(mostly) sometime my mother keep the baby to look after. So now i am tired. Whenever i lie back i just shut my eyes. No choice i am a mother now and i have to take care of him myself. I cant depend on my mother all the time right? yeah so this is how i am going on. And rest of the day we share the babys work!
My baby is 36days old now.

 

[chelle]

Taking care of baby really not easy.
I was very worried when my CL left, i cried very hard, but my mum told me once u get into the routine n u understand BB pattern, things will b easier.
I tell urself, if others can do it, so can u!
Time pass very fast when u r with BB, i have taken care of my BB myself for 1 mth! Achievement espcially when u see him happy n smiling!
Whenever, my son cried now, i will 1st chk is it time for milk?
If still less than 2 hrs from last feed, i will give him the pacifier n tried to make him sleep.
If he refused to sleep, i will juz cuddle him and talk reason with him saying he cannot keep crying, mummy is here to protect u or sing to him...hee
I read in books that BB will be comforted and soothe by farmilar voices.
Must take hard not to let BB cried too much otherwise wind will get into tummy n might lead to colic, even worse by then.

 

[littlehelper]

I think it is safer to put baby under your own parents or in-laws no matter how bad they are they will not torture baby.I would advice never to trust maid with baby alone.
One of my maids threathened to kill my grandma when i was in kindergarten.Only 2 of them at home if a maid dare to do tat to a adult she would do anything to the baby.

 

[JazN]

Breast milk baby wil digest fast so its more of feeding on demand. Relax, your baby can feel your tension too or you being uncomfortable. if you're afraid the blanket will cover your baby face, try getting bean bags, using these to secure the end of the blanket as baby is not strong enuf to move 1-2kg bean bags. I think babies today are smarter, if they are wet, etc they will cry out for attention.

Carrying baby is fine. You may want to try carrying him till he sleeps while watching the tv, rocking him to sleep, slowly & gently put him down into the cot. For me i sometimes need to put down my girl twice before she finally goes to sleep. Sometimes she sleeps less than 1 hour or 3 hours. You may also want to check that the room temperature is not too hot/cold

ya same.. i cant coax my boy no matter how i tried.. but my mum just carried over and my boy stop crying, then sleep in few minutes..
i also tink i am a failure, i cant even coax my own baby..
even more depressed when relatives come and witness all this..
wonder why my boy prefers my mum more..
sigh..

 

[j0reen]

huiyin, try to relax yourself. I've jus been out of this stress too. when I jus gave birth to my darling gurl, she cried wheneva I carry her. but she stops when other ppl carry her. at tat time, my heart totally sank..

but atr al the advice from mummies here, I manage to overcome it. like wad cancanmum says, feel free to rant at mummysg. hahahaa =x atr 1 mth or 2, your kid wil start to cling on you. like wad Im experiencing now.

other ppl coax her to slp, she dont wan, keep crying. but once I carry n pat her to slp, she wil fal aslp in a while. even my hubby who had experience in tc of bb one, oso bth.. lols..

so jus try to relax yourself. if you feel angry or wadeva, bb can really feel it. its really v amusing.. jiayou! you can do it !!! ganbatte yo! =DDD

 

[yukimaxx]

Hi Huiying

Don't worry so much as almost every mother goes thru the same. You are not alone. My baby gal is about 5 wks old. She gets very difficult recently. She cries when she wakes up from her nap and fusses even more at night. She will cry and scream like someone is torturing her. Sometimes I can calm her down and sometimes I can't. And I realise that it is good to pass my gal to my hubby or new pair of hands to pacify her. Babies can sense it if mommy is stressed and will cry even more. I felt helpless in the day when she cries cos no one is at home, except me. If I calm myself down by letting her cry a while and then carry her, she may stop crying...just try different ways..

Does your baby have colic? Babies with colic will cry continuously for 3 hrs, 3 days in a week. You can let your doc know during your next visit to explore that.

 

[huiyin87]

thanks all for sharing..
now i am indeed feeling much better than last tm..
i take care of my baby in e day, while my mum takes over in e night..
so i so hav my rest time now..


but i still have some problems..

baby will scream+cry non-stop every night from 11pm to 1am.. this period is always e hardest for us.. give milk, water still no use. cant coax to slp also.. will struggle hard.. its like so mental torturing
at times i get so helpless tat i juz stare at him and let him cry all he wants..
i even smack his thighs, i shouted at him-which i tink he was alitle frightened..

i tink i am a bad mummy, always after tat i regretted frightening him.. but its always i cant control at tat point of tm..
his continouos crying and shouting when i had alrdy frd him milk, water, change his diapers all

do u all aso experience such cranky of baby aso?

 

[uddermummy]

huiyin, i think your baby has colic. dont't feel bad. My dear daughter has reflux and when it acts up, she's also inconsolable. Sometimes when I'm too tired, I just let her cry on the bed/bouncer for a while, before i bo pian have to carry her again. I also get angry with her cos I'm really like so tired most of the times! :embarrassed:

Have you tried mtds like putting your baby naked on your skin? The skin to skin contact and the sound of your heartbeat calms baby down.

Can also try putting some lotion and massaging your baby, rocking him, singing to him. Some bbs like car rides and being pushed in the pram. My dear daughter doesn't.

Maybe you can check whether your baby's stomach is bloated? Cos bloated stomachs can really make bbs uncomfortable.

If at any time, you really feel that you can't take your baby's crying any more, just hand him over to someone else and take a break. Whenever I'm at breaking point, I will hand dear daughter over to either my hubby or my mum if she's around, and then hide in the bathroom and read mags, or just take a warm shower.

the good news is, bbs will grow out of the colicky phase at around 4 mths onwards.

 

[yellowpudding]

thanks all for sharing..
now i am indeed feeling much better than last tm..
i take care of my baby in e day, while my mum takes over in e night..
so i so hav my rest time now..


but i still have some problems..

baby will scream+cry non-stop every night from 11pm to 1am.. this period is always e hardest for us.. give milk, water still no use. cant coax to sleep also.. will struggle hard.. its like so mental torturing
at times i get so helpless that i just stare at him and let him cry all he wants..
i even smack his thighs, i shouted at him-which i tink he was alitle frightened..

i tink i am a bad mummy, always after that i regretted frightening him.. but its always i cant control at that point of tm..
his continouos crying and shouting when i had alrdy friend him milk, water, change his diapers all

do you all aso experience such cranky of baby aso?

hi dear, my gal did the same to me recently. I hand her over to my mil as I really badly need a break. After that break, she is still the same, thou shorter period. I tried out a new method recently. Around the cranky hours, what I did was to pop her into the pram and go for a long walk. I find that it helps in calming her down and works very well. You may want to consider doing so.

 

[huiyin87]

wow.. 4mths onwards.. tat is like 2 more mths of suffering lol..
i m so waiting for my maid to arrive, in 2 week time..
my ML aso ending by this mth end..
feel happy tat sum1 is taking over e "suffering"(haha), but feel worried coz she might mistreat my baby..
but my mum always assures me to trust her first, as in dun assume she is alrdy bad when she is not even here yet..
so now, i try to have positive tinking of her..

huiyin, i think your baby has colic. dont't feel bad. My dear daughter has reflux and when it acts up, she's also inconsolable. Sometimes when I'm too tired, I just let her cry on the bed/bouncer for a while, before i bo pian have to carry her again. I also get angry with her cos I'm really like so tired most of the times! :embarrassed:

Have you tried mtds like putting your baby naked on your skin? The skin to skin contact and the sound of your heartbeat calms baby down.

Can also try putting some lotion and massaging your baby, rocking him, singing to him. Some bbs like car rides and being pushed in the pram. My dear daughter doesn't.

Maybe you can check whether your baby's stomach is bloated? Cos bloated stomachs can really make bbs uncomfortable.

If at any time, you really feel that you can't take your baby's crying any more, just hand him over to someone else and take a break. Whenever I'm at breaking point, I will hand dear daughter over to either my hubby or my mum if she's around, and then hide in the bathroom and read mags, or just take a warm shower.

the good news is, bbs will grow out of the colicky phase at around 4 mths onwards.

 

[huiyin87]

my boy dun really like pram, i guess is coz he is still very small? so maybe he feels scared in it..
only when he is sound asleep then i can gently shift him in e pram and i can go gai gai, else i will stay at hm while my family go shopping lol..

hi dear, my gal did the same to me recently. I hand her over to my mother in law as I really badly need a break. After that break, she is still the same, thou shorter period. I tried out a new method recently. Around the cranky hours, what I did was to pop her into the pram and go for a long walk. I find that it helps in calming her down and works very well. You may want to consider doing so.

 

[yellowpudding]

my boy dont really like pram, i guess is coz he is still very small? so maybe he feels scared in it..
only when he is sound asleep then i can gently shift him in e pram and i can go gai gai, else i will stay at hm while my family go shopping lol..

hugs dear, it's not as easy phase. why not try sarong sling or baby carrier? i started with a baby carrier before going on to the pram. they feel close to you when using a baby carrier or sling.

just hang in there.

 

[uddermummy]

anyone supervising the maid? It's good to let someone supervise the maid when they first join your family, especially if they are dealing with young babies.

I know I sound mean lahh, but you may want to install cctv to make sure that your maid is treating your son well.

These helpers are new to singapore and may already feel stress at working in an unfamiliar environment. Some may not be able to cope immediately with a cranky baby.

Maybe you can tell the helper how to cope with a crying baby and what to do if she really can't cope?

 

[Domique]

Try to put those beansprouts pillow over his chest when in pram

my boy dont really like pram, i guess is coz he is still very small? so maybe he feels scared in it..
only when he is sound asleep then i can gently shift him in e pram and i can go gai gai, else i will stay at hm while my family go shopping lol..

 

[Domique]

u tried applyin ruyi oil?

thanks all for sharing..
now i am indeed feeling much better than last tm..
i take care of my baby in e day, while my mum takes over in e night..
so i so hav my rest time now..


but i still have some problems..

baby will scream+cry non-stop every night from 11pm to 1am.. this period is always e hardest for us.. give milk, water still no use. cant coax to sleep also.. will struggle hard.. its like so mental torturing
at times i get so helpless that i just stare at him and let him cry all he wants..
i even smack his thighs, i shouted at him-which i tink he was alitle frightened..

i tink i am a bad mummy, always after that i regretted frightening him.. but its always i cant control at that point of tm..
his continouos crying and shouting when i had alrdy friend him milk, water, change his diapers all

do you all aso experience such cranky of baby aso?